(no subject)

Jan 27, 2012 22:00

Have you ever been held in such a position in your life where the people you love have the most control over you? Its the best and worst thing in the world. It isn't like being in love for the first time, but more like having an all consuming presence in our life that makes you feel warm and fuzzy. Its akin to being on drugs, makes you feel safe, secure, and completely okay. And its a truthful feeling. But its always more likely to be a painful thing in the end than it is a helping thing. People say its better to have been loved and lost, than never loved at all - I'd have to say that there are some people may not agree.
The one I love the most don't agree in some ways. Whats frustrating is that they are in a position of power that I don't like to challenge - I'm not good in conflict, nor am I okay with diving into debt to do what I want to do. The problem with this is, is that they like to talk out their feelings. Because I disagree with them in some instances, I can't say anything on my opinion. Not while they support me financially and have the authority to kick me out of their abode. So I say nothing.
This further frustrates them, and me, because NOW I'm stuck between wanting desperately to give my opinion and what I'm struggling with, and losing the lifestyle I lead and the reputation I've gained with them. If I were to truly say what I thought, it would be a knock down drag out fight that would end badly . To tell them I think they are being a tyrant with their smothering love isn't all that nice nor is it appropriate when all they have at heart is your best interest. I guess one thing to keep in mind for future reference is that mindreading would be the handiest thing in the world.
Now its just all a mater of trying to decide what we are going to do to fix this.
College? We'll see...
Marriage? Not something anyone wants to rush.
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