The Chaos In My Mind
I forgot about this journal...again. Well, I lost another 20 pounds since I last posted, so yay for small accomplishments! I still have 40 more to go, at least. I've been having mad cravings for sweet and salty foods, though, so I'm pretty much maintaining my weight now.
One issue that I've been holding inside is that I have a slight interest in the same sex, but my faith does not condone same-sex relationships. I'm not interested in any girls at the moment, but it's really hard to reconcile, when I've been taught to not discriminate against GLBTs. The faith doesn't condemn them, but it sees homosexuality as a spiritual problem, which I do NOT agree with. Yes, gays tend to have have more sex partners, and that doesn't lead to good things, but straight people also have a lot of sex. There are GLBTs who believe in LOVE too, ya know.
The faith does not condemn GLBTs within the faith either, but the stance is that it should not be made public, and one should work on this "spiritual problem". That's so sad. I don't think God thinks LOVE is a problem. I may eventually leave the faith because of this. It would be a tragedy, since I agree with their main goal: unity in diversity. But...they're not promoting unity by denying GLBTs the right to LOVE others of the same sex.
I've never kissed a girl before, and I'm curious as to what it's like. I'm not going to seek a girl out to do it, though. That would be...uncomfortable. Going to a gay singles club is not my thing. I would want to at least be dating. I do feel like I would be shunned by my peers in the faith if I were to have a girlfriend, though, even though we're not supposed to shun. It wouldn't be overt shunning, though. They'd feel sorry for me, and think that I'm spiritually inhibited. Sigh.
So I play it straight. I was taught to be who I am, no matter what anyone else thinks. I am definitely at conflict. I've found a group -- the faith -- that I feel like I belong, but when I think about this, I feel like such an outsider. It's like high school all over again. Yes, a religion is like a clique. That's what I'm saying. I feel very spiritually inclined, but I don't think belonging to a faith is doing it for me. Some of the views are so 19th-century. I feel like I'm ahead of my own time. I don't equate God with a man, and I don't condemn any reasonable lifestyle that hurts others or the people who live it.
I also have a bone to pick with their view on marijuana -- only for medicinal purposes, and it must be legal to do. But marijuana doesn't hurt anyone! Even to do it recreationally is not bad -- all it does is make you want to sit. :-) No harm done there. I like pot. I smoke it once in awhile, but I feel guilty about it every time. So how do I reconcile THAT? Have a doctor recommend it? It's a good sleep-aid and anti-anxiety drug. No hangover effect. Just fall right asleep.
Well, at least I'm not in a faith that believes that I'll go to hell for this. Just be further away from God when I die. But still, what the fuck? I'm not hurting you, and I'm not hurting myself, so let me live my own life, and SHUT THE FUCK UP!
One issue that I've been holding inside is that I have a slight interest in the same sex, but my faith does not condone same-sex relationships. I'm not interested in any girls at the moment, but it's really hard to reconcile, when I've been taught to not discriminate against GLBTs. The faith doesn't condemn them, but it sees homosexuality as a spiritual problem, which I do NOT agree with. Yes, gays tend to have have more sex partners, and that doesn't lead to good things, but straight people also have a lot of sex. There are GLBTs who believe in LOVE too, ya know.
The faith does not condemn GLBTs within the faith either, but the stance is that it should not be made public, and one should work on this "spiritual problem". That's so sad. I don't think God thinks LOVE is a problem. I may eventually leave the faith because of this. It would be a tragedy, since I agree with their main goal: unity in diversity. But...they're not promoting unity by denying GLBTs the right to LOVE others of the same sex.
I've never kissed a girl before, and I'm curious as to what it's like. I'm not going to seek a girl out to do it, though. That would be...uncomfortable. Going to a gay singles club is not my thing. I would want to at least be dating. I do feel like I would be shunned by my peers in the faith if I were to have a girlfriend, though, even though we're not supposed to shun. It wouldn't be overt shunning, though. They'd feel sorry for me, and think that I'm spiritually inhibited. Sigh.
So I play it straight. I was taught to be who I am, no matter what anyone else thinks. I am definitely at conflict. I've found a group -- the faith -- that I feel like I belong, but when I think about this, I feel like such an outsider. It's like high school all over again. Yes, a religion is like a clique. That's what I'm saying. I feel very spiritually inclined, but I don't think belonging to a faith is doing it for me. Some of the views are so 19th-century. I feel like I'm ahead of my own time. I don't equate God with a man, and I don't condemn any reasonable lifestyle that hurts others or the people who live it.
I also have a bone to pick with their view on marijuana -- only for medicinal purposes, and it must be legal to do. But marijuana doesn't hurt anyone! Even to do it recreationally is not bad -- all it does is make you want to sit. :-) No harm done there. I like pot. I smoke it once in awhile, but I feel guilty about it every time. So how do I reconcile THAT? Have a doctor recommend it? It's a good sleep-aid and anti-anxiety drug. No hangover effect. Just fall right asleep.
Well, at least I'm not in a faith that believes that I'll go to hell for this. Just be further away from God when I die. But still, what the fuck? I'm not hurting you, and I'm not hurting myself, so let me live my own life, and SHUT THE FUCK UP!