my love
so it's really late. or early. however you want to put it. again, i'm not going to write about what's happened lately, more like what's going to happen.
Jon's going to school. in 11 days. i guess cuz that's what was in his away message. because he wants to go. and i wouldnt blame him. id wanna go to. but i feel like hes over excited to go. like he doesn't care that hes leaving his family... or me... at all. and it KILLS me. honestly it does. i can't think about it without crying. and it makes me happy he wants to go. it really does. im glad he likes school and will enjoy his time up there. but i wish he showed the slightest emotion that he'll miss anything about avon, even if its not me. i've spent literally my entire summer with him. every day. and hes going to leave. and i knew it would happen and i was totally prepared. i never prepared for actually caring about him tho. that was NOT part of my plan. he was such a sweet guy when we started dating. you can see it in earlier entries. now hes just ready to go. he got what he wanted and this whole summer will mean absolutely nothing. it breaks my heart. it shatters it. he knows i'm the kind of person who would drive the hour drive every day if it meant i got to see him for 5 minutes. of course i would. or if he wanted to see me for the day on sunday i'd go. if he was upset about something, i'd be the first person to go see him and make sure he was alright. that's the kind of person/girl/girlfriend i am. but it's like, now that he's going back, hes anxious to go, and all he cares about is Berkshire and his djing. and i hate it. i absolutely 100% hate it. and it's driving me crazy. he most likely doesnt love me and i know that. i know hes going to leave, break up with me in a matter of days, and i'm going to be alone. he most likely doesn't want a commitment. and it really hurts. it feels like im being stabbed in the heart repeatedly. it kills me.
i cant rant anymore for fear of crying. feel free to comment.
Jon's going to school. in 11 days. i guess cuz that's what was in his away message. because he wants to go. and i wouldnt blame him. id wanna go to. but i feel like hes over excited to go. like he doesn't care that hes leaving his family... or me... at all. and it KILLS me. honestly it does. i can't think about it without crying. and it makes me happy he wants to go. it really does. im glad he likes school and will enjoy his time up there. but i wish he showed the slightest emotion that he'll miss anything about avon, even if its not me. i've spent literally my entire summer with him. every day. and hes going to leave. and i knew it would happen and i was totally prepared. i never prepared for actually caring about him tho. that was NOT part of my plan. he was such a sweet guy when we started dating. you can see it in earlier entries. now hes just ready to go. he got what he wanted and this whole summer will mean absolutely nothing. it breaks my heart. it shatters it. he knows i'm the kind of person who would drive the hour drive every day if it meant i got to see him for 5 minutes. of course i would. or if he wanted to see me for the day on sunday i'd go. if he was upset about something, i'd be the first person to go see him and make sure he was alright. that's the kind of person/girl/girlfriend i am. but it's like, now that he's going back, hes anxious to go, and all he cares about is Berkshire and his djing. and i hate it. i absolutely 100% hate it. and it's driving me crazy. he most likely doesnt love me and i know that. i know hes going to leave, break up with me in a matter of days, and i'm going to be alone. he most likely doesn't want a commitment. and it really hurts. it feels like im being stabbed in the heart repeatedly. it kills me.
i cant rant anymore for fear of crying. feel free to comment.