Never Going Back.

[hypecase]

I don't know what to do.  I'm so tired of high school, of everything that goes on in it.  I'm tired of the people, the drama, just everything.  I don't want to have to make hard decisions.  I don't want to have to change everything that I've believed for so long.  I don't want to have to worry about everything that I do.  I'm tired of losing trust in, because they didn't realise that everything they did hurt me.  I'm tired of having to keep up a facade to make everyone happy.  I don't want to do it anymore.

Should I forgive someone who lost all the trust I had in them?  Should I try and repair the friendship that seems to be causing more pain than it's worth?  I'm not a person who gives up.  But I'm beginning to think that I should just give up, and start anew.  Maybe I can salvage some of who I was.

I've changed a lot.  I'm really just beginning to notice how much.  I've lost so much of myself that I feel that I need to just create a new personality, and get on with it.  It might actually be easier than trying to cipher through who I am now.  I'm really trying to be nice to everyone.  I'm trying not to lock down, but that defense mechanism has worked so well in the past what's the point of giving it up now?

I don't have the same friends I had last year.  I've a few very important ones.  I don't have anyone to cry too.  I really really need someone who'll just let me cry because I've been holding everything in, and I'm gonna blow.  I don't want to have another breakdown.  I need to let everything out, but I can't seem to.  I'm just sitting here with all this fucking shit in my head and I don't know what to do about it.

I'm scared to lose you, but I'm scared to still have you.  I don't want to get hurt again.

I'm really quite screwed up aren't I?