Sep 05, 2006 22:42
I don't really know why I'm thinking about this now. But for some reason, I can't stop thinking of how much I've changed in the last few years. I was thinking about sophmore year--geez are we really seniors now?--and everything's changed so much. We began da Vinci the aungural year, and we're the only class who'll have the experience that we did. The sophmores now are starting their first project, the creating your own government project, and we've grown so much since then. I didn't even know how to use powerpoint before that project. We discovered the amazing feeling of freedom in school, being able to really procrasitinate with Livejournal and Myspace at our fingertips. Now, we can't even get onto Google Images without being filtered.
I was talking to a cute sophmore a few hours ago over Lotus, and I realized how much da Vinci has changed my life. I've met people I will always have some kind of bond with. No one else will ever have the experiences that we've had together. I've met some of the best people in my life, people I'll be friends with forever. I'm sad to see that go.
I'm not friends with someone anymore. Well, a few someone's actually. The first one, was the first best friend I've ever had. I couldn't live with the fact that she might leave during sophmore year, and now not even two years later, I don't talk to her. I had a breakdown--a full fledged had to see the crisis counselor breakdown--about her leaving. I was crying for hours, because I was going to have to live without her. It's weird, because right now I can't really imagine her in my life. We've grown so far apart that I don't even know her anymore. And that makes me really sad. I wish that I could have that friendship back, because it changed me a lot. She'll read this, and instantly know what I'm talking about, or at least I hope so.
The other someone changed my life, and I'm not allowed to talk about him to anyone, because I've had lots of trouble with it. Sophmore year, I couldnt' imagine living without him either. But I had too. It took my a long time to be able to live with the fact that I will never talk to him again. How does someone so important to you, become nothing in an instant?
I used to need to be mean, to feel as though no one hurt me. I changed that opinion of myself a lot in the last two years. I'm not so mean anymore. I let more people in, something that I'm still having a lot of trouble with. I don't like getting hurt, and I don't like losing people. I done a lot of that during high school. I'm starting to think that's one of the most important things that you learn in high school. How to survive when people you love leave. How to trust people.
Trust is something in da Vinci that is a precious commoditiy. We put so much trust into people, and we get a lot back. That's one of the reasons that da Vinci was so successful. We had to learn to trust our classmates,and ourselves at the same time.
Change is happening all around us, everyday. I'm so scared about next year. No more high school. New people, new city, no trust. That will forever be a downfall of da Vinci. We create bonds with these people that won't be reciprocated with anyone else, anywhere. We have 51 students in our senior class. I know everyone of them by name, by work ethic, and most of their personalities. Most of them I won't see again until we are all older and successful.
I don't know how to end this post. I want to say that year will be one of the best of our lives, but I really think that its going to be bittersweet.
PS. I'm blaming this post on my 101 degree fever.