I'll never understand myself
Honestly. I really confuse myself. Today I've been lazing around doing a whole lot of nothing. I've played EQ2, I've watched a couple movies, and I've fiddled around online. I won't get into details but some of the stuff in retrospect showed me more confidence in myself than I would have expected before. At one point earlier I was walking through the apartment and looked down at my body. I realized that really if I could change one thing about how I look, I might actually be able to be happy with myself. There was no pushing myself on believing this and no "Well, what would it take?" It was just a simple "Y'know, if I could change _______, I don't think i'd have any real problem with how I look." I know I have my down times. Everyone does. Mine just tend to go A LOT further down than most. But I have been seeing more up times. I know I don't always write about them. Often, I write more about what's bothering me so I can sort it out and not let it fester and grow in my head. Honestly, I think I've been a lot more positive about myself lately than I have in a long time though and I see that as a step forward. I know I can't make one huge step to the end and be "cured" and never look back. It's not realistic and it's not fair for anyone else to expect me to either. I need to work through stuff. But When I see positive steps happening, it makes me kinda proud of myself. I know I'm growing and have a lot more to do but at long as I'm moving forward, no matter how slowly, I should be happy.
Well, I just needed to get that out while it was in my head. Too often, I have this good stuff when I'm not near a computer and can't really document it accurately so I just had to take advantage this time. :) One more day of laziness to go...
Well, I just needed to get that out while it was in my head. Too often, I have this good stuff when I'm not near a computer and can't really document it accurately so I just had to take advantage this time. :) One more day of laziness to go...