Now with less sparkle!
Thanks to this glorious thing called the Interwebz, it has been possible for me to watch New Moon.
- Nice to see Bella and Edward continue to be decidedly *unhealthy* for each other. Nothing new since the last time I checked in on the situation.
- At least Ashley Greene also continues to be very pretty alongside those two. That's always something.
- The dialogue is still really bad, as could only be expected, but Twilight still holds more gems. No spider-monkey! Bella still gets to deliver some great lines in this movie, though:
(Bella to Jacob): "I don't really like music anymore…"
Yes, music is horrible. A most horrible, dreadful thing, I tell you. I simply cannot stand listening to tunes since Edward left me. He has drained the most basal joys from my very soul. Oh, don't get me wrong - I'm still hot for his bod, though.
(Bella to Jacob): "I'm not like a car you can fix up. I'm never gonna run right."
Bella draws comparison between herself and a broken down car. Yeah. I -- yeah. It's almost poetic.
- Shark!Victoria - even though the scene only lasted for a second, the Jaws theme song playing faintly would have been a nice touch, imo.
- Abusive boyfriends everywhere! Attention: it's not just a vampire thing. Geez, what's Meyer's goddamn *deal?* If it's not Edward acting like a douche, it's the werewolves tearing their girlfriends' faces up! May I stress how much I don't care for the 'Men are Beasts & Women are Gentle Beings that can Heal Them' idea the entire series seems to continue to revolve around? Bloody hell.
- Alice's vision of Bella turned vampire: Oh Lordy, I mean, the whole movie is ridiculous, but *this* one scene in particular! It's... painfully stupid, but oh so funny! Had a good laugh from it, that's for sure.
- Of all the vampires, Rosalie is of course the only one acting like she's sane. That's *one* vampire out of a family of seven.
Really. The Twilight saga could have been so good, if only you changed some things here and there. Example:
Edwina Cullyn and Bella Crane: for theirs is a star-crossed forbidden homolove... of sorts.
My version would only consist of Edwina going about her obligatory brooding in her own wronged-puppy-pouty way:
...while her human girlfriend would actually have friends and hobbies and not be dependent on Edwina in all her puppy broodiness, as well as be infinitely more likeable than that other Bella (y'know, the one with the decidedly *bubbly* personality).
And then the stage would be set for the smoking hot love triangle that would be introduced in the form of Josephine Black, badass mofo girl-loving werewolf on a bike, leader of her very own mutt gang, who won't give Bella up without a fight. Or at least before having her share of smoochies.
Leader of the pack - vroom! vroom!
And there you have it. Throw in some Jordana Brewster and some Bleighton, and things are already looking much brighter. Just my suggestion as to how the Twilight saga could have turned out not only mindnumbingly *awesome*, but also sizzling hot as ten flaming hells if the franchise belonged to me!
- Nice to see Bella and Edward continue to be decidedly *unhealthy* for each other. Nothing new since the last time I checked in on the situation.
- At least Ashley Greene also continues to be very pretty alongside those two. That's always something.
- The dialogue is still really bad, as could only be expected, but Twilight still holds more gems. No spider-monkey! Bella still gets to deliver some great lines in this movie, though:
(Bella to Jacob): "I don't really like music anymore…"
Yes, music is horrible. A most horrible, dreadful thing, I tell you. I simply cannot stand listening to tunes since Edward left me. He has drained the most basal joys from my very soul. Oh, don't get me wrong - I'm still hot for his bod, though.
(Bella to Jacob): "I'm not like a car you can fix up. I'm never gonna run right."
Bella draws comparison between herself and a broken down car. Yeah. I -- yeah. It's almost poetic.
- Shark!Victoria - even though the scene only lasted for a second, the Jaws theme song playing faintly would have been a nice touch, imo.
- Abusive boyfriends everywhere! Attention: it's not just a vampire thing. Geez, what's Meyer's goddamn *deal?* If it's not Edward acting like a douche, it's the werewolves tearing their girlfriends' faces up! May I stress how much I don't care for the 'Men are Beasts & Women are Gentle Beings that can Heal Them' idea the entire series seems to continue to revolve around? Bloody hell.
- Alice's vision of Bella turned vampire: Oh Lordy, I mean, the whole movie is ridiculous, but *this* one scene in particular! It's... painfully stupid, but oh so funny! Had a good laugh from it, that's for sure.
- Of all the vampires, Rosalie is of course the only one acting like she's sane. That's *one* vampire out of a family of seven.
Really. The Twilight saga could have been so good, if only you changed some things here and there. Example:
Edwina Cullyn and Bella Crane: for theirs is a star-crossed forbidden homolove... of sorts.
My version would only consist of Edwina going about her obligatory brooding in her own wronged-puppy-pouty way:
...while her human girlfriend would actually have friends and hobbies and not be dependent on Edwina in all her puppy broodiness, as well as be infinitely more likeable than that other Bella (y'know, the one with the decidedly *bubbly* personality).
And then the stage would be set for the smoking hot love triangle that would be introduced in the form of Josephine Black, badass mofo girl-loving werewolf on a bike, leader of her very own mutt gang, who won't give Bella up without a fight. Or at least before having her share of smoochies.
Leader of the pack - vroom! vroom!
And there you have it. Throw in some Jordana Brewster and some Bleighton, and things are already looking much brighter. Just my suggestion as to how the Twilight saga could have turned out not only mindnumbingly *awesome*, but also sizzling hot as ten flaming hells if the franchise belonged to me!