Fear

[hybr1db31ng]

If I ignore everything long enough, eventually, it will cease to be. I used to be afraid, that one day, I would look in the mirror, and just not be there. Stupid fear I know, no matter what, no matter how much I say I don't want to be remembered, that I don't want to be cared about, that I just want to be alone, I don't mean it. Another fear was that the person I loved would kill me... i dreamt about it nitely, well I had nightmares about it nitely, I would just be stabbed... right through the heart. I don't even know if it meant I would be killed by the one I love, but thats how it felt, but the face always changed, circumstances always changed, but always the heart, different weapon... one time it was an old woman, clawing out my heart. I fear being alone, but I always end up alone, maybe when we fear something, we jsut continuiously face it, until we are over it. Not saying that I never showed up in the mirror, I look at it more now I guess though, and I've never had any literally claw out my heart or stab me etc. But I've had lots of heart break. I can't really think of any other fears at the moment. I mean known that I can really put into words, or realize without thinking about my entire life and look in on myself and say "wow, I must fear that".

My stupid raver has left.
And I won't dance in her place.
No more fuzzy light sticks.
No more sweater war.
No more cuddling.
But maybe now we can finish a movie.
Maybe now the stupid raver can get what she wants.
Maybe now she can think without feeling guilt.
Maybe now she can rest at nite and smile
when her thoughts try to attck.
My stupid raver has left me.
And I won't dance in her place.