LJIdol S11 - Sudden Death Writeoff - Open Topic
What the -? You children are back to see me again already, eh? It feels like we saw each other only yesterday. Another story? Alas, I don't know any more stories.
No, you're right, that's a lie. Hmm, in fact, that reminds me of a story.
Long ago and far from here, there lived a kindhearted faerie named Glimmerpetal Sparklefang who grew the most beautiful flowers. Ah, you are right to be skeptical - I'm glad you children have been paying attention during all of our time together. In fact, almost none of what I just said was true - there is no such thing as a kindhearted faerie, this particular faerie's name was Waldorf, and the flowers were fake.
Waldorf had an entire garden of false flowers. He crafted them from silk, paper, moonbeams, and malice. Each one was a work of art, by which I mean both that they were beautiful and that they were lies. After all, all art is deception. If art were true it would actually be the thing it was merely showing you, and then it would no longer be art. Trust me, I knew some artists when I was younger, and every one of them was a deceitful villain.
Now, there's nothing inherently evil about making some pretty fake flowers, though of course using malice to make them is a bit suspicious. But Waldorf didn't make his garden just to have something pretty to look at - it was designed specifically as a trap for the bees.
Bees would visit his garden and see flowers so lifelike that they were fooled into thinking that they were real, and even into thinking that they were harvesting actual nectar. In truth, all that they managed to harvest from the flowers were lies. They would take the lies back to their hive, where the rest of the bees would turn the lies into honey. And then of course the hive would eventually perish because you can't live on empty promises.
Once all of the bees were dead, Waldorf would smash open the hive and steal all of the honey so he could sell it to other faeries. Why did they want it? Who knows - faeries love all kinds of horrible things. Stuff like the terror caused by the nightmares they give to children who don't go to bed when they're supposed to, or the tears of children who don't do their chores and are kidnapped by faeries and transformed into animals, or even the breath of children who - yes, I see you get the idea.
Waldorf also made jam from cursed raspberries and a kind of whispering cheese made from the milk of haunted goats.
But it was the honey that the faeries truly loved, because it was so perfectly aligned with their duplicitous nature. And it tasted as sweet as all of the sweetest lies - things like "everything will work out okay," or "true love conquers all," or "good things come to those who wait."
Eventually, Waldorf's garden was visited by a very special bee. This bee's life had been difficult and unfair. She was always sent out to gather nectar from unpleasant and underperforming areas, and then blamed when she came back short of her quota. She had been promised again and again that the hive would send her somewhere better, but things never seemed to improve. Her life became one of bitterness and cynicism.
So when this bee found Waldorf's garden it literally seemed too good to be true. Her skepticism helped her to penetrate the deception, and with her help the rest of her patrol also managed to see through the ruse. They reported back to their hive, the bee was given a tiny medal for her role in saving the hive from catastrophe, and the bees diverted their attention to other areas.
Waldorf realized none of this, and when he smashed open the hive he discovered to his great surprise that the bees were still alive, and he was stung hundreds of times and died a horrible, agonizing death.
The lesson to be learned here is to always carefully listen to your cheese before you eat it to make sure it wasn't made from the milk of haunted goats. That, and a little skepticism can save you and your entire family from starving to death after being continuously fed nothing but lies.
Now, it's time you all went home. I need to get back to work on my garden.
No, you're right, that's a lie. Hmm, in fact, that reminds me of a story.
Long ago and far from here, there lived a kindhearted faerie named Glimmerpetal Sparklefang who grew the most beautiful flowers. Ah, you are right to be skeptical - I'm glad you children have been paying attention during all of our time together. In fact, almost none of what I just said was true - there is no such thing as a kindhearted faerie, this particular faerie's name was Waldorf, and the flowers were fake.
Waldorf had an entire garden of false flowers. He crafted them from silk, paper, moonbeams, and malice. Each one was a work of art, by which I mean both that they were beautiful and that they were lies. After all, all art is deception. If art were true it would actually be the thing it was merely showing you, and then it would no longer be art. Trust me, I knew some artists when I was younger, and every one of them was a deceitful villain.
Now, there's nothing inherently evil about making some pretty fake flowers, though of course using malice to make them is a bit suspicious. But Waldorf didn't make his garden just to have something pretty to look at - it was designed specifically as a trap for the bees.
Bees would visit his garden and see flowers so lifelike that they were fooled into thinking that they were real, and even into thinking that they were harvesting actual nectar. In truth, all that they managed to harvest from the flowers were lies. They would take the lies back to their hive, where the rest of the bees would turn the lies into honey. And then of course the hive would eventually perish because you can't live on empty promises.
Once all of the bees were dead, Waldorf would smash open the hive and steal all of the honey so he could sell it to other faeries. Why did they want it? Who knows - faeries love all kinds of horrible things. Stuff like the terror caused by the nightmares they give to children who don't go to bed when they're supposed to, or the tears of children who don't do their chores and are kidnapped by faeries and transformed into animals, or even the breath of children who - yes, I see you get the idea.
Waldorf also made jam from cursed raspberries and a kind of whispering cheese made from the milk of haunted goats.
But it was the honey that the faeries truly loved, because it was so perfectly aligned with their duplicitous nature. And it tasted as sweet as all of the sweetest lies - things like "everything will work out okay," or "true love conquers all," or "good things come to those who wait."
Eventually, Waldorf's garden was visited by a very special bee. This bee's life had been difficult and unfair. She was always sent out to gather nectar from unpleasant and underperforming areas, and then blamed when she came back short of her quota. She had been promised again and again that the hive would send her somewhere better, but things never seemed to improve. Her life became one of bitterness and cynicism.
So when this bee found Waldorf's garden it literally seemed too good to be true. Her skepticism helped her to penetrate the deception, and with her help the rest of her patrol also managed to see through the ruse. They reported back to their hive, the bee was given a tiny medal for her role in saving the hive from catastrophe, and the bees diverted their attention to other areas.
Waldorf realized none of this, and when he smashed open the hive he discovered to his great surprise that the bees were still alive, and he was stung hundreds of times and died a horrible, agonizing death.
The lesson to be learned here is to always carefully listen to your cheese before you eat it to make sure it wasn't made from the milk of haunted goats. That, and a little skepticism can save you and your entire family from starving to death after being continuously fed nothing but lies.
Now, it's time you all went home. I need to get back to work on my garden.