I DON'T WANNA FEEL LIKE THIS ANYMORE...
I would prefer if nobody responded to these, i just need to vent...
Today was good until I talked to Berto. He was so down today. He's not been down for such a long time. I didn't know wut to do other than comfort him and tell him that i hope tomorrow's better. and he was such a jerk to me. acted like he didn't give a fuck whether it was me on the phone or joe blo. that is soooo fucked up! ALL I HAVE TO DO IS HEAR HIS VOICE SO HAPPY ON MY BAD DAY, AND I'M THRU THE ROOF ON CLOUD 9. FOR HIM, IT'S LIKE NO MATTER WUT I DO AND SAY, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I CARE, NO MATTER HOW PATIENT I AM B/C I UNDERSTAND THAT BAD DAYS HAPPEN, HE'S STILL DOWN. He knew i was upset when he hung up the phone. I don't know wut's wrong. sometimes i get this gut feeling like there's something on his mind, and when i ask, he says no, bad day, or nothing. but i know better. he said his night last night was bad. i just want to make him happy. i'm so afraid that i'm gonna lose him b/c i can't make him happy. he hasn't been sad in so long that when he is sad, it's so noticable. i can't stop crying. i need help, i need god. i need guidance. there are times when i feel like i can't even control my own life, and now i have come so far in my patience and understanding. i used to not care about anything. i was so heartless and miserable. now i have this great relationship and he always makes me happy, even when we bicker. but i'm wondering if it was less complicated to not care. i've tried to not care and just let things go in one ear and out the other, but it doesn't work like that when ur in love. i don't know how to deal wit this. GOD PLEASE HELP ME, I NEED U TO TELL ME HOW TO FEEL OR WUT TO DO. I'VE BEEN SO PATIENT, I'VE BEEN SO COMPASSIONATE, AND SO CARING TO ONLY HIM AND I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I LOVE MYSELF. I WOULD DIE FOR HIM. BUT I WANT TO LIVE FOR HIM, AND FOR SUM REASON, ONLY FOR HIM. BUT I HAVE THE WORST FEELING IN MY STOMACH. LIKE THE MOST ROTTEN, SOUR, ACHEY, SOMETHING-BAD-IS-GONNA-HAPPEN FEELING. please god, make it go away, please make it go away. i wish that i could just snap my fingers & go back to yesterday when we had that talk last night. i don't know if that's wut caused this. i think it is. oh my god, this is my fault! oh my god, please god, please help me. please, this is the last thing i wanted to do. please god, just help me to make things right. i never wanted to hurt him or make him sad. i only want the best for him and i love him so much. please help me to make things right. please tell me how to make things alright for him. i know he needs help. i just want to see him get better. please god, please, i am begging you, whatever i have to do...
Today was good until I talked to Berto. He was so down today. He's not been down for such a long time. I didn't know wut to do other than comfort him and tell him that i hope tomorrow's better. and he was such a jerk to me. acted like he didn't give a fuck whether it was me on the phone or joe blo. that is soooo fucked up! ALL I HAVE TO DO IS HEAR HIS VOICE SO HAPPY ON MY BAD DAY, AND I'M THRU THE ROOF ON CLOUD 9. FOR HIM, IT'S LIKE NO MATTER WUT I DO AND SAY, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I CARE, NO MATTER HOW PATIENT I AM B/C I UNDERSTAND THAT BAD DAYS HAPPEN, HE'S STILL DOWN. He knew i was upset when he hung up the phone. I don't know wut's wrong. sometimes i get this gut feeling like there's something on his mind, and when i ask, he says no, bad day, or nothing. but i know better. he said his night last night was bad. i just want to make him happy. i'm so afraid that i'm gonna lose him b/c i can't make him happy. he hasn't been sad in so long that when he is sad, it's so noticable. i can't stop crying. i need help, i need god. i need guidance. there are times when i feel like i can't even control my own life, and now i have come so far in my patience and understanding. i used to not care about anything. i was so heartless and miserable. now i have this great relationship and he always makes me happy, even when we bicker. but i'm wondering if it was less complicated to not care. i've tried to not care and just let things go in one ear and out the other, but it doesn't work like that when ur in love. i don't know how to deal wit this. GOD PLEASE HELP ME, I NEED U TO TELL ME HOW TO FEEL OR WUT TO DO. I'VE BEEN SO PATIENT, I'VE BEEN SO COMPASSIONATE, AND SO CARING TO ONLY HIM AND I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I LOVE MYSELF. I WOULD DIE FOR HIM. BUT I WANT TO LIVE FOR HIM, AND FOR SUM REASON, ONLY FOR HIM. BUT I HAVE THE WORST FEELING IN MY STOMACH. LIKE THE MOST ROTTEN, SOUR, ACHEY, SOMETHING-BAD-IS-GONNA-HAPPEN FEELING. please god, make it go away, please make it go away. i wish that i could just snap my fingers & go back to yesterday when we had that talk last night. i don't know if that's wut caused this. i think it is. oh my god, this is my fault! oh my god, please god, please help me. please, this is the last thing i wanted to do. please god, just help me to make things right. i never wanted to hurt him or make him sad. i only want the best for him and i love him so much. please help me to make things right. please tell me how to make things alright for him. i know he needs help. i just want to see him get better. please god, please, i am begging you, whatever i have to do...