just so tired...
I am tired of crying every night. It's like, before i go to sleep, i know what awaits me...a long night of laying in my bed looking at the ceiling and eventually i end up crying myself to sleep.
I need to let berto know what's going on...
Before i met you, so much happened to me that i can't even begin to explain to you. Now that i'm with you, there's still a lot going on that i don't tell you and you don't see. but not b/c i don't want to tell you, b/c i know you won't understand. you're the only good thing in my life right now, and whether it's fighting, nothin nothin, or jus sitting in silence on tha telephone knowing ur on the other line- it makes me happy. i don't get attention out here from anyone xcpt maybe alexis, cheryl & k-dawg. but it's so different. so it's like i try n play around, like play hard to get, with you, and u get frustrated. and it's not b/c i don't want to talk, it's not b/c i want to pick a fight, it's not even b/c i want to see what u'll say, it's b/c i want ur attention. and there are times when u won't even give me the fuckin time of day- over socom or mlb, etc. and then when i do get ur attention, there are times when u ju make fun of me! excuse me, u make jokes at my expense. and i put up with it b/c sometimes it doesn't matter what kind of attention i get from you, as long as i get it. i jus want things to be good b/w us. it's not the distance. it's that i jus need to know that ur there. and even when i cry afterwards, knowing that u cared enough to make jokes on me, which in actuality really isn't showing that u care, gives me a fucking weird demented sort of satisfaction. so, i'm sorry, for everything in the past couple weeks. don't change ur attitude, if u did, u wouldn't be the guy i fell in love with. i love you, but u gotta find another way to talk to me. i mean if u truly don't wanna talk or u have nothing nice to say, than that's what u need to tell me, yes i'll be upset. but not as upset as when u make fun of me.
on another level...my friends are breaking apart. alexis merit hates south florida and the only thing she gives 2 shits about is ben...story of my life? friends forever, guy comes along, best friends disintegrate. i see a fucking pattern!
wow, so this is not a nice entry...fuck everyone who isn't berto. and for berto- i know things are gonna get better, i mean, i think that b/c of my stress, n ur holiday n famz stress, it's jus makin us frustrated. maybe we jus need a good vacation...don't worry...february will come soon enough.
I need to let berto know what's going on...
Before i met you, so much happened to me that i can't even begin to explain to you. Now that i'm with you, there's still a lot going on that i don't tell you and you don't see. but not b/c i don't want to tell you, b/c i know you won't understand. you're the only good thing in my life right now, and whether it's fighting, nothin nothin, or jus sitting in silence on tha telephone knowing ur on the other line- it makes me happy. i don't get attention out here from anyone xcpt maybe alexis, cheryl & k-dawg. but it's so different. so it's like i try n play around, like play hard to get, with you, and u get frustrated. and it's not b/c i don't want to talk, it's not b/c i want to pick a fight, it's not even b/c i want to see what u'll say, it's b/c i want ur attention. and there are times when u won't even give me the fuckin time of day- over socom or mlb, etc. and then when i do get ur attention, there are times when u ju make fun of me! excuse me, u make jokes at my expense. and i put up with it b/c sometimes it doesn't matter what kind of attention i get from you, as long as i get it. i jus want things to be good b/w us. it's not the distance. it's that i jus need to know that ur there. and even when i cry afterwards, knowing that u cared enough to make jokes on me, which in actuality really isn't showing that u care, gives me a fucking weird demented sort of satisfaction. so, i'm sorry, for everything in the past couple weeks. don't change ur attitude, if u did, u wouldn't be the guy i fell in love with. i love you, but u gotta find another way to talk to me. i mean if u truly don't wanna talk or u have nothing nice to say, than that's what u need to tell me, yes i'll be upset. but not as upset as when u make fun of me.
on another level...my friends are breaking apart. alexis merit hates south florida and the only thing she gives 2 shits about is ben...story of my life? friends forever, guy comes along, best friends disintegrate. i see a fucking pattern!
wow, so this is not a nice entry...fuck everyone who isn't berto. and for berto- i know things are gonna get better, i mean, i think that b/c of my stress, n ur holiday n famz stress, it's jus makin us frustrated. maybe we jus need a good vacation...don't worry...february will come soon enough.