I hate it when this shit just sinks in...
I'm writing you this letter to let you know I'm not alright.
And in this city the streets are paved with hate
And you cry yourself to sleep tonight.
And say "no, there aren't enough love songs in the sky."
--> From Headz LJ
TO THOSE WHO DON'T YET UNDERSTAND THE DEPTHS THAT MY MIND REACHES:
A few minutes ago, I came online to find that someone I cared about is claiming lonliness. However, lonliness is a feeling that you can choose to overcome. You don't just get lonely. You make yourself that way. And believe me, it will drive you insane. Sitting in the silence, by yourself, nobody there to give a shit about you but you. You turn on some music but nothing seems to drown out the thoughts in your head. And when you breathe, you feel yourself slipping away bit by bit, piece by piece. Everytime you exhale, another part of you dies. On the day that you find someone that can cure what ails you, it's as if things will be hard to change b/c you're so used to being lonely. You can try to get close to that person, like them, fuck them, love them, maybe marry them. But in the end, you realize that the only true companion you have is lonliness. It's always there when you need it, when you don't, and sometimes it just takes a backseat and watches ur relationship. When the opportunity strikes, it comes back with malice.
Anyways, i guess my whole point in writing this was sort of to let you guys know that ur lonliness is ur best friend sometimes and others it can be your worst enemy and even your end. Trust me, I know. But don't let it be the last 2 (You know who you are) ((Like every1 doesn't know)) Sorry had to add that in. Only you can choose the direction in which your life goes, for the most part. Just remember, although it was you who pushed me away, I'll always be here to listen to you. My number hasn't changed and neither has my heart.
My heart has just grown colder with the days passing because of lonliness. I let it overcome me. I became the epitomy of lonliness. I sat in my house moping, day in, day out. No job, No school, No life, No love or feeling toward any1 but my damn self. I thank God every day for that b/c it made me realize that I'm stronger than my weaknesses. So, now, my heart is warming up. Sometimes i get a cold chill. Only when i talk to you. But i think it's not b/c i hate you or dislike you or can't stand you, it's that I can't stand the thought that you would choose us to be this way. It hurts. But again, everyday, I thank God for everything that has been put in front of me.
****************************************
On a lighter note... I have been talkin to this guy for a few dayz now, he's mad cool. Jus laid back like me. Doesn't seem very uptite, jealous, or promescuous. FOR ONCE. He has lifelong goals for himself, he works and goes to school. And get this, he's so much closer to my age than any other guy i've ever talked to, that he's sort of an inspiration to do what i'm already doing (getting my life back together- we'll talk about this later). But anyways, i hope I can kick it with him for a while. He seems like a person that I can get along with. Patient, understanding, intriguing. We can talk for hours and not run out of things to say.
****************************************
Another note... ALEXIS MERIT, IF YOU DO NOT CALL ME IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS, I'M GOING TO PERSONALLY COME UP TO JACKSONVILLE AND BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU. DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE, I'LL PUT MY BOOT RIGHT TO UR ASS, CHICK! I MISS YOU DAMMIT! CALL ME!
****************************************
Oh and yet another note... HEAD...SAME DAMN DEAL. YOU'RE SO CAUGHT UP IN UR DRAMA THAT YOU FORGET I'M HERE FOR YOU...CALL ME!
****************************************
I guess that's all my fingers will type now. My head hurts and i still have to go to my other 2 jobs today and then back to the 1st one. Bizzy Bizzy.
-Out LyKe a PhAt KiD iN DoDgEBaLL-
And in this city the streets are paved with hate
And you cry yourself to sleep tonight.
And say "no, there aren't enough love songs in the sky."
--> From Headz LJ
TO THOSE WHO DON'T YET UNDERSTAND THE DEPTHS THAT MY MIND REACHES:
A few minutes ago, I came online to find that someone I cared about is claiming lonliness. However, lonliness is a feeling that you can choose to overcome. You don't just get lonely. You make yourself that way. And believe me, it will drive you insane. Sitting in the silence, by yourself, nobody there to give a shit about you but you. You turn on some music but nothing seems to drown out the thoughts in your head. And when you breathe, you feel yourself slipping away bit by bit, piece by piece. Everytime you exhale, another part of you dies. On the day that you find someone that can cure what ails you, it's as if things will be hard to change b/c you're so used to being lonely. You can try to get close to that person, like them, fuck them, love them, maybe marry them. But in the end, you realize that the only true companion you have is lonliness. It's always there when you need it, when you don't, and sometimes it just takes a backseat and watches ur relationship. When the opportunity strikes, it comes back with malice.
Anyways, i guess my whole point in writing this was sort of to let you guys know that ur lonliness is ur best friend sometimes and others it can be your worst enemy and even your end. Trust me, I know. But don't let it be the last 2 (You know who you are) ((Like every1 doesn't know)) Sorry had to add that in. Only you can choose the direction in which your life goes, for the most part. Just remember, although it was you who pushed me away, I'll always be here to listen to you. My number hasn't changed and neither has my heart.
My heart has just grown colder with the days passing because of lonliness. I let it overcome me. I became the epitomy of lonliness. I sat in my house moping, day in, day out. No job, No school, No life, No love or feeling toward any1 but my damn self. I thank God every day for that b/c it made me realize that I'm stronger than my weaknesses. So, now, my heart is warming up. Sometimes i get a cold chill. Only when i talk to you. But i think it's not b/c i hate you or dislike you or can't stand you, it's that I can't stand the thought that you would choose us to be this way. It hurts. But again, everyday, I thank God for everything that has been put in front of me.
****************************************
On a lighter note... I have been talkin to this guy for a few dayz now, he's mad cool. Jus laid back like me. Doesn't seem very uptite, jealous, or promescuous. FOR ONCE. He has lifelong goals for himself, he works and goes to school. And get this, he's so much closer to my age than any other guy i've ever talked to, that he's sort of an inspiration to do what i'm already doing (getting my life back together- we'll talk about this later). But anyways, i hope I can kick it with him for a while. He seems like a person that I can get along with. Patient, understanding, intriguing. We can talk for hours and not run out of things to say.
****************************************
Another note... ALEXIS MERIT, IF YOU DO NOT CALL ME IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS, I'M GOING TO PERSONALLY COME UP TO JACKSONVILLE AND BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU. DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE, I'LL PUT MY BOOT RIGHT TO UR ASS, CHICK! I MISS YOU DAMMIT! CALL ME!
****************************************
Oh and yet another note... HEAD...SAME DAMN DEAL. YOU'RE SO CAUGHT UP IN UR DRAMA THAT YOU FORGET I'M HERE FOR YOU...CALL ME!
****************************************
I guess that's all my fingers will type now. My head hurts and i still have to go to my other 2 jobs today and then back to the 1st one. Bizzy Bizzy.
-Out LyKe a PhAt KiD iN DoDgEBaLL-