One Dog Goes to Heaven
"So... You're supposed to be God?"
"Well, this is the visual representation I thought would be most suitable for the occasion."
"So, I'm dead, then."
"No."
"Shit."
"Heh, you're lucky."
"Nah, my life's like one big mistake. Hey, why don't you fix that shit for me? Make me perfect. Make everyone perfect."
"Ah, but that would ruin the fun. I like to see my creations come to fruition. Your big mistake is how you're gonna ripen."
"So, you're the only creator?"
"Yeah, something like that."
"So who's right? Christians? Muslims? Africans?"
"No one's right, because you keep saying everyone's wrong."
"O...k..."
"The best answer I can give."
"Whatever... so you did this whole thing on your own?"
"Yep, I made everything myself. Kind of like Sim City, if you've ever played that, stopping time, setting everything up, and letting it run on its own, intervening now and again... after a while, you get bored and check on it every now and then. To put it in earthly terms."
"Huh. So you made light?"
"I made the sun and the stars, and yeah, they make light."
"And the earth?"
"Well, planets. Yours was just my pet project."
"Sky?"
"By default."
"Nature?"
"Made it."
"Properties of math?"
"Made 'em."
"Gay sex?"
"Made- oh! You almost got me there. No, no, you guys make the sex, I just made you gay. Though, if you want to look at it in a round-about way, I suppose you could say that I did."
"Huh, and humans and heterosapiens*?"
"Well, actually... I made the humans, but your kind are from another universe, and another God. My people just fucked up time and space some time in what would have been the near future."
"So you fucked up?"
"I mean, I've got subcommittees and shit, making sure shit's going straight, but-"
"Holy shit, you just cussed, like, three times."
"Heh, well, you have to understand that your worldly curses are just words you made taboo yourselves. Interestingly enough, the one that actually offends me is widely accepted in your culture. You kind of fucked up yourself just now."
"Dammit! Sorry."
"I forgive you."
"So, since I'm here, what's the meaning of life?"
"Oh, well, I don't want to spoil the fun of you trying to find out. I mean, that's the whole point."
"Finding out?"
"No, just trying to."
"What? So it's a wild goose chase?"
"No."
"Geez, man. Answer this, then. Why are we here?"
"You and I, or life in general?"
"Well, both, I guess."
"Hmmm... well, I guess the main thing you have to remember is that we both have stakes in this game."
"What'dya mean, stakes?"
"I don't exist without you, and you don't exist without me. It's one of those infinite things you people still don't understand."
"Well... if that's true, then you should be what everyone thinks you are, right?"
"Meh, think of it this way: I have no purpose without you, and you have no purpose without me."
"Hmm... why don't you talk to everyone like this?"
"Sure I do."
"But not as straight forward as you are now."
"Hmm. Maybe you're right. On that note, see ya!"
"No, wait! Dammit!"
-God and Inu
* this dialogue takes place in the fictional recesses of one man's mind.
"Well, this is the visual representation I thought would be most suitable for the occasion."
"So, I'm dead, then."
"No."
"Shit."
"Heh, you're lucky."
"Nah, my life's like one big mistake. Hey, why don't you fix that shit for me? Make me perfect. Make everyone perfect."
"Ah, but that would ruin the fun. I like to see my creations come to fruition. Your big mistake is how you're gonna ripen."
"So, you're the only creator?"
"Yeah, something like that."
"So who's right? Christians? Muslims? Africans?"
"No one's right, because you keep saying everyone's wrong."
"O...k..."
"The best answer I can give."
"Whatever... so you did this whole thing on your own?"
"Yep, I made everything myself. Kind of like Sim City, if you've ever played that, stopping time, setting everything up, and letting it run on its own, intervening now and again... after a while, you get bored and check on it every now and then. To put it in earthly terms."
"Huh. So you made light?"
"I made the sun and the stars, and yeah, they make light."
"And the earth?"
"Well, planets. Yours was just my pet project."
"Sky?"
"By default."
"Nature?"
"Made it."
"Properties of math?"
"Made 'em."
"Gay sex?"
"Made- oh! You almost got me there. No, no, you guys make the sex, I just made you gay. Though, if you want to look at it in a round-about way, I suppose you could say that I did."
"Huh, and humans and heterosapiens*?"
"Well, actually... I made the humans, but your kind are from another universe, and another God. My people just fucked up time and space some time in what would have been the near future."
"So you fucked up?"
"I mean, I've got subcommittees and shit, making sure shit's going straight, but-"
"Holy shit, you just cussed, like, three times."
"Heh, well, you have to understand that your worldly curses are just words you made taboo yourselves. Interestingly enough, the one that actually offends me is widely accepted in your culture. You kind of fucked up yourself just now."
"Dammit! Sorry."
"I forgive you."
"So, since I'm here, what's the meaning of life?"
"Oh, well, I don't want to spoil the fun of you trying to find out. I mean, that's the whole point."
"Finding out?"
"No, just trying to."
"What? So it's a wild goose chase?"
"No."
"Geez, man. Answer this, then. Why are we here?"
"You and I, or life in general?"
"Well, both, I guess."
"Hmmm... well, I guess the main thing you have to remember is that we both have stakes in this game."
"What'dya mean, stakes?"
"I don't exist without you, and you don't exist without me. It's one of those infinite things you people still don't understand."
"Well... if that's true, then you should be what everyone thinks you are, right?"
"Meh, think of it this way: I have no purpose without you, and you have no purpose without me."
"Hmm... why don't you talk to everyone like this?"
"Sure I do."
"But not as straight forward as you are now."
"Hmm. Maybe you're right. On that note, see ya!"
"No, wait! Dammit!"
-God and Inu
* this dialogue takes place in the fictional recesses of one man's mind.