Timing is Everything; Merlin Modern AU
Title: Timing is Everything (5a/5)
Authors: mydoctortennant
Pairings/Characters: Arthur, Gwen, Merlin, Morgana. Special guest appearances from Gwaine, Lance, Leon, Percy, Freya and Uther. Plus others inc OCs. (Eventual Arthur/Gwen and Merlin/Morgana. Slight Gwaine/Gwen and Merlin/Freya)
Warnings: Occasional spouts of bad language.
Disclaimer: Not real. Despite birthday wishes and night time prayers to Santa (all Hail Amy Pond!) Merlin still isn't mine!
Rating: PG13
Summary: Their lives were never meant to be intertwined... but you can't rewrite destiny.
Author Notes: December 2nd 2010, was my one year Merlin fic anniversary! Woohoooo! To celebrate I started to post my 50,000 NaNoWriMo story that I wrote for the gorgeous Queen of Jenalot; mustbethursday3.
As usual these days, thanks go to sgmajorshipper for her beta work on this part and extra thanks to xxkezziexx for an extra helping hand =]
My Merlin Prompt Table
PART One | Two | Three | Four | Five a | Five b
Christmas came and went. New Year passed.
Gwen had spent it alone in her home.
Merlin had travelled back home to spend the holiday season with his mother.
Both Morgana and Arthur had been roped into the events at the Pendragon mansion.
“You need to talk to her,” Morgana told Arthur days before his birthday. There was only so much of the depressive bastard she could take. The last time she had seen him like this over anyone was back when they’d been at Kingswood.
Arthur didn’t answer her; “She’s beautiful. She’s funny. She’s intelligent. She can bring you down a peg or three.” For which Morgana was truly grateful for. “I don’t understand why the pair of you just won’t talk to each other. What happened that’s so traumatic that you’re throwing away the best relationship you could have? She’s so much better than the usual bimbos you bring home.”
“Are you quite finished?” Arthur snapped. She was giving him a headache. It might have been reminiscent of his hangover from the night before. He hadn’t drunk so much in quite a long time. Gwaine had been proud of him.
“No, actually, I’m not.”
“Then please, let it all out,” he said holding his head in his hand. It couldn’t get much worse with her prattling, “I’m sure it’s the more riveting argument you’ve ever had.”
Looking at him now Morgana could see that it, whatever it was, was eating at him slowly from the inside out. He didn’t need her lecturing him he already knew what she was going to tell him. All too well. She could see it in his eyes; “What happened?”
“She’s not interested.”
“Oh my god,” now she wanted to hit him around the head with his own horse riding crop; leave a mark, “are you completely blind?”
“No. Her complete lack of interest in me isn’t my imagination or me simply denying it, Morgana. She has near told me she’s not looking here for anything,” Morgana sighed at her brother’s apparent lack of inspiration towards the cause. He obviously hadn’t tried hard enough, “Can you please leave it?”
“No, Arthur. I can’t, because I know that what you’ve just said is complete shit.”
“And who told you that? Merlin?”
“Yeah.”
“No offence, Morgana, but your boyfriend speaks a lot of crap.”
“Not this time. How can I put this in a really plain way that you’ll understand?” She thought for a second rubbing her fingers over her chin, “She fucking digs you. Get the fuck out of your own arse and realise that.”
Arthur looked positively defeated. Morgana had never seen him like it; he was usually so over-confident and boarding on annoying; “Doesn’t mean a whole lot when she’s not even willing to let me kiss her.”
“So you tried?” She looked surprised and a little confused. She hadn’t expected that. She just knew something had happened just the once.
“I didn’t try,” he defended, “We both went in for it. Both times.”
“Twice? Arthur, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s none of your business.”
“Oh, Ar-thur,” she reached out and squeezed his arm, “I’m sorry. You should have said; I’d have left you alone.”
“I’m not a child, Morgana. I can deal with this myself,” he pulled his arm from her grasp and left her sitting there.
Morgana growled and hit the side cushion of the sofa, “Great job of it you’re doing so far.”
X
It had snowed heavily overnight the day term was due to start. The school had closed its door. It was considered a danger to pupils and teachers alike to have it opened. Gwen wasn’t complaining. It gave her another day to gorge on all the chocolate that Merlin had bought her for Christmas.
The snow bought panic. Merlin had been called that morning and told not to risk his health coming down the hill into work. He hadn’t argued and had adorned his boots and walked the minute to Gwen’s house in two having to take it slower.
He knocked on the front door twice and waited, his head curried in his scarf against the cold. He jumped on the spot until the door hinted at opening and he pushed in.
“Good morning to you too, Merlin,” Gwen said dryly watching him run towards her kettle and fondle it with a great pleasure, “Can I do something for you?”
“Tea. Then I’ll go into it.”
“Right,” Merlin clicked on the kettle and settled against the kitchen side. He contemplated jumping up and sitting on the counter, he only stopped himself because he knew Gwen would only pull him off anyway.
“What the fuck?” is how he decided to start.
“’What the fuck,’ what?”
“What’s going on with you?”
“Well, there’s snow, and a lot of it, so I’m at home eating chocolate and considering watching A Knight’s Tale in High Def?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then elaborate?”
“You and Arthur.”
“What about us?”
“Are you an ‘us’?”
“Clear as mud, Merlin.”
“Fucking hell, Gwen!” her eyebrows shot up into her hairline. Only rarely did Merlin swear so violently and rarer still did he shout at her, “You know exactly what I’m asking you!”
“We’re nothing.”
“Nothing? What happened to tingles and stargazing?”
“Out the window.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s not a good idea, that’s why.”
“Again I say; ‘What the fuck, Gwen?’”
“Can we not?” she snapped. She wasn’t in the mood for his prattling. Everything she wanted right now was her bed, a hot water bottle, tea and a box of celebrations that was preferably full of only Truffles and Maltesers.
“Not what? You’ve been in a bad mood for weeks. Did you even enjoy the Christmas season?” he said without thinking.
“Do I ever enjoy the Christmas season, Merlin?” she replied on the verge of tears. Merlin instantly knew he had crossed the fine line between being a caring friend and pushing her too far. Worse still, he knew that she hated Christmas and everything it brought for her, “I spent my Christmas season at the fucking cemetery, Merlin. I spent it clearing flowers and putting new ones in.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah,” she bit, “So I’m really not in the mood for this today, Merlin.”
“Sorry. Maybe…” he faltered, he’d already pushed her over the edge but what could he do? His mother still lived in Wales with his Uncle and his father lived on an oil rig in the North Sea; he couldn’t relate to her at times like this, “Maybe it’ll do you some good to share this with him?”
“He doesn’t need my problems.”
“He’d understand. Better than I could. You’ve both got your share of problems and history.”
“The orphan doesn’t need sympathy, Merlin,” she said as the first tear trailed down her cheek. For three-hundred-and-sixty days a year she managed to block on the memories, spending Christmas at her mother’s bedside as she watched her die, “I just want to carry on. Once a year I go there. I don’t need reminding of it the rest of the time.”
“Okay, I’m sorry,” Merlin pulled her into a hug and rested his chin atop her head, “Sorry.”
She cried into his shoulder, sniffing and rubbing her nose with the back of her hand, “Forgiven,” she nestled her head against his shoulder and took a deep shaky breath.
“He can help you more than I can. He knows what it’s like.”
“He never knew his mother. You don’t miss what you never had.”
“Maybe you do. Maybe it’s time you cut loose from the past and let yourself be happy. You have to stop punishing yourself for things that weren’t your fault.”
“I watched her die and there was nothing I could do about it, Merlin. My father was broken, there wasn’t anything I could do to help him. He’d never known love like that.”
“Maybe now is your chance to feel it,” Merlin said running his hand up her arm. Gwen pulled away from him and made her way to the sofa. She beckoned for him to follow - the kettle forgotten - and she started to tell him everything.
X
The party was in full swing when Arthur started to look for her. He hadn’t seen her arrive but then the door had been on the latch and he had spent a long time circulating around his riding friends and friendly-rivals in the heated conservatory. There were so many people loitering in his house that he could barely remember the names of half of them.
Gwaine was in one corner next to Lance, the latter was talking to a girl who seemed to have latched onto him whilst the former seemed to be the one doing the latching…
Arthur blew out a breath through closed lips. He saw Morgana and Merlin standing over to one side with no Gwen in sight. She wasn’t with Leon or Percy and he hadn’t seen her hanging near the other two. She wasn’t in the empty kitchen getting herself a drink and both bathrooms were unoccupied.
The rooms weren’t full enough that he risked missing her as he searched around them. She wasn’t there. It was official. She couldn’t be fucked with him anymore. It was over before it had even begun.
He was destined to spend his twenty-sixth birthday alone with a lukewarm beer sat on his kitchen counter as people partied in the room next to him without him. And he didn’t care. He was happy with that; as happy as he could be.
X
The lone figured pulled her scarf up around her ears and cuddled into her coat as the cold win took off around her. It attacked her freckled cheeks and her curly hair whipping it into her face; “What do I do, Daddy?” she said to the air surrounding her looking up at the sky as she stood in the middle of the darkened and deserted cemetery, “What do I do? What do I say?
“He’s given me so much and he doesn’t ask for anything. He listens to me and he takes all in. He took me stargazing, Daddy, just like you used to. We sat there there looking at the stars drawing pictures and laughing at the stupidity of it all. He reminded me so much of you then, Dad, he really did. He made me laugh which saved me from crying at the memory of you. I don’t know what to tell him. I’ve never told anybody about what happened with you and with Mum. Nobody but Merlin. But he was the only person I had when you died.
“I’ve already lost so much. I don’t know if I can handle losing anything else. Any word from you or Mum, anything you can give me I’d be grateful for,” Gwen laughed at herself through her tears, “Now I’m asking the stars for advice. Nice one Gwen. Feeling a little like Simba,” she wiped her tears away and looked down at the pair of matching headstones, “Why’d you leave me? Both of you? I need you now. I need you to tell me what to do. But you can’t. God, I’m going to lose him too; I know it. The life I have now; it’s nothing without him. Six months ago I would never have said that.
“I guess I have to sort this out on my own. I love you.”
X
Arthur pulled open the tack room, it hadn’t been locked and nor did anybody usually knock. He briefly wondered who it could be; Morgana would walk right in and he hadn’t arranged to meet with any of the others. He frowned; there were no vans outside so it wasn’t a delivery man. Through the window he saw a mop of black hair.
He pulled open the door, “Morgana’s not here,” he said wearily, unsure of why else Merlin might possibly be waiting outside the tack room and in the farmyard. He let the male pass him into the tack room without argument.
“I know,” he didn’t seem entirely serious but the look on his face confused Arthur, crossed between concern and amusement.
“Right, so you’re here because?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Bit late for that Merlin. I do know you’re digging on my sister. She does talk to me you know,” he rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger, “Even though sometimes I wish she wouldn’t.”
“Not about that. I wouldn’t talk to you about that. That’s too weird.”
“Right?”
“I want to talk about Gwen. I know you kissed.”
“We didn’t kiss.”
“Nearly, whatever. Are you going to do something about it?”
“I tried. She didn’t want to know.”
“Yes she does.”
“I tried.”
“Obviously not hard enough,” it had been a good two months since Gwen’s birthday. They’d gone out as a group plenty of times but the two of them avoided each other more. They didn’t look at each other; they would stop talking if the other looked like they might start to contribute to the conversation. Gwen had started to talk to Gwaine and Lance more than ever and Merlin could see it vividly that Arthur didn’t like it; “Gwen doesn’t do this very often.”
“Do what?”
“Men,” Arthur raised a solo eyebrow at him. Merlin rolled his eyes at him, “Relationships,” he clarified, “She gets nervous. She throws herself into her work. Away from people.”
“Right?” Arthur’s brow knitted, he knew why Merlin was telling him all this; he just didn’t understand why. This, if it was anything, wasn’t any of his and Morgana’s business. Arthur folded his arms across his chest. Was this Merlin’s way of telling him to do something about it now? If it was, he just needed to say so.
“What I’m saying is: you’ll going to have to go to her. She likes you. She just needs to know you like her back before she does anything about it,” Merlin picked up one of the photos off of the pin-board on the wall and smiled at it. It was of the four of them at the Rugby match all those months ago. Life was simple then, Merlin though for all of a second before he realised that, no, it wasn’t. That was when things were on the right track, not simple, “Gwen’s lost a lot in her life. She doesn’t want to lose anyone else. So if you do talk to her don’t mess her around. If you go into this, you’re in it for keeps.”
“What is this, the M&M Intervention brigade?”
Merlin laughed, “Pretty much. Talk to her.”
Arthur considered Merlin for a moment, “I won’t get any rest until I do something about it, will I?” Morgana had bugged him a few more times about it. He could have sworn than she had enlisted Gwaine on her quest too. Maybe Gwaine was doing it for his own good, if Arthur wasn’t going in for it he could and not feel so bad about it knowing Arthur wasn’t doing anything about it.
“Not in the slightest.”
“Okay.”
Arthur grabbed his keys and jacket from the workbench and headed out of the tack room, leaving Merlin standing in the middle of the room on his own. He clicked his tongue against the top of his mouth and swung his arms by his sides. He’d never been at the yard on his own before. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He could go and say hello to the horses or he could go home.
He chose the former. They were always easier to talk to than Arthur anyway.
X
For years Guinevere Leodegrance hadn’t had a soul to go girly shopping with. Her friends at university had either been male or not inclined to a good shop (if they were they were looking for the wrong sort of shops.)
She had agreed to shopping with Morgana when Merlin had begged her not to take him along. He wasn’t a shopper and he never would be. It didn’t bother Gwen, Morgana was good company and maybe she could get more information out of Morgana about her relationship with Merlin than he was giving her.
“Enough of me,” Morgana said after an hour as she flicked through the sale rack in Republic, “What’s going on with you?”
“January sales,” Gwen deflected as she pulled a top from the rack and help it to her. Morgana shook her head and she replaced it, she was right, it wasn’t that nice, “I don’t know. Life’s just eating at me. Work is busy and Christmas is never a good time for me.”
“Merlin said,” Gwen glared at her, intended for Merlin, and looked into the rack, “He didn’t say why and I’m not going to ask because it is none of my business. When you choose to tell me then I’ll listen. He just mentioned that you didn’t like Christmas and it wasn’t a subject you liked to talk about. But I’m here for you if you need me, Gwen. For anything. Even if you want to complain about my brother. Just no gory details.”
“There are no details to tell.”
“I know something happened.”
“I thought you might. Merlin’s been on my case.”
“Arthur said you nearly kissed and that it wasn’t entirely one-sided,” Morgana probed stopping her search for fashion must-haves and looking at Gwen through sympathetic eyes.
“He’d be right.”
“So what happened?”
“I’m not in the right place.”
“Just so you know; he is in love with you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I’m his sister. He’s tells me everything; I know that.”
“I know it could work, but I just-“
“History, I know. Give it time,” Morgana smiled reassuringly at her and reached into the rack, “Here, have this. Maybe you should go out in it one night this week and have good time. Perhaps on Wednesday with me and Merlin at that French place he likes?”
“Maybe I should,” Gwen took the garment from her best friend’s girlfriend and help it up to her, “Little short?”
“With legs like yours nothing is too short.”
X
When Gwen got back to her flat with several bags of shopping in her hands that night she was greeted with a rose taped to her front door with a small note attached to it.
She looked at it and sceptically pulled the note from its place perched behind the stem.
Sorry I missed you.
I always miss you.
I’ll see you soon.
Won’t watch the stars without you.
xxx
Gwen chewed on the side of her lip and unstuck the rose from her door. She lifted it to her face and smelt the petals. There were no thorns on the stem and each petal was perfect.
p.s. you can’t fake perfection,
there is only what is and what isn’t.
You always leave me breathless.
She smelt the rose again, running her fingers over the petals. She chewed on her lip but slowly her face broke into a grin.
X
“Hi, Gwen, it’s Morgana. I forgot you were teaching now, but me and Merlin have booked a table for tonight, we thought it would be nice to all go out for a meal together. Have some good wine and really make the most of it. Anyway, the table’s at eight at the French place on Milsom Street. See you later,” she hung up and smiled at the male sat next to her on her sofa.
“You are an evil, evil woman.”
“I do try.”
“Will it work?”
“Not if you don’t phone Arthur.”
“Why have I got to do it?”
“Just do it.”
“Yes M’am.”
Merlin fished his phone out of his pocket, hit a few buttons and held it to his ear. He sat for a few seconds before Morgana held a voice on the other end of the line, “Arthur? It’s Merlin. Yeah, not bad. You? Yeah, cool. Me and Morgana have a table booked at Café Rouge on Milsom Street for eight. Yeah, for the four of us. See you there. Yeah. Yeah, she’s coming,” Merlin smirked at Morgana, “Yeah, see you later. Bye,” he hung up, “Like taking candy from a baby.”
X
Gwen stood waiting outside of the restaurant wrapped up tightly in her winter coat and scarf. Her hands were shoved deep into her pockets. Her hair splayed over her shoulders, keeping her ears warm. Her nose tinged red from the cold; skin cold to the touch. She looked down the street towards the main town and back up towards the main road. She caught a glimpse of a broad set figure walking towards her, the street lamps and Christmas lights reflecting off of his blonde hair. The figure waved at her. Gwen relaxed and waved back.
At least now she wouldn’t be completely alone.
“Hey,” he greeted from a few metres away, quickly taking the last few steps to her.
“Hi,” she smiled back and looked up the street again, “Are Merlin and Morgana not with you?” she asked checking her watch. Arthur was already late. Gwen knew Merlin, he was an on time type (at least when he made plans, other times he just turned up).
“I thought they’d be here already. Said they were going out before hand and would meet us here,” he shrugged, “I don’t know about you,” he said with a slight tug at the corner of his mouth as he looked her up and down, “But I’m bloody freezing. Shall we go get the table and they can join us when they get here?”
“I think that’s a great idea.”
Gwen followed him through the door to the restaurant; he held it for her, ever the gentlemen. She thanked him and headed towards the waiter that stood by the bar. He welcomed her with a smile and started up the usual drivel in an awful French accent.
“We’ve got a table booked.”
“For deux?”
“Four, thanks,” the waiter looked down at the page.
“What name?”
“Pendragon?” Gwen questioned looking up at Arthur who shrugged.
“I assume so.”
“Ze only Pendragon I have is for two.”
“Emrys?”
“None for Emrys.”
“Right,” Gwen chuckled, rolled her eyes and turned to look up at Arthur who looked nonplussed, “My mistake.”
The waiter grabbed two menus and led them to a secluded table in the corner. He pulled out the chair for Gwen and pushed it back in for her as she sat, “Thank you,” she said as he handed her the menu.
“Is this some sort of joke?” Arthur said looking down at the menu before discarding it on the table, “Did Merlin call you?”
“Morgana.”
“I should have known.”
“We might as well eat now we’re here. They went through so much trouble after all,” she said looking more than amused. Arthur returned her smile and picked the menu back up, “What shall we get to drink?”
“Bottle of white?”
“Sure,” the waiter came back, almost as if he could sense their thoughts and took their drinks order. Shortly returning with a stand and ice bucket and two wine glasses along with the bottle of the most expensive bottle of white wine on the list, “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it.”
“No-“
“Yes. I know your views on paying lots of money for good wine.”
“I pay money for good wine. I just don’t have money to waste on good wine.”
Arthur poured out half a glass for each of them and set the bottle into the ice bucket, “Is that so? Well tonight’s my treat. Morgana would hang and quarter me if she knew I’d let you pay.”
X
Two figures sat on small swing set in the middle of a park that they had come across on their way home. The blonde male had seen his companion’s face light up when she had seen it. He’d taken a detour towards the park and she’d followed his lead without question. He held the gate of the small park for her and traced her footsteps as she walked over to the swings.
They swung high to the sky and back again for a long while; the early spring air whipping at their faces. The two of them smiled from ear to ear and gradually slowed their pace.
“When I was fourteen my Mum died. She got pneumonia and didn’t make it over Christmas. I watched her die at home because she refused treatment. She didn’t want a fake life full of tubes and didn’t want heroic measures so they gave up. They said we could take her home so she was more comfortable but said she wouldn’t make it to New Year and they were right.
“A couple of years later my Dad started having problems with his heart. He had one heart attack and was fine. We thought that was it then six months later he had another one and didn’t come back out of hospital. They’d thought he would be okay but he had a secondary attack whilst he was in A+E. They came and told me he was dead and I didn’t believe them. I ended up running off to find him and when I did he was pale and not breathing. He had tubes coming out everywhere from where they’d tried everything and it hadn’t worked.
“I was on my own,” Arthur had stopped swinging as he’d listened to her stories. She was still gently rocking back and forth and staring at the sky, “For a week I locked myself in my room. I didn’t tell Merlin. I pretended it was all okay. I even left for the weekend like I was going home to see him.
“Merlin clocked something was wrong and came by. He found me sat in the middle of my Dad’s floor crying. All he did was hug me for an hour and then I told him. The words ‘he’s dead’ finally left my lips. It was finally time to face the music. My whole family had left me. I was on my own.”
Arthur looked on in silence as tears built up in the corners of her eyes. He gently placed his hand on her knee and squeezed in reassurance; “You’re never on your own.”
“I had Merlin and that was it. He did so much for me. I loved him. He was the brother I never had. He took me home again and put me to bed with a hot water bottle and a box of tissues. He sat with me all night and just held me as I needed it. There are only so many times you can lose without breaking down.”
“You don’t need to explain yourself to me; I understand.”
Gwen smiled meekly at him and brushed her tears away with the back of her hand, “You and Morgana,” she started with a change of tone, “you act like there’s nothing between you. You’re blood and that’s it. You’d do anything for her.”
“I grew up believing she was my sister. And she is. I fell off a swing when I was nine and I broke my elbow and cut a massive gash on my forehead. Before she got Sophia to take me to the hospital she cleaned me up and made sure my head wasn’t bleeding too badly. Thenyou know that?”
“I listen.”
“Thank you.”
“What for?”
“Listening.”
“You could talk all day about accountancy and I’d listen because it was you talking to me.”
Gwen let out a small chuckled and kept his eye contact, “Thanks?”
“You bring out the best of me, apparently. So Morgana tells me.”
“You weren’t that bad before, I’m sure.”
“You have too much faith in people.”
“Sometimes that was all I had.”
“Not anymore,” Gwen allowed herself a grateful smile, one that he returned, “Let’s go back.”
“Oh, sure. I’ve got an early start tom-“
“No,” he interrupted, “I mean with us.”
“We’ve already started again once.”
“This time it’s more of a step back a few paces. Go back to stargazing and holding your hand,” he reached out to the chain that Gwen was holding as she had been flying through the air and wrapped his fingers around hers. She dropped her hand from the cold metal and took his hand in hers, “There’s more to life than complicated relationships; let’s make it simple. We’re two people who like each other a lot. We’re two people with hopeless amounts of baggage. You’re the girl who ran me over and stole my heart,” it was his turn to blush and look at the floor, “Not many people can claim that.”
“Not many people can try to, I imagine,” with a chuckle Arthur shook his head and admitted that she was correct. Nobody else could claim it because nobody else had done it and wee unlikely to.
“So, how does that sound?”
“Like a good idea,” he looked up at her again. There was no smile on his lips but a look in his eye as he studied her features in the darkness.
The pair of the stood simultaneously headed for the exit of the park without a word to the other and without letting go of the other’s hand. It was only a five minute walk to Gwen’s flat from the park and they walked the majority of it in silence until they reached the end of her road.
“How does one end a first date?”
“I don’t know,” she said with a pink tinge to her cheeks. It had been a while since she’d been on one.
“Confirmation of a second, perhaps.”
“I’ll call you.”
“If I don’t hear from you I’ll take the message.”
“I’ll call you,” he stooped and kissed her gently on the cheek.
“Thanks for tonight,” he said with his mouth still by her ear as he rasped the words at barely more than a whisper; “Thanks for trusting me.”
“I always trusted you,” she said as he lingered next to her. Her warm breath tickled his ear as she spoke and heated his cheek reminding him of the close proximity to her lips and he backed away.
“Don’t be offended when I say I didn’t trust you. You did hit me with your car.”
“Yeah I did,” she laughed, “Thank you for bringing that up,” she said cheerily as they entered her building and climbed the stairs with speed.
“I’ll see you soon, Guinevere,” he let go out her hand letting her open the front door of her flat without having the jungle with her keeps in her left hand.
She gave a small wave as she turned to face him standing in her doorway, “Bye Arthur.”
X
Continued in part b HERE
Authors: mydoctortennant
Pairings/Characters: Arthur, Gwen, Merlin, Morgana. Special guest appearances from Gwaine, Lance, Leon, Percy, Freya and Uther. Plus others inc OCs. (Eventual Arthur/Gwen and Merlin/Morgana. Slight Gwaine/Gwen and Merlin/Freya)
Warnings: Occasional spouts of bad language.
Disclaimer: Not real. Despite birthday wishes and night time prayers to Santa (all Hail Amy Pond!) Merlin still isn't mine!
Rating: PG13
Summary: Their lives were never meant to be intertwined... but you can't rewrite destiny.
Author Notes: December 2nd 2010, was my one year Merlin fic anniversary! Woohoooo! To celebrate I started to post my 50,000 NaNoWriMo story that I wrote for the gorgeous Queen of Jenalot; mustbethursday3.
As usual these days, thanks go to sgmajorshipper for her beta work on this part and extra thanks to xxkezziexx for an extra helping hand =]
My Merlin Prompt Table
PART One | Two | Three | Four | Five a | Five b
Christmas came and went. New Year passed.
Gwen had spent it alone in her home.
Merlin had travelled back home to spend the holiday season with his mother.
Both Morgana and Arthur had been roped into the events at the Pendragon mansion.
“You need to talk to her,” Morgana told Arthur days before his birthday. There was only so much of the depressive bastard she could take. The last time she had seen him like this over anyone was back when they’d been at Kingswood.
Arthur didn’t answer her; “She’s beautiful. She’s funny. She’s intelligent. She can bring you down a peg or three.” For which Morgana was truly grateful for. “I don’t understand why the pair of you just won’t talk to each other. What happened that’s so traumatic that you’re throwing away the best relationship you could have? She’s so much better than the usual bimbos you bring home.”
“Are you quite finished?” Arthur snapped. She was giving him a headache. It might have been reminiscent of his hangover from the night before. He hadn’t drunk so much in quite a long time. Gwaine had been proud of him.
“No, actually, I’m not.”
“Then please, let it all out,” he said holding his head in his hand. It couldn’t get much worse with her prattling, “I’m sure it’s the more riveting argument you’ve ever had.”
Looking at him now Morgana could see that it, whatever it was, was eating at him slowly from the inside out. He didn’t need her lecturing him he already knew what she was going to tell him. All too well. She could see it in his eyes; “What happened?”
“She’s not interested.”
“Oh my god,” now she wanted to hit him around the head with his own horse riding crop; leave a mark, “are you completely blind?”
“No. Her complete lack of interest in me isn’t my imagination or me simply denying it, Morgana. She has near told me she’s not looking here for anything,” Morgana sighed at her brother’s apparent lack of inspiration towards the cause. He obviously hadn’t tried hard enough, “Can you please leave it?”
“No, Arthur. I can’t, because I know that what you’ve just said is complete shit.”
“And who told you that? Merlin?”
“Yeah.”
“No offence, Morgana, but your boyfriend speaks a lot of crap.”
“Not this time. How can I put this in a really plain way that you’ll understand?” She thought for a second rubbing her fingers over her chin, “She fucking digs you. Get the fuck out of your own arse and realise that.”
Arthur looked positively defeated. Morgana had never seen him like it; he was usually so over-confident and boarding on annoying; “Doesn’t mean a whole lot when she’s not even willing to let me kiss her.”
“So you tried?” She looked surprised and a little confused. She hadn’t expected that. She just knew something had happened just the once.
“I didn’t try,” he defended, “We both went in for it. Both times.”
“Twice? Arthur, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s none of your business.”
“Oh, Ar-thur,” she reached out and squeezed his arm, “I’m sorry. You should have said; I’d have left you alone.”
“I’m not a child, Morgana. I can deal with this myself,” he pulled his arm from her grasp and left her sitting there.
Morgana growled and hit the side cushion of the sofa, “Great job of it you’re doing so far.”
X
It had snowed heavily overnight the day term was due to start. The school had closed its door. It was considered a danger to pupils and teachers alike to have it opened. Gwen wasn’t complaining. It gave her another day to gorge on all the chocolate that Merlin had bought her for Christmas.
The snow bought panic. Merlin had been called that morning and told not to risk his health coming down the hill into work. He hadn’t argued and had adorned his boots and walked the minute to Gwen’s house in two having to take it slower.
He knocked on the front door twice and waited, his head curried in his scarf against the cold. He jumped on the spot until the door hinted at opening and he pushed in.
“Good morning to you too, Merlin,” Gwen said dryly watching him run towards her kettle and fondle it with a great pleasure, “Can I do something for you?”
“Tea. Then I’ll go into it.”
“Right,” Merlin clicked on the kettle and settled against the kitchen side. He contemplated jumping up and sitting on the counter, he only stopped himself because he knew Gwen would only pull him off anyway.
“What the fuck?” is how he decided to start.
“’What the fuck,’ what?”
“What’s going on with you?”
“Well, there’s snow, and a lot of it, so I’m at home eating chocolate and considering watching A Knight’s Tale in High Def?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then elaborate?”
“You and Arthur.”
“What about us?”
“Are you an ‘us’?”
“Clear as mud, Merlin.”
“Fucking hell, Gwen!” her eyebrows shot up into her hairline. Only rarely did Merlin swear so violently and rarer still did he shout at her, “You know exactly what I’m asking you!”
“We’re nothing.”
“Nothing? What happened to tingles and stargazing?”
“Out the window.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s not a good idea, that’s why.”
“Again I say; ‘What the fuck, Gwen?’”
“Can we not?” she snapped. She wasn’t in the mood for his prattling. Everything she wanted right now was her bed, a hot water bottle, tea and a box of celebrations that was preferably full of only Truffles and Maltesers.
“Not what? You’ve been in a bad mood for weeks. Did you even enjoy the Christmas season?” he said without thinking.
“Do I ever enjoy the Christmas season, Merlin?” she replied on the verge of tears. Merlin instantly knew he had crossed the fine line between being a caring friend and pushing her too far. Worse still, he knew that she hated Christmas and everything it brought for her, “I spent my Christmas season at the fucking cemetery, Merlin. I spent it clearing flowers and putting new ones in.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah,” she bit, “So I’m really not in the mood for this today, Merlin.”
“Sorry. Maybe…” he faltered, he’d already pushed her over the edge but what could he do? His mother still lived in Wales with his Uncle and his father lived on an oil rig in the North Sea; he couldn’t relate to her at times like this, “Maybe it’ll do you some good to share this with him?”
“He doesn’t need my problems.”
“He’d understand. Better than I could. You’ve both got your share of problems and history.”
“The orphan doesn’t need sympathy, Merlin,” she said as the first tear trailed down her cheek. For three-hundred-and-sixty days a year she managed to block on the memories, spending Christmas at her mother’s bedside as she watched her die, “I just want to carry on. Once a year I go there. I don’t need reminding of it the rest of the time.”
“Okay, I’m sorry,” Merlin pulled her into a hug and rested his chin atop her head, “Sorry.”
She cried into his shoulder, sniffing and rubbing her nose with the back of her hand, “Forgiven,” she nestled her head against his shoulder and took a deep shaky breath.
“He can help you more than I can. He knows what it’s like.”
“He never knew his mother. You don’t miss what you never had.”
“Maybe you do. Maybe it’s time you cut loose from the past and let yourself be happy. You have to stop punishing yourself for things that weren’t your fault.”
“I watched her die and there was nothing I could do about it, Merlin. My father was broken, there wasn’t anything I could do to help him. He’d never known love like that.”
“Maybe now is your chance to feel it,” Merlin said running his hand up her arm. Gwen pulled away from him and made her way to the sofa. She beckoned for him to follow - the kettle forgotten - and she started to tell him everything.
X
The party was in full swing when Arthur started to look for her. He hadn’t seen her arrive but then the door had been on the latch and he had spent a long time circulating around his riding friends and friendly-rivals in the heated conservatory. There were so many people loitering in his house that he could barely remember the names of half of them.
Gwaine was in one corner next to Lance, the latter was talking to a girl who seemed to have latched onto him whilst the former seemed to be the one doing the latching…
Arthur blew out a breath through closed lips. He saw Morgana and Merlin standing over to one side with no Gwen in sight. She wasn’t with Leon or Percy and he hadn’t seen her hanging near the other two. She wasn’t in the empty kitchen getting herself a drink and both bathrooms were unoccupied.
The rooms weren’t full enough that he risked missing her as he searched around them. She wasn’t there. It was official. She couldn’t be fucked with him anymore. It was over before it had even begun.
He was destined to spend his twenty-sixth birthday alone with a lukewarm beer sat on his kitchen counter as people partied in the room next to him without him. And he didn’t care. He was happy with that; as happy as he could be.
X
The lone figured pulled her scarf up around her ears and cuddled into her coat as the cold win took off around her. It attacked her freckled cheeks and her curly hair whipping it into her face; “What do I do, Daddy?” she said to the air surrounding her looking up at the sky as she stood in the middle of the darkened and deserted cemetery, “What do I do? What do I say?
“He’s given me so much and he doesn’t ask for anything. He listens to me and he takes all in. He took me stargazing, Daddy, just like you used to. We sat there there looking at the stars drawing pictures and laughing at the stupidity of it all. He reminded me so much of you then, Dad, he really did. He made me laugh which saved me from crying at the memory of you. I don’t know what to tell him. I’ve never told anybody about what happened with you and with Mum. Nobody but Merlin. But he was the only person I had when you died.
“I’ve already lost so much. I don’t know if I can handle losing anything else. Any word from you or Mum, anything you can give me I’d be grateful for,” Gwen laughed at herself through her tears, “Now I’m asking the stars for advice. Nice one Gwen. Feeling a little like Simba,” she wiped her tears away and looked down at the pair of matching headstones, “Why’d you leave me? Both of you? I need you now. I need you to tell me what to do. But you can’t. God, I’m going to lose him too; I know it. The life I have now; it’s nothing without him. Six months ago I would never have said that.
“I guess I have to sort this out on my own. I love you.”
X
Arthur pulled open the tack room, it hadn’t been locked and nor did anybody usually knock. He briefly wondered who it could be; Morgana would walk right in and he hadn’t arranged to meet with any of the others. He frowned; there were no vans outside so it wasn’t a delivery man. Through the window he saw a mop of black hair.
He pulled open the door, “Morgana’s not here,” he said wearily, unsure of why else Merlin might possibly be waiting outside the tack room and in the farmyard. He let the male pass him into the tack room without argument.
“I know,” he didn’t seem entirely serious but the look on his face confused Arthur, crossed between concern and amusement.
“Right, so you’re here because?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Bit late for that Merlin. I do know you’re digging on my sister. She does talk to me you know,” he rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger, “Even though sometimes I wish she wouldn’t.”
“Not about that. I wouldn’t talk to you about that. That’s too weird.”
“Right?”
“I want to talk about Gwen. I know you kissed.”
“We didn’t kiss.”
“Nearly, whatever. Are you going to do something about it?”
“I tried. She didn’t want to know.”
“Yes she does.”
“I tried.”
“Obviously not hard enough,” it had been a good two months since Gwen’s birthday. They’d gone out as a group plenty of times but the two of them avoided each other more. They didn’t look at each other; they would stop talking if the other looked like they might start to contribute to the conversation. Gwen had started to talk to Gwaine and Lance more than ever and Merlin could see it vividly that Arthur didn’t like it; “Gwen doesn’t do this very often.”
“Do what?”
“Men,” Arthur raised a solo eyebrow at him. Merlin rolled his eyes at him, “Relationships,” he clarified, “She gets nervous. She throws herself into her work. Away from people.”
“Right?” Arthur’s brow knitted, he knew why Merlin was telling him all this; he just didn’t understand why. This, if it was anything, wasn’t any of his and Morgana’s business. Arthur folded his arms across his chest. Was this Merlin’s way of telling him to do something about it now? If it was, he just needed to say so.
“What I’m saying is: you’ll going to have to go to her. She likes you. She just needs to know you like her back before she does anything about it,” Merlin picked up one of the photos off of the pin-board on the wall and smiled at it. It was of the four of them at the Rugby match all those months ago. Life was simple then, Merlin though for all of a second before he realised that, no, it wasn’t. That was when things were on the right track, not simple, “Gwen’s lost a lot in her life. She doesn’t want to lose anyone else. So if you do talk to her don’t mess her around. If you go into this, you’re in it for keeps.”
“What is this, the M&M Intervention brigade?”
Merlin laughed, “Pretty much. Talk to her.”
Arthur considered Merlin for a moment, “I won’t get any rest until I do something about it, will I?” Morgana had bugged him a few more times about it. He could have sworn than she had enlisted Gwaine on her quest too. Maybe Gwaine was doing it for his own good, if Arthur wasn’t going in for it he could and not feel so bad about it knowing Arthur wasn’t doing anything about it.
“Not in the slightest.”
“Okay.”
Arthur grabbed his keys and jacket from the workbench and headed out of the tack room, leaving Merlin standing in the middle of the room on his own. He clicked his tongue against the top of his mouth and swung his arms by his sides. He’d never been at the yard on his own before. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He could go and say hello to the horses or he could go home.
He chose the former. They were always easier to talk to than Arthur anyway.
X
For years Guinevere Leodegrance hadn’t had a soul to go girly shopping with. Her friends at university had either been male or not inclined to a good shop (if they were they were looking for the wrong sort of shops.)
She had agreed to shopping with Morgana when Merlin had begged her not to take him along. He wasn’t a shopper and he never would be. It didn’t bother Gwen, Morgana was good company and maybe she could get more information out of Morgana about her relationship with Merlin than he was giving her.
“Enough of me,” Morgana said after an hour as she flicked through the sale rack in Republic, “What’s going on with you?”
“January sales,” Gwen deflected as she pulled a top from the rack and help it to her. Morgana shook her head and she replaced it, she was right, it wasn’t that nice, “I don’t know. Life’s just eating at me. Work is busy and Christmas is never a good time for me.”
“Merlin said,” Gwen glared at her, intended for Merlin, and looked into the rack, “He didn’t say why and I’m not going to ask because it is none of my business. When you choose to tell me then I’ll listen. He just mentioned that you didn’t like Christmas and it wasn’t a subject you liked to talk about. But I’m here for you if you need me, Gwen. For anything. Even if you want to complain about my brother. Just no gory details.”
“There are no details to tell.”
“I know something happened.”
“I thought you might. Merlin’s been on my case.”
“Arthur said you nearly kissed and that it wasn’t entirely one-sided,” Morgana probed stopping her search for fashion must-haves and looking at Gwen through sympathetic eyes.
“He’d be right.”
“So what happened?”
“I’m not in the right place.”
“Just so you know; he is in love with you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I’m his sister. He’s tells me everything; I know that.”
“I know it could work, but I just-“
“History, I know. Give it time,” Morgana smiled reassuringly at her and reached into the rack, “Here, have this. Maybe you should go out in it one night this week and have good time. Perhaps on Wednesday with me and Merlin at that French place he likes?”
“Maybe I should,” Gwen took the garment from her best friend’s girlfriend and help it up to her, “Little short?”
“With legs like yours nothing is too short.”
X
When Gwen got back to her flat with several bags of shopping in her hands that night she was greeted with a rose taped to her front door with a small note attached to it.
She looked at it and sceptically pulled the note from its place perched behind the stem.
Sorry I missed you.
I always miss you.
I’ll see you soon.
Won’t watch the stars without you.
xxx
Gwen chewed on the side of her lip and unstuck the rose from her door. She lifted it to her face and smelt the petals. There were no thorns on the stem and each petal was perfect.
p.s. you can’t fake perfection,
there is only what is and what isn’t.
You always leave me breathless.
She smelt the rose again, running her fingers over the petals. She chewed on her lip but slowly her face broke into a grin.
X
“Hi, Gwen, it’s Morgana. I forgot you were teaching now, but me and Merlin have booked a table for tonight, we thought it would be nice to all go out for a meal together. Have some good wine and really make the most of it. Anyway, the table’s at eight at the French place on Milsom Street. See you later,” she hung up and smiled at the male sat next to her on her sofa.
“You are an evil, evil woman.”
“I do try.”
“Will it work?”
“Not if you don’t phone Arthur.”
“Why have I got to do it?”
“Just do it.”
“Yes M’am.”
Merlin fished his phone out of his pocket, hit a few buttons and held it to his ear. He sat for a few seconds before Morgana held a voice on the other end of the line, “Arthur? It’s Merlin. Yeah, not bad. You? Yeah, cool. Me and Morgana have a table booked at Café Rouge on Milsom Street for eight. Yeah, for the four of us. See you there. Yeah. Yeah, she’s coming,” Merlin smirked at Morgana, “Yeah, see you later. Bye,” he hung up, “Like taking candy from a baby.”
X
Gwen stood waiting outside of the restaurant wrapped up tightly in her winter coat and scarf. Her hands were shoved deep into her pockets. Her hair splayed over her shoulders, keeping her ears warm. Her nose tinged red from the cold; skin cold to the touch. She looked down the street towards the main town and back up towards the main road. She caught a glimpse of a broad set figure walking towards her, the street lamps and Christmas lights reflecting off of his blonde hair. The figure waved at her. Gwen relaxed and waved back.
At least now she wouldn’t be completely alone.
“Hey,” he greeted from a few metres away, quickly taking the last few steps to her.
“Hi,” she smiled back and looked up the street again, “Are Merlin and Morgana not with you?” she asked checking her watch. Arthur was already late. Gwen knew Merlin, he was an on time type (at least when he made plans, other times he just turned up).
“I thought they’d be here already. Said they were going out before hand and would meet us here,” he shrugged, “I don’t know about you,” he said with a slight tug at the corner of his mouth as he looked her up and down, “But I’m bloody freezing. Shall we go get the table and they can join us when they get here?”
“I think that’s a great idea.”
Gwen followed him through the door to the restaurant; he held it for her, ever the gentlemen. She thanked him and headed towards the waiter that stood by the bar. He welcomed her with a smile and started up the usual drivel in an awful French accent.
“We’ve got a table booked.”
“For deux?”
“Four, thanks,” the waiter looked down at the page.
“What name?”
“Pendragon?” Gwen questioned looking up at Arthur who shrugged.
“I assume so.”
“Ze only Pendragon I have is for two.”
“Emrys?”
“None for Emrys.”
“Right,” Gwen chuckled, rolled her eyes and turned to look up at Arthur who looked nonplussed, “My mistake.”
The waiter grabbed two menus and led them to a secluded table in the corner. He pulled out the chair for Gwen and pushed it back in for her as she sat, “Thank you,” she said as he handed her the menu.
“Is this some sort of joke?” Arthur said looking down at the menu before discarding it on the table, “Did Merlin call you?”
“Morgana.”
“I should have known.”
“We might as well eat now we’re here. They went through so much trouble after all,” she said looking more than amused. Arthur returned her smile and picked the menu back up, “What shall we get to drink?”
“Bottle of white?”
“Sure,” the waiter came back, almost as if he could sense their thoughts and took their drinks order. Shortly returning with a stand and ice bucket and two wine glasses along with the bottle of the most expensive bottle of white wine on the list, “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it.”
“No-“
“Yes. I know your views on paying lots of money for good wine.”
“I pay money for good wine. I just don’t have money to waste on good wine.”
Arthur poured out half a glass for each of them and set the bottle into the ice bucket, “Is that so? Well tonight’s my treat. Morgana would hang and quarter me if she knew I’d let you pay.”
X
Two figures sat on small swing set in the middle of a park that they had come across on their way home. The blonde male had seen his companion’s face light up when she had seen it. He’d taken a detour towards the park and she’d followed his lead without question. He held the gate of the small park for her and traced her footsteps as she walked over to the swings.
They swung high to the sky and back again for a long while; the early spring air whipping at their faces. The two of them smiled from ear to ear and gradually slowed their pace.
“When I was fourteen my Mum died. She got pneumonia and didn’t make it over Christmas. I watched her die at home because she refused treatment. She didn’t want a fake life full of tubes and didn’t want heroic measures so they gave up. They said we could take her home so she was more comfortable but said she wouldn’t make it to New Year and they were right.
“A couple of years later my Dad started having problems with his heart. He had one heart attack and was fine. We thought that was it then six months later he had another one and didn’t come back out of hospital. They’d thought he would be okay but he had a secondary attack whilst he was in A+E. They came and told me he was dead and I didn’t believe them. I ended up running off to find him and when I did he was pale and not breathing. He had tubes coming out everywhere from where they’d tried everything and it hadn’t worked.
“I was on my own,” Arthur had stopped swinging as he’d listened to her stories. She was still gently rocking back and forth and staring at the sky, “For a week I locked myself in my room. I didn’t tell Merlin. I pretended it was all okay. I even left for the weekend like I was going home to see him.
“Merlin clocked something was wrong and came by. He found me sat in the middle of my Dad’s floor crying. All he did was hug me for an hour and then I told him. The words ‘he’s dead’ finally left my lips. It was finally time to face the music. My whole family had left me. I was on my own.”
Arthur looked on in silence as tears built up in the corners of her eyes. He gently placed his hand on her knee and squeezed in reassurance; “You’re never on your own.”
“I had Merlin and that was it. He did so much for me. I loved him. He was the brother I never had. He took me home again and put me to bed with a hot water bottle and a box of tissues. He sat with me all night and just held me as I needed it. There are only so many times you can lose without breaking down.”
“You don’t need to explain yourself to me; I understand.”
Gwen smiled meekly at him and brushed her tears away with the back of her hand, “You and Morgana,” she started with a change of tone, “you act like there’s nothing between you. You’re blood and that’s it. You’d do anything for her.”
“I grew up believing she was my sister. And she is. I fell off a swing when I was nine and I broke my elbow and cut a massive gash on my forehead. Before she got Sophia to take me to the hospital she cleaned me up and made sure my head wasn’t bleeding too badly. Thenyou know that?”
“I listen.”
“Thank you.”
“What for?”
“Listening.”
“You could talk all day about accountancy and I’d listen because it was you talking to me.”
Gwen let out a small chuckled and kept his eye contact, “Thanks?”
“You bring out the best of me, apparently. So Morgana tells me.”
“You weren’t that bad before, I’m sure.”
“You have too much faith in people.”
“Sometimes that was all I had.”
“Not anymore,” Gwen allowed herself a grateful smile, one that he returned, “Let’s go back.”
“Oh, sure. I’ve got an early start tom-“
“No,” he interrupted, “I mean with us.”
“We’ve already started again once.”
“This time it’s more of a step back a few paces. Go back to stargazing and holding your hand,” he reached out to the chain that Gwen was holding as she had been flying through the air and wrapped his fingers around hers. She dropped her hand from the cold metal and took his hand in hers, “There’s more to life than complicated relationships; let’s make it simple. We’re two people who like each other a lot. We’re two people with hopeless amounts of baggage. You’re the girl who ran me over and stole my heart,” it was his turn to blush and look at the floor, “Not many people can claim that.”
“Not many people can try to, I imagine,” with a chuckle Arthur shook his head and admitted that she was correct. Nobody else could claim it because nobody else had done it and wee unlikely to.
“So, how does that sound?”
“Like a good idea,” he looked up at her again. There was no smile on his lips but a look in his eye as he studied her features in the darkness.
The pair of the stood simultaneously headed for the exit of the park without a word to the other and without letting go of the other’s hand. It was only a five minute walk to Gwen’s flat from the park and they walked the majority of it in silence until they reached the end of her road.
“How does one end a first date?”
“I don’t know,” she said with a pink tinge to her cheeks. It had been a while since she’d been on one.
“Confirmation of a second, perhaps.”
“I’ll call you.”
“If I don’t hear from you I’ll take the message.”
“I’ll call you,” he stooped and kissed her gently on the cheek.
“Thanks for tonight,” he said with his mouth still by her ear as he rasped the words at barely more than a whisper; “Thanks for trusting me.”
“I always trusted you,” she said as he lingered next to her. Her warm breath tickled his ear as she spoke and heated his cheek reminding him of the close proximity to her lips and he backed away.
“Don’t be offended when I say I didn’t trust you. You did hit me with your car.”
“Yeah I did,” she laughed, “Thank you for bringing that up,” she said cheerily as they entered her building and climbed the stairs with speed.
“I’ll see you soon, Guinevere,” he let go out her hand letting her open the front door of her flat without having the jungle with her keeps in her left hand.
She gave a small wave as she turned to face him standing in her doorway, “Bye Arthur.”
X
Continued in part b HERE