Choices (Part Six)
Title: Choices
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17 for violence and overall themes.
Word Count: 25K+
Warning: Slavery, mentions of past rape, past non-con/dub-con, torture,
Summary: Jensen Ackles was a man on the run. Sure, his name was revered by the Sentient Android Rights Movement, but he was just another face in a sea of J-N_S56s. He had won his freedom in a court of law, but his previous Mistress and Master cared little for the law. Jensen had been on the run for almost ten years and he'd stayed free because he was smart and kept to himself.
When Jensen met Jared, he tossed him out the door as soon as he could. Jared wasn't pushed away so easily though. Jared came back but unfortunately, so did Jensen's former mistress. On the run with Jared at his side, Jensen struggles with his emotions, and the fear that his programming might be taking over. Jared is far more tempting than anything Jensen has ever faced. How can he keep them both safe when he's fighting with himself while on the run from the people who want to put him back in a gilded cage?
**
Jensen bought himself a new truck. He went back to the RV lot and bought the one he’d stolen after explaining the situation to the owner. Jensen paid more to keep it quiet than he did for the trailer itself but he couldn’t blame the man for wanting to call the cops instead of settle.
He stopped at the diner Jared had liked and ate lunch before he went to the grocery store. It was almost dark by the time he pulled into the camping site.
The trailer had been searched by someone but nothing had been taken. Jensen put away his groceries and set his bags on the bed. Then he went to settings things right in the trailer. He made sure everything was plugged back into the site properly and then went in and took a long hot shower.
Water stung at the exposed edges of the physioplast and Jensen thought he should probably try to heal it himself but he didn’t have the energy to do that yet. Instead, he stepped out of the shower and didn’t even bother to dry off. He stepped into the room, pushed the bags off the bed, and slept.
**
Jensen didn’t get out of bed for two days. He might not need to sleep as much as a human did, but his mind wouldn’t shut down and everything that had happened in the past ten years kept backtracking into his thoughts. His brain tried to explain everything away, but it had never been designed to deal with emotional input. Sometimes Jensen felt like a toddler, learning not to cry over spilled milk, but he knew this was so much more than that.
He didn’t force himself out of bed until the third day. He showered and fixed himself a sandwich when his stomach rumbled and reminded him that he did actually need to eat to keep himself performing at optimal levels.
He walked out along the trails he’d walked with Jared and tried to focus on the time they’d had together. He spent far too much time with his memories of their last night in the trailer but he didn’t think Jared would blame him for that.
He had no idea what to do with his life now. He’d spent so much time on the run that he’d never thought of what to do if he ever managed to get away. Other than some specific things - a home of his own, someone that he could love - he’d never thought about the rest. Or he’d been too afraid to.
Jensen knew how to hide. He knew how to run. He was a good thief and he could hotwire cars. He could flirt his way in and out of just about any situation. He knew how to read people, knew how to be an amazing lover by observing their reactions. He had no idea what to do with his skills, other than the obvious.
Over the years he’d taken all sorts of work to get by. From manual labor to sales to short order cook, he’d taken whatever he could. Now he had a life to figure out and no way to start. Again, he felt like a human child. So much of what he should know how to do, he was incapable of. Humans went to school and learned and became what they wanted. But how did they decide what they wanted? At his core, Jensen was made to make people happy. He didn’t know how to make himself happy. It was never a consideration in his design model.
What was it Jared had said? “They didn’t design your model to age well but you look better now than you did off the factory line”
“Well, they didn’t design me to have emotions either, Jared, but I’ve managed them. What else do you think I can figure out that were outside of my maker’s intentions?” he spoke to himself but he could hear Jared as clearly as if he were there, telling Jensen to take care of himself and to do what he needed to do.
It was almost a week before it finally happened. Jensen stepped out of the shower and heard something heavy drop in the bedroom. He wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped out of the bathroom and threw open the bedroom door.
“Jared?”
Jared smiled at him, though he looked a little worse for wear. Jensen could see the dark lines under his eyes and there was something haunted in the way he looked at Jensen. Before he could say anything else, Jared had crossed the room had his arms around Jensen.
“Jensen, I wasn’t sure you’d be here,” he whispered against Jensen’s ear.
“Where else would I go?” Jensen asked. He kept hold of Jared as he backed them up to the bed. He eased them both down onto it. He stripped Jared of his clothes thought Jared struggled at first when he thought Jensen was going to walk out of arms reach.
When they were undressed Jensen pulled Jared under the blankets with him. He didn’t know what had happened to Jared but he knew he needed sleep and that at least he could do for him. At least, like this, Jensen felt he could help.
Jared shuddered against him when he settled with his head over Jensen’s heart. “You know, all three series that became sentient have their hearts in the same place as a human? None of the others do. I used to think my father did it because he wanted you to be sentient.”
“I don’t think that was the rationale behind it,” Jensen said softly as he ran a hand up and down Jared’s back.
“No, but I was a child.”
“What happened to you Jared?”
He let out a small laugh but it was tinged with hysteria. “I just can’t sleep. I keep … I see her in my dreams. And then she becomes you and you’re dead and I can’t help you because all I have are the keys to the truck and the reset trigger.”
“Jesus, Jared. I’m okay. I’m right here. Now let me take care of you and go to sleep.”
“Programming or you really want to?” Jared asked bitterly. It hurt Jensen to hear Jared’s tone and he couldn’t help that his honest answer was just as bitter.
“Both.”
**
Jensen woke to the feel of Jared’s fingers against his exposed metal.
“I need to fix this,” Jared said quietly.
“I know.”
They didn’t say anything else. Jared crawled out of bed and Jensen saw the box of parts that must have been the bump he’d heard the night before. Jensen sat up in bed and watched as Jared got the right parts and tools out.
“I need you to turn off your pain receptors. The deep ones,” he said sadly.
Jensen knew why he was worried. Jensen couldn’t turn them all off like some models could and the repairs that Jared needed to make would be painful.
“Alcohol?” Jared asked.
“I’d rather not today.”
Jared didn’t look happy about it but he didn’t force anything on Jensen either. Instead, he began the delicate work of repairing Jensen’s throat. Jensen had to lie on the floor before it was over but the floor of the trailer was still nicer than the expensive bed that had hung from a ceiling.
“Ok, now keep your eyes closed,” Jared said as he moved on to work on the flesh of Jensen’s face. It hurt more than Jensen wanted to admit. The physioplast and organic flesh were self-sealing but the edges had sealed when Jensen didn’t repair them quickly enough. Jared had to sear the edges to allow the self-healing process to start. His throat had hurt, but it was nothing compared to the burn on his face.
Jensen grit his teeth through most of it, ripped a hole in the carpet with his fingers, and nearly fried his sensors. Again.
He blacked out completely when Jared had to replace his eye.
When he woke, Jared helped him back to the bed and he feel into deep sleep again.
**
He woke the next morning with Jared in his arms. He could feel Jared’s hands as they ran over his chest. It was so peaceful Jensen didn’t want to wake just yet. He needed to see Jared though so he opened his eyes. It took a moment for the scene to clear up as his new eye adjusted but when his vision cleared Jared smiled down at him.
“Hey,” Jared said softly.
Jensen smiled back at him. “Hey. You’re looking better.”
Jared sighed. “Just needed to get some sleep. Needed to know that you were okay.”
“I am,” Jensen said. “Mostly. I still … I don’t know what to do with myself now, but I’m okay. I will be.”
“And us?” Jared asked.
Jensen’s smile grew. “Better than okay,” he said as he brought Jared’s head down to his and kissed him slowly.
Jared deepened the kiss and this was all Jensen needed. He didn’t know if he could have this forever but there was nothing to stand in his way now. No fear of Morgan or Harris to stop him from giving them a chance.
When Jared’s hands moved slowly down his body, Jensen moaned against his lips. Jared’s hand gripped his cock and Jensen arched up into him.
“Gonna make you feel so good, Jensen,” Jared whispered against his ear. “Make you want me and only me.”
Jensen’s laugh was breathless as Jared moved his hand faster. “Only want you, Jared,” he admitted. “Please, I need you.”
“What do you need, Jensen?” Jared’s hand slowed and Jensen looked into Jared’s eyes.
“I need you inside me,” he begged. “I need to know I’m yours and you’re mine. I choose this. I choose you.”
Jared surged against his lips and Jensen pulled him over top of him. He wanted to feel the weight of Jared over him, holding him down, grounding him.
Jared kissed him until he was breathless and then he slid down Jensen’s body. Jensen sat up on his elbows as he watched Jared take his cock into his mouth. He moaned at the sight as much as the feeling. Jensen felt the press of Jared’s fingers at his entrance and he relaxed into the feel of it.
“Jensen, I don’t have anything-“
“I’m a masochist Jared, a little pain won’t hurt me,” he reminded him. It was the first time he’d ever been grateful that he had that specific switch flipped but when Jared pressed two fingers into him he damn near came from the sensation.
“Fuck, Jared, now, please,” he begged.
Jared smiled up at Jensen, but he wrapped his lips round Jensen again and sucked him down as he continued to open Jensen up. He wanted to come but he refused to give in to the urge. Jared continued to pump his fingers in and out until a third and fourth were added. Jensen wanted to scream because he wasn’t going to be able to control himself if Jared kept up his ministrations but then Jared pulled his fingers away. He didn’t ask Jensen if he was ready which was a good thing because Jensen might have punched him on principle.
Jared lined himself up and thrust slow and sure into Jensen’s body. He keened at the feel of Jared inside him, thick and heavy and god Jensen needed to taste him when this was all over. Jared let out a shaky breath when he was buried in Jensen. He closed his eyes and Jensen reached up to touch his face. Jared opened his eyes and lowered himself to Jensen.
His kiss was slow and lazy and so unlike what Jensen had expected. He knew though, this wasn’t a quick fuck to get off. This wasn’t him being used by someone. This was why people called it making love.
Jensen ran his hands over Jared’s back then, rolled his hips just enough to make Jared groan. Jensen loved the sound of it so he moved again.
“Jensen,” Jared whispered.
“Yours,” Jensen said as he kissed Jared.
“Always. Gonna take care of you Jensen. Never let you forget how much I love you,” Jared answered.
He pulled his hips back slowly and his thrust in was just as torturously slow. “Fuck, Jared.”
Jared laughed as he bent to kiss Jensen again. They made love for hours and Jared only stopped touching Jensen when he demanded they get up to eat. Jensen would have been all too happy to skip some meals but he needed to take care of Jared.
That night, when they lie in bed, sleep about to take them, Jared finally began to talk. “So, what do you plan to do now?”
Jensen closed his eyes and squirmed back at little more into Jared’s body behind him. Jared’s arms tightened around his waist and Jensen couldn’t help but smile. “I don’t know. I told you before, a little house somewhere on the beach. I have money from the lawsuit. It’s enough to get my house and keep me going until I figure things out.”
“A beach, huh? California?”
Jensen nodded. “I lived there for a while. Hiding. It was in the beginning when I didn’t know better. Just a sleepy little town no one has ever heard of before, but it was almost like a home to me.”
“Sounds nice. Cosy.”
“Yeah. Perfect for two.”
“Two dogs?”
“Two people.”
“Oh. You know, I have two dogs.” Jensen laughed at the image of Jared and his dogs and wondered if maybe there was room in his dream house for all of them.
**
Jared left before Jensen woke the next morning. There was a note at his bedside and Jared read it quickly to assure himself that Jared was alright. Jensen hadn’t expected Jared to leave but he wasn’t surprised by it either. Neither of them was in a good place and as much as Jensen loved Jared, he wasn’t able to say it yet.
He needed to get his life in order and figure out what to do with it before he could ask Jared to stick around.
He got up and got in the shower then and when he was done he looked in the mirror for the first time since she’d mangled his face. He looked at himself in the mirror and there wasn’t even a scar to tell where he’d been ripped open. It was Jared’s skill - Jensen knew that. He didn’t care if he was scarred but it was nice to look in the mirror and see his face staring back at him.
He was metal underneath, but he didn’t think he was any different from a human in that. Would they want to look at their skull instead of the face they knew? It may be vanity, but he wasn’t alone in it and it wasn’t a Sentient Android trait either.
He cleaned himself up and got dressed, then ate the breakfast Jared had left for him in the fridge. He cleaned up the mess he’d made, cleaned up the trailer entirely, before he went out and disconnected it from the site. He hooked the trailer back up to the truck and then drove away. He didn’t need to hide anymore. He wasn’t sure where he was headed, but he would find a way to make himself the sort of person that was worthy of someone’s love.
**
Jensen sat in a corner booth of the coffee shop. There were two Starbucks within a block but this place had more of a homey feel and Jensen liked that it was busy but never so full he couldn’t find a seat.
A new program started on the television on the wall across from him and Jensen watched as a special on the 10th anniversary of the Sentient Android Rights Movement began. Newscasters and activists talked about the importance of the android who first came forward and sued for his freedom. They spoke of his bravery and courage in the face of adversity. They talked about his kidnapping and captivity and the case against his former Master. They wished him luck, wherever he was and Jensen was about to ask the woman behind the counter to turn the station when Jared’s face come on the screen next to a newscaster.
“Ladies and gentleman, I am sitting next to the reclusive Jared Padalecki, CEO of Rockbell Robotics. You don’t do public appearances often. Why are you coming out today?”
“Ten years ago today, the first sentient android was declared a free man by the courts. It started a wake of law suits and inquiries until every S56, S57, S58 , and S59 was freed. To many people, the fight ended there but the reality is that Sentient Androids are still fighting for their rights and we need to support them.”
“You think things should have been done differently?”
“The thing people need to remember is that when Rockbell Robotics began to make specialized androids, there was no plan to make a sentient being. Our founder, my grandfather, was a roboticist who saw a market and wanted to fill it. When the S series came along, no one had any idea this would happen. Who could have believed that something we made with a metal body and a computer for a brain could develop emotions? No one could have predicted that.” Jared told the camera.
“And what is the role of Rockbell Robotics in the rights movement?” the newscaster asked.
“I’m afraid to say in my father’s time, it wasn’t much. As a scientist he didn’t believe that androids could become sentient. No matter how many times we have proven its truth. When the S56, S57, S58, and S59 were deemed sentient and could no longer be property, Rockbell donated money to charities to help their cause but it wasn’t enough. I’m very proud of the involvement we’ve had since I took over the company.”
So. That was why Jared could do what he wanted to do. It made sense now. Knowing Jared as he did, it made sense that his lover had thrown himself into the thick of things with the people he thought needed him the most.
“And now, I’m happy to let everyone know that we are working with SA Advocates to open shelters across the country for any Sentient Android who is abused or scared or just needs help trying to turn their life around. There will be free housing, free counseling, free legal advice, and free help to any Sentient Android who needs healing.”
“Healing?” The newscaster asked.
“You fix a machine, Ms. Martin,” Jared answered the newscaster. “You heal a person. What has happened in our lifetime is a miracle and I urge all of you to be more aware of what’s happening in the world. Sentient Androids are just the latest in a line of civil movements that have come about because we try to put down what is different. The truth is, we’re all a little different but we’re all a little the same too. We can choose to embrace our differences and learn to take strength from them, or we can choose to hurt others whose only crime is to be different than us. I urge you all to embrace this.”
“You seem very genuine, Mr. Padalecki. Does this come from your work with Sentient Androids?”
Jared smiled down at his hands. “I was raised by a Sentient Android. I loved her and she died protecting me. Before the Sentient Android had begun, I already knew they could feel. My involvement in the movement began because of her. Now, there are more reasons.”
“Mr. Padalecki?”
“I’ve spent the last three years in the field, meeting with Sentient Androids who needed our help. While I was doing that, I met someone. Someone intelligent and charming, jaded by the system but willing to risk his life to help a person he barely knew. He changed my life and I am very much in love with him.”
“An advocate from the Sentient Android movement?” She asked.
Jensen could see she was thrilled about the personal tone the interview had taken. Once Jensen was free he’d done some research into Jared but he hadn’t been able to find much. Jared was very much the recluse she claimed he was.
“No, a Sentient Android. We had some … adventures together … and we grew close. He’s struggled too much just to be free. I’ve never wanted anyone to feel the kind of fear he lived in but having shared a bit of his world, I know that my role in the rights movement is just as important now as when I first began. We are all sentient beings. As Yoda said, ‘Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.’ It is our spirits that matter, not what we are made of. So be kind to others. It’s the least we can give of ourselves and what matters the most in the end.”
The program turned to others then and Jensen closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh.
“That was an interesting bit there.”
Jensen opened his eyes to see Detective Jim Beaver slide into the booth opposite him.
“Detective.”
Jim smiled as the girl behind the counter brought over his coffee. Jensen didn’t say anything as Jim took a drink.
“If nothing else, I’m glad to have met you just for the coffee,” Jim said with a smile.
Jensen let out a short laugh. “I am partial to it.”
“You still determined to do this?” Jim asked.
Jensen nodded.
“Even after what he just said on national television?”
“Why would that change anything?”
“Jared being in love with you doesn’t change anything?”
Jensen shook his head. “Do you think I needed an evening broadcast to know how Jared felt? I’m an android, not a rock, and Jared wears his heart on his sleeve.”
Jim smiled fondly. “That he does. Knew you were gonna be trouble as soon as he started to talk about you.”
“Not my fault. I kicked him out of my apartment the first time we met. Don’t know why he came back.”
“Yeah you do.”
“Yeah, I do now. Back then, I had no clue.”
“Alright, so here is what I have. It’s not a lot but I think with your skill set you should be able to handle it.”
Jensen took the file Jim handed him and opened it up.
It was time to get to work.
**
Jensen took a deep breath of the ocean breeze as he closed the mailbox and walked back to the house. It was almost time for sunset and Jensen was glad he’d made it home for it. It wasn’t a lot, but there was something decadent about being able to enjoy the sunset. There was no need to look over his shoulder, no need to worry about who might see him. It was just a chance to relax and unwind. It might be a bit lonely but Jensen had grown used to that in the last six months.
He’d bought the house four months ago with money from his first trial with Morgan and Harris. In the last trial, the courts had awarded Jensen more money, including the house he’d been held captive in. He’d donated it to SA Advocates as a shelter for Sentient Androids. Last he’d heard they’d turned the mansion upside down. The only room that was untouched was his own. The gilded cage still hung from the ceiling and videos documented Jensen’s life there. He’d talked to the advocates a long time before he allowed it, but they used the room as a way to show people just what some of them went through. Jensen’s abuse was well documented but he hadn’t been the only one. It was a way to gain support for people who didn’t know, and at times a way for others to know they weren’t alone in their struggles.
The house he had now was nothing like the opulent halls of the Morgan house. It was a moderately sized two bedroom house. He’d made an office in one room after he’d started to make some headway with his newly established business. He might have to get a real office someday but so far it worked out that he could do most of his business at the coffee shop in the small town. Jim wasn’t adverse to the drive every few days and if something came up there was always email and phone calls.
Jensen had pulled the carpets up when he bought the place because they reminded him of his cage so the place gleamed with honey colored wood. The walls were sage green and Jensen still had a lot of work to do before it was done. He’d bought a large screen television for the living room and a couch and chair that reminded him of the RV. He had basic furniture for most of the rooms. Although, it was all very close to the furniture in the RV if he thought about it. He tried hard not to.
It was a start. There were a few things that made it home. Things that Jensen had started to pick up as he traveled. There was a painting Jensen had picked up at an art festival of a forest clearing that reminded him of one of the hiking spots Jared had liked.
There was a bookshelf in the sitting room with all Jensen’s favorite books, along with some he’d picked up just for the hell of it.
Jensen walked past the sitting room and down the hall to drop the mail in the office. One was a letter from Morgan. He’d written Jensen a letter a week since he’d been incarcerated. Jensen’s therapist asked him why he read them but he wasn’t ready to answer her yet. He wanted to burn them when they came, but he never did. This one would sit on his desk for a few days before curiosity burned deep enough that Jensen would cave and open it. Morgan would talk about life in prison and how much he hated it. He would talk about his growing understanding of what he’d done to Jensen and how wrong it was. He never mentioned his other crimes, but
Jensen didn’t think Morgan really did understand. If he did, he’d never make Jensen relive it with his written word every week.
The other letter was a paycheck from the police department. Jim Beaver had gotten him hired as a contract P.I. With the Sentient Android Rights Movement celebrating its anniversary, things had picked up again and there were far more people that wanted to find the missing someone in their life. Jared’s public announcement of his feelings for Jensen had given rise to slew of celebrities who took up the cause and admitted their own involvement with Sentient Androids.
Being a Sentient Android, the people who really were looking for a loved one felt he would handle it with discretion and the care that they needed. Jensen felt useful and he had the chance to pay Jim back for the way he’d come to Jared’s rescue when they’d been captured.
Jim and Jensen never talked about Jared, but he was always there in their conversations. Jensen sighed as he walked out of the office and towards the back of the house. He opened the sliding door out back and looked out over the ocean. The deck was fairly large with a stair to the left that led to a side yard. Jensen wanted his privacy and he’d bought the abandoned lot next door. It was a wild yard but after the cultivated gardens of Morgan’s house, Jensen wanted to let it grow. He wasn’t sure what he’d do yet. There was a nice long stretch that would make a great kennel if he ever got a dog or two. At the bottom of the steps was a gate that led to the beach.
Jensen chose to stay on the deck tonight and he let the salty air fill his nostrils. He closed his eyes and let go of the stress of the day.
“That’s quite a view.”
Jensen stilled.
He felt a body behind him, felt arms wrapped around his waist to pull him back and Jensen melted into the man behind him.
“I like the house,” Jared whispered in his ear.
“Yeah?” Jensen asked.
“Like the ocean,” Jared said next.
“Yeah?”
“Mostly,” Jared said as he turned Jensen around in his arms, “I just like you.”
“Prove it,” Jensen said.
Jared laughed but he kissed Jensen even as he did.
Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared’s waist and held on tightly. It’s been more than seven months since he’d seen Jared. There was no communication between them, no letters or phone calls. Jensen lived in the trailer until he’d bought the house and then he’d driven it to Jared’s house, left the keys on Jared’s doorstep, and walked away. A month later, he’d returned to slip an envelope under Jared’s door. No note again, but a key and an address. Jared had never used it until now.
“Why now?” Jensen pulled away to ask. He looked up at Jared and as much as he wanted to drown in the other man, he needed to know.
“You said … you chose me once. It mattered that it was your choice and not your programming. That mattered to me too. When this was all done, when I was released from the police I was consumed with you. And then I didn’t know if it was my choice or not. I didn’t know if these horrible things had conditioned me so that I had no choice but to love you. When I found you in the trailer, I wanted to believe that I loved you. When I woke the next morning, I knew I had to go to be sure. I had to go so we could both be sure.”
“Jared-“
“And you left the trailer to me and I knew you had moved on so I went to see Jim and he told me what you’d been up to. I was so damn proud of you Jensen, and I wanted to tell you but I had to know it was for the right reasons. Then you sent me the keys to the house and I knew you had made your choice again. It was time for me to make mine. And I did, but I’m the CEO of a company and somehow my announcement about the Sentient Android Rights Movement sort of made me a figurehead so I had to take time to find a way to move my responsibilities to California or to delegate them to someone else. So I made my choice, but it just took a little time to make it happen.”
“You chose me.”
“I did. I do. I always will. I love you Jensen.”
Jensen cupped Jared’s cheek in his hand and smiled. “I know. I saw the TV special. Really? Yoda quotes on live TV?”
“I was on live TV and I was talking about you and suddenly all I could think about was that night in thr trailer. Besides, Yoda rocks and you know it,” Jared said with a smile.
“I love you too.”
Jared’s smile faded but it was a look of awe that overtook his features. Jared kissed him then and it was Jensen that laughed into it then. They had a long way to go before they were both okay, but they were together now and Jensen had everything he’d ever dreamed of.
Jared broke the kiss again and Jensen moaned at the loss. “You do have room for dogs right, because I have two and I’m not leaving them behind.”
Jensen pointed to the stairs at the end of the patio and Jared’s face lit up. “I haven’t done anything with the yard yet,” Jensen said. “I thought you might help me with it. If you thought this was worth a try.”
“Do or do not. There is no try,” Jared teased.
Jensen kissed Jared to shut him up. It would be trial and error. They’d have to learn what it was like to live with one another without the threat that had bound them together before. They’d have to compromise and they’d fight and they’d learn to make up afterwards. Jensen was willing to try though because as much as he feared a broken heart, he wanted Jared in his life. Jared was right. Jensen chose him. They chose each other.
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17 for violence and overall themes.
Word Count: 25K+
Warning: Slavery, mentions of past rape, past non-con/dub-con, torture,
Summary: Jensen Ackles was a man on the run. Sure, his name was revered by the Sentient Android Rights Movement, but he was just another face in a sea of J-N_S56s. He had won his freedom in a court of law, but his previous Mistress and Master cared little for the law. Jensen had been on the run for almost ten years and he'd stayed free because he was smart and kept to himself.
When Jensen met Jared, he tossed him out the door as soon as he could. Jared wasn't pushed away so easily though. Jared came back but unfortunately, so did Jensen's former mistress. On the run with Jared at his side, Jensen struggles with his emotions, and the fear that his programming might be taking over. Jared is far more tempting than anything Jensen has ever faced. How can he keep them both safe when he's fighting with himself while on the run from the people who want to put him back in a gilded cage?
**
Jensen bought himself a new truck. He went back to the RV lot and bought the one he’d stolen after explaining the situation to the owner. Jensen paid more to keep it quiet than he did for the trailer itself but he couldn’t blame the man for wanting to call the cops instead of settle.
He stopped at the diner Jared had liked and ate lunch before he went to the grocery store. It was almost dark by the time he pulled into the camping site.
The trailer had been searched by someone but nothing had been taken. Jensen put away his groceries and set his bags on the bed. Then he went to settings things right in the trailer. He made sure everything was plugged back into the site properly and then went in and took a long hot shower.
Water stung at the exposed edges of the physioplast and Jensen thought he should probably try to heal it himself but he didn’t have the energy to do that yet. Instead, he stepped out of the shower and didn’t even bother to dry off. He stepped into the room, pushed the bags off the bed, and slept.
**
Jensen didn’t get out of bed for two days. He might not need to sleep as much as a human did, but his mind wouldn’t shut down and everything that had happened in the past ten years kept backtracking into his thoughts. His brain tried to explain everything away, but it had never been designed to deal with emotional input. Sometimes Jensen felt like a toddler, learning not to cry over spilled milk, but he knew this was so much more than that.
He didn’t force himself out of bed until the third day. He showered and fixed himself a sandwich when his stomach rumbled and reminded him that he did actually need to eat to keep himself performing at optimal levels.
He walked out along the trails he’d walked with Jared and tried to focus on the time they’d had together. He spent far too much time with his memories of their last night in the trailer but he didn’t think Jared would blame him for that.
He had no idea what to do with his life now. He’d spent so much time on the run that he’d never thought of what to do if he ever managed to get away. Other than some specific things - a home of his own, someone that he could love - he’d never thought about the rest. Or he’d been too afraid to.
Jensen knew how to hide. He knew how to run. He was a good thief and he could hotwire cars. He could flirt his way in and out of just about any situation. He knew how to read people, knew how to be an amazing lover by observing their reactions. He had no idea what to do with his skills, other than the obvious.
Over the years he’d taken all sorts of work to get by. From manual labor to sales to short order cook, he’d taken whatever he could. Now he had a life to figure out and no way to start. Again, he felt like a human child. So much of what he should know how to do, he was incapable of. Humans went to school and learned and became what they wanted. But how did they decide what they wanted? At his core, Jensen was made to make people happy. He didn’t know how to make himself happy. It was never a consideration in his design model.
What was it Jared had said? “They didn’t design your model to age well but you look better now than you did off the factory line”
“Well, they didn’t design me to have emotions either, Jared, but I’ve managed them. What else do you think I can figure out that were outside of my maker’s intentions?” he spoke to himself but he could hear Jared as clearly as if he were there, telling Jensen to take care of himself and to do what he needed to do.
It was almost a week before it finally happened. Jensen stepped out of the shower and heard something heavy drop in the bedroom. He wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped out of the bathroom and threw open the bedroom door.
“Jared?”
Jared smiled at him, though he looked a little worse for wear. Jensen could see the dark lines under his eyes and there was something haunted in the way he looked at Jensen. Before he could say anything else, Jared had crossed the room had his arms around Jensen.
“Jensen, I wasn’t sure you’d be here,” he whispered against Jensen’s ear.
“Where else would I go?” Jensen asked. He kept hold of Jared as he backed them up to the bed. He eased them both down onto it. He stripped Jared of his clothes thought Jared struggled at first when he thought Jensen was going to walk out of arms reach.
When they were undressed Jensen pulled Jared under the blankets with him. He didn’t know what had happened to Jared but he knew he needed sleep and that at least he could do for him. At least, like this, Jensen felt he could help.
Jared shuddered against him when he settled with his head over Jensen’s heart. “You know, all three series that became sentient have their hearts in the same place as a human? None of the others do. I used to think my father did it because he wanted you to be sentient.”
“I don’t think that was the rationale behind it,” Jensen said softly as he ran a hand up and down Jared’s back.
“No, but I was a child.”
“What happened to you Jared?”
He let out a small laugh but it was tinged with hysteria. “I just can’t sleep. I keep … I see her in my dreams. And then she becomes you and you’re dead and I can’t help you because all I have are the keys to the truck and the reset trigger.”
“Jesus, Jared. I’m okay. I’m right here. Now let me take care of you and go to sleep.”
“Programming or you really want to?” Jared asked bitterly. It hurt Jensen to hear Jared’s tone and he couldn’t help that his honest answer was just as bitter.
“Both.”
**
Jensen woke to the feel of Jared’s fingers against his exposed metal.
“I need to fix this,” Jared said quietly.
“I know.”
They didn’t say anything else. Jared crawled out of bed and Jensen saw the box of parts that must have been the bump he’d heard the night before. Jensen sat up in bed and watched as Jared got the right parts and tools out.
“I need you to turn off your pain receptors. The deep ones,” he said sadly.
Jensen knew why he was worried. Jensen couldn’t turn them all off like some models could and the repairs that Jared needed to make would be painful.
“Alcohol?” Jared asked.
“I’d rather not today.”
Jared didn’t look happy about it but he didn’t force anything on Jensen either. Instead, he began the delicate work of repairing Jensen’s throat. Jensen had to lie on the floor before it was over but the floor of the trailer was still nicer than the expensive bed that had hung from a ceiling.
“Ok, now keep your eyes closed,” Jared said as he moved on to work on the flesh of Jensen’s face. It hurt more than Jensen wanted to admit. The physioplast and organic flesh were self-sealing but the edges had sealed when Jensen didn’t repair them quickly enough. Jared had to sear the edges to allow the self-healing process to start. His throat had hurt, but it was nothing compared to the burn on his face.
Jensen grit his teeth through most of it, ripped a hole in the carpet with his fingers, and nearly fried his sensors. Again.
He blacked out completely when Jared had to replace his eye.
When he woke, Jared helped him back to the bed and he feel into deep sleep again.
**
He woke the next morning with Jared in his arms. He could feel Jared’s hands as they ran over his chest. It was so peaceful Jensen didn’t want to wake just yet. He needed to see Jared though so he opened his eyes. It took a moment for the scene to clear up as his new eye adjusted but when his vision cleared Jared smiled down at him.
“Hey,” Jared said softly.
Jensen smiled back at him. “Hey. You’re looking better.”
Jared sighed. “Just needed to get some sleep. Needed to know that you were okay.”
“I am,” Jensen said. “Mostly. I still … I don’t know what to do with myself now, but I’m okay. I will be.”
“And us?” Jared asked.
Jensen’s smile grew. “Better than okay,” he said as he brought Jared’s head down to his and kissed him slowly.
Jared deepened the kiss and this was all Jensen needed. He didn’t know if he could have this forever but there was nothing to stand in his way now. No fear of Morgan or Harris to stop him from giving them a chance.
When Jared’s hands moved slowly down his body, Jensen moaned against his lips. Jared’s hand gripped his cock and Jensen arched up into him.
“Gonna make you feel so good, Jensen,” Jared whispered against his ear. “Make you want me and only me.”
Jensen’s laugh was breathless as Jared moved his hand faster. “Only want you, Jared,” he admitted. “Please, I need you.”
“What do you need, Jensen?” Jared’s hand slowed and Jensen looked into Jared’s eyes.
“I need you inside me,” he begged. “I need to know I’m yours and you’re mine. I choose this. I choose you.”
Jared surged against his lips and Jensen pulled him over top of him. He wanted to feel the weight of Jared over him, holding him down, grounding him.
Jared kissed him until he was breathless and then he slid down Jensen’s body. Jensen sat up on his elbows as he watched Jared take his cock into his mouth. He moaned at the sight as much as the feeling. Jensen felt the press of Jared’s fingers at his entrance and he relaxed into the feel of it.
“Jensen, I don’t have anything-“
“I’m a masochist Jared, a little pain won’t hurt me,” he reminded him. It was the first time he’d ever been grateful that he had that specific switch flipped but when Jared pressed two fingers into him he damn near came from the sensation.
“Fuck, Jared, now, please,” he begged.
Jared smiled up at Jensen, but he wrapped his lips round Jensen again and sucked him down as he continued to open Jensen up. He wanted to come but he refused to give in to the urge. Jared continued to pump his fingers in and out until a third and fourth were added. Jensen wanted to scream because he wasn’t going to be able to control himself if Jared kept up his ministrations but then Jared pulled his fingers away. He didn’t ask Jensen if he was ready which was a good thing because Jensen might have punched him on principle.
Jared lined himself up and thrust slow and sure into Jensen’s body. He keened at the feel of Jared inside him, thick and heavy and god Jensen needed to taste him when this was all over. Jared let out a shaky breath when he was buried in Jensen. He closed his eyes and Jensen reached up to touch his face. Jared opened his eyes and lowered himself to Jensen.
His kiss was slow and lazy and so unlike what Jensen had expected. He knew though, this wasn’t a quick fuck to get off. This wasn’t him being used by someone. This was why people called it making love.
Jensen ran his hands over Jared’s back then, rolled his hips just enough to make Jared groan. Jensen loved the sound of it so he moved again.
“Jensen,” Jared whispered.
“Yours,” Jensen said as he kissed Jared.
“Always. Gonna take care of you Jensen. Never let you forget how much I love you,” Jared answered.
He pulled his hips back slowly and his thrust in was just as torturously slow. “Fuck, Jared.”
Jared laughed as he bent to kiss Jensen again. They made love for hours and Jared only stopped touching Jensen when he demanded they get up to eat. Jensen would have been all too happy to skip some meals but he needed to take care of Jared.
That night, when they lie in bed, sleep about to take them, Jared finally began to talk. “So, what do you plan to do now?”
Jensen closed his eyes and squirmed back at little more into Jared’s body behind him. Jared’s arms tightened around his waist and Jensen couldn’t help but smile. “I don’t know. I told you before, a little house somewhere on the beach. I have money from the lawsuit. It’s enough to get my house and keep me going until I figure things out.”
“A beach, huh? California?”
Jensen nodded. “I lived there for a while. Hiding. It was in the beginning when I didn’t know better. Just a sleepy little town no one has ever heard of before, but it was almost like a home to me.”
“Sounds nice. Cosy.”
“Yeah. Perfect for two.”
“Two dogs?”
“Two people.”
“Oh. You know, I have two dogs.” Jensen laughed at the image of Jared and his dogs and wondered if maybe there was room in his dream house for all of them.
**
Jared left before Jensen woke the next morning. There was a note at his bedside and Jared read it quickly to assure himself that Jared was alright. Jensen hadn’t expected Jared to leave but he wasn’t surprised by it either. Neither of them was in a good place and as much as Jensen loved Jared, he wasn’t able to say it yet.
He needed to get his life in order and figure out what to do with it before he could ask Jared to stick around.
He got up and got in the shower then and when he was done he looked in the mirror for the first time since she’d mangled his face. He looked at himself in the mirror and there wasn’t even a scar to tell where he’d been ripped open. It was Jared’s skill - Jensen knew that. He didn’t care if he was scarred but it was nice to look in the mirror and see his face staring back at him.
He was metal underneath, but he didn’t think he was any different from a human in that. Would they want to look at their skull instead of the face they knew? It may be vanity, but he wasn’t alone in it and it wasn’t a Sentient Android trait either.
He cleaned himself up and got dressed, then ate the breakfast Jared had left for him in the fridge. He cleaned up the mess he’d made, cleaned up the trailer entirely, before he went out and disconnected it from the site. He hooked the trailer back up to the truck and then drove away. He didn’t need to hide anymore. He wasn’t sure where he was headed, but he would find a way to make himself the sort of person that was worthy of someone’s love.
**
Jensen sat in a corner booth of the coffee shop. There were two Starbucks within a block but this place had more of a homey feel and Jensen liked that it was busy but never so full he couldn’t find a seat.
A new program started on the television on the wall across from him and Jensen watched as a special on the 10th anniversary of the Sentient Android Rights Movement began. Newscasters and activists talked about the importance of the android who first came forward and sued for his freedom. They spoke of his bravery and courage in the face of adversity. They talked about his kidnapping and captivity and the case against his former Master. They wished him luck, wherever he was and Jensen was about to ask the woman behind the counter to turn the station when Jared’s face come on the screen next to a newscaster.
“Ladies and gentleman, I am sitting next to the reclusive Jared Padalecki, CEO of Rockbell Robotics. You don’t do public appearances often. Why are you coming out today?”
“Ten years ago today, the first sentient android was declared a free man by the courts. It started a wake of law suits and inquiries until every S56, S57, S58 , and S59 was freed. To many people, the fight ended there but the reality is that Sentient Androids are still fighting for their rights and we need to support them.”
“You think things should have been done differently?”
“The thing people need to remember is that when Rockbell Robotics began to make specialized androids, there was no plan to make a sentient being. Our founder, my grandfather, was a roboticist who saw a market and wanted to fill it. When the S series came along, no one had any idea this would happen. Who could have believed that something we made with a metal body and a computer for a brain could develop emotions? No one could have predicted that.” Jared told the camera.
“And what is the role of Rockbell Robotics in the rights movement?” the newscaster asked.
“I’m afraid to say in my father’s time, it wasn’t much. As a scientist he didn’t believe that androids could become sentient. No matter how many times we have proven its truth. When the S56, S57, S58, and S59 were deemed sentient and could no longer be property, Rockbell donated money to charities to help their cause but it wasn’t enough. I’m very proud of the involvement we’ve had since I took over the company.”
So. That was why Jared could do what he wanted to do. It made sense now. Knowing Jared as he did, it made sense that his lover had thrown himself into the thick of things with the people he thought needed him the most.
“And now, I’m happy to let everyone know that we are working with SA Advocates to open shelters across the country for any Sentient Android who is abused or scared or just needs help trying to turn their life around. There will be free housing, free counseling, free legal advice, and free help to any Sentient Android who needs healing.”
“Healing?” The newscaster asked.
“You fix a machine, Ms. Martin,” Jared answered the newscaster. “You heal a person. What has happened in our lifetime is a miracle and I urge all of you to be more aware of what’s happening in the world. Sentient Androids are just the latest in a line of civil movements that have come about because we try to put down what is different. The truth is, we’re all a little different but we’re all a little the same too. We can choose to embrace our differences and learn to take strength from them, or we can choose to hurt others whose only crime is to be different than us. I urge you all to embrace this.”
“You seem very genuine, Mr. Padalecki. Does this come from your work with Sentient Androids?”
Jared smiled down at his hands. “I was raised by a Sentient Android. I loved her and she died protecting me. Before the Sentient Android had begun, I already knew they could feel. My involvement in the movement began because of her. Now, there are more reasons.”
“Mr. Padalecki?”
“I’ve spent the last three years in the field, meeting with Sentient Androids who needed our help. While I was doing that, I met someone. Someone intelligent and charming, jaded by the system but willing to risk his life to help a person he barely knew. He changed my life and I am very much in love with him.”
“An advocate from the Sentient Android movement?” She asked.
Jensen could see she was thrilled about the personal tone the interview had taken. Once Jensen was free he’d done some research into Jared but he hadn’t been able to find much. Jared was very much the recluse she claimed he was.
“No, a Sentient Android. We had some … adventures together … and we grew close. He’s struggled too much just to be free. I’ve never wanted anyone to feel the kind of fear he lived in but having shared a bit of his world, I know that my role in the rights movement is just as important now as when I first began. We are all sentient beings. As Yoda said, ‘Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.’ It is our spirits that matter, not what we are made of. So be kind to others. It’s the least we can give of ourselves and what matters the most in the end.”
The program turned to others then and Jensen closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh.
“That was an interesting bit there.”
Jensen opened his eyes to see Detective Jim Beaver slide into the booth opposite him.
“Detective.”
Jim smiled as the girl behind the counter brought over his coffee. Jensen didn’t say anything as Jim took a drink.
“If nothing else, I’m glad to have met you just for the coffee,” Jim said with a smile.
Jensen let out a short laugh. “I am partial to it.”
“You still determined to do this?” Jim asked.
Jensen nodded.
“Even after what he just said on national television?”
“Why would that change anything?”
“Jared being in love with you doesn’t change anything?”
Jensen shook his head. “Do you think I needed an evening broadcast to know how Jared felt? I’m an android, not a rock, and Jared wears his heart on his sleeve.”
Jim smiled fondly. “That he does. Knew you were gonna be trouble as soon as he started to talk about you.”
“Not my fault. I kicked him out of my apartment the first time we met. Don’t know why he came back.”
“Yeah you do.”
“Yeah, I do now. Back then, I had no clue.”
“Alright, so here is what I have. It’s not a lot but I think with your skill set you should be able to handle it.”
Jensen took the file Jim handed him and opened it up.
It was time to get to work.
**
Jensen took a deep breath of the ocean breeze as he closed the mailbox and walked back to the house. It was almost time for sunset and Jensen was glad he’d made it home for it. It wasn’t a lot, but there was something decadent about being able to enjoy the sunset. There was no need to look over his shoulder, no need to worry about who might see him. It was just a chance to relax and unwind. It might be a bit lonely but Jensen had grown used to that in the last six months.
He’d bought the house four months ago with money from his first trial with Morgan and Harris. In the last trial, the courts had awarded Jensen more money, including the house he’d been held captive in. He’d donated it to SA Advocates as a shelter for Sentient Androids. Last he’d heard they’d turned the mansion upside down. The only room that was untouched was his own. The gilded cage still hung from the ceiling and videos documented Jensen’s life there. He’d talked to the advocates a long time before he allowed it, but they used the room as a way to show people just what some of them went through. Jensen’s abuse was well documented but he hadn’t been the only one. It was a way to gain support for people who didn’t know, and at times a way for others to know they weren’t alone in their struggles.
The house he had now was nothing like the opulent halls of the Morgan house. It was a moderately sized two bedroom house. He’d made an office in one room after he’d started to make some headway with his newly established business. He might have to get a real office someday but so far it worked out that he could do most of his business at the coffee shop in the small town. Jim wasn’t adverse to the drive every few days and if something came up there was always email and phone calls.
Jensen had pulled the carpets up when he bought the place because they reminded him of his cage so the place gleamed with honey colored wood. The walls were sage green and Jensen still had a lot of work to do before it was done. He’d bought a large screen television for the living room and a couch and chair that reminded him of the RV. He had basic furniture for most of the rooms. Although, it was all very close to the furniture in the RV if he thought about it. He tried hard not to.
It was a start. There were a few things that made it home. Things that Jensen had started to pick up as he traveled. There was a painting Jensen had picked up at an art festival of a forest clearing that reminded him of one of the hiking spots Jared had liked.
There was a bookshelf in the sitting room with all Jensen’s favorite books, along with some he’d picked up just for the hell of it.
Jensen walked past the sitting room and down the hall to drop the mail in the office. One was a letter from Morgan. He’d written Jensen a letter a week since he’d been incarcerated. Jensen’s therapist asked him why he read them but he wasn’t ready to answer her yet. He wanted to burn them when they came, but he never did. This one would sit on his desk for a few days before curiosity burned deep enough that Jensen would cave and open it. Morgan would talk about life in prison and how much he hated it. He would talk about his growing understanding of what he’d done to Jensen and how wrong it was. He never mentioned his other crimes, but
Jensen didn’t think Morgan really did understand. If he did, he’d never make Jensen relive it with his written word every week.
The other letter was a paycheck from the police department. Jim Beaver had gotten him hired as a contract P.I. With the Sentient Android Rights Movement celebrating its anniversary, things had picked up again and there were far more people that wanted to find the missing someone in their life. Jared’s public announcement of his feelings for Jensen had given rise to slew of celebrities who took up the cause and admitted their own involvement with Sentient Androids.
Being a Sentient Android, the people who really were looking for a loved one felt he would handle it with discretion and the care that they needed. Jensen felt useful and he had the chance to pay Jim back for the way he’d come to Jared’s rescue when they’d been captured.
Jim and Jensen never talked about Jared, but he was always there in their conversations. Jensen sighed as he walked out of the office and towards the back of the house. He opened the sliding door out back and looked out over the ocean. The deck was fairly large with a stair to the left that led to a side yard. Jensen wanted his privacy and he’d bought the abandoned lot next door. It was a wild yard but after the cultivated gardens of Morgan’s house, Jensen wanted to let it grow. He wasn’t sure what he’d do yet. There was a nice long stretch that would make a great kennel if he ever got a dog or two. At the bottom of the steps was a gate that led to the beach.
Jensen chose to stay on the deck tonight and he let the salty air fill his nostrils. He closed his eyes and let go of the stress of the day.
“That’s quite a view.”
Jensen stilled.
He felt a body behind him, felt arms wrapped around his waist to pull him back and Jensen melted into the man behind him.
“I like the house,” Jared whispered in his ear.
“Yeah?” Jensen asked.
“Like the ocean,” Jared said next.
“Yeah?”
“Mostly,” Jared said as he turned Jensen around in his arms, “I just like you.”
“Prove it,” Jensen said.
Jared laughed but he kissed Jensen even as he did.
Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared’s waist and held on tightly. It’s been more than seven months since he’d seen Jared. There was no communication between them, no letters or phone calls. Jensen lived in the trailer until he’d bought the house and then he’d driven it to Jared’s house, left the keys on Jared’s doorstep, and walked away. A month later, he’d returned to slip an envelope under Jared’s door. No note again, but a key and an address. Jared had never used it until now.
“Why now?” Jensen pulled away to ask. He looked up at Jared and as much as he wanted to drown in the other man, he needed to know.
“You said … you chose me once. It mattered that it was your choice and not your programming. That mattered to me too. When this was all done, when I was released from the police I was consumed with you. And then I didn’t know if it was my choice or not. I didn’t know if these horrible things had conditioned me so that I had no choice but to love you. When I found you in the trailer, I wanted to believe that I loved you. When I woke the next morning, I knew I had to go to be sure. I had to go so we could both be sure.”
“Jared-“
“And you left the trailer to me and I knew you had moved on so I went to see Jim and he told me what you’d been up to. I was so damn proud of you Jensen, and I wanted to tell you but I had to know it was for the right reasons. Then you sent me the keys to the house and I knew you had made your choice again. It was time for me to make mine. And I did, but I’m the CEO of a company and somehow my announcement about the Sentient Android Rights Movement sort of made me a figurehead so I had to take time to find a way to move my responsibilities to California or to delegate them to someone else. So I made my choice, but it just took a little time to make it happen.”
“You chose me.”
“I did. I do. I always will. I love you Jensen.”
Jensen cupped Jared’s cheek in his hand and smiled. “I know. I saw the TV special. Really? Yoda quotes on live TV?”
“I was on live TV and I was talking about you and suddenly all I could think about was that night in thr trailer. Besides, Yoda rocks and you know it,” Jared said with a smile.
“I love you too.”
Jared’s smile faded but it was a look of awe that overtook his features. Jared kissed him then and it was Jensen that laughed into it then. They had a long way to go before they were both okay, but they were together now and Jensen had everything he’d ever dreamed of.
Jared broke the kiss again and Jensen moaned at the loss. “You do have room for dogs right, because I have two and I’m not leaving them behind.”
Jensen pointed to the stairs at the end of the patio and Jared’s face lit up. “I haven’t done anything with the yard yet,” Jensen said. “I thought you might help me with it. If you thought this was worth a try.”
“Do or do not. There is no try,” Jared teased.
Jensen kissed Jared to shut him up. It would be trial and error. They’d have to learn what it was like to live with one another without the threat that had bound them together before. They’d have to compromise and they’d fight and they’d learn to make up afterwards. Jensen was willing to try though because as much as he feared a broken heart, he wanted Jared in his life. Jared was right. Jensen chose him. They chose each other.