What Happens To Us (Part XII)
It was nothing like he’d expected but everything it normally was. They hung out with their friends and laughed and everyone acted like nothing had ever happened. Of course, Chris, Steve, and Sandy were the only two who knew something had been up so that might have helped, but he could see Chris relax a little and if Chris was relaxing it meant that he thought Jensen was okay. Jared still wasn’t sure how he felt about being given a chance here. He wanted to talk to Sandy about it, but she’d managed to get a little too tipsy and he’d carried her back to his bed an hour ago.
Still, he felt happy. He felt safe with Jensen in ways he hadn’t before. In ways he didn’t know existed before David had happened to him. He watched as Chris and Steve walked out the door and then started gathering the beer bottles from around the room, dumping them into the bin.
“You don’t have to do that you know.”
“Still not a maid and still my dime.”
“Yeah yeah.” Jensen said, but there was a smile on his face that he hadn’t seen for a while now. “Need another?” He asked, holding out a fresh beer.
Jared took it after he dumped the rest of the old bottles, then sat down on the couch. He’d made his mind up and he figured he might as well get it out there and see how things turned out. Jensen took a seat next to him and they enjoyed the companionable silence for a few minutes. Jensen’s arm was on the back of the couch and Jared leaned his head back. Jensen’s was tilted back the same way, his eyes closed as he relaxed. When Jared relaxed into it, he felt Jensen’s fingers in his hair. He doubted Jensen was aware he did it. Jared had never said anything and he wasn’t about to now.
“Hey Jensen.”
“Yeah Jared.”
“We need to talk.”
Jensen’s eyes opened immediately and he sat up. “Yeah?”
“I know… what you said earlier about trying to go back to the way things used to be. I thought about it. I’d really like that,” He saw Jensen’s relief, “but I can’t.” And there was the fall, the way his eyes tightened and his knuckles whitened on the bottle he held in his other hand. “I can’t pretend I don’t feel what I feel anymore. I can’t handle the idea of you being out there, flirting and kissing and dating someone else. I can’t stand the thought of someone else touching you. I need to be the one. I know you wanted to take things slower than that, but… I can’t. I have to do this now.”
And then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jensen’s. Jensen’s whole body froze up on him and Jared was beginning to wonder if he’d made the worst mistake yet when suddenly Jensen was grabbing him by the arms and pulling him closer. His tongue demanded entrance to his mouth and Jared granted it immediately.
He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it wasn’t Jensen pushing his hand into his hair and holding him just so as he kissed him. It wasn’t Jensen moaning into his mouth as he pulled him back on top of him. It certainly wasn’t his own body’s reaction to Jensen’s dominant maneuverings.
When they broke the kiss, Jensen didn’t let his hand out of Jared’s hair but used it to keep him close, their foreheads touching as they both regained breath. “God Jared… you know I want to do this but… I have to think of Alec.”
“I love him.”
“Yeah I know.”
“He loves me.”
“Yeah he does.”
“This doesn’t change that. Never will. No matter what happens, Alec can always have me.”
Jensen looked at him then, looked up into his eyes like he was trying to read them. “How far do you want this to go tonight Jared?” He asked quietly.
Jared took a deep breath. “Bedroom. Right now would be good.”
“Yeah?”
“With you very naked.”
Jensen didn’t smile at his teasing, but pulled Jared close again, crushing their lips together. He pushed back on Jared, pushing him up off the couch, but kept close to him, never letting him loose for a moment. He captured his lips again as he got him upright, one hand on his hip gripping tightly as he guided him out into the hall and down the way to his bedroom door.
They were barely through the doorway when Jensen pulled his head back suddenly. Jared moaned as he felt Jensen’s lips against the skin of his throat. He felt Jensen’s hands skimming his chest, finding the first button and pulling it open. He did each button slowly and it was torturous and blissful at the same time. He wanted Jensen to kiss him again but as he undid each button Jensen kissed a little lower on his chest and by the time he had his shirt off, Jensen was on his knees in front of Jared. He watched as Jensen nipped at the skin just above his belt and when Jensen’s hands found his belt he moaned against the thought of what he would do next. He felt the belt slide off, but then Jensen pressed his cheek against Jared’s denim covered cock, nuzzling him through the heavy fabric.
He wanted to scream or to jerk his damn pants off himself but Jensen’s hands on his hips held him as tight as anything ever had. He didn’t mouth at him or use his teeth, just continued to rub his cheek in slow movements that were making him ache.
When Jensen popped open the button of his jeans and slid the zipper down it was with deliberate slowness and then he was pushing Jared’s jeans off him and nuzzling his cock through the boxers he was wearing. “Jen… please.” He wasn’t sure what he was begging for at that point but anything would work.
His boxers were pulled off then and he looked down to see Jensen staring up at him, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips.
“If you even think about stopping I will kill you.” He growled out and Jensen laughed lightly.
He stood, pressing his still dressed body to Jared’s completely naked form. “Yeah Jay?” He asked. And somehow the way his name rolled off Jensen’s tongue made him hungry for it. He pressed his lips to Jensen’s and felt the other man wrap an arm around his waist, pulling him off the wall and walking him backward.
He felt his knees hit the bed and then Jensen was pushing him down onto it, taking his time as he bit at his lips lightly, small kisses raining on his neck and chest. He felt Jensen nuzzle at his stomach and the lick a path up again. “What do you want tonight?” He asked. “You want to fuck me tonight? Or do I get to have you?”
Jared took a deep breath to calm his heart rate. He knew what Jensen was offering him and he didn’t think Jensen offered it often. He knew what he wanted though and when he pulled Jensen up into another kiss, he licked at his lips a second before answering. “Want you so bad. Can’t stop thinking about you, about you over me, fucking hard into me. Can’t stop thinking about watching you under my hands while I ride you. Need you Jen, need you so much right now.”
It was all Jensen needed to hear apparently because there was another crushing kiss. When he broke from it, he leaned up and grabbed supplies out of the table and then he was working his way down Jared’s body.
Jared felt like his skin was melting off from Jensen’s touch. When he stopped and settled himself between Jared’s legs Jared tried to grab his hands. “Jen… too many clothes.”
Jensen smiled. “Don’t worry about that. They’ll come off eventually.” And then he was down between Jared’s thighs, his hands soothing the strong muscle there. Long firm touches as he pressed Jared’s legs back further on the mattress. His fingers spread him out softly, slowly as they worked their way across his thigh and down his ass, pulling his hips forward slightly as his fingertips played lightly over his entrance. “Jesus Jensen.”
Jensen didn’t wait for anything else and he felt Jensen’s tongue, wet and hot circling him. He circled a couple times before using the flat of his tongue to swipe across him, then back to circles that teased. He was about to start babbling for anything more when he felt the blunt press of Jensen’s tongue, felt him push inside his body and fuck into him. He moaned, pressing his hips back into him.
Jensen continued to fuck him slow and steady with his tongue and then suddenly there was more. He felt Jensen’s first finger enter him beside his tongue and he was throwing his head back, unable to even attempt to watch anymore.
“You want more Jay?” Jensen asked, his voice dark and husky.
“Please…” it sounded more like he was begging than anything else and he was amazingly okay with that so long as Jensen did something more to him soon.
Jensen was moving off him then and he whimpered a little until he felt two of Jensen’s fingers inside him. When he looked down Jensen was undoing his belt buckle one handed, the buttons of his own shirt already undone.
“Yeah. God Jen you’re fucking gorgeous.”
“You’re just saying that because I’m about to fuck you.”
“I’d say anything to get you to fuck me right now but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.” He said, a small smile on his face.
Jensen chose that moment to slide a third finger inside him. “Definitely not doing this right if you can still talk like that.” And then he really started pumping into Jared with his hand, three fingers buried deep, fucking into him and making him squirm with need.
“Do you want me Jared?”
Jared looked up and nodded, not trusting his voice anymore.
“I think I need some help getting undressed.” Jensen said as he pulled his fingers out of Jared. Jared moaned with the loss but then he was raising up to his knees and pushing the shirt off Jensen’s shoulders, following it’s path down his chest with lips and teeth and tongue. He pulled his belt loose and pushed his panted and boxers down at the same time. He reached forward to touch Jensen’s cock when Jensen stopped him.
“Lay down Jay.” He said softly and he’d never wanted anything more in his life. He watched as Jensen rolled the condom onto his cock and slicked himself up. Jensen leaned forward and kissed him again, this time the hard kiss turned into something else, something more demanding but less frantic. When he felt the blunt tip of his cock pressing against him Jared moaned into his mouth.
His body resisted the intrusion as it always did in the beginning but he was so open, fucked open so well on Jensen’s tongue and fingers that it only took a second before his body opened up and Jensen slid home all the way.
Jensen bit Jared’s neck, bit and licked and sucked as he gave Jared’s body time to receive him. When Jared’s hips pressed up into him, Jensen began to move, pulling slowly out and then back in all the way.
Jared knew he wasn’t going to last long and Jensen hadn’t even touched his cock yet. He felt Jensen’s hands move along the sides of his body, then felt them taking his own hands and pin them to the mattress. Jensen twined their fingers together as he leaned up, eyes catching with Jared’s as he continued to pump into him. Jared felt him hit the right angle and his mind went fuzzy from the pleasure of it.
When Jared started begging for Jensen to touch him, Jensen began kissing him again, swallowing his pleas with his tongue and teeth. He could feel Jensen’s hips shuddering though; felt his own climax coming as Jensen’s did. “Come for me Jared.” Jensen said, biting into his neck just behind his ear. “Come for me baby.”
With Jensen’s filthy voice in his ear, he came all over them both, white stripes shooting across his chest and as Jensen leaned up for a kiss, all over his as well. He felt Jensen’s sharp intake of breath and knew that he was coming also.
When he felt his breathing slow down Jensen started to pull away. Jared tried to stop him, but Jensen just laughed lightly as he pulled out. A second later he was on his side with Jensen pressed against his back.
“Should go to bed.”
“You are in bed.” Jensen said with a laugh.
“Mine.”
“Trading me in for Sandy already?”
“What?” Jared asked, opening his eyes slightly. “No. Sandy sucks. Kicks in bed and wants to cuddle when she’s drunk.”
Jensen laughed again but Jared was happy. He was more than happy. “Jen?” He said, prepared to tell the other man just how he felt.
“Go to sleep Jared. Just go to sleep tonight.”
He felt a kiss to his temple and it was the last thing he remembered before sleep hit him.
Jensen woke up fast. He had ever since Alec had come into his life. Whereas he wasn’t the most functional morning person ever, he’d become adjusted to it over time. When Michael had died he hadn’t slept well anyway and his need to be available should Alec need him meant that he didn’t sleep heavy either.
So when Jared swung out of his bed and the mattress shifted with him, it was enough to wake Jensen up. He looked over at Jared, at the way his shoulders sloped down and knew that he was freaking out.
He sat up and moved quietly closer, as if he were afraid to spook him. When he touched his hand to Jared’s shoulder Jared jumped.
“Jesus Jensen you scared me.”
“Wouldn’t have scared you if you were still in bed with me.”
Jared took a step away from the bed and Jensen just looked at him, waiting for it.
“How can you be so calm?”
“I think it’s post coital bliss. Still wrapped up in it.”
“Jensen… I … we … God how did this happen?” He asked.
“When two men have certain feelings for one another-”
“That’s not what I meant!”
He could see that Jared was really freaking out now, not just a little, but he had an idea what it was about. Jensen was the observant type and liked to make sure he knew things about other people. One of the things he knew about Jared was that every time he’d come close to talking about his past relationships, he’d follow them up with a few days of cold indifference towards Jensen. It had hurt at first, when he noticed it, but then he realized it was just Jared trying to protect himself from his past and he’d let it go. Considering what he now knew about David and what the two of them did the night before, he should have been expecting this. He lookup up at Jared and sighed. “Can you at least sit down because you’re hurting my neck?”
Jared didn’t answer but sat at the edge of the bed. Jensen took the opportunity and grabbed Jared, pulling him down to the bed and wrestling him to where he wanted him, which was underneath Jensen.
“Jensen get off me!”
“No. I know you’re freaking out Jared and I’m not letting you walk out like this. We didn’t do anything wrong last night and I’m not sorry for making love to you. I know you’re not either so just stop this.”
Jared shook his head. “Of course I wanted to, I just… this will ruin everything. I don’t want to leave Alec. I don’t want to leave my home.”
Jensen felt a small burst of warmth at the way his son has etched himself into his lover’s life. He loved that Jared thought of this place as home and not just a place to live. It might take some time, but he had faith that he’d eventually get Jared to move in with him, to be a real family, the three of them. He just had to get Jared to stop looking for David in every corner. Not that he’d made that easy when he’d hurt Jared, but they were gonna get past that.
“You won’t ever have to leave Jared. Like you said last night, Alec loves you and you love him and nothing is going to change the fact that you are his nanny. It took me way too long to find a good nanny and I’m not letting you go just because you slept with the boss.” He said, trying to make light of it.
He leaned down slowly then, kissed Jared’s lips lightly. Jared was frozen underneath him and Jensen bit softly at his lower lip. Jared gave slightly at that and as Jensen kept at it, Jared eventually opened up to him, his desire for Jensen outweighing his fear.
Before it got any further, Jensen sat back and let Jared up. “Go get in the shower and I’ll get some breakfast fixed.”
He didn’t wait for an answer, just threw on his boxers and headed downstairs for some much needed caffeine.
When Jared came down he seemed calmer but he was still watching Jensen carefully. He set the coffee in front of Jared and then got their plates down. “Mind if I..?” He motioned to the food, asking permission to get it for him. The last thing he wanted to do this morning was give Jared the impression that he thought he couldn’t care for himself. When Jared nodded he filled it full and handed it back before getting his own.
Jared didn’t dig in with his usual gusto, but he was eating a little, pushing most of the food around his plate. “Jensen?”
“Yeah Jared?” He asked from his seat across the breakfast bar from him.
“Why aren’t you freaking out?”
Jensen smiled. “I only have so much energy for that so I have to keep it on reserve. Alec gets most of it. You saw how I was about his IEP. That was me flipping out. There’s not much else in this world worth flipping out over except my son. This thing with us Jared? I’m not going to flip out. I want you working with my son and I want you in my bed. I have plans to keep you as close to me as I can for as long as I can. So you can flip out if you want, but I’ll save my energy for another time.”
Jared took a sip of his coffee. “Guess that’s a good point.”
“Besides. We both love Alec. There’s no way either of us would hurt him. No matter what happens between us.”
“Very true.” When Jared got up from the bar he walked around towards Jensen and leaned down, kissing his softly on the lips. “You’ve convinced me.”
“That easy?”
“Yeah, well it’s not like I wanted to run to begin with. All I really wanted to do this morning was stay in bed.”
Jensen grinned softly at him. “I think we can arrange that.”
It wasn’t until Danny called to drop Alec off that Jared and Jensen crawled back out of bed. When Danneel got there, the boys were on the couch. Jared just couldn’t keep his hands to himself now that he finally got that he could have this. He kissed Jensen deeply, reveled in the feel of Jensen under his lips, in the feel of the deep laughter that made his chest beat harder. He got up when the doorbell rang and Jensen answered it, Danneel leaving as soon as she saw Alec was safely home. “You have a good time sport?” Jensen asked.
“Good time sport!” Alec replied. He looked up as Jensen brought him closer and Alec squealed. “Hello Jared!”
“Hey Alec.” Jared said with a grin.
“I want paper please.”
Jared laughed. It was Alec’s newest thing. He would draw and color and cut figures and shapes out all day long. Jared shook his head but he was already getting up and grabbing the things Alec would want. Alec grabbed the pencils on the coffee table and started a vigorous drawing.
Jensen took a seat on the couch and when Jared tried to sit a little bit further away Jensen grabbed him and pulled him into his embrace. With his back to Jensen’s chest, he started to relax. Jensen’s hand beat out the time with his heart and then Jensen leaned forward. “He really does love you, you know?”
Jared turned so he could look up at Jensen. “Yeah. I love him too.”
Jensen traced the line of his lips with his thumb before he continued. “You know that… I love you too Jared.”
Jared’s eyes widened slightly and he wondered how surprised he looked. He took a deep breath before he said anything. “It’s really sort of scary how easily it was to fall in love with the second most beautiful pair of eyes in the world.”
“Second? Jensen asked.
“You know I fell in love with little man the first minute I saw him. Loved those beautiful green eyes at first sight. I knew then I’d never be able to walk away from him.” He raised his hand to Jensen’s face, touching his cheek lightly. “Think I knew all the way back then which was why I got so freaked out.”
Jensen held his hand against his skin, then turned his face slightly to kiss his palm. “You knew what?”
“Knew I’d never walk away from you.”
Jensen held him close and Jared relaxed into it. They still had a long way to go, but they had the important things right now. Alec would always be their priority and beyond that, they’d try to make each other happy.
He smiled into Jensen’s chest and let out a contented sigh. Yeah. His story had been pretty rough for a while but he was due a happily ever after. Jensen deserved a second one and he’d do whatever he could to give it to him.
Alec came up to him then, his smile bright as he crawled up into the v of Jensen’s legs and pushed until the was resting on his father’s chest with his back against Jared’s. “That’s my boy.” Alec said softly.
Jared looked up questioningly at Jensen who looked at his son with tears in his eyes. When he caught Jared’s eye he swallowed hard. “Used to do this with Michael.” He said quietly.
“I can-”
“Don’t. Don’t get up Jay. Just… give us this, alright?”
He nodded, kissing the top of Alec’s head softly as Jensen’s hand crept down and trailed over Alec’s cheek. He understood what kept Jensen going all this time, understood the need to make life perfect for his little boy, and he knew without a doubt that they’d be all right. Even with his past, with Jensen’s baggage and his temper, they’d get through it all. In the end, everything they’d gone through was because of the little boy in their arms.
They’d make things right between them, they’d get it right. If nothing else, then for love of their little man.