For realmofthemuse
RotM 1.47 Topic from 17/02/07 - "If Those I Loved Were Lost (Emily Dickenson)"
Spoilers for episode 2.14 'Born Under A Bad Sign' under this cut so don't click unless you've seen the episode or just enjoy being spoiled
After Sam goes missing for a second or third time (Dean’s lost count) Dean is pretty sure he’s going insane. It feels like he’s looking for his father again, looking high and low only to find nothing; it’s slowly killing him, and damn if he isn’t appealing to everyone he knows.
Then Sam calls him and Dean finds his brother with another person’s blood on his shirt, all over his hands that he’s tried to wash only for the colouring to stain his skin, and Dean feels his stomach lurch.
Only he refuses to believe that his baby brother could have hurt someone. The possibility just does not exist in Dean Winchester’s world. Even when he watches his brother murder a man in cold blood Dean refuses to believe and will not allow the thought to even cross his mind.
He’s gone so long protecting Sam that he just can’t accept that this is it, this is how Sam’s going to turn out and it’s not right and he doesn’t care what Sam says to him: his brother did not kill that man.
Usually the familiar weight of a gun is reassuring, kind of like a security blanket, but it’s anything but when Sam’s the one pushing it into his hand and telling him to kill him. Apparently it’s better that way. Now, Dean prides himself on being able to do what needs to be done but when it comes to Sam and when it comes to this he can’t and it’s true what he says; he’d rather die.
There’s something that feels wrong, off about this whole thing, and Dean isn’t about to plug a hole in his brother’s skull and he hopes he never has to; not that he thinks he has the balls to do it if it comes to that.
Imagine his relief when Sam turns around and knocks him out cold and then the crawling sensation of dread when he wakes up to find Sam gone and probably miles ahead of him. He’s got a lot of catching up to do but he’s Dean and for Sam he’d crawl on his hands and knees over broken glass to get to him.
Now there’s no way he could have known that Sam wasn’t really Sammy at all but it’s in his gut and he knows that Sam isn’t lost and God he hopes and he actually prays that he’s right. He’s pretty sure the alternative would kill him.
He finds him at some bar with Jo all trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey and God …Sam asks him to kill him again and just like before, Dean can’t do it. It’s not Sam, it hasn’t been Sam for God only knows how long and so when Sam - it - gets close enough he turns the tables.
Holy water and that’s got to hurt like a bitch.
Dean spares maybe one minute to free Jo before he’s diving out of the window after Sam and the thing wearing his skin like a fucking fur coat. His first mistake was putting his gun away and his second was walking out onto those docks and the third and final was turning too late.
He’ll never get the image of his brother pointing a gun at him out of his head and thanks to Jo’s really poor excuses for stitches he’ll never get rid of the scar from where Sam shot him either. Not that it was really Sam so Dean isn’t about to hold his brother responsible for that.
God, he’s lost too much time and damn if his shoulder isn’t killing him but he’s got to catch up and stop this thing before it ruins all his brother’s good work. Dean isn’t worrying too much about the hapless hunter that Sam’s doughy eyes are turning on because he knows the hunter and the man’s been long around enough to know better.
Things are going real well up until the point the demon shows its new tricks, one of those being the fact it’s locked itself into Sam, and the second, well …fuck, there goes the Devil’s Trap and the protection right along with it.
The next thing Dean knows, Sam - no, Meg - has him flat on his back and Sam’s fist is slamming into his face and man, Dean really wished he could do something more than grab almost pitifully at Sam’s shirt. Like that’ll somehow bring his brother back to him and fuck if the bitch isn’t hitting his sore points and literally digging Sam’s fingers into his injured shoulder.
Jesus fucking Christ.
It’s almost frightening how there isn’t a shred of Sam in that face and just for one moment Dean feels a chill like he’s never felt before and he just grabs at Sam’s collar again.
He has to hold on, he has to bring Sam back, and he has to save him.
Thankfully Bobby intervenes and burns that mark right off Sam’s arm and Meg’s gone and Sam’s back, bewildered but back, and Dean …well, call him a little sour but he slugs Sam hard then just collapses.
Everything after that is a blur; everything except for when Bobby warns them about the hunters and Dean takes that to heart and the words exchanged in the front seat of the Impala. He means what he says, he’ll save Sam if it’s the last thing he does because he refuses to let his brother be lost and he refuses to let go.
Dean’s already lost too much; he isn’t losing Sammy, not now and not ever.
Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural
Word Count : 930
Spoilers for episode 2.14 'Born Under A Bad Sign' under this cut so don't click unless you've seen the episode or just enjoy being spoiled
After Sam goes missing for a second or third time (Dean’s lost count) Dean is pretty sure he’s going insane. It feels like he’s looking for his father again, looking high and low only to find nothing; it’s slowly killing him, and damn if he isn’t appealing to everyone he knows.
Then Sam calls him and Dean finds his brother with another person’s blood on his shirt, all over his hands that he’s tried to wash only for the colouring to stain his skin, and Dean feels his stomach lurch.
Only he refuses to believe that his baby brother could have hurt someone. The possibility just does not exist in Dean Winchester’s world. Even when he watches his brother murder a man in cold blood Dean refuses to believe and will not allow the thought to even cross his mind.
He’s gone so long protecting Sam that he just can’t accept that this is it, this is how Sam’s going to turn out and it’s not right and he doesn’t care what Sam says to him: his brother did not kill that man.
Usually the familiar weight of a gun is reassuring, kind of like a security blanket, but it’s anything but when Sam’s the one pushing it into his hand and telling him to kill him. Apparently it’s better that way. Now, Dean prides himself on being able to do what needs to be done but when it comes to Sam and when it comes to this he can’t and it’s true what he says; he’d rather die.
There’s something that feels wrong, off about this whole thing, and Dean isn’t about to plug a hole in his brother’s skull and he hopes he never has to; not that he thinks he has the balls to do it if it comes to that.
Imagine his relief when Sam turns around and knocks him out cold and then the crawling sensation of dread when he wakes up to find Sam gone and probably miles ahead of him. He’s got a lot of catching up to do but he’s Dean and for Sam he’d crawl on his hands and knees over broken glass to get to him.
Now there’s no way he could have known that Sam wasn’t really Sammy at all but it’s in his gut and he knows that Sam isn’t lost and God he hopes and he actually prays that he’s right. He’s pretty sure the alternative would kill him.
He finds him at some bar with Jo all trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey and God …Sam asks him to kill him again and just like before, Dean can’t do it. It’s not Sam, it hasn’t been Sam for God only knows how long and so when Sam - it - gets close enough he turns the tables.
Holy water and that’s got to hurt like a bitch.
Dean spares maybe one minute to free Jo before he’s diving out of the window after Sam and the thing wearing his skin like a fucking fur coat. His first mistake was putting his gun away and his second was walking out onto those docks and the third and final was turning too late.
He’ll never get the image of his brother pointing a gun at him out of his head and thanks to Jo’s really poor excuses for stitches he’ll never get rid of the scar from where Sam shot him either. Not that it was really Sam so Dean isn’t about to hold his brother responsible for that.
God, he’s lost too much time and damn if his shoulder isn’t killing him but he’s got to catch up and stop this thing before it ruins all his brother’s good work. Dean isn’t worrying too much about the hapless hunter that Sam’s doughy eyes are turning on because he knows the hunter and the man’s been long around enough to know better.
Things are going real well up until the point the demon shows its new tricks, one of those being the fact it’s locked itself into Sam, and the second, well …fuck, there goes the Devil’s Trap and the protection right along with it.
The next thing Dean knows, Sam - no, Meg - has him flat on his back and Sam’s fist is slamming into his face and man, Dean really wished he could do something more than grab almost pitifully at Sam’s shirt. Like that’ll somehow bring his brother back to him and fuck if the bitch isn’t hitting his sore points and literally digging Sam’s fingers into his injured shoulder.
Jesus fucking Christ.
It’s almost frightening how there isn’t a shred of Sam in that face and just for one moment Dean feels a chill like he’s never felt before and he just grabs at Sam’s collar again.
He has to hold on, he has to bring Sam back, and he has to save him.
Thankfully Bobby intervenes and burns that mark right off Sam’s arm and Meg’s gone and Sam’s back, bewildered but back, and Dean …well, call him a little sour but he slugs Sam hard then just collapses.
Everything after that is a blur; everything except for when Bobby warns them about the hunters and Dean takes that to heart and the words exchanged in the front seat of the Impala. He means what he says, he’ll save Sam if it’s the last thing he does because he refuses to let his brother be lost and he refuses to let go.
Dean’s already lost too much; he isn’t losing Sammy, not now and not ever.
Muse : Dean Winchester
Fandom : Supernatural
Word Count : 930