Why Should I Love you?
I have to deal with this. I don't care how anymore. This is getting out of hand. Maybe it was the excrutiating pain in my side all day adding to it, but I came home this afternoon and almost threw up because of how sick I felt. It wasn't the pain that made me feel that way, I've felt worse before. I know why I felt so sick. And I can't allow this anymore. For the next few weeks I'm going to experiment and try new ways of distracting myself, or better yet, changing myself for the better. I don't like my feelings controlling me. It pisses me off. Thin line between love and hate, right? Fate really has it out for me. I just wish it would tell me what the fuck it wants me to do, because nothing I do seems good enough for it. On the positive side, everyone AROUND me is starting to feel better and happier. To be perfectly honest though, that makes me even more pissed off. I feel alone now. At least before I was emo and sick and out of it with a group of many, but now everyone has their solution. Where the fuck is mine? I want an exit that WORKS! That's not to much to ask after all this waiting and working.
One step at a time. I need to work up the nerve for tomorrow's game. Raiu needs a player to back him. After that, I need to finish homework, which is now the least of my problems. I then need to build up courage to walk into school on monday. Briana has a point she doesn't realized she hit when talking to me. I can't avoid classes forever because of this. I'll have to face them eventually. I'm highly considering seriously not going to the cafeteria in the morning and not going to A Lunch on B days. It's just too much for me, and the pain outweighs any benefits. I do have a light distraction for the week. Aaron wants me to do the d20 Future campaign. That's good because it will force me to create story for Machina Paladin and try out the d20 design of K.T. Helix (one of my more detailed and personalized characters).
I need help, but I think you are all sick of me now. I feel that sympathy is lacking. That's probably alright. I've lived a worse life for 13 years, this is nothing compared to that hell.
The light that shines in face of courage: Bullet Silver!
The darkness that devours in the face of destruction: Destroy Black!
And finally, facing the road of extinction in a flash of an instant: Steel Gray!
Magun Combination Triad #VII "Odin"
One step at a time. I need to work up the nerve for tomorrow's game. Raiu needs a player to back him. After that, I need to finish homework, which is now the least of my problems. I then need to build up courage to walk into school on monday. Briana has a point she doesn't realized she hit when talking to me. I can't avoid classes forever because of this. I'll have to face them eventually. I'm highly considering seriously not going to the cafeteria in the morning and not going to A Lunch on B days. It's just too much for me, and the pain outweighs any benefits. I do have a light distraction for the week. Aaron wants me to do the d20 Future campaign. That's good because it will force me to create story for Machina Paladin and try out the d20 design of K.T. Helix (one of my more detailed and personalized characters).
I need help, but I think you are all sick of me now. I feel that sympathy is lacking. That's probably alright. I've lived a worse life for 13 years, this is nothing compared to that hell.
The light that shines in face of courage: Bullet Silver!
The darkness that devours in the face of destruction: Destroy Black!
And finally, facing the road of extinction in a flash of an instant: Steel Gray!
Magun Combination Triad #VII "Odin"