(no subject)
Growing up, when I pictured my future family it usually had three children in it. It always had a daughter in it. These children seemed almost real to me even when I couldn't picture any man sticking around long enough to father them. So here I am, two children, neither of them daughters and it's starting to dawn on me that maybe I am done. My deal with myself before deciding to have a(nother) baby was always that I had to be equally happy with a boy or a girl and the desire for a child had to out-weigh the fear of a difficult birth. If my youngest is five-and-a-half and I'm not there yet it's likely I never will be.
I've spent the years since Ferdi's birth thinking of him as a middle-child-to-be so it's quite weird turning my thinking around and seeing myself as someone whose child-bearing days are quite likely behind her. There is some grief there - I make beautiful babies after all - but I'm liking the freedoms that come with having older children too. I think that finding contentment with what I have will do me good.
Over the last few days I have been sorting through the kids out-grown clothes. Up until now I have held on to everything in case of future need but now I'm sending anything vaguely scruffy to the charity bin and much of the rest will, eventually, be sold or given away. There are a few things I will never be able to part with, sentimental beast that I am. This outfit in particular will be carefully horded.
I've spent the years since Ferdi's birth thinking of him as a middle-child-to-be so it's quite weird turning my thinking around and seeing myself as someone whose child-bearing days are quite likely behind her. There is some grief there - I make beautiful babies after all - but I'm liking the freedoms that come with having older children too. I think that finding contentment with what I have will do me good.
Over the last few days I have been sorting through the kids out-grown clothes. Up until now I have held on to everything in case of future need but now I'm sending anything vaguely scruffy to the charity bin and much of the rest will, eventually, be sold or given away. There are a few things I will never be able to part with, sentimental beast that I am. This outfit in particular will be carefully horded.