if what you're doing isn't working, try something else
Man, I'm in a really good place right now.
As you may have surmised from my previous entry I've begun to immerse myself in the field of discovery and self-betterment that is neurolingusitic programming and several other schools of analysis regarding social dynamics (particularlly relating to male/female relationships vis-a-vis courting, attraction, love, etc) and all I can say is...wow. I've never felt such clarity and understanding of the world and the way people work as I do right now. Learning about communication is so vital to understanding it and making work for you and with you.
Part of the ASF seduction manuscript I've been reading has been about improving yourself by establishing a strong frame or mental window through which we percieve the world and learning how to demonstate value to other people by having a strong emotional center and learning to draw interest from others by achieving congruence between the way you are and the way you act around others. It's truly a mind-blowing experience to be actively engaging in activities and behaviors which increase your self-esteem and sense of worth and entitlement, and at the same time allow others to see that within you as well.
I'm trying to take it one step at a time, right now focusing on how to not be 'reactive' regarding male/female relationships. Realizing that I am in control of my own emotions and feelings and I am an inherently useful human being of worth, regardless of how other people (specifically objects of romantic desire) feel about me or act around me is an immensely rewarding feeling and I no longer feel drawn to find 'completeness' within others. I am whole and perfect in and of myself. We all are.
Here are a few things I've learned in my journey to self-betterment so far, and it may behoove you to examine these principles and see if you can draw anything from them:
- The ability to change the process by which we experience reality is more often valuable than changing the content of our experience of reality.
- The map is not the territory.
- People already have all the resources they need.
- Life and 'Mind' are systemic processes.
- Underlying structure matters more than specific content.
- Behind every behavior is a positive intention.
- There is no failure, only feedback.
- The meaning of your communication is the response you get.
Applying these sorts of principles and axioms to my every day life will be tricky sure, but for the first time in a long while I feel confident that I can evoke a change in my own life. It is a truly magical feelings.
Let's see how my first attempt at life-narration goes, keeping all these things in mind, and with me acting out of a desire to demonstrate high value.
~*~
It all comes back to Theresa. She has been the focal point of my life for the past few months, in a very big, self-destructive way. I have put myself in this position because of my lack of self-worth and allowed these terrible events to unfold around me and then claim ignorance when my actions of consequences.
That said, truly, the way I feel about her has not changed one iota. I simply percieve the situation and our actions, differently.
She has 2 months left in this town, a 2 month window to decide whether or not I am worth the trouble of acknowledging my 'romantic elligiblity', if you will. I've tried everything that I thought I knew to demonstate high value to her. I showed her jerkiness, indifference, compassion, neglience, sweetness, thoughtfulness, everything I thought might get me what I wanted. The problem that has arisen is that most of those things are alright, and may very well have worked out for me, if only I had been congruent about it. She's seen so many faces, she can't possibly be expected to know which ones were real, which ones were defense mechanisms, which ones were elaborate lies meant to decieve and mislead.
So what am I going to do?
Absolutely nothing. She know where I stand, I have communicated my feelings for her in almost every way I know how. It is up to her to act on it now.
Before my journey towards 'proactivity' began I found myself very hurt that she was not giving me more of her precious little time. That somehow she owed me her attention because I NEEDED it. I see now that that is completely faulty. Being needy is what has gotten me into this mess. I will not burden her, or anyone else, with that any longer. I am going to keep on living, keep on moving forward with my life, and if she would like to include me in her last days here in Portland, I would be delighted to take part in that, and if she is too busy soaking in the people around her, hastily trying to have experiences she can hang on to while she lives her life in what she views as social alcatraz, then that is only human, and I cannot fault her for that.
But if not, then I have my answer, in a not particularlly messy way, and we can both move on. Either way, the situation is resolved, everyone has what they need to continue living, and at least on my end, there will be no hard feelings.
Even if I have not captured her heart, I have not failed in this experience. For after all, there is no failure...only feedback.
As you may have surmised from my previous entry I've begun to immerse myself in the field of discovery and self-betterment that is neurolingusitic programming and several other schools of analysis regarding social dynamics (particularlly relating to male/female relationships vis-a-vis courting, attraction, love, etc) and all I can say is...wow. I've never felt such clarity and understanding of the world and the way people work as I do right now. Learning about communication is so vital to understanding it and making work for you and with you.
Part of the ASF seduction manuscript I've been reading has been about improving yourself by establishing a strong frame or mental window through which we percieve the world and learning how to demonstate value to other people by having a strong emotional center and learning to draw interest from others by achieving congruence between the way you are and the way you act around others. It's truly a mind-blowing experience to be actively engaging in activities and behaviors which increase your self-esteem and sense of worth and entitlement, and at the same time allow others to see that within you as well.
I'm trying to take it one step at a time, right now focusing on how to not be 'reactive' regarding male/female relationships. Realizing that I am in control of my own emotions and feelings and I am an inherently useful human being of worth, regardless of how other people (specifically objects of romantic desire) feel about me or act around me is an immensely rewarding feeling and I no longer feel drawn to find 'completeness' within others. I am whole and perfect in and of myself. We all are.
Here are a few things I've learned in my journey to self-betterment so far, and it may behoove you to examine these principles and see if you can draw anything from them:
- The ability to change the process by which we experience reality is more often valuable than changing the content of our experience of reality.
- The map is not the territory.
- People already have all the resources they need.
- Life and 'Mind' are systemic processes.
- Underlying structure matters more than specific content.
- Behind every behavior is a positive intention.
- There is no failure, only feedback.
- The meaning of your communication is the response you get.
Applying these sorts of principles and axioms to my every day life will be tricky sure, but for the first time in a long while I feel confident that I can evoke a change in my own life. It is a truly magical feelings.
Let's see how my first attempt at life-narration goes, keeping all these things in mind, and with me acting out of a desire to demonstrate high value.
~*~
It all comes back to Theresa. She has been the focal point of my life for the past few months, in a very big, self-destructive way. I have put myself in this position because of my lack of self-worth and allowed these terrible events to unfold around me and then claim ignorance when my actions of consequences.
That said, truly, the way I feel about her has not changed one iota. I simply percieve the situation and our actions, differently.
She has 2 months left in this town, a 2 month window to decide whether or not I am worth the trouble of acknowledging my 'romantic elligiblity', if you will. I've tried everything that I thought I knew to demonstate high value to her. I showed her jerkiness, indifference, compassion, neglience, sweetness, thoughtfulness, everything I thought might get me what I wanted. The problem that has arisen is that most of those things are alright, and may very well have worked out for me, if only I had been congruent about it. She's seen so many faces, she can't possibly be expected to know which ones were real, which ones were defense mechanisms, which ones were elaborate lies meant to decieve and mislead.
So what am I going to do?
Absolutely nothing. She know where I stand, I have communicated my feelings for her in almost every way I know how. It is up to her to act on it now.
Before my journey towards 'proactivity' began I found myself very hurt that she was not giving me more of her precious little time. That somehow she owed me her attention because I NEEDED it. I see now that that is completely faulty. Being needy is what has gotten me into this mess. I will not burden her, or anyone else, with that any longer. I am going to keep on living, keep on moving forward with my life, and if she would like to include me in her last days here in Portland, I would be delighted to take part in that, and if she is too busy soaking in the people around her, hastily trying to have experiences she can hang on to while she lives her life in what she views as social alcatraz, then that is only human, and I cannot fault her for that.
But if not, then I have my answer, in a not particularlly messy way, and we can both move on. Either way, the situation is resolved, everyone has what they need to continue living, and at least on my end, there will be no hard feelings.
Even if I have not captured her heart, I have not failed in this experience. For after all, there is no failure...only feedback.