(no subject)
I'm not too happy with Todd right now. Although I've already forgiven him for being an asshole, I still can't manage to stop thinking about things. I'm not really sure why I feel so funny about it. Actually, I do know. I feel violated. That's hard to make him understand, though.
We came back from the store yesterday and he said, "Do you want to go make a baby?" I laughed, called him retarded and said, "I don't want to make one, but we can practice." Well, for whatever reason he felt the need to do his business, knowing that I'm not on the pill right now. Then he gets mad at me because I start crying and freaking out. The only thing he can say to me is, "It's not a big deal. It doesn't mean you're going to get pregnant. Stop overreacting." What the fuck is he thinking?! For someone to be almost 30 years old, he ought to know where babies come from. I feel like telling me to stop overreacting and all that just diminishes my feelings and my rights. Am I crazy or am I right that he doesn't have a right do to that without my permission? I am the one that actually has to carry a child and give birth, so I'm pretty sure I get a say-so as to when, exactly, we have another child. Right?
I am just sick over things. I couldn't even look at him yesterday. I don't even want him touching me. I can't stop crying at the thought of everything, including the possibility that I could get pregnant. My job is so stressful and physically/mentally demanding that I don't know how I would last if I got pregnant now. Not to mention that I am supposed to start my Master's in August on top of trying to get all my classes out of the way that I need to take for my professional certificate by August.
Ugh, I just want to scream. I was debating on whether or not to go to Lowe's and buy plants for the yard, but I think I will. I need to get out for a bit. I might go to Jo-Anne's as well. I need to buy material for Marcy's baby's quilt.
We came back from the store yesterday and he said, "Do you want to go make a baby?" I laughed, called him retarded and said, "I don't want to make one, but we can practice." Well, for whatever reason he felt the need to do his business, knowing that I'm not on the pill right now. Then he gets mad at me because I start crying and freaking out. The only thing he can say to me is, "It's not a big deal. It doesn't mean you're going to get pregnant. Stop overreacting." What the fuck is he thinking?! For someone to be almost 30 years old, he ought to know where babies come from. I feel like telling me to stop overreacting and all that just diminishes my feelings and my rights. Am I crazy or am I right that he doesn't have a right do to that without my permission? I am the one that actually has to carry a child and give birth, so I'm pretty sure I get a say-so as to when, exactly, we have another child. Right?
I am just sick over things. I couldn't even look at him yesterday. I don't even want him touching me. I can't stop crying at the thought of everything, including the possibility that I could get pregnant. My job is so stressful and physically/mentally demanding that I don't know how I would last if I got pregnant now. Not to mention that I am supposed to start my Master's in August on top of trying to get all my classes out of the way that I need to take for my professional certificate by August.
Ugh, I just want to scream. I was debating on whether or not to go to Lowe's and buy plants for the yard, but I think I will. I need to get out for a bit. I might go to Jo-Anne's as well. I need to buy material for Marcy's baby's quilt.