Weird Gender Head Trips Make me Happy
Surprised, I pause to reflect on how this seemingly fluffy video in this post by Jhayne manages to hit home on a lot of my gender issues.
(And it reminds me why I shouldn't be allowed to watch TV)
Curious.... Curious....
1. Initially...
I notice my deep-seated dislike for how
- The real-life man is a dope who can (and should?) be outmanouvered by his wife - what he don't know won't hurt him
- The fantasy man smiles and looks pretty.
For years, I'd thought that a goodly chunk of my gender issues sprung out of this dislike for common conceptions of the role of men - men are expected to think that men are tough, capable take-charge rational economic decision-makers and women are flighty emotional gadflies ("girls:" Persephone, Pandora, Monkeys), while women are expeced to think that women rule through holistic balance antd deft social manouvers and men are obtuse oafs to be placated by beer and sports ("boys:" Polyphemus, Achilles, Neanderthals).
Why these child-like stereotypes? Is it because these are what form first, and we've not cause to challenge them?
This still bothers me, but it is not a major issue in my identity - except in my identity as one of those crazy gender anarchists who also happens to be genderfucked... I think.
Consider the common trans-questioning thought experiment, "if we lived in a world without gender roles, would I still want to change my body?"
(FUCK YES)
2. Additionally...
- when I see the protagonist's daydream (around 2:15 or 2:39) with the two of them together, I see the woman in goggles or armour and have the gut response, oh that's me.
I need some goggles.
I had thought that this sort of reaction to lesbian couples was some kind of mental dodge on my part: clearly I was just romantically frustrated; failing that, I was buying into the Hollywood lesbian=always-middle-class-femme/femme-couple thing, or this nightclub I want to impress my boyfriend business (though I'm glad/amused/disturbed/schaudenfreuded to hear that the hetero-ish lads are, now and then, being expected to keep up their end of this).
But again, this is not the case. When I receive positive romantic attention from women, this sentiment does not diminish. And most pop culture treatments of lesbians gives me the same feeling of incredulity as does cheap CG. Real same-sex female couples spark this feeling of I want to be in one of those, then I metaphorically smack myself upside the head. Hetero couples give me the same feeling as those narrow faux-victorian townhouses, i.e. I think one of those would be nice - besides it seems like the practical choice... I think.
Definitely weird in any case.
And the idea of trans-andro still leaves me quizical - but also chipper!
The lessons from both 1 and 2 are:
- I really slhould stop second-guessing myself - who knows what else I'm ignoring
- Whenever I'm near pop culture, I should wear a blindfold at all times
3. Currently...
What's weirding me out now are the mental slips. I was rehearsing a glib speech for a debate and stopped: listening to my plan, I thought, that sentence sounds good, but if I'm going to publicly refer to myself in the third person, perhaps male pronouns would be a less confusing choice at this point in time.
Nothing like backtracking over your own self-directed pronoun use.
Potrhly hovno, ne moye komeradi?
That's Bad Czech for "Crazy shit eh?, my (glorious Soviet) friends?"
(And it reminds me why I shouldn't be allowed to watch TV)
Curious.... Curious....
1. Initially...
I notice my deep-seated dislike for how
- The real-life man is a dope who can (and should?) be outmanouvered by his wife - what he don't know won't hurt him
- The fantasy man smiles and looks pretty.
For years, I'd thought that a goodly chunk of my gender issues sprung out of this dislike for common conceptions of the role of men - men are expected to think that men are tough, capable take-charge rational economic decision-makers and women are flighty emotional gadflies ("girls:" Persephone, Pandora, Monkeys), while women are expeced to think that women rule through holistic balance antd deft social manouvers and men are obtuse oafs to be placated by beer and sports ("boys:" Polyphemus, Achilles, Neanderthals).
Why these child-like stereotypes? Is it because these are what form first, and we've not cause to challenge them?
This still bothers me, but it is not a major issue in my identity - except in my identity as one of those crazy gender anarchists who also happens to be genderfucked... I think.
Consider the common trans-questioning thought experiment, "if we lived in a world without gender roles, would I still want to change my body?"
(FUCK YES)
2. Additionally...
- when I see the protagonist's daydream (around 2:15 or 2:39) with the two of them together, I see the woman in goggles or armour and have the gut response, oh that's me.
I need some goggles.
I had thought that this sort of reaction to lesbian couples was some kind of mental dodge on my part: clearly I was just romantically frustrated; failing that, I was buying into the Hollywood lesbian=always-middle-class-femme/femme-couple thing, or this nightclub I want to impress my boyfriend business (though I'm glad/amused/disturbed/schaudenfreuded to hear that the hetero-ish lads are, now and then, being expected to keep up their end of this).
But again, this is not the case. When I receive positive romantic attention from women, this sentiment does not diminish. And most pop culture treatments of lesbians gives me the same feeling of incredulity as does cheap CG. Real same-sex female couples spark this feeling of I want to be in one of those, then I metaphorically smack myself upside the head. Hetero couples give me the same feeling as those narrow faux-victorian townhouses, i.e. I think one of those would be nice - besides it seems like the practical choice... I think.
Definitely weird in any case.
And the idea of trans-andro still leaves me quizical - but also chipper!
The lessons from both 1 and 2 are:
- I really slhould stop second-guessing myself - who knows what else I'm ignoring
- Whenever I'm near pop culture, I should wear a blindfold at all times
3. Currently...
What's weirding me out now are the mental slips. I was rehearsing a glib speech for a debate and stopped: listening to my plan, I thought, that sentence sounds good, but if I'm going to publicly refer to myself in the third person, perhaps male pronouns would be a less confusing choice at this point in time.
Nothing like backtracking over your own self-directed pronoun use.
Potrhly hovno, ne moye komeradi?
That's Bad Czech for "Crazy shit eh?, my (glorious Soviet) friends?"