It must be. Definitely.
a/n: If people are still reading this, hi. :> This started as a freeform, but ended up to be a one shot. Half song-inspired, half unplanned. Either way, enjoy. :)
------
It was 3.27AM the last time Taeyeon checked the clock by the bed. That had to be 5 minutes ago, or that could have been half an hour ago. She couldn't be too sure but she was glad that it was the weekends, at least.
Taeyeon kept her eyes at that random spot on the ceiling, unable to calm her thoughts to sleep. She listened quietly to the distant traffic 5 stories down from her girlfriend's apartment, and the soft deep breathing of the sleeping girl next to her.
The same thoughts occupied her mind, the ones that came randomly, occasionally, when she thought about her, about them.
Taeyeon had always been the first to initiate anything in their relationship.
She was the first to ask Tiffany out, despite the trembling of her hands as she held out a single rose.
The first to hold her hand that winter night, 3 dates later. The hand that kept hers warmer than any glove could.
She leaned in first for the goodnight kiss on their 8th date, and it was everything she had thought she could only dream about.
She was the first to say she loved her as they reached their 6 months mark, something Tiffany hadn't said back even a year later.
Not at all were they one-sided, but Taeyeon kept giving, and giving, and to others, it might have seemed like Tiffany just kept on taking, and receiving.
But it wasn't like that, because when they were alone, Tiffany gave her the gentlest smiles, and the softest kisses. Tiffany showered her with sweet praises and whispered words of gratitude.
Tiffany looked at her like she meant the whole world.
Tiffany held her in a way that she knew the girl would give her the stars if she had asked for it.
But Tiffany had never spoken of love, never really said she loved her directly.
"Me too," that was all Taeyeon would get from her, maybe along with a meaningful smile, and a kiss or two.
Their relationship was going strong, she would love the believe that, because Tiffany still smiled at her genuinely, brightly, and even when they fought, they would still make up before bed. Neither wanted to stay mad for long.
They were going well, but Tiffany still hadn't said the words she longed to hear, and Taeyeon wondered if it was really love for Tiffany.
People could be together and not be in love, it was plausible, and Taeyeon thought about that briefly, only to brush it off not long after.
It was impossible. All the feelings she felt, all the highs and the lows, she knew Tiffany felt it too. If eyes could speak a thousand words, Tiffany's could say a million more. It was impossible for them to be together for more than a year based on just one-sided love....right?
The body next to her stirred when she heaved a sigh at the repetitive thoughts, and Taeyeon turned her head in time to see Tiffany's eyes fluttering open, trying to adjust to the dark.
Their eyes met, and Tiffany huffed lightly, reaching her hand out to cup her face. Taeyeon smiled a little at the warm gesture.
"Why aren't you sleeping?" she mumbled. "Was I snoring?"
Taeyeon chuckled lightly, turning her face to look up at that empty spot on the ceiling again. Tiffany's hand dropped from its position, resting lightly on her chest, right over her heart.
Tiffany had all of her heart.
Did she have hers?
"Not at all," she replied softly at Tiffany's question, wondering if she had answered her own. A sigh left her lips again before she could help herself. "I just had some things to think about."
A few seconds of silence passed and for a moment she thought that Tiffany had dozed off again, but more movements caught her attention.
Before she could turn to look, Tiffany's face hovered above hers as her girlfriend propped herself up on her elbow.
Tiffany brushed her fringe away from her eyes, just as Taeyeon reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear.
Tiffany stared at her, in concern, in wonder, in love (she was sure it was love), and even in the dark, she could see her eyes gazing back at her so softly that Taeyeon could swim in them forever. She smiled when Tiffany smiled, and smiled even more when Tiffany leaned down to kiss her nose.
"I love you," Taeyeon all but whispered to her, and when Tiffany merely hummed a quiet reply back, pulling her ever so gently into her arms instead, it didn't feel at all like it was one-sided.
It must be love for Tiffany too.
Tiffany had never said it back, not properly, but somehow, Taeyeon knew she just needed a little more time. For whatever reasons it may be, Tiffany just needed a little more time, and until then, Taeyeon would keep waiting.
It must be love.
----
It was already 5.38AM when she managed to peek at the clock by the other side of the bed without waking the sleeping girl in her arms.
Tiffany continued to pat her girlfriend's back gently, all her previous exhaustion disappitating as she thought about her, about them.
Tiffany knew what Taeyeon wanted to hear, even though it was never really brought up. Why didn't Taeyeon bring it up? She wasn't sure but maybe it was for the best.
It wasn't words she took lightly, never had she said them to anyone outside of her family before, and while Taeyeon had said them barely 6 months into their relationship, something held her back.
She had watched as Taeyeon smiled to hide her disappointment when she replied,"Me too," instead of the same words back. She couldn't possibly say she didn't feel the same way, because that wasn't the case at all.
She was fond of her, and incredibly attracted to her. She adored her, but could that be counted as love?
She couldn't bring herself to say them back the same way, not at that time. Not yet, she reasoned. She deemed it too soon.
They were still getting to know each other, and Tiffany just wasn't sure yet. Sure, she missed her when she wasn't around. Of course, she thought about her often. Yes, Taeyeon definitely made her happy.
Was that love?
Maybe.
A year into their relationship and Tiffany realised that maybe it was love after all, because they could be arguing 5 minutes ago, and she really did almost throw Taeyeon out of her apartment but then she would look at her, noticed how upset her girlfriend still was, and realised even though she was still annoyed, she didn't have the heart to throw her out and make her go home alone.
Not while it was already late at night, not when they were still mad at each other. Ironically, she still wanted her to sleep next to her later that night. Maybe then they could make up, or at least cuddle to break the stiff tension that still lingered in the air. Either way, there was no way she wanted to sleep while they were still in a fight.
She knew how it reflected on her, when friends around them started to notice that Taeyeon had iniatiated a lot first, how the girl seemed much more commited than she was. She noticed how Taeyeon's friends throw her a wary looks every now and then, and understood their worries.
She knew it looked like she was taking advantage of Taeyeon so she tried, all the time, to meet half way, not wanting Taeyeon to do everything on her own. She didn't want Taeyeon to think what the others thought, because she might not have said it before, not the way Taeyeon had wanted her to, but it wasn't at all one-sided.
When Taeyeon reaches out to hold her hand, she holds it tight, because their hands fitted perfectly together and she didn't want to let go.
When Taeyeon hugs her, she would bring her even closer, wishing Taeyeon could understand her heart.
When Taeyeon leaned in for a kiss, she would kiss back, gently, because she didn't want to rush something like that, she never wanted to hurt her. That was the last thing she ever wanted.
It was probably love.
"I love you," she muttered, out loud for the first time.
As if foreign to the phrase, yet highly attuned to it, she felt a pleasant buzz going through her veins. Her girlfriend remained unmoving, taking in deep, rhythmic breaths as she buried her face against her neck.
It felt wonderful to just have her there with her; breathing, alive, and well.
"I love you," she whispered to her again, and for a nerve-wrecking moment, she thought that Taeyeon had woken up when the girl shifted in her sleep, pulling her even closer and sighing lightly against her skin.
When she wakes up, Tiffany decided that she would say it again, and again, and again. No matter how many times Taeyeon wished to hear it, and even when she's used to hearing it, Tiffany would tell her she loved her.
Tiffany smiled at the thought of that. She kissed the side of Taeyeon's head, and smiled even wider.
Who knew that saying it could make her happy, too?
It was definitely love.
****
------
It was 3.27AM the last time Taeyeon checked the clock by the bed. That had to be 5 minutes ago, or that could have been half an hour ago. She couldn't be too sure but she was glad that it was the weekends, at least.
Taeyeon kept her eyes at that random spot on the ceiling, unable to calm her thoughts to sleep. She listened quietly to the distant traffic 5 stories down from her girlfriend's apartment, and the soft deep breathing of the sleeping girl next to her.
The same thoughts occupied her mind, the ones that came randomly, occasionally, when she thought about her, about them.
Taeyeon had always been the first to initiate anything in their relationship.
She was the first to ask Tiffany out, despite the trembling of her hands as she held out a single rose.
The first to hold her hand that winter night, 3 dates later. The hand that kept hers warmer than any glove could.
She leaned in first for the goodnight kiss on their 8th date, and it was everything she had thought she could only dream about.
She was the first to say she loved her as they reached their 6 months mark, something Tiffany hadn't said back even a year later.
Not at all were they one-sided, but Taeyeon kept giving, and giving, and to others, it might have seemed like Tiffany just kept on taking, and receiving.
But it wasn't like that, because when they were alone, Tiffany gave her the gentlest smiles, and the softest kisses. Tiffany showered her with sweet praises and whispered words of gratitude.
Tiffany looked at her like she meant the whole world.
Tiffany held her in a way that she knew the girl would give her the stars if she had asked for it.
But Tiffany had never spoken of love, never really said she loved her directly.
"Me too," that was all Taeyeon would get from her, maybe along with a meaningful smile, and a kiss or two.
Their relationship was going strong, she would love the believe that, because Tiffany still smiled at her genuinely, brightly, and even when they fought, they would still make up before bed. Neither wanted to stay mad for long.
They were going well, but Tiffany still hadn't said the words she longed to hear, and Taeyeon wondered if it was really love for Tiffany.
People could be together and not be in love, it was plausible, and Taeyeon thought about that briefly, only to brush it off not long after.
It was impossible. All the feelings she felt, all the highs and the lows, she knew Tiffany felt it too. If eyes could speak a thousand words, Tiffany's could say a million more. It was impossible for them to be together for more than a year based on just one-sided love....right?
The body next to her stirred when she heaved a sigh at the repetitive thoughts, and Taeyeon turned her head in time to see Tiffany's eyes fluttering open, trying to adjust to the dark.
Their eyes met, and Tiffany huffed lightly, reaching her hand out to cup her face. Taeyeon smiled a little at the warm gesture.
"Why aren't you sleeping?" she mumbled. "Was I snoring?"
Taeyeon chuckled lightly, turning her face to look up at that empty spot on the ceiling again. Tiffany's hand dropped from its position, resting lightly on her chest, right over her heart.
Tiffany had all of her heart.
Did she have hers?
"Not at all," she replied softly at Tiffany's question, wondering if she had answered her own. A sigh left her lips again before she could help herself. "I just had some things to think about."
A few seconds of silence passed and for a moment she thought that Tiffany had dozed off again, but more movements caught her attention.
Before she could turn to look, Tiffany's face hovered above hers as her girlfriend propped herself up on her elbow.
Tiffany brushed her fringe away from her eyes, just as Taeyeon reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear.
Tiffany stared at her, in concern, in wonder, in love (she was sure it was love), and even in the dark, she could see her eyes gazing back at her so softly that Taeyeon could swim in them forever. She smiled when Tiffany smiled, and smiled even more when Tiffany leaned down to kiss her nose.
"I love you," Taeyeon all but whispered to her, and when Tiffany merely hummed a quiet reply back, pulling her ever so gently into her arms instead, it didn't feel at all like it was one-sided.
It must be love for Tiffany too.
Tiffany had never said it back, not properly, but somehow, Taeyeon knew she just needed a little more time. For whatever reasons it may be, Tiffany just needed a little more time, and until then, Taeyeon would keep waiting.
It must be love.
----
It was already 5.38AM when she managed to peek at the clock by the other side of the bed without waking the sleeping girl in her arms.
Tiffany continued to pat her girlfriend's back gently, all her previous exhaustion disappitating as she thought about her, about them.
Tiffany knew what Taeyeon wanted to hear, even though it was never really brought up. Why didn't Taeyeon bring it up? She wasn't sure but maybe it was for the best.
It wasn't words she took lightly, never had she said them to anyone outside of her family before, and while Taeyeon had said them barely 6 months into their relationship, something held her back.
She had watched as Taeyeon smiled to hide her disappointment when she replied,"Me too," instead of the same words back. She couldn't possibly say she didn't feel the same way, because that wasn't the case at all.
She was fond of her, and incredibly attracted to her. She adored her, but could that be counted as love?
She couldn't bring herself to say them back the same way, not at that time. Not yet, she reasoned. She deemed it too soon.
They were still getting to know each other, and Tiffany just wasn't sure yet. Sure, she missed her when she wasn't around. Of course, she thought about her often. Yes, Taeyeon definitely made her happy.
Was that love?
Maybe.
A year into their relationship and Tiffany realised that maybe it was love after all, because they could be arguing 5 minutes ago, and she really did almost throw Taeyeon out of her apartment but then she would look at her, noticed how upset her girlfriend still was, and realised even though she was still annoyed, she didn't have the heart to throw her out and make her go home alone.
Not while it was already late at night, not when they were still mad at each other. Ironically, she still wanted her to sleep next to her later that night. Maybe then they could make up, or at least cuddle to break the stiff tension that still lingered in the air. Either way, there was no way she wanted to sleep while they were still in a fight.
She knew how it reflected on her, when friends around them started to notice that Taeyeon had iniatiated a lot first, how the girl seemed much more commited than she was. She noticed how Taeyeon's friends throw her a wary looks every now and then, and understood their worries.
She knew it looked like she was taking advantage of Taeyeon so she tried, all the time, to meet half way, not wanting Taeyeon to do everything on her own. She didn't want Taeyeon to think what the others thought, because she might not have said it before, not the way Taeyeon had wanted her to, but it wasn't at all one-sided.
When Taeyeon reaches out to hold her hand, she holds it tight, because their hands fitted perfectly together and she didn't want to let go.
When Taeyeon hugs her, she would bring her even closer, wishing Taeyeon could understand her heart.
When Taeyeon leaned in for a kiss, she would kiss back, gently, because she didn't want to rush something like that, she never wanted to hurt her. That was the last thing she ever wanted.
It was probably love.
"I love you," she muttered, out loud for the first time.
As if foreign to the phrase, yet highly attuned to it, she felt a pleasant buzz going through her veins. Her girlfriend remained unmoving, taking in deep, rhythmic breaths as she buried her face against her neck.
It felt wonderful to just have her there with her; breathing, alive, and well.
"I love you," she whispered to her again, and for a nerve-wrecking moment, she thought that Taeyeon had woken up when the girl shifted in her sleep, pulling her even closer and sighing lightly against her skin.
When she wakes up, Tiffany decided that she would say it again, and again, and again. No matter how many times Taeyeon wished to hear it, and even when she's used to hearing it, Tiffany would tell her she loved her.
Tiffany smiled at the thought of that. She kissed the side of Taeyeon's head, and smiled even wider.
Who knew that saying it could make her happy, too?
It was definitely love.
****