Journal #2 - Struggle
Today has been a bit of a struggle...
I find it hard to sleep pre-midnight these days. It's not that my mind is racing with thoughts (well not that I know of anyway), but I'm just not tired and cannot sleep.
About 3 years ago I began watching relaxing videos on Youtube to assist with getting me to sleep. The catch of this though is that I have to be tired for these videos to work.
I just feel very lethargic. I have been to the gym the last 2 days (I am on the heavier side) and I also purchased a bike (I have rode in a week - just no motivation) but it just seems to make me more tired. I eat fairly well and don't smoke or drink alcohol everyday and have always been a stockier girl compared to others; however it just frustrates me that some days I have absolutely no energy to do anything!!
I finished working full time in August of this year and am looking for a job with less hours. I enjoyed my previous job it was the managers that were the problem. I am certified in administration and found myself in 2014 desperately seeking a full time position in administration - I needed the money with 2 x children at home. So my recruitment agency called me one day in November last year to advise they had a job for me, but the only catch was that it was in a house.... where a couple ran their own business. At the time there were no other jobs going so after meeting the female partner of the business I spoke with my children and parents and decided to take it. There was another girl in the office I was working with and their were about 5 guys (servicemen) who would come and go from the house as we were a locksmith mobile based company. Basically customers would call us in the office we would take down the details, book the job and despatch a locksmith to complete a job. I fitted in really well and thoroughly enjoyed my work it was rewarding and the money was fantastic; however it wasn't all rainbows and candy canes.
The male partner of the company I met on first day and within an hour the couple were yelling and disagreeing on let's just say EVERYTHING!! It was extremely difficult to work whilst this was going on especially when you are on the phone to customers and they are having a screaming match in the background. The male partner had a few issues and my colleagues described it as bipolar and Asperger's Syndrome and this guy had never been to a doctor nor was on any form of medication. Crazy stuff I tell yah but again I enjoyed the work and the people (besides the managers) I worked with were great.
I ended up lasting nine months in that asylum, but after days, weeks and months of coming home feeling absolutely traumatized by the drama I was subjected to I made the decision to leave. No amount of money is worth putting up with that s#!*. I think that has played a major part in why I feel the way I do, it's a lot for anyone to put up with. Thankfully I was able to take something positive from the experience. I have made a couple of new friends from working there and we actually all left working there I always say we were the smart ones.
So back my earlier part of journal I am looking for a job with less hours and one that doesn't work from a house... Live and Learn I say.
But yes today has definitely been a struggle to say the least. I slept through my alarm this morning and my 12 year old forgot to set her clock too so I ended up just letting her have the day off.
And about 13:00pm this afternoon I felt tired so just hopped in bed to lay down for a minute. And that minute turned into waking up at 16:10pm! Not that I have anything to do or anywhere to go, but I would like to feel more motivated.
I find that I am more productive in the evening and do my laundry and chores then. Even though I'm still getting it all done regardless of what time it is, I don't want to get into a habit of all of this in case I find work with shifts during the day. I have always had my "days" where I feel like crap I think we all do, but right now the past few weeks I have noticed how more tired I am, I'm going to the supermarket at night, I'm struggling to wake in the morning and hitting that snooze button more often.
I took myself and my daughter to see my GP yesterday afternoon to explain briefly what I'm feeling and that I think it would be good to get a referral to see my psychologist who I will call "Betty" and she is fantastic. I have been seeing her off and on for about 4 years now. My 12 year old daughter sees her too. The only down side of having a great psychologist is the wait times. I booked in yesterday and the only time she is available at the moment is the 6-January-2016!! Alas "Betty" is well worth the wait!
And it's not that I'm sad or sitting around crying all the time, I just feel things have shifted for me and I don't want to get too used to this lifestyle.
Anyway that is enough for now.
Until next time... Much love,
Hummingbird x
I find it hard to sleep pre-midnight these days. It's not that my mind is racing with thoughts (well not that I know of anyway), but I'm just not tired and cannot sleep.
About 3 years ago I began watching relaxing videos on Youtube to assist with getting me to sleep. The catch of this though is that I have to be tired for these videos to work.
I just feel very lethargic. I have been to the gym the last 2 days (I am on the heavier side) and I also purchased a bike (I have rode in a week - just no motivation) but it just seems to make me more tired. I eat fairly well and don't smoke or drink alcohol everyday and have always been a stockier girl compared to others; however it just frustrates me that some days I have absolutely no energy to do anything!!
I finished working full time in August of this year and am looking for a job with less hours. I enjoyed my previous job it was the managers that were the problem. I am certified in administration and found myself in 2014 desperately seeking a full time position in administration - I needed the money with 2 x children at home. So my recruitment agency called me one day in November last year to advise they had a job for me, but the only catch was that it was in a house.... where a couple ran their own business. At the time there were no other jobs going so after meeting the female partner of the business I spoke with my children and parents and decided to take it. There was another girl in the office I was working with and their were about 5 guys (servicemen) who would come and go from the house as we were a locksmith mobile based company. Basically customers would call us in the office we would take down the details, book the job and despatch a locksmith to complete a job. I fitted in really well and thoroughly enjoyed my work it was rewarding and the money was fantastic; however it wasn't all rainbows and candy canes.
The male partner of the company I met on first day and within an hour the couple were yelling and disagreeing on let's just say EVERYTHING!! It was extremely difficult to work whilst this was going on especially when you are on the phone to customers and they are having a screaming match in the background. The male partner had a few issues and my colleagues described it as bipolar and Asperger's Syndrome and this guy had never been to a doctor nor was on any form of medication. Crazy stuff I tell yah but again I enjoyed the work and the people (besides the managers) I worked with were great.
I ended up lasting nine months in that asylum, but after days, weeks and months of coming home feeling absolutely traumatized by the drama I was subjected to I made the decision to leave. No amount of money is worth putting up with that s#!*. I think that has played a major part in why I feel the way I do, it's a lot for anyone to put up with. Thankfully I was able to take something positive from the experience. I have made a couple of new friends from working there and we actually all left working there I always say we were the smart ones.
So back my earlier part of journal I am looking for a job with less hours and one that doesn't work from a house... Live and Learn I say.
But yes today has definitely been a struggle to say the least. I slept through my alarm this morning and my 12 year old forgot to set her clock too so I ended up just letting her have the day off.
And about 13:00pm this afternoon I felt tired so just hopped in bed to lay down for a minute. And that minute turned into waking up at 16:10pm! Not that I have anything to do or anywhere to go, but I would like to feel more motivated.
I find that I am more productive in the evening and do my laundry and chores then. Even though I'm still getting it all done regardless of what time it is, I don't want to get into a habit of all of this in case I find work with shifts during the day. I have always had my "days" where I feel like crap I think we all do, but right now the past few weeks I have noticed how more tired I am, I'm going to the supermarket at night, I'm struggling to wake in the morning and hitting that snooze button more often.
I took myself and my daughter to see my GP yesterday afternoon to explain briefly what I'm feeling and that I think it would be good to get a referral to see my psychologist who I will call "Betty" and she is fantastic. I have been seeing her off and on for about 4 years now. My 12 year old daughter sees her too. The only down side of having a great psychologist is the wait times. I booked in yesterday and the only time she is available at the moment is the 6-January-2016!! Alas "Betty" is well worth the wait!
And it's not that I'm sad or sitting around crying all the time, I just feel things have shifted for me and I don't want to get too used to this lifestyle.
Anyway that is enough for now.
Until next time... Much love,
Hummingbird x