048 - it's not my place to know what's right
Things are strange lately. I can feel myself growing distant, and I can feel that apathy beginning to kick in more than usual. I feel sort of defeated in many ways, and so afraid in others. I was honest, I made that last effort to make things better and right, but I don't think it really got us anywhere. Now I'm just waiting things out. Things will either get better or they will get worse, but whatever happens, at least I can live with myself KNOWING that I tried and didn't just let things go down without a fight. It's funny how little energy I have left sometimes. I don't want to force anybody to be with me, to be excited about me, to show me love. No. They do what they want, they live life the way they want, and I can only hope that their actions and decisions don't cause them to lose me. This goes for friendships as well as relationships.
This weekend I am going to see if maybe Scott and my cousin want to come with me to get pierced. But I don't know! I hate how I keep thinking about it, making up my mind then sort of backing out last minute. Honestly the biggest issue is the money. IT'll cost around $60-$75 and I shouldn't be spending money so randomly anymore. I really want that piercing though, badly. I also maybe thought about getting a nose piercing, but for some reason I think I rather get the monroe...I don't like the idea of people sort of touching my nose and gah, ew, yeah.
I feel quite sick and ill. I have a high fever and think it's time to go to my Bio lab. I really rather be going home to take a freezing cold bath, though.....mmmm...