flawed design
i know that a lot of this is going to sound ridiculous and i dont deny that it isnt, but bear with me.
the last time i drank was december 2nd. i dont plan on drinking this weekend either because i dont really have the time to. so ill probably drive some of my friends again like i did last weekend.
it did take a little adjusting. remembering what its like to be in a room with all your friends when they are totally drunk and you arent. it used to not bother me and i had a good time but then i didnt drive for so long. you always need another DD buddy. i was really grateful for that on saturday.
the weird thing is, the last time i drank nothing bad happened. there werent any fights or awkward conversations or explosions or innapropriate behavior like there usually is. it was a really fun and carefree night. but i went home, not wanting to do it again. part of it may have to do with the night before. alcohol can give people a really sharp and poisionous tongue. it can really hurt when youre sitting there sober listening to every word they say, and you know they are only going to have a gist of what came out of their mouth the next day. so the next night, after going out and drinking, i dont think i felt better. that didnt take away from the night before.
EVERYONE is drinking now. even people that i met in the beginning of college who never drank have suddenly picked it up. its so backwards for me to take a break and them to start up now.
too many things have happened when alcohol has been passed around. at first, it didnt bother me because it was really just my life and my disappoints and my regrets. it doesnt affect anyone else. but then a line was crossed and i got put under a spotlight.
that wasnt worth it. ever since then i started taking breaks and offering to drive. now im just driving.
i know that everyone is going to be drunk on saturday and its going to be an emotional night and im gonna have to be sober and pull through it. some of my friends, on in particular, has no idea how much shit comes out of his mouth when hes drinking. its endless. its never the same as the night before. it never makes sense. its just a bunch of shit.
i cant listen to it anymore.