My Girl
It's been FOREVER since I updated. Yes, I know. I am making myself take a moment to do this.
It's been a few days (since April 13th)...My heart is healing. I feel that I can now start to talk about all that's happened this week with out bawling so I'm going to try and type it...and hope that it works like my conversation did this morning with a friend...tearless. I have to get this off my chest.
Last Thursday, Mattie came home from her training. She seemed very different to me. She wasn't jumping (what the trainer worked on that week), or hyper, or well, herself. She didn't want to play, run or eat. She laid around. I figured maybe it was her way of trying to adjust and I would give it a day or two. Something didn't feel right still come Friday afternoon. I asked her trainer if she'd seemed different- no but to call his vet (Dr. Bob) and bring her in on Monday if she's not acting herself. Long story short, Mattie ended up being very ill...105.7 fever, SUPER HIGH white blood cell count, and bloody stool. She stayed a few days/nights at the trainer's vet.
Jessie was suppose to go Monday for her weekly check up. Due to Mattie being ill, I had to hold off and take her Tuesday before work. I got a call a few hours later from Jessie's vet, Dr BR. I couldn't answer since I was on the phone with someone for work. I called right back. He sighed (and I knew he didn't have good news) and explained to me she wasn't making progress, her skin wasn't reattaching...it was now dying. Now, let me explain...Rob and I have been talking about making a decision to continue or to stop surgeries. Jessie's been ill since June. I had the trainer's vet look at Jess's records a month ago and give me another opinion. He told us he thinks Dr. BR has done everything he would have done and if nothing progressed or was healed by now, he didn't think it would change. Dr BR and Dr Bob are both very well known for being EXCELLENT docs in our area. Dr BR is known for fixing dogs hit by cars and other harder surgeries. Dr Bob has been voted best vet in the region. Rob and I have struggled for many months... trying to figure out whats right and what's not. We've tried to see if Jess has been in pain or suffering. If she was happy or not. I told her last month, no more
surgeries. I didn't want her going thru the pain of another one and that I needed/wanted her to tell me when she was done. We believe she let us know a few weeks ago what she wanted... she started growling / snapping at the staff when I'd bring her in for her check ups.
When Dr BH told me her skin was dying, I knew it was time. Longer story shorter- I asked for them to clean her up...take all her drains out, not to send her home with any bandages or braces on. I wanted her to be HER, what she was before all this happened. I brought her home and had a good night with her. We took pictures and told the boys what was happening. They said bye to her Wednesday morning. Rob came home and spent time with her during the day. I picked her up before the boys came home. Jess and I had our time together. The staff at the office were ready for us. Some stayed late so they could see her. It was an emotional time. I truly believe she either knew what was going to happen or she showed me she DID not want another surgery or her elbow to be messed with. I stayed with her. I talked her through it. She gave me kisses and went peacefully in my arms. Sept 25 2002 - April 13 2011 RIP McKinley's Angelic Borealis Jester
Dr Bob called me...He thought Mattie was doing well enough to come home. What a bittersweet day. Mattie's doing better. She was diagnosed with a bacterial infection. She's home and on a special diet for two weeks until her check up. So far, no problems. She's adjusting to being the only one in the house.
The boys are doing ok. They asked questions and we have answered them truthfully. They called and talked to Jessie before I took her in. They wish the doctors could have closed her elbow. Rob is dealing with this differently than me...but he's doing ok. He doesn't like to talk about it or hear about it. Me, I'm finding the more I talk about it, yeah, I 'm sad but it's getting better. It's still hard...but we've got each other.
It's been a few days (since April 13th)...My heart is healing. I feel that I can now start to talk about all that's happened this week with out bawling so I'm going to try and type it...and hope that it works like my conversation did this morning with a friend...tearless. I have to get this off my chest.
Last Thursday, Mattie came home from her training. She seemed very different to me. She wasn't jumping (what the trainer worked on that week), or hyper, or well, herself. She didn't want to play, run or eat. She laid around. I figured maybe it was her way of trying to adjust and I would give it a day or two. Something didn't feel right still come Friday afternoon. I asked her trainer if she'd seemed different- no but to call his vet (Dr. Bob) and bring her in on Monday if she's not acting herself. Long story short, Mattie ended up being very ill...105.7 fever, SUPER HIGH white blood cell count, and bloody stool. She stayed a few days/nights at the trainer's vet.
Jessie was suppose to go Monday for her weekly check up. Due to Mattie being ill, I had to hold off and take her Tuesday before work. I got a call a few hours later from Jessie's vet, Dr BR. I couldn't answer since I was on the phone with someone for work. I called right back. He sighed (and I knew he didn't have good news) and explained to me she wasn't making progress, her skin wasn't reattaching...it was now dying. Now, let me explain...Rob and I have been talking about making a decision to continue or to stop surgeries. Jessie's been ill since June. I had the trainer's vet look at Jess's records a month ago and give me another opinion. He told us he thinks Dr. BR has done everything he would have done and if nothing progressed or was healed by now, he didn't think it would change. Dr BR and Dr Bob are both very well known for being EXCELLENT docs in our area. Dr BR is known for fixing dogs hit by cars and other harder surgeries. Dr Bob has been voted best vet in the region. Rob and I have struggled for many months... trying to figure out whats right and what's not. We've tried to see if Jess has been in pain or suffering. If she was happy or not. I told her last month, no more
surgeries. I didn't want her going thru the pain of another one and that I needed/wanted her to tell me when she was done. We believe she let us know a few weeks ago what she wanted... she started growling / snapping at the staff when I'd bring her in for her check ups.
When Dr BH told me her skin was dying, I knew it was time. Longer story shorter- I asked for them to clean her up...take all her drains out, not to send her home with any bandages or braces on. I wanted her to be HER, what she was before all this happened. I brought her home and had a good night with her. We took pictures and told the boys what was happening. They said bye to her Wednesday morning. Rob came home and spent time with her during the day. I picked her up before the boys came home. Jess and I had our time together. The staff at the office were ready for us. Some stayed late so they could see her. It was an emotional time. I truly believe she either knew what was going to happen or she showed me she DID not want another surgery or her elbow to be messed with. I stayed with her. I talked her through it. She gave me kisses and went peacefully in my arms. Sept 25 2002 - April 13 2011 RIP McKinley's Angelic Borealis Jester
Dr Bob called me...He thought Mattie was doing well enough to come home. What a bittersweet day. Mattie's doing better. She was diagnosed with a bacterial infection. She's home and on a special diet for two weeks until her check up. So far, no problems. She's adjusting to being the only one in the house.
The boys are doing ok. They asked questions and we have answered them truthfully. They called and talked to Jessie before I took her in. They wish the doctors could have closed her elbow. Rob is dealing with this differently than me...but he's doing ok. He doesn't like to talk about it or hear about it. Me, I'm finding the more I talk about it, yeah, I 'm sad but it's getting better. It's still hard...but we've got each other.