I know I haven't written in a while
My life is kind of weird right now. But then again when has it been NOT weird? Umm....Never?...jk....Nothing much is going on with me still figuring out my future plans. For right now I'm still at Anna's place (and as sad as this might sound I might be moving in with Mom for the month of July). If I can tolerate it, I might extend my stay. She renovated the house. The house is now almost like a duplex with the downstairs as it's own apartment with 3 bedrooms and a kitchen. The laundry room was converted and now the washer and dryer are kicked to the garage. I'm just sick and tired of sleeping on the floor or the coach and having to drive to sparks with gas prices high it's not economical. Secondly, as much as I love Isabella (Anna's almost 2 year old sister), I want a place where I can make my own schedule instead of tiptoeing or trying to be so quiet around her nap time which makes me feel like I'm revolving some of my time around her sleeping schedule. Anna is one of the bestest friend anyone could ask for and I feel weird staying with her because I feel like I'm taking advantage of her. I feel like maybe it's much better to stay at Mom's for a while after all I'm thinking instead of me working my butt off in minial jobs I want to better enhance my computer skill so I think I might go back to school at TMCC for a Graphic Communication degree. I should have been a computer science major. What was I thinking of staying with art? I think it's because I followed other peoples idea and that I was pressured to try to graduate ASAP. And plus knowing me being a lazy bum. However now, it would be so cool if I can work with computers and such. By my calculations I think I can get a A.S. from TMCC in a year if I take full loads. I might even just try for a certification because frankly I dabbed a little on the various applications but not fully on the programs and how deep you can manipulate stuff so I now have a desire to learn them. I mean I have a year till I'm debt free and wanting to move away from Reno for a while or even for good. Maybe perhaps I'm also scared to move on. I don't know I just feel unprepared really. I feel like my purpose in life is not fulfilled and I still need some things to do here. I mean Cuddlez is offering to pay me $20 an hour gauranteed 40 hours a week (which is $3,200 a month) to go to Vegas and open a face painting booth there. I get to be the full boss incharge of finances, of scheduling and the whole entire business. It's like I'm creating a business but it's not my investment. As much as this is appealing it just doesn't call out to me. For right now I want to get to my dream of being part of an advertising firm or part of a corporate advertising team where I can eventually become on of the worlds leading Creative Art Director and averaging $50,000 a year or something of that sort. :P But alas I don't have the degree but I do know I have the personality, the drive as well as desire and especially the creativity. The only thing that's missing is the degree and or the time. I know I'll make something of myself but we'll just see when and where it's going to happen. I'm not 100% sure of living with Mina just because of the fact I can't take kids for right now. If I can't handle a 2 year old schedule what about an infants? Yah Mina and Brad finally announced to the world that they are expecting (3 months now) the baby is due in January 2, 2009. I've known since the very first day. I was there when she took the test and she was balling her eyes out. I mean this is hard because she has to change everything in her life. Life is so weird and full of complexity. Not only my life but those around me. I know I'm well off currently as compared to those in war areas or those in Africa but I also know my life can be a lot better.
As for Thinh.....One of the major issues I've been dealing with. I'm really torn. Everyone and my brain says it too (as logic) I should dump him....Reasons?
1) He's truly traditional and would listen to people around him then his own voice. IE: his parents and his friends.
--Why is this bad? Well his parents kind of accepts me but they told him he can do better then me....OUCH I know and he was so blunt about it too. And then his friends (who doesn't know I'm his girlfriend but they have met me, did like me) but they also concur that he can do better (a skinner version of me I guess).
2) He has been critizing my weight....Saying "big girls have big issues" or " big girls need loving too". And the whole jiggly puff thing. I don't mind being motivated but NOT this way.
3) I feel like he doesn't know......Know how to be a boyfriend or even a relationship. I don't want to be the one to teach him. I don't even know if that's why or is it perhaps he's just not interested in me at all?
You see we haven't spoken to each other for more than 1.5 weeks. It'll be 2 weeks on Tuesday. Tuesday would be our 3 month anniversary since we first kissed. I doubt he'd notice or remember. I know I deserve more than the way he's currently treating me but my heart says be patient and reminds me of some of the few special times we have.
The times when he held me in his arms when he stayed with me or the time I fell asleep at his dorm and other stuff. I want to call him but I know in my head I shouldn't. I should give him some time to miss me.....The question is does he miss me? I really don't know. But a part of me tells me I should set him free. Dump him so he can explore what he truly likes and then perhaps in eventuallity come back to me. HA.....as if that's ever going to happen. I kind of feel like it happened. Again. I mean geez, I'm not CLINGY anymore it's almost been 2 weeks since we last talked or communicated and I'm not as nosey. I feel like I've given him ego and confidence.....Enough to leave me and find another woman. :{ ...........All because he hasn't called me or us communicating.
Secondly as if he's all that too. I mean he lacks social graces and even style! I don't know. This whole being in a relationship is being a drag now. I just wish he'd call me. Then perhaps I wouldn't feel this way and perhaps it would give me strength in our relationship instead of me bieng always in constant doubt.
So in summary....
Nothing much is going on....Thinh and I are in limbo, I plan on moving with Mom to save money as I will be attending TMCC (if they accept my transfer and if I can graduate in a year), and try to elliminate my debt. I'm working non-stop at the facepainting booth and with Christine but besides that nothing out of the ordinary. My life is still hectic and weird.....Except I have lost 2 lbs this week and will try my best to loose 10 lbs by August and then be down to 175 lbs by december with the help of weight watchers at home program and regular 2 hr a day excercise routine (which involves cardio, weights and training and maybe once in a while the x-group class). I'll be skinny before you know it. And if Thinh and I don't end up together. I'm sure he'll be kicking himself in the ass for doing what he's doing because by golly I'm going to be sooooo HOT! hehehehehe. Till next time.... ALOHA.
As for Thinh.....One of the major issues I've been dealing with. I'm really torn. Everyone and my brain says it too (as logic) I should dump him....Reasons?
1) He's truly traditional and would listen to people around him then his own voice. IE: his parents and his friends.
--Why is this bad? Well his parents kind of accepts me but they told him he can do better then me....OUCH I know and he was so blunt about it too. And then his friends (who doesn't know I'm his girlfriend but they have met me, did like me) but they also concur that he can do better (a skinner version of me I guess).
2) He has been critizing my weight....Saying "big girls have big issues" or " big girls need loving too". And the whole jiggly puff thing. I don't mind being motivated but NOT this way.
3) I feel like he doesn't know......Know how to be a boyfriend or even a relationship. I don't want to be the one to teach him. I don't even know if that's why or is it perhaps he's just not interested in me at all?
You see we haven't spoken to each other for more than 1.5 weeks. It'll be 2 weeks on Tuesday. Tuesday would be our 3 month anniversary since we first kissed. I doubt he'd notice or remember. I know I deserve more than the way he's currently treating me but my heart says be patient and reminds me of some of the few special times we have.
The times when he held me in his arms when he stayed with me or the time I fell asleep at his dorm and other stuff. I want to call him but I know in my head I shouldn't. I should give him some time to miss me.....The question is does he miss me? I really don't know. But a part of me tells me I should set him free. Dump him so he can explore what he truly likes and then perhaps in eventuallity come back to me. HA.....as if that's ever going to happen. I kind of feel like it happened. Again. I mean geez, I'm not CLINGY anymore it's almost been 2 weeks since we last talked or communicated and I'm not as nosey. I feel like I've given him ego and confidence.....Enough to leave me and find another woman. :{ ...........All because he hasn't called me or us communicating.
Secondly as if he's all that too. I mean he lacks social graces and even style! I don't know. This whole being in a relationship is being a drag now. I just wish he'd call me. Then perhaps I wouldn't feel this way and perhaps it would give me strength in our relationship instead of me bieng always in constant doubt.
So in summary....
Nothing much is going on....Thinh and I are in limbo, I plan on moving with Mom to save money as I will be attending TMCC (if they accept my transfer and if I can graduate in a year), and try to elliminate my debt. I'm working non-stop at the facepainting booth and with Christine but besides that nothing out of the ordinary. My life is still hectic and weird.....Except I have lost 2 lbs this week and will try my best to loose 10 lbs by August and then be down to 175 lbs by december with the help of weight watchers at home program and regular 2 hr a day excercise routine (which involves cardio, weights and training and maybe once in a while the x-group class). I'll be skinny before you know it. And if Thinh and I don't end up together. I'm sure he'll be kicking himself in the ass for doing what he's doing because by golly I'm going to be sooooo HOT! hehehehehe. Till next time.... ALOHA.