"Happy talk, keep talkin' happy talk"
I've decided to start compiling a list of things that make me happy. Just to put it out there.
1. A well-poured glass of a quality beer. Warsteiner is currently my favorite, but I'm always willing to try a new brew.
2. Spending time with Drew. We always have a good time when we're together, whether it's vegging on the couch, going bowling and mini-golfing, or taking road trips and walks through the woods. He's wonderful, and I love him.
3. Knitting. And yarn in general. I love the look and feel of yarn. I love finding new yarns and using them. I currently have so many projects in my queue that I don't know where to start, and have to work hard to not be ADD and start seven projects at the same time. Plus, there's something fun about carrying on an historical tradition that's simultaneously being forgotten and modernized. I mean, face it. A century ago, most women knew how to knit and it was a way to provide clothing and other household necessities for your family. Today, it's seen as a craft or hobby, done mostly by either a.) the older women who are holding on to this important piece of the past, or b.) younger women who see it as something cool and hip. Why do I knit? Because it's a way for me to keep alive this wonderful historical tradition (come on... I got ridiculously excited about finding an authentic WWII Red Cross pattern for a Navy watch cap. It doesn't get much more devotee than that). But it's also a way for me to relax, to try new things, to craft gifts and items for those I love, and a way for me to express myself creatively. Plus, it's just kind of fun to say, "Yeah, I knit. What do you do?"
4. Nature. As much as I need to be around people, I also take much solace in the simple pleasures of life. Planting flowers and getting my hands dirty never felt so good as it did earlier this summer. Sitting outside and enjoying my cup of coffee while listening to the birds sing. I didn't realize how much I missed the variety of birds in Missouri until I heard a robin sing near the end of winter in Chicago. It was the first bird I had seen or heard for months on end. Not many cardinals or bluejays around campus. Not really many birds except for robins. But here, we have the grackels, cardinals, bluejays, crows, chickadees, you name it. There's something so peaceful about going for a walk in the woods, listening to the animals scurry about and birds sing in the trees above.
5. The cottage. Which is closely related to nature. It's not summer without going Up North, being at the lake for a week, sort of our own little escape from reality, our own hideout. No phone. No internet. No running water. Just us, and a lake. Oh, there's trips into town, shooting at the dump, jaunts around the lake in the rowboat and canoe, reading, cleaning and maintenance, fishing (well, for the boys anyway. no thank you.), and animal watching. Oh, and don't forget the ice cream. It's the best week of my year, hands down, every year.
6. Well-organized libraries. Yes, well-organized. I cringe, shudder, spazz when I walk into a library that's not well-organized. But libraries make me happy- especially my library. There's so many treasures, so much history to be found within those walls. No matter what happens in the future- no matter what's going on right now- that place will always hold a special place in my heart. I grew up there. That's where I spent Friday nights and weekends when Mom worked, where I learned about how libraries run and work behind-the-scenes for the patrons we serve. And they can't take those memories away from me.
7. Scrubs. So funny. No matter what, it always makes me laugh. And there are so many times when it applies to my life and what's going on; there are so many life lessons that can be learned.
8. History. It's amazing how it only seems like a class you have to take in high school, or in college. But once you really get into it, you start to see just how much we're surrounded by history every day. And even though right now I'm at a crossroads and have to decide if it's more of a profession or a hobby to me, it still enthralls me and makes me want to learn more. Because we can never stop learning about history. It just keeps coming, and there are still more facets to explore, even after we think we've exhausted them all.
9. Toasted Ravioli. One of the best inventions ever. Totally St. Louis. It never fails to crack me up when I get a craving for them at school and start talking about it, and everyone's like, "Dude. What are you talking about?" And I have to stop and say, "Oh yeah... you're not from St. Louis. Shame."
10. Playing my flute. I guess I'll put this one on the list, even though it's sort of a love-hate relationship these days. This is one of those cases where I know I'm not that great - I'm no Jean-Pierre Rampall or James Galway (but then again, no one is) - and even compared to some of the other flutists at school, I'm just kind of average. But people always tell me I'm good. And I do enjoy playing. I guess I just don't have that same drive and determination, that same passion that music majors have about it. And actually, if I'm going to be completely honest, Wind Symphony is what I really have a love-hate relationship with. The maturity of the people in the group, the general attitude of the group (especially on tour) is what I really hate. But I stick with it. Why? Because I enjoy playing, I want to keep playing. Because Doc needs me. And because I get a rush from actually performing. Sometimes it's just so neat to think about what we're doing, the pieces we're playing, and how all those people come to hear us and think we're wonderful. That we're something special. Suddenly, all those intonation issues don't seem to matter quite as much, the bitchiness of people in the group. We all seem to come together and play some pretty spectacular music. And yeah, it's pretty cool to say I've recorded two CDs and traveled to the East Coast, midwest twice (well, five counting fall tours), and China all because of Wind Symphony. Yeah, that's cool.
11. Being in charge. If I'm going to be totally honest, being in charge makes me happy. Tour itself may not make me happy, but being in charge does. I guess you could say I get a power rush from it. But seriously, it's a way for me to prove to myself that I can go above and beyond, that I can give all that I've got, that I do have it all together (even if I wind up breaking down and crying on Cara's shoulder during the middle of tour), because people are relying on me, and I'm strong enough to withstand all the abuse and disrespect they put on me. It's definitely an accomplishment, and even though I'll never perfect the art of tour directing, I've grown by leaps and bounds, I'm learning how to deal with all kinds of people in all kinds of situations, and most of all, I'm learning patience and tact. Tour only lasts four years, but those lessons will stick with me for the rest of my life.
12. German. The language and the food. Studying the language for three years in high school was one of my favorite memories. I wish I would have been able to take a fourth year, but it just didn't work out schedule-wise. And although I've lost most of it by now, I want to pick it back up again, learn even more, and eventually travel to Germany. Ideally during the fall for Oktoberfest, but also because it's such a wonderful time of year.
13. My faith. This is a tough one. I've been through a lot this past year (who hasn't?), and the troubles still seem to keep coming. That's life. But all these circumstances have definitely had an impact on my faith. I've been confused, hurt, and yes, I've felt abandoned by God. It seemed as though no matter now hard I try, no matter how much I pray, He wasn't listening. I've blamed God, I've blamed myself, I've blamed others. Some days were better than others- I felt assurance of God's promises and that He's working good in all situations. But other days I just didn't seem to be able to trust in that. I was finally at the point where I even wondered if my faith existed anymore, or if I had completely lost it (as if it can just get up and walk away on its own). Then I realized that it's not a question of whether or not I do have faith (because I know I do), but how strong my faith is. And it's pretty weak right now. Over the past semester, I put a lot of emphasis on feelings. I didn't feel like God listened to my prayers, I didn't feel like God wanted me to be happy, I didn't feel like God this and that... But it doesn't matter what I feel. If our faith depended on feelings, we'd all be screwed, because none of us are happy 100% of the time, none of us can trust 100% of the time. It doesn't matter what I feel, because I know the truth. I know that God is listening to my prayers, I know He's holding my hand, and I know that He's bringing good out of this entire mess I call my life. College is an important four years, but it's not the only four years. The lessons I'm learning now will help me later on in life and I can look back and say, "God gave me the strength to get through that difficult situation. He'll give me strength to get through this one." And that is what makes me happy. Even if I want to give up on God, He's not going to give up on me. His promises will always be there, He will always be there. He's holding my hand when I'm scared and need comforting, holding me up when I'm too tired to stand, and He's carrying me when I'm too weak to walk anymore. I get so caught up in the big picture of my life/career/family that I often forget to take time and appreciate the small things- food every day, a warm (or cool, depending on the season) bed at night, good grades, a family that loves me, friends who will always be there for me when the rest of the world seems to be falling apart, and a boyfriend who loves me and cares about me, even when I'm more trouble than help and when I doubt myself. And if all these people love me, how much more unconditionally does God love me- that He sent His son, His own child, into the world to bear our burdens and sorrows and die for us, so that we don't have to- even though we deserve it more than anything else. So yes, I may be struggling with a weak faith, but it makes me happy because I know that God is using this struggle to bring me even closer to Him and remind me what's really important in life and that He's not going to give up on me, because I'm a redeemed Child of God. And no one, nothing, can take that away from me. :)
1. A well-poured glass of a quality beer. Warsteiner is currently my favorite, but I'm always willing to try a new brew.
2. Spending time with Drew. We always have a good time when we're together, whether it's vegging on the couch, going bowling and mini-golfing, or taking road trips and walks through the woods. He's wonderful, and I love him.
3. Knitting. And yarn in general. I love the look and feel of yarn. I love finding new yarns and using them. I currently have so many projects in my queue that I don't know where to start, and have to work hard to not be ADD and start seven projects at the same time. Plus, there's something fun about carrying on an historical tradition that's simultaneously being forgotten and modernized. I mean, face it. A century ago, most women knew how to knit and it was a way to provide clothing and other household necessities for your family. Today, it's seen as a craft or hobby, done mostly by either a.) the older women who are holding on to this important piece of the past, or b.) younger women who see it as something cool and hip. Why do I knit? Because it's a way for me to keep alive this wonderful historical tradition (come on... I got ridiculously excited about finding an authentic WWII Red Cross pattern for a Navy watch cap. It doesn't get much more devotee than that). But it's also a way for me to relax, to try new things, to craft gifts and items for those I love, and a way for me to express myself creatively. Plus, it's just kind of fun to say, "Yeah, I knit. What do you do?"
4. Nature. As much as I need to be around people, I also take much solace in the simple pleasures of life. Planting flowers and getting my hands dirty never felt so good as it did earlier this summer. Sitting outside and enjoying my cup of coffee while listening to the birds sing. I didn't realize how much I missed the variety of birds in Missouri until I heard a robin sing near the end of winter in Chicago. It was the first bird I had seen or heard for months on end. Not many cardinals or bluejays around campus. Not really many birds except for robins. But here, we have the grackels, cardinals, bluejays, crows, chickadees, you name it. There's something so peaceful about going for a walk in the woods, listening to the animals scurry about and birds sing in the trees above.
5. The cottage. Which is closely related to nature. It's not summer without going Up North, being at the lake for a week, sort of our own little escape from reality, our own hideout. No phone. No internet. No running water. Just us, and a lake. Oh, there's trips into town, shooting at the dump, jaunts around the lake in the rowboat and canoe, reading, cleaning and maintenance, fishing (well, for the boys anyway. no thank you.), and animal watching. Oh, and don't forget the ice cream. It's the best week of my year, hands down, every year.
6. Well-organized libraries. Yes, well-organized. I cringe, shudder, spazz when I walk into a library that's not well-organized. But libraries make me happy- especially my library. There's so many treasures, so much history to be found within those walls. No matter what happens in the future- no matter what's going on right now- that place will always hold a special place in my heart. I grew up there. That's where I spent Friday nights and weekends when Mom worked, where I learned about how libraries run and work behind-the-scenes for the patrons we serve. And they can't take those memories away from me.
7. Scrubs. So funny. No matter what, it always makes me laugh. And there are so many times when it applies to my life and what's going on; there are so many life lessons that can be learned.
8. History. It's amazing how it only seems like a class you have to take in high school, or in college. But once you really get into it, you start to see just how much we're surrounded by history every day. And even though right now I'm at a crossroads and have to decide if it's more of a profession or a hobby to me, it still enthralls me and makes me want to learn more. Because we can never stop learning about history. It just keeps coming, and there are still more facets to explore, even after we think we've exhausted them all.
9. Toasted Ravioli. One of the best inventions ever. Totally St. Louis. It never fails to crack me up when I get a craving for them at school and start talking about it, and everyone's like, "Dude. What are you talking about?" And I have to stop and say, "Oh yeah... you're not from St. Louis. Shame."
10. Playing my flute. I guess I'll put this one on the list, even though it's sort of a love-hate relationship these days. This is one of those cases where I know I'm not that great - I'm no Jean-Pierre Rampall or James Galway (but then again, no one is) - and even compared to some of the other flutists at school, I'm just kind of average. But people always tell me I'm good. And I do enjoy playing. I guess I just don't have that same drive and determination, that same passion that music majors have about it. And actually, if I'm going to be completely honest, Wind Symphony is what I really have a love-hate relationship with. The maturity of the people in the group, the general attitude of the group (especially on tour) is what I really hate. But I stick with it. Why? Because I enjoy playing, I want to keep playing. Because Doc needs me. And because I get a rush from actually performing. Sometimes it's just so neat to think about what we're doing, the pieces we're playing, and how all those people come to hear us and think we're wonderful. That we're something special. Suddenly, all those intonation issues don't seem to matter quite as much, the bitchiness of people in the group. We all seem to come together and play some pretty spectacular music. And yeah, it's pretty cool to say I've recorded two CDs and traveled to the East Coast, midwest twice (well, five counting fall tours), and China all because of Wind Symphony. Yeah, that's cool.
11. Being in charge. If I'm going to be totally honest, being in charge makes me happy. Tour itself may not make me happy, but being in charge does. I guess you could say I get a power rush from it. But seriously, it's a way for me to prove to myself that I can go above and beyond, that I can give all that I've got, that I do have it all together (even if I wind up breaking down and crying on Cara's shoulder during the middle of tour), because people are relying on me, and I'm strong enough to withstand all the abuse and disrespect they put on me. It's definitely an accomplishment, and even though I'll never perfect the art of tour directing, I've grown by leaps and bounds, I'm learning how to deal with all kinds of people in all kinds of situations, and most of all, I'm learning patience and tact. Tour only lasts four years, but those lessons will stick with me for the rest of my life.
12. German. The language and the food. Studying the language for three years in high school was one of my favorite memories. I wish I would have been able to take a fourth year, but it just didn't work out schedule-wise. And although I've lost most of it by now, I want to pick it back up again, learn even more, and eventually travel to Germany. Ideally during the fall for Oktoberfest, but also because it's such a wonderful time of year.
13. My faith. This is a tough one. I've been through a lot this past year (who hasn't?), and the troubles still seem to keep coming. That's life. But all these circumstances have definitely had an impact on my faith. I've been confused, hurt, and yes, I've felt abandoned by God. It seemed as though no matter now hard I try, no matter how much I pray, He wasn't listening. I've blamed God, I've blamed myself, I've blamed others. Some days were better than others- I felt assurance of God's promises and that He's working good in all situations. But other days I just didn't seem to be able to trust in that. I was finally at the point where I even wondered if my faith existed anymore, or if I had completely lost it (as if it can just get up and walk away on its own). Then I realized that it's not a question of whether or not I do have faith (because I know I do), but how strong my faith is. And it's pretty weak right now. Over the past semester, I put a lot of emphasis on feelings. I didn't feel like God listened to my prayers, I didn't feel like God wanted me to be happy, I didn't feel like God this and that... But it doesn't matter what I feel. If our faith depended on feelings, we'd all be screwed, because none of us are happy 100% of the time, none of us can trust 100% of the time. It doesn't matter what I feel, because I know the truth. I know that God is listening to my prayers, I know He's holding my hand, and I know that He's bringing good out of this entire mess I call my life. College is an important four years, but it's not the only four years. The lessons I'm learning now will help me later on in life and I can look back and say, "God gave me the strength to get through that difficult situation. He'll give me strength to get through this one." And that is what makes me happy. Even if I want to give up on God, He's not going to give up on me. His promises will always be there, He will always be there. He's holding my hand when I'm scared and need comforting, holding me up when I'm too tired to stand, and He's carrying me when I'm too weak to walk anymore. I get so caught up in the big picture of my life/career/family that I often forget to take time and appreciate the small things- food every day, a warm (or cool, depending on the season) bed at night, good grades, a family that loves me, friends who will always be there for me when the rest of the world seems to be falling apart, and a boyfriend who loves me and cares about me, even when I'm more trouble than help and when I doubt myself. And if all these people love me, how much more unconditionally does God love me- that He sent His son, His own child, into the world to bear our burdens and sorrows and die for us, so that we don't have to- even though we deserve it more than anything else. So yes, I may be struggling with a weak faith, but it makes me happy because I know that God is using this struggle to bring me even closer to Him and remind me what's really important in life and that He's not going to give up on me, because I'm a redeemed Child of God. And no one, nothing, can take that away from me. :)