i just want to make a change

[meansprout]

[Road's little prophecy did, pretty much, hold true in the end, once the illusion wore off and the mark faded.  Allen certainly felt as if maybe it would best if he just quietly passed away somewhere.  It would make his life infinitely easier, really.  Or maybe he could just officially renounce human contact altogether and become a hermit

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[fallforthesky]

[She keeps her hands clasped over his eyes, though when he closes them and his lashes brush her skin, it makes her very strongly want to wrench away. She grits her teeth instead, bowing a little more so her bangs obscure her face. Not that he can see it anyway. He probably thinks she's angry, but this entire... explosion... is fuelled by guilt.]

That side of you scared me, you know. It was like seeing what might happen someday, now that Allen's Fourteenth is... [awake] getting stronger. To have someone I care about turn their back on me because we were suddenly on opposite sides of the war, and for friendships to mean nothing. When I saw you activate your sword, it made me want to run until you could never find me again. Because I thought "maybe that will hurt less". That maybe I wasn't quite fine inside even if I felt it and it would still hurt me. But to do something like that after promising I would keep you safe...

You're too rough and you're selfish, and an idiot for caring about people but trying to pretend as if you don't, and for not trusting in them, besides, but... you're also my friend. [He might feel a slight shake beginning in her fingertips.] And that's why... that's why I will always try to help you, even if I can't. Even if I have to die for it. It was me who couldn't do anything for you when you needed me to be able to, so don't say "I'm sorry" as if you think I'm going to blame you, you idiot. I won't forgive you for that.

[meansprout]

[His shoulders bunch as his neck lowers a bit. He's biting his lower lip by the time she's done speaking, eyes still scrunched shut. The honesty here hurts; they're his fears as much as they are hers. Very hesitantly, he brings his right hand up and lightly covers hers; only for a moment, before dropping it again.]

If-- if anything had happened to you, because of me... How could I-- [If she died trying to help him, how would he be able to live with that? He shakes his head, and swallows.] I was the one who knew something like that could happen to me, and I still... [He trails off again. She doesn't want him to apologize...

With more conviction;] If I can't, then you're not allowed to blame yourself either.

[fallforthesky]

[Immediately:] You aren't.

["Allowed to blame yourself." She doesn't say anything in regards to not being allowed to blame herself, however. Not for any lack of wanting to argue it, but because of that quick touch and it's... getting difficult to see through this blur without rubbing any more salt into the wounds anyway. After a queasy hesitation, Lenalee reaches to take his left hand (if he'll let her), shifting her own left to cover his eyes in the absence of the other. Now just might be the worst possible time to try doing this- but maybe if they get it all over with now, it'll be like ripping off a bandage.]

[meansprout]

[He will... let her. Although he tenses when she does, because it's not something he was expecting at all and he resists the urge to pull away. Instead, he keeps his fingers still, like he's afraid to move them. The last thing he wants to do is to keep... scaring her...]

[fallforthesky]

[Now she's the one taking a steadying breath, glaring down at the contrast of their skin. She can't remember the last time she's been allowed to hold an Allen's left hand. Much less his. Before she can talk herself down from it, she moves to press his fingers to the scar on her temple. Just keep thinking the bandage analogy. A long, tangled bandage. Yeah.]

[meansprout]

[There's a moment, after his fingers touch, of brief incomprehension. He can tell that he's feeling a scar, but...]

[...And then he realizes what it is. He can remember her, bleeding from a head wound he'd inflicted on her; the sound she'd made, the look she had given him--]

[With a sharp intake of breath, he tries to lift his fingers from her temple as soon as recognition hits.] Aa-- [And then he's attempting to move away from the hand covering his eyes, so he can look at her...]

[fallforthesky]

[Withdrawing both hands as if burned. She drops them to her lap, where the shaking is at least harder to notice, and blinks rapidly until she thinks she might have a reign on herself. Maybe...]

[meansprout]

[He glances between her eyes and her temple. He looks like he might start tearing up in earnest, but he's really trying his best not to.

He scarred her... And even though his expression is clearly one of guilt, he doesn't comment on it. She said she doesn't want to hear him blame himself, so he won't.]

[He doesn't know what to say at all, really. So instead, if she'll let him, he'll gently press his fingers to her scar again, running the pads along it with the hesitance of someone really not used to that kind of gesture, before dropping his hand altogether; still propped up on his elbows, since she hasn't given him the go-ahead to get up yet.]

[fallforthesky]

[That's okay; she'll do it for him. Sort of... freezing as he traces the scar, looking as if she's just been sucker-punched. Because that's what it feels like when someone who generally tries to argue their way out of confrontations opts for something like this instead.

There's just something about that gesture that seems to go deeper than gauging the damage, is all.

She ineffectively disguises a shudder, then quite suddenly yanks him up into... well. It's not quite a hug, but it isn't not one, either. Muttered thickly into his shoulder, and half to herself:] What's with a gesture like that all of a sudden? Hon-honestly...

[In case you couldn't guess, that means you're forgiven.]

[meansprout]

[There are times when even he can tell that attempting an argument would be highly inappropriate. And he's hauled up with a little noise of surprise, blinking to himself.

After a moment, he not-quite hugs back, loosely with his left arm.]

...You'll be alright? [It's an honest and general question. He is pretty sure he didn't, for once, just make things worse, but she still looked upset and while he's terrible at reading people... He feels like he's done nothing but screw up and upset her since they met. It's not really a trend he's eager to continue.]

[fallforthesky]

[He'll hear a faint, muffled sound that's honestly a real laugh, if a bit of a watery one. Lenalee isn't keen to continue this trend of overcharged emotional encounters, either; she's tired of being frustrated with him and even more tired of being afraid. The last thing she wants is for everything they do together to remind her of being cut, bound, or impaled. And it's his left arm that's around her now, which has... never happened before. Not for something besides attacking her, at least. She tightens her arms around him so that it's closer to a real hug, nodding against his shoulder.]

Hah, I... I think I'll be fine.

[meansprout]

[Even if he still feels horrible about what happened, sick to his stomach when he thinks about it-- that laugh is a very nice sound to hear indeed. Bit like some of the weight has been lifted.]

...Okay, good. [She can't exactly see the smile, but you can probably hear it on his voice. Following her lead and hugging back.]

[fallforthesky]

[It does feel like that. She hadn't realized how much weight she'd been carrying until just now. For a few moments after he makes to return the hug, she simply holds it (maybe tightens it), smiling in a rather wobbly manner. This is the first time she's heard him speak with a smile in his voice like that.]

I'm just glad you are.

[meansprout]

Mm, I'm fine. [And right now he is, because it does seem to him that she is.

While he certainly does not mind hugging Lenalee, a moment or so later when he feels like he should, he takes a deep breath and pulls back from it, shifting a bit so that he doesn't fall back over.]

[fallforthesky]

[Lets him go easily enough, smile still in place, then sits back on her heels. She brushes her hair back over the scar in a somewhat self-conscious manner, though she doesn't look terribly bothered by it.] You are now. But I thought... I was afraid you'd end up dead at the end of all this.

[Whether by Rhode's hands, or someone else's.]

[meansprout]

[He shakes his head; not really smiling now, but he at least looks relaxed.] No... [He's honestly surprised that no one even tried to off him.]

Rhode wasn't the one responsible, either.