(no subject)
One of the things God said to me the other night, Journal. I was reading in Grace and i came across this Bible verse - "How can I give you up, Israel?" God told me, very clearly, just when I was doubting him the most, that I was like Israel. He couldn't give me up. Do you know, journal, how special that made me feel? To know that someone loved me that much, that he wouldn't stop at anything to get me? I never have felt like that in my whole life, journal, and I just sobbed. Now that I know that my whole outlook has changed- I see people in a completely different light. I was once angry at a lot of things I thought were unfair in my friendships and my relationships - but to feel loved like this brings a whole new dynamic! I've never felt this wanted; it makes me want to want others in return. To show grace to those who i thought deserved my scorn.
Take a friend, for instance - i've been angry at him my whole adolescence- probably from the time he wouldn't dance with me before we "broke up" way back in like 7th grade. He's distanced himself from me now, but i'm not angry at him anymore. I just want to forgive and give him his life back.
Or this whole thing with the rejection of some people I knew. They changed my self-image completely. But to feel loved like this, journal, makes me want to love in return! To give what God has given me to others!
To feel wanted, to feel belonging, journal, is the best ecstasy one can. My God wants to be selfish with me- to have my heart all to himself. Can you grasp that, my dear friend of a journal? I'm convinced it is the most beautiful treasure anyone, man or woman, can know.
Now, I know that I cannot grant a person grace for anything beyond my dealings with them. But I pray that everyone can feel God's grace beating within their breast as I do now- I still suck at life, but that's the beauty of it! He loves me anyways - I might as well be a Gomer, running this way and that looking for lovers, but he would still cry out for me and want me to himself. Even as I wrtie this my mind cannot get its rationale around it - it goes against everything i know as a human being, every bit of logic, even emotion, within me. But i'm wild tonight with something greater than emotion and greater than logic- a part of me I do not know in some small way understands.
Gods grace! What could be sweeter?
Take a friend, for instance - i've been angry at him my whole adolescence- probably from the time he wouldn't dance with me before we "broke up" way back in like 7th grade. He's distanced himself from me now, but i'm not angry at him anymore. I just want to forgive and give him his life back.
Or this whole thing with the rejection of some people I knew. They changed my self-image completely. But to feel loved like this, journal, makes me want to love in return! To give what God has given me to others!
To feel wanted, to feel belonging, journal, is the best ecstasy one can. My God wants to be selfish with me- to have my heart all to himself. Can you grasp that, my dear friend of a journal? I'm convinced it is the most beautiful treasure anyone, man or woman, can know.
Now, I know that I cannot grant a person grace for anything beyond my dealings with them. But I pray that everyone can feel God's grace beating within their breast as I do now- I still suck at life, but that's the beauty of it! He loves me anyways - I might as well be a Gomer, running this way and that looking for lovers, but he would still cry out for me and want me to himself. Even as I wrtie this my mind cannot get its rationale around it - it goes against everything i know as a human being, every bit of logic, even emotion, within me. But i'm wild tonight with something greater than emotion and greater than logic- a part of me I do not know in some small way understands.
Gods grace! What could be sweeter?