If life were easier, would it be boring too?
So as I stated before, some major things have happened. This week is not starting off well. I'm going to reiterate that because my job is mind-numbing and doesn't require must thought process, and because I come home to an empty house every night, I have a lot of time to mull certain things over in my head. This is probably a bad thing.
Yesterday I notified all my professors sending recs for my Columbia Application that they would be getting an email from the school with instructions per how to submit their recommendations. Now, up to this point, Benner has been quite quiet for himself. I was expecting some kind of "explain you intentions" email where he would want me to delve farther as to why I'm choosing this path. And then he sends me an email back. It basically says that he got the email from the school, but at the end he asks me to send a copy of my senior thesis because he wants to send it to Terry Whitledge. Now I don't know Terry Whitledge personally, but I know of him. I know Ron and him have worked together previously on corresponding projects. I also know I've read a few of his papers and probably cited one or two of them in my thesis. I also know, that he operates out of the University of Alaska-Fairbanks (see previous entry for large connection). So as my mind wanders throughout the day I'm wondering, is he sending it to him because he thinks they might ask me to be a graduate candidate? I know they are looking for one for next year. I got that email. Maybe not, it's all speculation. But life-changing speculation. So now I have to deal with the fact that I might have to choose between doing a graduate program at Columbia or at Alaska. I have tried to make this easier on myself by previously making the decision to try Columbia first, but now it may be possible that Benner will force me to make this decision again. But I am speculating.
Secondly, at work today Miranda, my coworker, mumbles that she is leaving. She is laterally transferring to another lab within DHEC and will do so next month. My supervisor informs me that I have to pass certification for these few tests before she can actually leave. The reason I haven't passed them yet is a)I'm less than motivated and b)Miranda neglets to tell me anything and her mode of teaching me is to show it to me once and then leave me to remember it all or figure out the rest for myself. Ugh. I did pass one today. Finally. But then my boss is talking to me like I will be here for a while and in my head I'm thinking, "But what if I go to grad school?" over and over again. I can't exactly tell her, I haven't been accepted yet! I may not be accepted! In which case I will be stuck here longer. Each day seems to be harder and harder to go to work, especially when there is other meat to chew out in the world. I don't deserve to be here, I deserve better. I worked hard to have better. But now if I DO leave in the summer to go to grad school, I'm going to feel really bad because they will have to train someone completely new and the EPA is supposed* to come this year. *key word
But really, what is keeping me there?
I talked to my parents last night about the Alaska thing, they sort of helped, it felt better just to let it out. Right now I'm stuck in a state of undetermined turmoil and anxiety it seems. I don't know what's going to happen, I've only rolled the dice, and it's going to take a couple months before they actually stop rolling. I really don't know how to pass the time.
Meanwhile I submitted my Columbia University application tonight. My recs aren't in so they won't read it yet, but I'm okay with that. I wish I were more excited about it, but with all that's going on in my head, I'm a little overstimulated. Which is a bit disappointing because I was so looking forward to this moment. Meanwhile, I'm trying to think in the present. No day but today and all. I'm going to Chicago this weekend to see Jersey Boys downtown with my family. I will get to see Cat in TN in a few weeks. I am determined to start clicker training with Maverick and spend more time with him. Not to mention start training him and getting him in shape for the show in July! Speaking of shows, Damn Yankees will start eventually and that will be wonderful. Lots to look forward to. Too much time in between.
Yesterday I notified all my professors sending recs for my Columbia Application that they would be getting an email from the school with instructions per how to submit their recommendations. Now, up to this point, Benner has been quite quiet for himself. I was expecting some kind of "explain you intentions" email where he would want me to delve farther as to why I'm choosing this path. And then he sends me an email back. It basically says that he got the email from the school, but at the end he asks me to send a copy of my senior thesis because he wants to send it to Terry Whitledge. Now I don't know Terry Whitledge personally, but I know of him. I know Ron and him have worked together previously on corresponding projects. I also know I've read a few of his papers and probably cited one or two of them in my thesis. I also know, that he operates out of the University of Alaska-Fairbanks (see previous entry for large connection). So as my mind wanders throughout the day I'm wondering, is he sending it to him because he thinks they might ask me to be a graduate candidate? I know they are looking for one for next year. I got that email. Maybe not, it's all speculation. But life-changing speculation. So now I have to deal with the fact that I might have to choose between doing a graduate program at Columbia or at Alaska. I have tried to make this easier on myself by previously making the decision to try Columbia first, but now it may be possible that Benner will force me to make this decision again. But I am speculating.
Secondly, at work today Miranda, my coworker, mumbles that she is leaving. She is laterally transferring to another lab within DHEC and will do so next month. My supervisor informs me that I have to pass certification for these few tests before she can actually leave. The reason I haven't passed them yet is a)I'm less than motivated and b)Miranda neglets to tell me anything and her mode of teaching me is to show it to me once and then leave me to remember it all or figure out the rest for myself. Ugh. I did pass one today. Finally. But then my boss is talking to me like I will be here for a while and in my head I'm thinking, "But what if I go to grad school?" over and over again. I can't exactly tell her, I haven't been accepted yet! I may not be accepted! In which case I will be stuck here longer. Each day seems to be harder and harder to go to work, especially when there is other meat to chew out in the world. I don't deserve to be here, I deserve better. I worked hard to have better. But now if I DO leave in the summer to go to grad school, I'm going to feel really bad because they will have to train someone completely new and the EPA is supposed* to come this year. *key word
But really, what is keeping me there?
I talked to my parents last night about the Alaska thing, they sort of helped, it felt better just to let it out. Right now I'm stuck in a state of undetermined turmoil and anxiety it seems. I don't know what's going to happen, I've only rolled the dice, and it's going to take a couple months before they actually stop rolling. I really don't know how to pass the time.
Meanwhile I submitted my Columbia University application tonight. My recs aren't in so they won't read it yet, but I'm okay with that. I wish I were more excited about it, but with all that's going on in my head, I'm a little overstimulated. Which is a bit disappointing because I was so looking forward to this moment. Meanwhile, I'm trying to think in the present. No day but today and all. I'm going to Chicago this weekend to see Jersey Boys downtown with my family. I will get to see Cat in TN in a few weeks. I am determined to start clicker training with Maverick and spend more time with him. Not to mention start training him and getting him in shape for the show in July! Speaking of shows, Damn Yankees will start eventually and that will be wonderful. Lots to look forward to. Too much time in between.