Dec 06, 2006 13:28
So.... I am in complete overwhelm mode at the moment....
Work is totally sending me in a tailspin... With the budget cuts in high effect and me being the only nursing (among many other positions) recruiter, I have been staying at the office until 7 most nights and coming in well before my scheduled time... I don't think I have put in this many hours... ever. I'm even beating my boss to work most days, which has become a great big office joke.... I told her to remember that shit for my review! :)
School is where I am drowning though.... I can't seem to find enough hours in the day to dedicate the amount of time to deliver the type of quality in my work that I am accustomed to completing.... I have a 4.0 gpa and right now I don't care when I get B's on my work because I am just so burned out.... I have a Spanish test tonight and final next week and 4 papers due in a week and a half in another class and I had to drop one at the last minute because that was another 4 papers due.... I also have to sign up for next semester and just can't focus long enough to choose one.... I need a vacation! I keep telling myself that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer.... but it's still a little off... oh well, it will be worth it on graduation day, right?? I hope so!
Other than all that hot mess things seem to be falling into place nicely in my life... for the first time in quite a long time. I am taking things one day at a time, I am not planning or plotting my future, I am living in the moment and it is so amazing.... I am happy. genuinely happy. I'm not trying to talk myself into anything, or pick apart anything or force anything.... for once I am completely satisfied with the way my life is progressing and the people in my life.
I am thankful on a daily basis for what this year has brought me, taught me and for how it has changed me. I am not the same person I was one year ago. I have grown so much. I have lost people that were important to me, but in the process I found ME and that makes it all worth while. I was on a road of self-discovery for so long because I had lost myself in the various partners I had over the years. No more.
This year has allowed me to step back and put the focus back on Mandy and through that process I have built a pretty incredible life for myself... I have made some amazing friends that have been there for me when I was at my lowest, I have managed to hang on to a FEW of my old friends that didn't disappear when the going got tough, but most importantly I've been liberated from my past and all of the worries and fears that it entailed. I am now able to move forward hopeful, happy and excited at what my future will bring me.... cause for once I'm only planning my present.... the future will work itself out....
People kept telling me that happiness will find me when I least expect it.... they were so right. I finally am happy with ME and that is truly all that matters.....