Love...
It occurs to me as I ponder the questions for which I have no real answer, that I also do not know what love really is. I know what I think Love could be, what it most often is, and what it isn't. All of which are relevant only to myself, as I don't believe in group identification of emotions. I think emotion is intensely personal, and as such, love can be no different. I think, as a jumping off point that love could be that which makes a soul feel something so intense that they find they cannot control the level of emotion when confronted with the other person, whom they see as the object of said craziness. Love is insane. It's scary, being in the throws of something which is not always within your reason and rational mind to handle. Love is dangerous, love is tyrannous for the person who feels it, as they will usually harm self to help the one they "love". Love is the destruction of rational thinking, and the appeasement of a demanding irrational heart. Love shoves logic out the door, and changes the locks. This is what I believe love to be between two passionately connected people. Scary, awful, treacherous, horrible. On the other hand.... I suppose to be truly in love with someone who is in love with you would be nice, if such a thing were possible. (Bitter? No, just a realist.)
The closet romantic in me want's to believe in all of the disney-esque crap spouted by hallmark, and television, namely that two people meet, fall head over, and are happy together ever after. I do.. I want to believe in it. However, I KNOW this to be a falsification. I know that when I get tired, or bored or when he/she get's tired or bored, we will split, and usually for a weird, or nonconsequential reason. To put it simply, people are not meant to be monogamous, it is what we have been taught is the correct version of human interaction. What love is most often, is two people who are attracted to each other, who then decide to sleep together, and then later decide that they won't HATE living together, and since it's been a few months hell why not get married? Only after a few years they figure out that they are human, selfish, and cannot stand the person they have sworn to love forever. They are then faced with the choice of being miserable the rest of their lives, or leaving and being labeled "divorced" on every social and legal form for the rest of their lives until or unless god forbid, they get re-married, having not learned the lesson the first time. Granted some people don't even make it this far, and not all marriages are awful, but people don't seem to understand the changeable nature of humans, and accept their mates for who they completely are, but feel they must mold them into some kind of socially acceptable ideal which is almost opposite the person they were attracted to in the first place.
Love is not... a lot of things, but mostly it isn't what it could be. what love could be is a complete acceptance of another person for the duration of the time both people feel that they want to be attached, and not a second longer, with no hard feelings, or recriminations if things don't follow the socially acceptable norm. What is the point of allowing yourself to hold another person in a high regard, if you are not going to adore them for what they truly are, and for even the things they are which do not always seem so charming? Are we to be a race of fickle retards? Are people going to continue to wonder why there is a high divorce rate, when they don't examine the reason they really wanted to get married in the first place? Love is not ownership, possession, title, lands, money, social standing, a ring, a piece of paper. Love could be so much more if people would just be honest, be a grown up, and let themselves feel whatever good or bad comes, but to be open to the possibility that sometimes all you get is a few hours, days or weeks with someone. Love is like fire they say, well that's not a bad analogy really, but stop trying to keep it burning with toxic crap, and let it die when it want's to.
The "Holy Grail" of love, which no one wants to admit, is the one you find who is sexually compatible, who has some not all of the same interests, and who forces you to believe in yourself and your ideals, even when inconvenient. They are the one who will let you fall down, but then hold you while you cry, who will watch you fail, knowing it's out there, and who will then not tell you they told you so. The best love will let you be yourself, without any expectations, and will not force anything on you, but will let you try what you will. I tell all of the people who come to me for advice to let things come as they will and to stop trying to get something that doesn't exist. I myself have trouble with this sometimes, as I have a big stupid damn heart that wants to believe in the romantic idealism which so many put faith in.
I guess the whole point of this is that when pressed about certain people in my life I have no ready answer, as I do not know what the meaning of the words they are using. How can I define something for you which defies even my beloved philosophers? Who am I to guess at what the great masters could not define in the Cartesian sense? My ultimate answer for all of the questions, the curiosity, is "I don't know". What I do know is that I am the type to let things come as they will, I refuse to let go my idealism, and I am slightly horrified by the thing I see coming down the road at me. I will however let it come and welcome, new thing, shiny, new thing for me to play with and experience... hee hee...
Oh? To honest? To freaking bad. Deal with it.
The closet romantic in me want's to believe in all of the disney-esque crap spouted by hallmark, and television, namely that two people meet, fall head over, and are happy together ever after. I do.. I want to believe in it. However, I KNOW this to be a falsification. I know that when I get tired, or bored or when he/she get's tired or bored, we will split, and usually for a weird, or nonconsequential reason. To put it simply, people are not meant to be monogamous, it is what we have been taught is the correct version of human interaction. What love is most often, is two people who are attracted to each other, who then decide to sleep together, and then later decide that they won't HATE living together, and since it's been a few months hell why not get married? Only after a few years they figure out that they are human, selfish, and cannot stand the person they have sworn to love forever. They are then faced with the choice of being miserable the rest of their lives, or leaving and being labeled "divorced" on every social and legal form for the rest of their lives until or unless god forbid, they get re-married, having not learned the lesson the first time. Granted some people don't even make it this far, and not all marriages are awful, but people don't seem to understand the changeable nature of humans, and accept their mates for who they completely are, but feel they must mold them into some kind of socially acceptable ideal which is almost opposite the person they were attracted to in the first place.
Love is not... a lot of things, but mostly it isn't what it could be. what love could be is a complete acceptance of another person for the duration of the time both people feel that they want to be attached, and not a second longer, with no hard feelings, or recriminations if things don't follow the socially acceptable norm. What is the point of allowing yourself to hold another person in a high regard, if you are not going to adore them for what they truly are, and for even the things they are which do not always seem so charming? Are we to be a race of fickle retards? Are people going to continue to wonder why there is a high divorce rate, when they don't examine the reason they really wanted to get married in the first place? Love is not ownership, possession, title, lands, money, social standing, a ring, a piece of paper. Love could be so much more if people would just be honest, be a grown up, and let themselves feel whatever good or bad comes, but to be open to the possibility that sometimes all you get is a few hours, days or weeks with someone. Love is like fire they say, well that's not a bad analogy really, but stop trying to keep it burning with toxic crap, and let it die when it want's to.
The "Holy Grail" of love, which no one wants to admit, is the one you find who is sexually compatible, who has some not all of the same interests, and who forces you to believe in yourself and your ideals, even when inconvenient. They are the one who will let you fall down, but then hold you while you cry, who will watch you fail, knowing it's out there, and who will then not tell you they told you so. The best love will let you be yourself, without any expectations, and will not force anything on you, but will let you try what you will. I tell all of the people who come to me for advice to let things come as they will and to stop trying to get something that doesn't exist. I myself have trouble with this sometimes, as I have a big stupid damn heart that wants to believe in the romantic idealism which so many put faith in.
I guess the whole point of this is that when pressed about certain people in my life I have no ready answer, as I do not know what the meaning of the words they are using. How can I define something for you which defies even my beloved philosophers? Who am I to guess at what the great masters could not define in the Cartesian sense? My ultimate answer for all of the questions, the curiosity, is "I don't know". What I do know is that I am the type to let things come as they will, I refuse to let go my idealism, and I am slightly horrified by the thing I see coming down the road at me. I will however let it come and welcome, new thing, shiny, new thing for me to play with and experience... hee hee...
Oh? To honest? To freaking bad. Deal with it.