On the 0th night of Christmas
I know that after coming to Iowa I never really reflected back on the last few weeks and months of Geneva. Now is a good time to do so. It's one of the few presents -- if you can even call it that, instead of "worthlessly long paragraphs". Oh well, bear with me. There's only one way to make a Horcrux Pensieve. Hope my thoughts Preserve my soul.
It amazes me how much has changed over one year. I had taken everything for granted back then, with the whole world in my sight. In a way, maybe everything really was within my reach. The tough part of the deal was making an effort to secure something or another, tangible and with substance, in my grasp. So I didn't.
I thought I had time. Unfortunately, I only truly realized otherwise a few short weeks ago -- sometimes it seems short, sometimes it seems lifetimes away -- because Fate had something different to say, as Mr. Cala would say to Matt Dinan, "You're not wrong, you're just stupid." Well, that was what happened to me.
So I don't technically believe in anything supernatural, but I do believe in amazing things happening through, well, as I would often say jokingly, magic. I guess it's pretty incredible how I learned my lesson.
I'll just cut to the chase. English class made me feel every bit reassured about staying here. There were these little crucial themes that we were analyzing from The Great Gatsby and "Death of a Salesman" that made a world of difference to me, the whole East vs. West conflicts and the crazy pursuits of unrealistic dreams things. Not only do they reassure me that being here in Iowa is the right solution to a few particular problems I've had, but they also kinda say, look, Jay Gatsby and Willy Loman are fictional characters, they were created just to die from these problems, but Fred... you're a real person, and you're above emotional problems; do what these two couldn't do -- not something corny like overcoming their crazy disorders, but simply, live.
So this really isn't a present to any of you. It's a little time capsule, to myself: a little reminder that this was approximately the moment, give or take a day or two, that I finally ended something tediously persistent, something that had been with me for a year, this unrealistic dream I've had for a whole wasted year. Was I wrong? Not really. I've just been pretty stupid.
So this definitely isn't a present to any of you. Nobody except myself will be able to really read all this and understand the meaning behind the words. And maybe one other person, but then I'd be dreaming.
Ah, be vain, whirling rain
It was you I sought to gain
Too bad I wasted all my time daydreaming.
But still. I loved that dream. I loved you.
<- (that's a heart, with an arrow through it, cracked, and colored green)
It amazes me how much has changed over one year. I had taken everything for granted back then, with the whole world in my sight. In a way, maybe everything really was within my reach. The tough part of the deal was making an effort to secure something or another, tangible and with substance, in my grasp. So I didn't.
I thought I had time. Unfortunately, I only truly realized otherwise a few short weeks ago -- sometimes it seems short, sometimes it seems lifetimes away -- because Fate had something different to say, as Mr. Cala would say to Matt Dinan, "You're not wrong, you're just stupid." Well, that was what happened to me.
So I don't technically believe in anything supernatural, but I do believe in amazing things happening through, well, as I would often say jokingly, magic. I guess it's pretty incredible how I learned my lesson.
I'll just cut to the chase. English class made me feel every bit reassured about staying here. There were these little crucial themes that we were analyzing from The Great Gatsby and "Death of a Salesman" that made a world of difference to me, the whole East vs. West conflicts and the crazy pursuits of unrealistic dreams things. Not only do they reassure me that being here in Iowa is the right solution to a few particular problems I've had, but they also kinda say, look, Jay Gatsby and Willy Loman are fictional characters, they were created just to die from these problems, but Fred... you're a real person, and you're above emotional problems; do what these two couldn't do -- not something corny like overcoming their crazy disorders, but simply, live.
So this really isn't a present to any of you. It's a little time capsule, to myself: a little reminder that this was approximately the moment, give or take a day or two, that I finally ended something tediously persistent, something that had been with me for a year, this unrealistic dream I've had for a whole wasted year. Was I wrong? Not really. I've just been pretty stupid.
So this definitely isn't a present to any of you. Nobody except myself will be able to really read all this and understand the meaning behind the words. And maybe one other person, but then I'd be dreaming.
Ah, be vain, whirling rain
It was you I sought to gain
Too bad I wasted all my time daydreaming.
But still. I loved that dream. I loved you.
<- (that's a heart, with an arrow through it, cracked, and colored green)