(no subject)
I look at thinspiration in the middle of the night while my roommate it asleep. I imagine there are times she wakes up and looks over to see me saving pictures of (usually) half naked girls to my computer... heh.
My eating habits are strange lately... (when aren't they?) I usually eat fruit during the day... and then whatever I want during dinner or lunch. I'm trying not to buy junk unless I'm getting off a meal perq (what luck for a girl with awful bed tendencies to work in a burger joint). Knowing that some days I only eat fruit makes me feel better..
It's hard to motivate myself not to binge right now... 1) I am already fat 2) I am sad and lonely 3) The habit and cravings are awful sometimes. It feels so much easier to just give in... it doesn't feel worth the fight a lot of days 4) I think... fear that I have to do it now while I can still find an excuse to. Once I get into the apartment (In only a month! I hope.) money will be so tight... there will be no excuse to eat comfort foods or to not restrict. So I sort of feel like... why start now? I have to do it in a month anyway...
Bottom line: I'm just not ready to give it up right now. I wish I were.
Oh, also, to add to the fun... I spend the nights I don't look at thinspiration crying and remembering what a fat, worthless person I am. I had somehow either forgotten that (how worthless I am) or at least been ignoring the fact... definitely part of the reason I've been able to eat like this. I thought I was moving past it... (sometimes I worry I will never lose weight if I do get over it). I think part of the reason it's coming back is a complete lack of support and attention lately... I miss feeling loved and accepted.
I wish I could binge right now. heh.
My eating habits are strange lately... (when aren't they?) I usually eat fruit during the day... and then whatever I want during dinner or lunch. I'm trying not to buy junk unless I'm getting off a meal perq (what luck for a girl with awful bed tendencies to work in a burger joint). Knowing that some days I only eat fruit makes me feel better..
It's hard to motivate myself not to binge right now... 1) I am already fat 2) I am sad and lonely 3) The habit and cravings are awful sometimes. It feels so much easier to just give in... it doesn't feel worth the fight a lot of days 4) I think... fear that I have to do it now while I can still find an excuse to. Once I get into the apartment (In only a month! I hope.) money will be so tight... there will be no excuse to eat comfort foods or to not restrict. So I sort of feel like... why start now? I have to do it in a month anyway...
Bottom line: I'm just not ready to give it up right now. I wish I were.
Oh, also, to add to the fun... I spend the nights I don't look at thinspiration crying and remembering what a fat, worthless person I am. I had somehow either forgotten that (how worthless I am) or at least been ignoring the fact... definitely part of the reason I've been able to eat like this. I thought I was moving past it... (sometimes I worry I will never lose weight if I do get over it). I think part of the reason it's coming back is a complete lack of support and attention lately... I miss feeling loved and accepted.
I wish I could binge right now. heh.