Armor for Sheep
I wonder why its so difficult for me to stay optimistic.
I have once again neglected my livejournal. I keep a sketchbook/journal of sorts, so I rarely feel like taking the time to post anything on the here. I'm not lazy, just uninterested I suppose. A few weeks ago I spent an hour or so rereading my old posts, I've always had a great weakness for sentimentality. I don't believe that people change, I've always thought that although a persons appearance and direct interests may change, the things that make up their personality and pressure them to move forward stay the same. Its comforting...believing that...almost like a blanket of familiarity. I feel the same as I did 5 years ago, I wonder if I'll feel this way in 40 years.
This year has been hard, harder than the last 3. I have a mountain of debt that I have no hope of erasing, art school was a truly awful idea. I have no means of returning to Ex'pressions and have long since given up on furthering my education there(A school that costs that much money to attend should be more concerned with how their students pay their tuition). I applied to several schools in California and one in Tennessee, but by my own ignorance I missed the only opportunity I had to attend the school I was hoping to be accepted to in the coming year. I'm looking at other options, but I'm finished with the majority of my GE, attending a Junior College seems like a waste of my time and money. I feel lost, like I should have accomplished so much more by now.
Sarah makes everything easier to cope with. She makes everything seem smaller, less daunting and oppressive, and I'm thankful that she's a part of my life. I frustrate her sometimes, I know I'm not the most thoughtful or romantic boy out there, but she hasn't given up on me yet. I hope she knows how much she means to me.
I'm trying to save up enough money so that I can backpack up into Oregon in the coming month, but money is hard to come by right now. I still work at Starbucks(they provide health insurance and I can't afford to live without it...literally), I'm trying to rise in the ranks to make a little extra money, but I'm not sure if I'll ever make enough money there to take care of myself the way I should. I can't afford to see an endocrinologist regularly, I can't buy strips more than twice every 2 months(I'm used to checking my blood sugar levels 5 times a day), and insulin continues to rise in price(co-payments for a drug I need to live, isn't America wonderful?).
I've been reading an awful lot of Russian folklore lately, some of the stories I've come across are bloody and bizarre, but its very interesting...reading folk tales. I have a collection of Irish folklore as well, but thus far Russia's folk stories are much more entertaining.
I'll update once more at the first of the year(as I do every year).
I have once again neglected my livejournal. I keep a sketchbook/journal of sorts, so I rarely feel like taking the time to post anything on the here. I'm not lazy, just uninterested I suppose. A few weeks ago I spent an hour or so rereading my old posts, I've always had a great weakness for sentimentality. I don't believe that people change, I've always thought that although a persons appearance and direct interests may change, the things that make up their personality and pressure them to move forward stay the same. Its comforting...believing that...almost like a blanket of familiarity. I feel the same as I did 5 years ago, I wonder if I'll feel this way in 40 years.
This year has been hard, harder than the last 3. I have a mountain of debt that I have no hope of erasing, art school was a truly awful idea. I have no means of returning to Ex'pressions and have long since given up on furthering my education there(A school that costs that much money to attend should be more concerned with how their students pay their tuition). I applied to several schools in California and one in Tennessee, but by my own ignorance I missed the only opportunity I had to attend the school I was hoping to be accepted to in the coming year. I'm looking at other options, but I'm finished with the majority of my GE, attending a Junior College seems like a waste of my time and money. I feel lost, like I should have accomplished so much more by now.
Sarah makes everything easier to cope with. She makes everything seem smaller, less daunting and oppressive, and I'm thankful that she's a part of my life. I frustrate her sometimes, I know I'm not the most thoughtful or romantic boy out there, but she hasn't given up on me yet. I hope she knows how much she means to me.
I'm trying to save up enough money so that I can backpack up into Oregon in the coming month, but money is hard to come by right now. I still work at Starbucks(they provide health insurance and I can't afford to live without it...literally), I'm trying to rise in the ranks to make a little extra money, but I'm not sure if I'll ever make enough money there to take care of myself the way I should. I can't afford to see an endocrinologist regularly, I can't buy strips more than twice every 2 months(I'm used to checking my blood sugar levels 5 times a day), and insulin continues to rise in price(co-payments for a drug I need to live, isn't America wonderful?).
I've been reading an awful lot of Russian folklore lately, some of the stories I've come across are bloody and bizarre, but its very interesting...reading folk tales. I have a collection of Irish folklore as well, but thus far Russia's folk stories are much more entertaining.
I'll update once more at the first of the year(as I do every year).