i dont KNOW>fuck.
i haven't had a smoke since tuesday night. five days isn't very long. last night i sat in the corner and sighed and fidgeted and really actually growled for a couple hours. i get angry and all of the things i make look wrong. saturday i felt psychotic. i think i lost my mind. laughing all weird and loud, and i don't think i meant it. and then i'd get real quiet and sad. then laugh. i don't know. and i'm wicket punchy again. like high school. i think smoking kept me from having ADD.
i keep telling people how its different when i smoke, with emily it isn't Gross, it's total Classic. i have long cigarette holders. and smoking gloves. i will wear red lipstick and do my hair. pearls,i'll buy pearls. they match smoking. but i don't see anyone believe, and i guess i don't either cause i haven't gone sobbing to the store yet. this one time, at north street, i made it without for like four hours, then i bleached my hair reaaaaaly badly and it was all fried and ugly(so so bad) and you can not, under any circumstances, quit smoking the day you become even less attractive, so i had to go to the indian grocery and buy a pack. i should have just had a samosa.
today i cried cause i couldn't make a colour work. beige. couldn't. make. it.
ahh i do not want wrinkles, or hard leather skin,so i try to not go into the sun without glasses+hat, and it's bad enough that the stupid monster dummy cat keeps scratching my face. i can't ruin it more. smoking is mean to your face. it is so very important to have good skin. i don't want blotches or discolouration, that's as icko as acne after you've passed into your 20s. it's just depressing. so i need to eat better too. great bowels of blue berries and liters of vinegar. fighting oxidization, that's my new thing. ahh my Thing, that is the thing, i smoke special, with wrong fingers, it is like my Thing i do. besides stinking. and getting cancer. people want me to. i'm letting everyone down by quiting. everyone is going to be angry. really tho, i think that changing at all is a bad idea, cause it could change peoples opinion of you, and that's all that matters. what people think.
i keep telling people how its different when i smoke, with emily it isn't Gross, it's total Classic. i have long cigarette holders. and smoking gloves. i will wear red lipstick and do my hair. pearls,i'll buy pearls. they match smoking. but i don't see anyone believe, and i guess i don't either cause i haven't gone sobbing to the store yet. this one time, at north street, i made it without for like four hours, then i bleached my hair reaaaaaly badly and it was all fried and ugly(so so bad) and you can not, under any circumstances, quit smoking the day you become even less attractive, so i had to go to the indian grocery and buy a pack. i should have just had a samosa.
today i cried cause i couldn't make a colour work. beige. couldn't. make. it.
ahh i do not want wrinkles, or hard leather skin,so i try to not go into the sun without glasses+hat, and it's bad enough that the stupid monster dummy cat keeps scratching my face. i can't ruin it more. smoking is mean to your face. it is so very important to have good skin. i don't want blotches or discolouration, that's as icko as acne after you've passed into your 20s. it's just depressing. so i need to eat better too. great bowels of blue berries and liters of vinegar. fighting oxidization, that's my new thing. ahh my Thing, that is the thing, i smoke special, with wrong fingers, it is like my Thing i do. besides stinking. and getting cancer. people want me to. i'm letting everyone down by quiting. everyone is going to be angry. really tho, i think that changing at all is a bad idea, cause it could change peoples opinion of you, and that's all that matters. what people think.