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Hello, I just joined this community and I have an itch to write this Wilson centric character study. I'm just starting it, but I'm writing it in second person because I haven't tried that out and I want to take some more risks with my writing. I'm just looking for concrit right now, even though I could use a beta
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You select one at random, plucking the smooth golden ring out of it’s home. Spin it absentmindedly, memories whirring from wherever they were hidden.
I think that this might sound better with either "You" at the beginning of the second sentence or by linking the sentences with "and".
I thought that the dialogue sounded good. I did want to know more of what was going on in Wilson's head during the dialogue though. I think that with the way that the story started that going with just the dialogue seems like maybe too abrupt of a shift- if that makes sense.
Oh... and one other thing... did you mean Cameron as being fired. In canon it was Chase that was fired- Cameron quit.
I've never betaed but if any of my meger advice was helpful and you feel like it would be a good fit- I'd Love to see more of this and I wouldn't mind looking things over. Just let me know via this thread or posting a note on my LJ. I really love the concept.
This one was your second; Julie’s, you knows that like you knows your name is James.>blockquote>
"know" in both cases and to me the second part feels a little akward. Maybe something that would give the same meaning in a different way (suggestion of a Possible way) "This was from your second marriage- to Julie. You know the rings and the wives connected with them as intimately as you do your own name." I don't think that you have to state his name.
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The second person thing is really killing me right now, so just having someone else reading it will hlep tremendously. I do need to iron out that paragraph about the rings, it's quite hard to write and hard to read.
I think my largest problem is that I don't really know what to do with it. I mean I know that it's going to explore House and Wilsons realationship, but It's missing all of the stuff that makes it actually a story. Confict, plot. Minor things, really. Heh.
But if you are interested, that would be great. You're pretty much exactly what I'm looking for.
I guess I'd need your e-mail, no? Mine is SnakeXScandal13@yahoo.com My "real world' name is Christina. :)
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