The Examination: DIYSheep
Hey there everyone.
Here at Housefic_Meta, we like to talk about stories and authors, so we're getting ready to launch another series of Q&As with fanfic writers. In a few days I'll open a thread so you can suggest other writers to "interview." You can also click on the "author profile" tag to track down past Q&As.
For now, we're whetting your collective appetites with this profile of diysheep, who may have provided one of the most unusual and entertaining Q&As ever.
Some writers are hard to pin down. They play around with writing styles and genres, finding new voices for new fics. Sheep wears entire new costumes. There the Sheep that wrote The Contract, which not only continues to attract fans, it's created its own sub-genre of "Contract-verse" fics with contributions by nearly a dozen different writers.
But just as you think the "weird creepy story" defines Sheep, along comes Zombie Wilson. No. Really.
“House, I am not going to discuss Zombie rights with you. I don’t care what you do with him, just get him out of this clinic.” She threw up her hands. “Give him to Chase to look after.”
Think that's all? What about Sheep's Not Very Informative Recaps? Or MSTs. Or Doctor Scruffy comics?
You can find links to all at Sheep's LJ.
Let's start with the obvious question. Did you ever expect "The Contract" to spawn its own universe of related fics by different authors?
Ah yes: The K
For those of you wondering, in Chaseland we just write a big K and put a circle around it - this symbolizes the word ‘contract’ for lazy lawyers.
That is an interesting story - lordie be knows where it came from - probably ripped off from The Count of Monte Cristo I expect.
I like to think of it as the Love Actually of House fan fiction. It has everything except the double G - clattering canes, clichés galore... but at the time I wrote it I didn’t know they were clichés. I hadn’t even watched much House. I was just blown away by the reaction to that story. I knew vaguely about the hurt/comfort genre from reading Star Trek novels, but I never really considered it seriously until the K.
For me the bond between House and Wilsie was Kipling’s 1000th man and this amazing and unconventional thing that existed between two unbelievably dysfunctional men. I didn’t care about minor points like the floor might be carpeted so therefore clattering of canes might be completely impossible or how to actually spell Stacy’s name. All I cared about was House and Wilson and my idealized romantic view of their relationship. I don’t think it is a particularly good piece of writing - and I still have never been able to find all the typos and I still cringe at some bits. But it seems to do its job emotionally.
As to the ‘Contractverse’: no idea that would happen.
I have a little Mr Vicodin and I use him to clean the computer screen - who knew he would come in so handy. But when I waggle Mr V over the screen I am totally stoked in the fact that someone took my idea and made it real - and fluffy. So what if it is a small furry pill - it gets me every time and, although it may not mean something in the greater scheme of things, it means something to me… and also keeps my computer clean. So it’s a win win situation.
And okay - ‘some’ people might say ‘oh yeah like that is sooo GTFO stupid lame’ and laugh, but:
1. It keeps people off the streets.
2. It brings both of us pleasure (and also to the people who enjoy mocking it).
3. It is no more stupid a pastime as say… starting a small pointless war (this is not just directed to the Americans by the way - everyone does it).
4. Real life is nasty, brutish and horrible (to be fair: so is the K), but the Interweb is where you can forget what you actually do in real life and indulge in silly pastimes.
But what I love are reviews about the spin offs going ‘I like this story much more than the original’ and I think: what am I - chopped liver? But to be fair most people do write better than me.
How did you react when people first started writing stories based on it? And, for that matter, do people ask for permission to write in that universe? Should they? Do you care? Or has it taken on a life of its own at this point?
Some people ask, some people just run with it, some create alternate universes, soft toys and some just use whole chunks of it (I always enjoy reading a story and thinking ‘hey! That sentence sounds suspiciously familiar’). In FF land I have no worries with any of this.
I have learned stuff from every writer in the K- Verse and I am also really enjoyed their ideas and what I have missed. It is about sharing ideas and when some one sends you an email saying ‘Is this okay, I have never written anything before’; you’d have to a shiexer tard to not to help them. I wouldn’t have started writing fiction if not for ff and anything that gets people off the streets and playing on the computer (not World of War Craft) is good.
On the other hand: Plagiarism in real life it makes me very shirty and hurt - and I go after them like a well armed very hungry fox after a weasel. But I go to FF land to enjoy myself and share. I just went to a place where you don’t use the Interweb if you have any sense and then I saw people who take it a bit too seriously. I see the Interweb a bit like a party: if you want to join a conversation just ask, but remember - you could step outside the party and be hit by a bus or a nasty regime that likes to torture its own people - so it is all relative.
And as Douglas Adams said: Time is relative, lunchtime doubly so. If he was around today I’m sure he would have had something witty to say about the silliness of the Internet as well.
What drew you to writing House fanfiction?
That’s easy: House and Wilson, but I no idea they were gay (or implied gay)…, but I can run with that if need be because I have found slash fan fiction authors (in any fandom) are (on the whole) really good quality. I am not dishing any other ship or gen writers. One of the most brilliantly written stories I have read was House/Cameron. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that accepting homosexuality requires tolerance and understanding and that the people who write slash are more tolerant and understanding or experienced or (regardless of age) have an insightful world view.
And for some reason they seem to have a better understanding of grammar! I have no idea how the connection between homosexuality and the full stop actually works, but it seems to.
So I always seek slash writers out, but, I just don’t want to imagine sex between ANYONE ever, whenever I see the words ‘tube of lube’ I scroll down a bit. As Namaste said once: not my cup of tea. However I have read a few amazing stories of gay and straight erotica and I am constantly in awe at what comes out of peoples’ brains.
But mostly I started writing House FF because of the closet and the moving architecture.
How does a story start for you? A specific scene? A plot? A snatch of conversation?
An idea that narks (niggles, gnaws on you, etc) on me so much it makes me want to pick up a computer and start playing with it. It can come from the show or another FF writer or where ever. The world is an oyster as they say - although personally I think they are ghastly unless doused in that Kilpatrick sauce. Give me a prawn and some cocktail sauce any day.
You've referred to some of your stories as "weird and creepy," right down to titling one "Weird and Creepy Story." What about weird and creepy works for you? And what would you say to people for whom weird and creepy doesn't work? Do you think there's a line between creepy and over the top? (I'm picturing something myself like the difference between Hitchcock's "Psycho" and slasher films like "Saw" or "Hostel.")
I totally agree with them - there is a line. But I fully believe all genres can be enjoyed if you suspend your disbelief. Look at Hamlet - dear Lordie be! The man spends four and a half hours poncing around chatting to himself. In real life he’d be shipped off to a loony bin by Act1, Scene2. But if Shakesie hadn’t had Hamlet drone on and on and on about every conceivable thought that crossed his indecisive mind we wouldn’t have the wonderful thoughtful play bursting with themes we still think about today and can enrich our everyday lives - a sort of ‘ye olde’ self help book if you like:
Oh bugger - job interview…. Eek… hmmm…
And how stand I then?
A father killed, a mother stained, and let all sleep while forty thousand men go their graves like beds
Right! The job is mine!!!
Not an exact quote, and no way am I comparing the K to Hamlet, but Namaste did that quote post the other day: And sometimes, maybe while driving, or on a plane, I find myself thinking about a scene or a line in a fic I have read and then mulling over its implications.
But stuff Hamlet, let’s move it forward time wise:
“Die Hard” is over the top. I mean how does Bruce Willis manage to lose all his clothes so quickly?
Every single film - even the one in the snow in that airport?
I also feel that “24” with ‘I never need to recharge my cell phone’ Jack, “Boston Legal” and “House” are also hitting hyper realism. You just have to go with it… “House” is nothing like anything that comes close to the reality of what really happens in a hospital.
God the last time I was in a hospital I discharged myself AMA because while I could take the blinding concussion headache, the neck brace, the fluorescent lights, and the surly male nurse; it was the Scottish nurse telling everyone within a five mile radius about her love life and her boyfriend that made me risk a brain explosion and make for a darkened quiet room, bereft of bored underpaid nurses who don’t give a damn.
But I think what works for you is a question of taste and genre - and what genre strikes you on the heart with a clenched fist and everyone has different tastes.
Personally, I’m a slut. I’ll take any genre.
I’ll take horror, alternate universe stories, or what I call ‘literary’ fics - quieter, more introspective stories.
As to what I’d say to them:
There used to be a clear divide. One the one hand you had literary fiction (Dickens, Joyce, Hemingway, etc) and on the other you had general fiction (Tom Clancy, John Grisham, Noble House, James Bond). James Bond was over the top and gritty realist writers who won Nobel prizes weren’t
But then things started to change. Perfume by Suskind, The Lovely Bones, and DB Pierre’s book about a Columbine like shooting massacre. Three books that challenged the way we write. DB wrote like he was channelling ee cummings (which personally I hated - the book, not ee). They were over the top, but not over the top.
However to really read and enjoy these books you had to suspend your sense of disbelief like crazy and just go with it. And that comes down to the reader - world view, childhood issues, personal values, yada yada yada.
But I find it interesting that in FF Land people are much more strict. They will happily enjoy watching over the top movies and TV shows, but they are very protective of their FF canon. This isn’t a bad thing because it shows they care.
And then on the other end of the scale, there's crack-related fic ... the way House's house changes, zombies and the like. What prompts those, and what do you enjoy about writing them?
Zombie Wilson: Brains!
DIY Sheep: Not now ZW.
I seem to go from one end of the spectrum to the other, either nasty or nice. To be honest: I love writing crack type fic because they make me laugh - at my own writing. This sounds really egotistical, but it’s true. Who hasn’t found something you wrote when you were twelve and been appalled by the spelling, but secretly thought it was quite a good concept and felt a bit smug.
But also I rather like the genre of what they call ‘magic realism’ (I think): where you change the world, but keep the people the same - like the Golden Compass, where no one questions the are talking bears or Muggles in Harry Potter or Zombies in Sean of the Dead. I really like that idea that you can just say ‘hey - the rules are out the window. Let’s party’.
It seems like it's a fine line to tread when writing a satire or an MST, in which you want to get the humor right, but not just point and laugh. Is it? (Or at least my few attempts at satire have been very sad, so maybe I do it wrong.) How do you start something like that and does it differ from other writing?
You are right. MSTing is tricky. I will have to consult Stephen and Hugh:
Hugh: Look, we hope this is okay, but Stephen and I have been talking and we’ve decided we’d like to explain how we do a MST and not be too mean or boring. MSTing isn’t some weird club where you have to wear a silly apron and go through strange initiation rights involving wooden spoons and cheese.
Stephen: Hugh’s right. That sort of stuff is for you and a loved one of your choice on a quiet Saturday night. If you only MST the grammar or punctuation it gets very dull and repetitious. It’s all about taking the ideas and running away with them as fast as you can. And then maybe burying them in a small hole?
Hugh: That’s ‘write’ Stephen: Everyone can MST. Because the point of a MST is to take off things you love.
Stephen: It’s a MSTery, but it’s true. A British TV show, Dead Ringers, does spoofs of shows. But what really comes through is the fact that the writers and actors love the shows they are taking the mickey out of. Go check out the House spoof on Dead Ringers: U Tube.
Hugh: But we realise that reading bad fan fiction can be tough because some of it is beyond belief!
Stephen: Like wading through custard jelly with flabby thighs.
Hugh: So, we have come up with a quick MST if you like to show how to grab an idea and run away with it as fast as your little stubby legs can carry you..
Stephen: Or, as I like to call it - a tryst-MST.
Hugh: Excellent description.
Stephen: Like that one we did the other night in the jacuzzi with the ...
Hugh: Exactly.
Stephen: But it is not a competition. In no way, on the face of the earth will you win a cookie. Nor any sort of dough based product that might make you hyperactive.
Hugh: That’s right Stephen. It’s not about the cookie. It’s about using the characteristics of the MSTers to play on the humour.
Stephen: It’s sugar sticks one minute, then the next you find yourself going down on a…muffle wurrgle baffam reeench.
Hugh (with hand over Stephen’s mouth): Ha ha ha. Thanks Stephen. Why don’t you just go over there and sit down.
Stephen: Bloody colonial fan brats hyped up on sugary treats. Use cocaine like the rest of us!
Hugh: Yes… What m’ colleague is trying to say is that with MSTing it is always good to remember that the writer is a human being and while you are making fun of them you are also keeping in mind they made an effort and while it may not be the greatest, it has some merit.
Stephen (wanders off): I’ll kill them all.
Patsy: Or get smashed on Vodka! That takes the edge off bad fan fiction.
Edina: Too right Pats.
Patsy (raising bottles of Stoli): Cheers.
Edina: Cheers.
Hugh (to audience): You can tell why I didn’t get nominated for an Emmy some times. Nothing to do with my performance. It was Stephen and Emma at the after party for the Golden Globes that year. They were terrified I’d bring more British comedian friends with me.
<>Stephen: Well how was I supposed to know?
Emma Thompson: He was asking for it.
Stephen: Waggling it around in the men’s' room like that.
Dawn French: Did someone say party? Oh, I love a good party.
Hugh (to Stephen): You broke it off for God’s sake.
Hugh (ushering Dawn out): No, there is no party going on here. But remember folks - you can always just introduce a new character that is relevant to the MSTers anytime. Some people might get it, some people might not. In this case Dawn (a very famous British comedienne) used to do charity specials with Stephen and Hugh and of course Ab Fab is brilliant. .
Eddie: Of course it bloody well is!
Hugh (gestures to Patsy and Eddie): And you too can just bugger off too.
Stephen: He can always mend it with sticky tape.
Hugh: Not that you bloody well can’t.
Eddie: No fun any more is our little Hugh. Not since he became Mr Hollywood bigwig.
Patsy: Yeah, come on Eddie, let’s go hang out with Dylan Moran. He’s fun.
Stephen: Be a dear and leave me a bottle would you ladies?
Patsy: Anything for you Stevie.
Eddie: No Pats no!
Patsy: Why not?
Eddie: Think that episode set in Morocco.
Patsy: Oh?
Hugh: Right. Anyone else want to barge into this post? Come on, now is the time to do it. Peter Cook?
Peter Cook: Sorry, I’m dead. But I will say that with a MST it is always fun to play with what you know about your MSTers. That is where the fun comes from - not only are you taking the mickey out of the story, but you are taking the mickey out of the MSTers - fictional or real. And you are also taking the mickey out of the fans interpretation of the characters - and maybe yourself? I’m confused now… pass the Stoli.
Hugh: Apologies on the whole dead thing Peter… Loved you in the Princess Bride: well - come on: Who wants to join in - the fat bloke from Little Britain, Stuart Bloody Little, that guy who does the bad impersonation of me with bad hair in Dead Ringers?
Stephen (on a couch with a bottle of Stoli): That’s Jon Culshaw. At least he has hair.
Hugh: You are a cruel cruel man.
Stephen: Thank you. I try.
Hugh: Right, as m’ colleague is so drunk he can’t speak I will continue. What Stephen was trying to say is that there are no winners, or rather you don’t win anything, or should that be everyone is a loser?
Stephen: Sounds right to me.
Hugh: So, if you too want to be a loser - grab a quote, take a couple of minutes…
Stephen: Exsanguinate your creative juices through a straw and download them into the internet wonderland…
Hugh: … and MST away. Here’s one we prepared earlier. A nice easy one for the mums at home. We thought we’d do one just to show the folks at home how simple it is.
"Yeah, but, in seventeen years, I still love you, House!
Hugh: As you can see in this story Wilson appears to be rampaging homosexual.
Stephen: Even though he has been married three times.
Hugh: Which is a typical sign of rampant homosexuality.
Stephen: Exactly. So according to canon and ff/House fandom it is safe to assume that if you know someone who is married, it is safe to assume they are rampantly homosexual and may leap on you at any time.
Hugh: So always take precautions.
Stephen: Yes, Hugh is wearing a wet suit under his suit right now.
Hugh: Just to be sure.
Hugh: Oh my God. I just realised. I am married. I must be a rampant homosexual.
Stephen: Well that will make the RSL/Hugh Laurie slashers happy.
Hugh: But will it make RSL happy?
Stephen (smirk): Dear Robbie.
Hugh: Oh my God! I could leap on myself at any time.
Stephen: It’s all right Hugh. You are wearing your wetsuit.
Hugh: So in summary we are saying the fun of a MST is not so much taking the mickey out of the author, but running with the fandom, the actors, the characters’ quirks, the ideas, background knowledge, and lots of guest characters. How does that sound Stephen?
Stephen : Wallop!
Hugh: Ow!
A clever reference back to A Bit of Fry and Laurie - always fun.
What do you struggle the most with in your own writing? And what do you wish would come easily to you? Or does it all come easily?
With FF there is no pressure. No guidelines and no rules and no deadlines. It is pure hedonism. You just write what you want and enjoy it. But some of the stories get quite long and you do get bored and want to move on… and then of course you want to come back to them. You can see why Tolkien took something like 40 years to get Lord of the Rings right.
And I’m a fiddler. Most of the stuff I write is done and then set in stone so even if I think of a better joke or a change I’m stuffed because it is too late, but in ff land you can fiddle and change to your heart’s content.
But yes: everything comes easily to me and I am a minor deity in Upper Twonka.
In reality I write with the A-Z method (one day A, the next day Z, the next day F, etc), which can be a bugger because you know the ending, but you get stuck on the boring middle bits.
But mostly I hate typos, and one of the big tricky things for me is that I have broken a few too many fingers and can’t use the little fingers on each hand. So although I am fast, I can’t do the QWERTY typing thing very well.
How much do the continuity monkeys bug you when you're watching the show, and see something that doesn't fit -- whether a balcony or a piece of backstory like Hector's age?
Fuga jugga wormble muffle arghhh! Where did that come from!!?? Noooooooooo!
But then I laugh, eat a banana and think up a new fic.
What's been the hardest fic for you to write?
I’m not really a slasher - a la tube of lube, so it was The Tale of Two Bastards. Small story - but a bastard (boom boom) to write. I wanted to capture the oddness of their relationship - how both of them were odd, but that they took comfort from each other in odd ways.
With A Tale of Two Bastards I had to search for a way to make House and Wilson a believable couple because I had signed on to make it believable. I had read far too many stories where it just ‘Poofed’ and then they had TEY HAWT MAN SEX. I wanted to try and make their relationship realistic because relationships are very complicated.
What's been your favourite of your fics?
I am going to do the usual and say I am proud of various stories for different reasons, but the one I am really proud of is Dream Jimmy. For me - it is about how the two men help each other, but neither one never knows it, because, like in the show, they never really tell each other what they are up to.
Has writing fic changed the way you watch the show?
I am always on the lookout for changes in character. I mean: Cameron? What the heck is she on - Prozac, Heroin, a sudden conversion to Hinduism?!
I think seeing more and more of the show gives you an idea of the characters - so less is relegated to your imagination and you can fit in a bit more with canon.
What would you change on the show if you had that power? (Other than shooting the continuity monkeys, that is.)
Nothing.
I love the fact the Continuity Monkeys are constantly out of their minds on Absinthe. It’s brilliant: moving architecture, ‘BOB’ (now was that deliberate or just a happy mistake?). I also love the ‘it’s always/never Lupus’ stupidity, especially as my sister had Sarkoidosis and I am very aware of how the symptoms manifest.
But as House says: everybody lies: And so do I.
1.
Those orange sneakers. I love crazy sneakers, but why on Earth would you want to walk around looking like you have just dropped half an orange peel on your shoe?
2.
Foreman would, by pure chance, maybe, one night, in an alley, meet Mack The Knife and end up wearing some really heavy footwear that is not suitable for swimming.
Ever been tempted much to cross over your two fanfic fandoms, "House" and "Doctor Who?"
Not really, that story where the Ninth Doctor and House had sex in Alien Wilson’s entrails kind of put me off.
How did you get started in writing?
I know some people aspire all their lives to be ‘serious’ writers, but I think it is much more fun just to fall into it sideways while completely pissed. I am told this is how many famous writers have entered the profession.
I was reading a very interesting book by some dude called Freeman Dyson. According to the blurb on the back of the book he is one of the true geniuses of our age. And actually he works in some sciencey role in a university of Princeton. So he knows what he is talking about. In this case he is nattering about science and the future and stuff and he made an interesting statement: most scientific advances come from fun. No there is a sentence you don’t see every day. Fun = hobbies = scuba diving, bicycles, cars, airplanes, etc. Who’d a thunk it?
I think fan fiction started one day when someone threw a bottle at the screen and said:
‘Oh for lordie be’s sake. I can do it better than that dribble. How much cocaine are those writers snorting? Reginald - hand me a pen’.
And I think that’s what makes ff so fun. It is fueled by desire. There are no deadlines or talking about crappy subjects you find really dull. Ff makes you happy.
I have a theory. Ff is ‘he would have done that’. Stuff all this canon crap. When I used to write an essay I have a particular book - fantastically obscure and unattainable, but by a guy I liked. If I wanted to make a point I would make up a quote and attribute it to him (because God forbid students can actually have intelligent opinions). Knowing full well my lecturers would never find this book. I’d say to myself: ‘he would have said it if he had thought of it’. I told him this and he wasn’t very happy.
And that’s Ff - they would have done it if they could have, they might have done it, so let’s just go ahead and do it.
Every story is different and means something different to you. I have no ideal of the perfect story that I want to live up to so I just meander along going from genre to genre and indulging my fancy. I have a soft spot for Zombie Wilson though - who doesn’t love a Zombie - except when they eat your favourite beanie. And I know about beanie loss - trust me! But I found love in my new Manchester United beanie.
I started writing fan fiction on a Doctor Who forum. It was called the boozy ad hoc round robin Doctor Who story. It was fun. A few blokes from Manchester and me would pop on after a long liquid lunch (or dinner) at the pub and mayhem would ensue. It was like a literary version of theatre sports - every death or tight corner could be refangaled and it would once again be on for man and beast. There was no pressure, no expectations, no nothing. We were just enjoying ourselves. After about 150 thousand words we decided to move on to the ad hoc boozy cartoon round robin - which got even more debaucherous because now we could ‘visualize’.
Finally:
Contractions. Apparently I don’t use them enough. I do not. When I speak Australian English I speak it (for the most part) very distinctly and I do not use very many contractions (although it varies on the surroundings). Everyone gets up me for this in my stories, but I just can not change it.
See. I did it again: I should have written ‘kaannnnt’, but I just ‘karrnnnnt’.
And although I love just about every story out there I never review enough. I just want a giant website that has a big blanket review to everyone who writes ff:
Saying thanks.
…
Thank you very much Namaste and Co. for asking me for this long boring diatribe and I hope you haven’t fallen asleep while reading this and drooled all over your computer because water and computers don’t mix. Trust me, I have found this out the hard way… and then there was this glass of Drambuie… but that is a story for another day.
Love Sheep,
Whose ff dot Pit of Voles profiles lists The Sheep as pretentious, a wally and a lover of silly headwear.
This is very accurate.
Thank you, Sheep. The floor's open now for anyone who has questions or comments of their own.
Here at Housefic_Meta, we like to talk about stories and authors, so we're getting ready to launch another series of Q&As with fanfic writers. In a few days I'll open a thread so you can suggest other writers to "interview." You can also click on the "author profile" tag to track down past Q&As.
For now, we're whetting your collective appetites with this profile of diysheep, who may have provided one of the most unusual and entertaining Q&As ever.
Some writers are hard to pin down. They play around with writing styles and genres, finding new voices for new fics. Sheep wears entire new costumes. There the Sheep that wrote The Contract, which not only continues to attract fans, it's created its own sub-genre of "Contract-verse" fics with contributions by nearly a dozen different writers.
But just as you think the "weird creepy story" defines Sheep, along comes Zombie Wilson. No. Really.
“House, I am not going to discuss Zombie rights with you. I don’t care what you do with him, just get him out of this clinic.” She threw up her hands. “Give him to Chase to look after.”
Think that's all? What about Sheep's Not Very Informative Recaps? Or MSTs. Or Doctor Scruffy comics?
You can find links to all at Sheep's LJ.
Let's start with the obvious question. Did you ever expect "The Contract" to spawn its own universe of related fics by different authors?
Ah yes: The K
For those of you wondering, in Chaseland we just write a big K and put a circle around it - this symbolizes the word ‘contract’ for lazy lawyers.
That is an interesting story - lordie be knows where it came from - probably ripped off from The Count of Monte Cristo I expect.
I like to think of it as the Love Actually of House fan fiction. It has everything except the double G - clattering canes, clichés galore... but at the time I wrote it I didn’t know they were clichés. I hadn’t even watched much House. I was just blown away by the reaction to that story. I knew vaguely about the hurt/comfort genre from reading Star Trek novels, but I never really considered it seriously until the K.
For me the bond between House and Wilsie was Kipling’s 1000th man and this amazing and unconventional thing that existed between two unbelievably dysfunctional men. I didn’t care about minor points like the floor might be carpeted so therefore clattering of canes might be completely impossible or how to actually spell Stacy’s name. All I cared about was House and Wilson and my idealized romantic view of their relationship. I don’t think it is a particularly good piece of writing - and I still have never been able to find all the typos and I still cringe at some bits. But it seems to do its job emotionally.
As to the ‘Contractverse’: no idea that would happen.
I have a little Mr Vicodin and I use him to clean the computer screen - who knew he would come in so handy. But when I waggle Mr V over the screen I am totally stoked in the fact that someone took my idea and made it real - and fluffy. So what if it is a small furry pill - it gets me every time and, although it may not mean something in the greater scheme of things, it means something to me… and also keeps my computer clean. So it’s a win win situation.
And okay - ‘some’ people might say ‘oh yeah like that is sooo GTFO stupid lame’ and laugh, but:
1. It keeps people off the streets.
2. It brings both of us pleasure (and also to the people who enjoy mocking it).
3. It is no more stupid a pastime as say… starting a small pointless war (this is not just directed to the Americans by the way - everyone does it).
4. Real life is nasty, brutish and horrible (to be fair: so is the K), but the Interweb is where you can forget what you actually do in real life and indulge in silly pastimes.
But what I love are reviews about the spin offs going ‘I like this story much more than the original’ and I think: what am I - chopped liver? But to be fair most people do write better than me.
How did you react when people first started writing stories based on it? And, for that matter, do people ask for permission to write in that universe? Should they? Do you care? Or has it taken on a life of its own at this point?
Some people ask, some people just run with it, some create alternate universes, soft toys and some just use whole chunks of it (I always enjoy reading a story and thinking ‘hey! That sentence sounds suspiciously familiar’). In FF land I have no worries with any of this.
I have learned stuff from every writer in the K- Verse and I am also really enjoyed their ideas and what I have missed. It is about sharing ideas and when some one sends you an email saying ‘Is this okay, I have never written anything before’; you’d have to a shiexer tard to not to help them. I wouldn’t have started writing fiction if not for ff and anything that gets people off the streets and playing on the computer (not World of War Craft) is good.
On the other hand: Plagiarism in real life it makes me very shirty and hurt - and I go after them like a well armed very hungry fox after a weasel. But I go to FF land to enjoy myself and share. I just went to a place where you don’t use the Interweb if you have any sense and then I saw people who take it a bit too seriously. I see the Interweb a bit like a party: if you want to join a conversation just ask, but remember - you could step outside the party and be hit by a bus or a nasty regime that likes to torture its own people - so it is all relative.
And as Douglas Adams said: Time is relative, lunchtime doubly so. If he was around today I’m sure he would have had something witty to say about the silliness of the Internet as well.
What drew you to writing House fanfiction?
That’s easy: House and Wilson, but I no idea they were gay (or implied gay)…, but I can run with that if need be because I have found slash fan fiction authors (in any fandom) are (on the whole) really good quality. I am not dishing any other ship or gen writers. One of the most brilliantly written stories I have read was House/Cameron. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that accepting homosexuality requires tolerance and understanding and that the people who write slash are more tolerant and understanding or experienced or (regardless of age) have an insightful world view.
And for some reason they seem to have a better understanding of grammar! I have no idea how the connection between homosexuality and the full stop actually works, but it seems to.
So I always seek slash writers out, but, I just don’t want to imagine sex between ANYONE ever, whenever I see the words ‘tube of lube’ I scroll down a bit. As Namaste said once: not my cup of tea. However I have read a few amazing stories of gay and straight erotica and I am constantly in awe at what comes out of peoples’ brains.
But mostly I started writing House FF because of the closet and the moving architecture.
How does a story start for you? A specific scene? A plot? A snatch of conversation?
An idea that narks (niggles, gnaws on you, etc) on me so much it makes me want to pick up a computer and start playing with it. It can come from the show or another FF writer or where ever. The world is an oyster as they say - although personally I think they are ghastly unless doused in that Kilpatrick sauce. Give me a prawn and some cocktail sauce any day.
You've referred to some of your stories as "weird and creepy," right down to titling one "Weird and Creepy Story." What about weird and creepy works for you? And what would you say to people for whom weird and creepy doesn't work? Do you think there's a line between creepy and over the top? (I'm picturing something myself like the difference between Hitchcock's "Psycho" and slasher films like "Saw" or "Hostel.")
I totally agree with them - there is a line. But I fully believe all genres can be enjoyed if you suspend your disbelief. Look at Hamlet - dear Lordie be! The man spends four and a half hours poncing around chatting to himself. In real life he’d be shipped off to a loony bin by Act1, Scene2. But if Shakesie hadn’t had Hamlet drone on and on and on about every conceivable thought that crossed his indecisive mind we wouldn’t have the wonderful thoughtful play bursting with themes we still think about today and can enrich our everyday lives - a sort of ‘ye olde’ self help book if you like:
Oh bugger - job interview…. Eek… hmmm…
And how stand I then?
A father killed, a mother stained, and let all sleep while forty thousand men go their graves like beds
Right! The job is mine!!!
Not an exact quote, and no way am I comparing the K to Hamlet, but Namaste did that quote post the other day: And sometimes, maybe while driving, or on a plane, I find myself thinking about a scene or a line in a fic I have read and then mulling over its implications.
But stuff Hamlet, let’s move it forward time wise:
“Die Hard” is over the top. I mean how does Bruce Willis manage to lose all his clothes so quickly?
Every single film - even the one in the snow in that airport?
I also feel that “24” with ‘I never need to recharge my cell phone’ Jack, “Boston Legal” and “House” are also hitting hyper realism. You just have to go with it… “House” is nothing like anything that comes close to the reality of what really happens in a hospital.
God the last time I was in a hospital I discharged myself AMA because while I could take the blinding concussion headache, the neck brace, the fluorescent lights, and the surly male nurse; it was the Scottish nurse telling everyone within a five mile radius about her love life and her boyfriend that made me risk a brain explosion and make for a darkened quiet room, bereft of bored underpaid nurses who don’t give a damn.
But I think what works for you is a question of taste and genre - and what genre strikes you on the heart with a clenched fist and everyone has different tastes.
Personally, I’m a slut. I’ll take any genre.
I’ll take horror, alternate universe stories, or what I call ‘literary’ fics - quieter, more introspective stories.
As to what I’d say to them:
There used to be a clear divide. One the one hand you had literary fiction (Dickens, Joyce, Hemingway, etc) and on the other you had general fiction (Tom Clancy, John Grisham, Noble House, James Bond). James Bond was over the top and gritty realist writers who won Nobel prizes weren’t
But then things started to change. Perfume by Suskind, The Lovely Bones, and DB Pierre’s book about a Columbine like shooting massacre. Three books that challenged the way we write. DB wrote like he was channelling ee cummings (which personally I hated - the book, not ee). They were over the top, but not over the top.
However to really read and enjoy these books you had to suspend your sense of disbelief like crazy and just go with it. And that comes down to the reader - world view, childhood issues, personal values, yada yada yada.
But I find it interesting that in FF Land people are much more strict. They will happily enjoy watching over the top movies and TV shows, but they are very protective of their FF canon. This isn’t a bad thing because it shows they care.
And then on the other end of the scale, there's crack-related fic ... the way House's house changes, zombies and the like. What prompts those, and what do you enjoy about writing them?
Zombie Wilson: Brains!
DIY Sheep: Not now ZW.
I seem to go from one end of the spectrum to the other, either nasty or nice. To be honest: I love writing crack type fic because they make me laugh - at my own writing. This sounds really egotistical, but it’s true. Who hasn’t found something you wrote when you were twelve and been appalled by the spelling, but secretly thought it was quite a good concept and felt a bit smug.
But also I rather like the genre of what they call ‘magic realism’ (I think): where you change the world, but keep the people the same - like the Golden Compass, where no one questions the are talking bears or Muggles in Harry Potter or Zombies in Sean of the Dead. I really like that idea that you can just say ‘hey - the rules are out the window. Let’s party’.
It seems like it's a fine line to tread when writing a satire or an MST, in which you want to get the humor right, but not just point and laugh. Is it? (Or at least my few attempts at satire have been very sad, so maybe I do it wrong.) How do you start something like that and does it differ from other writing?
You are right. MSTing is tricky. I will have to consult Stephen and Hugh:
Hugh: Look, we hope this is okay, but Stephen and I have been talking and we’ve decided we’d like to explain how we do a MST and not be too mean or boring. MSTing isn’t some weird club where you have to wear a silly apron and go through strange initiation rights involving wooden spoons and cheese.
Stephen: Hugh’s right. That sort of stuff is for you and a loved one of your choice on a quiet Saturday night. If you only MST the grammar or punctuation it gets very dull and repetitious. It’s all about taking the ideas and running away with them as fast as you can. And then maybe burying them in a small hole?
Hugh: That’s ‘write’ Stephen: Everyone can MST. Because the point of a MST is to take off things you love.
Stephen: It’s a MSTery, but it’s true. A British TV show, Dead Ringers, does spoofs of shows. But what really comes through is the fact that the writers and actors love the shows they are taking the mickey out of. Go check out the House spoof on Dead Ringers: U Tube.
Hugh: But we realise that reading bad fan fiction can be tough because some of it is beyond belief!
Stephen: Like wading through custard jelly with flabby thighs.
Hugh: So, we have come up with a quick MST if you like to show how to grab an idea and run away with it as fast as your little stubby legs can carry you..
Stephen: Or, as I like to call it - a tryst-MST.
Hugh: Excellent description.
Stephen: Like that one we did the other night in the jacuzzi with the ...
Hugh: Exactly.
Stephen: But it is not a competition. In no way, on the face of the earth will you win a cookie. Nor any sort of dough based product that might make you hyperactive.
Hugh: That’s right Stephen. It’s not about the cookie. It’s about using the characteristics of the MSTers to play on the humour.
Stephen: It’s sugar sticks one minute, then the next you find yourself going down on a…muffle wurrgle baffam reeench.
Hugh (with hand over Stephen’s mouth): Ha ha ha. Thanks Stephen. Why don’t you just go over there and sit down.
Stephen: Bloody colonial fan brats hyped up on sugary treats. Use cocaine like the rest of us!
Hugh: Yes… What m’ colleague is trying to say is that with MSTing it is always good to remember that the writer is a human being and while you are making fun of them you are also keeping in mind they made an effort and while it may not be the greatest, it has some merit.
Stephen (wanders off): I’ll kill them all.
Patsy: Or get smashed on Vodka! That takes the edge off bad fan fiction.
Edina: Too right Pats.
Patsy (raising bottles of Stoli): Cheers.
Edina: Cheers.
Hugh (to audience): You can tell why I didn’t get nominated for an Emmy some times. Nothing to do with my performance. It was Stephen and Emma at the after party for the Golden Globes that year. They were terrified I’d bring more British comedian friends with me.
<>Stephen: Well how was I supposed to know?
Emma Thompson: He was asking for it.
Stephen: Waggling it around in the men’s' room like that.
Dawn French: Did someone say party? Oh, I love a good party.
Hugh (to Stephen): You broke it off for God’s sake.
Hugh (ushering Dawn out): No, there is no party going on here. But remember folks - you can always just introduce a new character that is relevant to the MSTers anytime. Some people might get it, some people might not. In this case Dawn (a very famous British comedienne) used to do charity specials with Stephen and Hugh and of course Ab Fab is brilliant. .
Eddie: Of course it bloody well is!
Hugh (gestures to Patsy and Eddie): And you too can just bugger off too.
Stephen: He can always mend it with sticky tape.
Hugh: Not that you bloody well can’t.
Eddie: No fun any more is our little Hugh. Not since he became Mr Hollywood bigwig.
Patsy: Yeah, come on Eddie, let’s go hang out with Dylan Moran. He’s fun.
Stephen: Be a dear and leave me a bottle would you ladies?
Patsy: Anything for you Stevie.
Eddie: No Pats no!
Patsy: Why not?
Eddie: Think that episode set in Morocco.
Patsy: Oh?
Hugh: Right. Anyone else want to barge into this post? Come on, now is the time to do it. Peter Cook?
Peter Cook: Sorry, I’m dead. But I will say that with a MST it is always fun to play with what you know about your MSTers. That is where the fun comes from - not only are you taking the mickey out of the story, but you are taking the mickey out of the MSTers - fictional or real. And you are also taking the mickey out of the fans interpretation of the characters - and maybe yourself? I’m confused now… pass the Stoli.
Hugh: Apologies on the whole dead thing Peter… Loved you in the Princess Bride: well - come on: Who wants to join in - the fat bloke from Little Britain, Stuart Bloody Little, that guy who does the bad impersonation of me with bad hair in Dead Ringers?
Stephen (on a couch with a bottle of Stoli): That’s Jon Culshaw. At least he has hair.
Hugh: You are a cruel cruel man.
Stephen: Thank you. I try.
Hugh: Right, as m’ colleague is so drunk he can’t speak I will continue. What Stephen was trying to say is that there are no winners, or rather you don’t win anything, or should that be everyone is a loser?
Stephen: Sounds right to me.
Hugh: So, if you too want to be a loser - grab a quote, take a couple of minutes…
Stephen: Exsanguinate your creative juices through a straw and download them into the internet wonderland…
Hugh: … and MST away. Here’s one we prepared earlier. A nice easy one for the mums at home. We thought we’d do one just to show the folks at home how simple it is.
"Yeah, but, in seventeen years, I still love you, House!
Hugh: As you can see in this story Wilson appears to be rampaging homosexual.
Stephen: Even though he has been married three times.
Hugh: Which is a typical sign of rampant homosexuality.
Stephen: Exactly. So according to canon and ff/House fandom it is safe to assume that if you know someone who is married, it is safe to assume they are rampantly homosexual and may leap on you at any time.
Hugh: So always take precautions.
Stephen: Yes, Hugh is wearing a wet suit under his suit right now.
Hugh: Just to be sure.
Hugh: Oh my God. I just realised. I am married. I must be a rampant homosexual.
Stephen: Well that will make the RSL/Hugh Laurie slashers happy.
Hugh: But will it make RSL happy?
Stephen (smirk): Dear Robbie.
Hugh: Oh my God! I could leap on myself at any time.
Stephen: It’s all right Hugh. You are wearing your wetsuit.
Hugh: So in summary we are saying the fun of a MST is not so much taking the mickey out of the author, but running with the fandom, the actors, the characters’ quirks, the ideas, background knowledge, and lots of guest characters. How does that sound Stephen?
Stephen : Wallop!
Hugh: Ow!
A clever reference back to A Bit of Fry and Laurie - always fun.
What do you struggle the most with in your own writing? And what do you wish would come easily to you? Or does it all come easily?
With FF there is no pressure. No guidelines and no rules and no deadlines. It is pure hedonism. You just write what you want and enjoy it. But some of the stories get quite long and you do get bored and want to move on… and then of course you want to come back to them. You can see why Tolkien took something like 40 years to get Lord of the Rings right.
And I’m a fiddler. Most of the stuff I write is done and then set in stone so even if I think of a better joke or a change I’m stuffed because it is too late, but in ff land you can fiddle and change to your heart’s content.
But yes: everything comes easily to me and I am a minor deity in Upper Twonka.
In reality I write with the A-Z method (one day A, the next day Z, the next day F, etc), which can be a bugger because you know the ending, but you get stuck on the boring middle bits.
But mostly I hate typos, and one of the big tricky things for me is that I have broken a few too many fingers and can’t use the little fingers on each hand. So although I am fast, I can’t do the QWERTY typing thing very well.
How much do the continuity monkeys bug you when you're watching the show, and see something that doesn't fit -- whether a balcony or a piece of backstory like Hector's age?
Fuga jugga wormble muffle arghhh! Where did that come from!!?? Noooooooooo!
But then I laugh, eat a banana and think up a new fic.
What's been the hardest fic for you to write?
I’m not really a slasher - a la tube of lube, so it was The Tale of Two Bastards. Small story - but a bastard (boom boom) to write. I wanted to capture the oddness of their relationship - how both of them were odd, but that they took comfort from each other in odd ways.
With A Tale of Two Bastards I had to search for a way to make House and Wilson a believable couple because I had signed on to make it believable. I had read far too many stories where it just ‘Poofed’ and then they had TEY HAWT MAN SEX. I wanted to try and make their relationship realistic because relationships are very complicated.
What's been your favourite of your fics?
I am going to do the usual and say I am proud of various stories for different reasons, but the one I am really proud of is Dream Jimmy. For me - it is about how the two men help each other, but neither one never knows it, because, like in the show, they never really tell each other what they are up to.
Has writing fic changed the way you watch the show?
I am always on the lookout for changes in character. I mean: Cameron? What the heck is she on - Prozac, Heroin, a sudden conversion to Hinduism?!
I think seeing more and more of the show gives you an idea of the characters - so less is relegated to your imagination and you can fit in a bit more with canon.
What would you change on the show if you had that power? (Other than shooting the continuity monkeys, that is.)
Nothing.
I love the fact the Continuity Monkeys are constantly out of their minds on Absinthe. It’s brilliant: moving architecture, ‘BOB’ (now was that deliberate or just a happy mistake?). I also love the ‘it’s always/never Lupus’ stupidity, especially as my sister had Sarkoidosis and I am very aware of how the symptoms manifest.
But as House says: everybody lies: And so do I.
1.
Those orange sneakers. I love crazy sneakers, but why on Earth would you want to walk around looking like you have just dropped half an orange peel on your shoe?
2.
Foreman would, by pure chance, maybe, one night, in an alley, meet Mack The Knife and end up wearing some really heavy footwear that is not suitable for swimming.
Ever been tempted much to cross over your two fanfic fandoms, "House" and "Doctor Who?"
Not really, that story where the Ninth Doctor and House had sex in Alien Wilson’s entrails kind of put me off.
How did you get started in writing?
I know some people aspire all their lives to be ‘serious’ writers, but I think it is much more fun just to fall into it sideways while completely pissed. I am told this is how many famous writers have entered the profession.
I was reading a very interesting book by some dude called Freeman Dyson. According to the blurb on the back of the book he is one of the true geniuses of our age. And actually he works in some sciencey role in a university of Princeton. So he knows what he is talking about. In this case he is nattering about science and the future and stuff and he made an interesting statement: most scientific advances come from fun. No there is a sentence you don’t see every day. Fun = hobbies = scuba diving, bicycles, cars, airplanes, etc. Who’d a thunk it?
I think fan fiction started one day when someone threw a bottle at the screen and said:
‘Oh for lordie be’s sake. I can do it better than that dribble. How much cocaine are those writers snorting? Reginald - hand me a pen’.
And I think that’s what makes ff so fun. It is fueled by desire. There are no deadlines or talking about crappy subjects you find really dull. Ff makes you happy.
I have a theory. Ff is ‘he would have done that’. Stuff all this canon crap. When I used to write an essay I have a particular book - fantastically obscure and unattainable, but by a guy I liked. If I wanted to make a point I would make up a quote and attribute it to him (because God forbid students can actually have intelligent opinions). Knowing full well my lecturers would never find this book. I’d say to myself: ‘he would have said it if he had thought of it’. I told him this and he wasn’t very happy.
And that’s Ff - they would have done it if they could have, they might have done it, so let’s just go ahead and do it.
Every story is different and means something different to you. I have no ideal of the perfect story that I want to live up to so I just meander along going from genre to genre and indulging my fancy. I have a soft spot for Zombie Wilson though - who doesn’t love a Zombie - except when they eat your favourite beanie. And I know about beanie loss - trust me! But I found love in my new Manchester United beanie.
I started writing fan fiction on a Doctor Who forum. It was called the boozy ad hoc round robin Doctor Who story. It was fun. A few blokes from Manchester and me would pop on after a long liquid lunch (or dinner) at the pub and mayhem would ensue. It was like a literary version of theatre sports - every death or tight corner could be refangaled and it would once again be on for man and beast. There was no pressure, no expectations, no nothing. We were just enjoying ourselves. After about 150 thousand words we decided to move on to the ad hoc boozy cartoon round robin - which got even more debaucherous because now we could ‘visualize’.
Finally:
Contractions. Apparently I don’t use them enough. I do not. When I speak Australian English I speak it (for the most part) very distinctly and I do not use very many contractions (although it varies on the surroundings). Everyone gets up me for this in my stories, but I just can not change it.
See. I did it again: I should have written ‘kaannnnt’, but I just ‘karrnnnnt’.
And although I love just about every story out there I never review enough. I just want a giant website that has a big blanket review to everyone who writes ff:
Saying thanks.
…
Thank you very much Namaste and Co. for asking me for this long boring diatribe and I hope you haven’t fallen asleep while reading this and drooled all over your computer because water and computers don’t mix. Trust me, I have found this out the hard way… and then there was this glass of Drambuie… but that is a story for another day.
Love Sheep,
Whose ff dot Pit of Voles profiles lists The Sheep as pretentious, a wally and a lover of silly headwear.
This is very accurate.
Thank you, Sheep. The floor's open now for anyone who has questions or comments of their own.