The Evil WIthin-COMES OUT (Will I Lose My Dignity?)
(www.prosper.mydeardiary.com)
I've been feeling a lot better as far as the whole disease is concerned. Painful erection has been wiped away--I guess I was just paranoid at how long it had actually taken for this thing to be done and over with. The first four times of contracting this STD-the healing was pretty quick. But I guess after a while it would be more difficult to fight. While I still feel that I need to go for follow-up care due to the remnant of a discharge, I am content with the fact that my penis is now in decent working condition.
Club Djangos--that was my choice chillout spot. And as one could imagine I needed the dance time, I needed the break but unbeknownst to me that was not what I would get. Djangos was cool, as always, I ran into a few buddies. Eddy--in particular--he's always hooking me up with drinks--as if I need them. He's so sexy and I hadn't really realized how attracted I am to him up until Sunday night. He greeted me with this very sensual kiss. Usually kissing is not something I like to do but with the right person a kiss can set me on fire. Nonetheless, the evening went on, I drank, smoked, danced and grinded with many a strangers. One guy in particular had me on full hard as he grinded up against me in the club. It was nice and if I was pissy drunk I would have got his phone number--or did I? I don't know. As always they played my favorite rap song which is "Single Again" by Trina. They didn't play "Forever" by Chris Brown--I would assume that that song would be played in a club that is a little bit more diverse in music. Djangos spins the hottest tracks based on the DJ--the DJ they had Sunday night was not to my liking AT ALL.
From Djangos I rolled over to club 708--another hoodrat spot. There wasn't much going on at the club other than the loud ass music that also was nothing more than that of the hoodrat mentality. I get there and this one guy in particular took it upon himself to take this bitch ass attitude with me and then he expected me to back down. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. So he claims to have a gun and of course, drunk or not, I am going to take a different approach with the dickhead. I felt an evil brewing inside of me as this guy and I stood in each others face. Eventually, once we both saw that we were not going to fight each other--we walked away from one another. But my looks couldn't exscape him.
Oh the ONE time that having a disease is a perk. I was furious with this guy--he went so far as to get my name spread in the club. People looking at me asking him "Is this the guy you were talking about?" I HATE THAT KIND OF ATTENTION. So I needed away to get him back. And as the night progressed it would seem as though that chance would be too slim...or would it? 708 has this dark room. It's an area in the back of the club where all the lights are out and you can go back there and fuck, get fucked, suck or get sucked. I went back there.
Lo and behold this guy is back there--there's no one else there but he and I. He calls for me to come to where he is--I think to myself damn I am sexy--but sick. And this guy doesn't know that at this moment I am indeed STILL a carrier until this meds FULLY kills the bacteria that cause chlimidia. So he's cat calling to me. I decide that I would play the role--this is the evil giving birth within me--We touch, we kiss, we feel. And I pretend that I'm loving EVERY minute of it. But deep down--I hated him, I wanted him dead and I wanted him to pay. Perhaps he had a gun, he only implied it so I had no choice but to believe that he was carrying a weapon--his protection. But I had my own weapon. I would use sex as a weapon as my protection and for how I would pay him back he was going to need more than a gun for protection--he should have used a condom.
I allowed him entry, into my beautifully crafted ass. My looks prevented him from seeing any real dangers--AND I COULD HAVE CARED LESS--Never had I thought this way when it came to infecting someone else. I moaned with him as he thrust in and out. My eyes half-slit with wickedness because I knew exactly what I was doing. He pulled out so that he could ejaculate into the crevace of my ass--I looked back at him with rage and disgust. It was finished--NOW BURN BITCH!!!
The club closed at 5am and I was on my home. I was drunk, furious and mouthy--deadly combination. So time progresseses and I see this guy on the train. It was a full car and we are literally bumping into one another. The guy gets mad about it and...okay that's a lie COMPLETELY...That's what I've been telling everyone.
We are rolling on the floor pounding the living daylights out of each other. Onlookers gasp in terror. The train stops due to someone notifying the conductor via intercom. I started that fight. I was drunk and I was mouthing off, looking for a fight and that's what I got. And he was indeed my match. We went toe to toe on the train full of people. I can't remember how it all played out by I know it ended with someone pulling me saying "I got him, I got him" and dragging me away from the guy. A woman said "two brothas." As if to say that it's a shame two black men are fighting. She repeated it a few times as if in total shame and disbelief. I remember standing up, striking the liter that had fell out of my pocket during the battle. I was going to burn him--he stood way at the other end of the car being guarded by the guy I belive had pulled me away. The guy yelled to me "just get off the train man, you're drunk!" I walked toward the guy I was fighting another woman says "come this way, baby." I remember feeling emotionless. No real anger, no real sorrow, just confused and rushed with adrenaline--all I knew is I wanted more, I wanted his blood. I saw him gathering his thing from the train floor, which prompted me to gather mine or was it when some guy said "get your ID man." I looked around and all I saw was faces--no scenery just faces that mouthed "oh my gods" and "um um ums"
It was an early morning show that no one expected they'd get to see on their way to work yesterday morning. All which was put on by Prosper. I wasn't myself yesterday morning and I wasn't myself the previous night in the club. Something sparked an evilness inside of me that has me wondering where my life is headed.
I went to a friend of mines house to recupoerate from the little injuries I had sustained. I have brusies on the left side of my head and it's a litte swollen. Aside from a few scratches here and there the only damage he had done was the the damage to the side of my head. I don't know what damage he sustained as I fled the scene. The police were in route to the car we were in. I got away. I ran up the steps at Lindberg train station and exted the platform. I had to steer clear of the train stations so I hoped a bus. I don't know which one or where it was going. I just hopped on and rode for about 45minutes to an hour before I finally headed back to the train station to risk boarding again and being caught. When I got to the train station there were police walking around in numbers. I just knew it had to have been due to the incident on the train. I nervously walked down the opposite end of the platform praying that would eye me--Susccessful. I don't think a good description was given of me. The ride home seemed to take forever but I made it. And only a few hours later I had began to realize all that had occurred this passed weekend.
"Will I lose my dignity"
That was what happened when I decided to get pay back by spreading this disease. That IS NOT who I am. I've lost my sense of humanity. I feel souless--hope gone--dignity fading--My spirit is dying.
"will someone care"
What happened on the train--the fighting--the onlookers would they have cared if the other guy was concealing a weapon and pulled it out and killed me. Would they have cared that it would have been my fault ENTIRELY do they care that my demons revealed itself this weekend and almost got me in a whirlwind of trouble.
"will i wake tomorrow
from this nightmare"
With the way things are looking now...I don't think so.
I've been feeling a lot better as far as the whole disease is concerned. Painful erection has been wiped away--I guess I was just paranoid at how long it had actually taken for this thing to be done and over with. The first four times of contracting this STD-the healing was pretty quick. But I guess after a while it would be more difficult to fight. While I still feel that I need to go for follow-up care due to the remnant of a discharge, I am content with the fact that my penis is now in decent working condition.
Club Djangos--that was my choice chillout spot. And as one could imagine I needed the dance time, I needed the break but unbeknownst to me that was not what I would get. Djangos was cool, as always, I ran into a few buddies. Eddy--in particular--he's always hooking me up with drinks--as if I need them. He's so sexy and I hadn't really realized how attracted I am to him up until Sunday night. He greeted me with this very sensual kiss. Usually kissing is not something I like to do but with the right person a kiss can set me on fire. Nonetheless, the evening went on, I drank, smoked, danced and grinded with many a strangers. One guy in particular had me on full hard as he grinded up against me in the club. It was nice and if I was pissy drunk I would have got his phone number--or did I? I don't know. As always they played my favorite rap song which is "Single Again" by Trina. They didn't play "Forever" by Chris Brown--I would assume that that song would be played in a club that is a little bit more diverse in music. Djangos spins the hottest tracks based on the DJ--the DJ they had Sunday night was not to my liking AT ALL.
From Djangos I rolled over to club 708--another hoodrat spot. There wasn't much going on at the club other than the loud ass music that also was nothing more than that of the hoodrat mentality. I get there and this one guy in particular took it upon himself to take this bitch ass attitude with me and then he expected me to back down. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. So he claims to have a gun and of course, drunk or not, I am going to take a different approach with the dickhead. I felt an evil brewing inside of me as this guy and I stood in each others face. Eventually, once we both saw that we were not going to fight each other--we walked away from one another. But my looks couldn't exscape him.
Oh the ONE time that having a disease is a perk. I was furious with this guy--he went so far as to get my name spread in the club. People looking at me asking him "Is this the guy you were talking about?" I HATE THAT KIND OF ATTENTION. So I needed away to get him back. And as the night progressed it would seem as though that chance would be too slim...or would it? 708 has this dark room. It's an area in the back of the club where all the lights are out and you can go back there and fuck, get fucked, suck or get sucked. I went back there.
Lo and behold this guy is back there--there's no one else there but he and I. He calls for me to come to where he is--I think to myself damn I am sexy--but sick. And this guy doesn't know that at this moment I am indeed STILL a carrier until this meds FULLY kills the bacteria that cause chlimidia. So he's cat calling to me. I decide that I would play the role--this is the evil giving birth within me--We touch, we kiss, we feel. And I pretend that I'm loving EVERY minute of it. But deep down--I hated him, I wanted him dead and I wanted him to pay. Perhaps he had a gun, he only implied it so I had no choice but to believe that he was carrying a weapon--his protection. But I had my own weapon. I would use sex as a weapon as my protection and for how I would pay him back he was going to need more than a gun for protection--he should have used a condom.
I allowed him entry, into my beautifully crafted ass. My looks prevented him from seeing any real dangers--AND I COULD HAVE CARED LESS--Never had I thought this way when it came to infecting someone else. I moaned with him as he thrust in and out. My eyes half-slit with wickedness because I knew exactly what I was doing. He pulled out so that he could ejaculate into the crevace of my ass--I looked back at him with rage and disgust. It was finished--NOW BURN BITCH!!!
The club closed at 5am and I was on my home. I was drunk, furious and mouthy--deadly combination. So time progresseses and I see this guy on the train. It was a full car and we are literally bumping into one another. The guy gets mad about it and...okay that's a lie COMPLETELY...That's what I've been telling everyone.
We are rolling on the floor pounding the living daylights out of each other. Onlookers gasp in terror. The train stops due to someone notifying the conductor via intercom. I started that fight. I was drunk and I was mouthing off, looking for a fight and that's what I got. And he was indeed my match. We went toe to toe on the train full of people. I can't remember how it all played out by I know it ended with someone pulling me saying "I got him, I got him" and dragging me away from the guy. A woman said "two brothas." As if to say that it's a shame two black men are fighting. She repeated it a few times as if in total shame and disbelief. I remember standing up, striking the liter that had fell out of my pocket during the battle. I was going to burn him--he stood way at the other end of the car being guarded by the guy I belive had pulled me away. The guy yelled to me "just get off the train man, you're drunk!" I walked toward the guy I was fighting another woman says "come this way, baby." I remember feeling emotionless. No real anger, no real sorrow, just confused and rushed with adrenaline--all I knew is I wanted more, I wanted his blood. I saw him gathering his thing from the train floor, which prompted me to gather mine or was it when some guy said "get your ID man." I looked around and all I saw was faces--no scenery just faces that mouthed "oh my gods" and "um um ums"
It was an early morning show that no one expected they'd get to see on their way to work yesterday morning. All which was put on by Prosper. I wasn't myself yesterday morning and I wasn't myself the previous night in the club. Something sparked an evilness inside of me that has me wondering where my life is headed.
I went to a friend of mines house to recupoerate from the little injuries I had sustained. I have brusies on the left side of my head and it's a litte swollen. Aside from a few scratches here and there the only damage he had done was the the damage to the side of my head. I don't know what damage he sustained as I fled the scene. The police were in route to the car we were in. I got away. I ran up the steps at Lindberg train station and exted the platform. I had to steer clear of the train stations so I hoped a bus. I don't know which one or where it was going. I just hopped on and rode for about 45minutes to an hour before I finally headed back to the train station to risk boarding again and being caught. When I got to the train station there were police walking around in numbers. I just knew it had to have been due to the incident on the train. I nervously walked down the opposite end of the platform praying that would eye me--Susccessful. I don't think a good description was given of me. The ride home seemed to take forever but I made it. And only a few hours later I had began to realize all that had occurred this passed weekend.
"Will I lose my dignity"
That was what happened when I decided to get pay back by spreading this disease. That IS NOT who I am. I've lost my sense of humanity. I feel souless--hope gone--dignity fading--My spirit is dying.
"will someone care"
What happened on the train--the fighting--the onlookers would they have cared if the other guy was concealing a weapon and pulled it out and killed me. Would they have cared that it would have been my fault ENTIRELY do they care that my demons revealed itself this weekend and almost got me in a whirlwind of trouble.
"will i wake tomorrow
from this nightmare"
With the way things are looking now...I don't think so.