Visual Dreams [2/2]
Title: Visual Dreams
Fandoms: SHINee, SNSD
Rating: PG-13 to M
Characters: Onew, Hyoyeon, Jonghyun, Key
WARNING: mentions of mental illness, violence
Disclaimer: The events portrayed in this story are purely fictional and do not reflect on the actual people written about.
Summary:
Onew is a scientist who builds android slaves. Disenchanted with his work, Onew seeks fulfillment with a society of anti-android rebels, but as the mistakes of his past come back to haunt him, reality begins to come undone and Onew is forced to question his own humanity.
(Part One)
Thursday of next week
I hang my head in shame for I have not written in my diary in over a week. I have a few excuses - mainly that work has been especially hectic and I have been coming home later - but really it is because I do not have the energy to write anything. It's late now, because I have just come back from seeing the therapist. We spoke about this, and she encouraged me to keep journaling things, the good and the bad.
So I am writing now, but I am at a loss for things to say. The therapist suggested that if I didn't know what to write I could try writing down last night's dreams, and they might reveal some insights about my state of mind.
I replied that I couldn't because I never remember my dreams.
Friday
Out of shame and embarrassment, I hadn't been to see Hyo-yeon in over a week. I admit that I was nervous about what she would think of me when I told her that I had lied to her (over something so trivial, but a lie nonetheless). However, last night I sucked up all my courage and I walked down to the cafe after work. When I got there I looked around, but there was no Hyo-yeon. One of the other waitresses saw me standing there and came over to speak with me.
"Are you looking for Hyo-yeon?" she asked with a slight smirk on her face. "It's her night off."
"Oh, okay. Thanks for telling me. I'll come back another time."
"If you want to see her, she'll be at the church hall. Tonight she has a meeting with her social club."
I thanked the waitress again and she gave me a playful smile. "Next time ask for her phone number, okay?"
Still determined to see her, I followed the waitress's information and went to the church hall. She hadn't specified what kind of social club meeting it was, and I nervously wondered whether I would be welcome there. The church was nearby, crammed between two tall buildings, and the social hall was located at the back. I could see that the lights were on inside, but the door was closed. I knocked.
The door opened just a crack and a pair of eyes peered out from behind it. "Who is it?" a voice snapped.
"My name is Onew. I was just looking for Kim Hyo-yeon... I was told she would be here." I aimed to sound as confident and neutral as possible. The door closed again, and I could hear footsteps retreating. A few moments later the door opened again, and Hyo-yeon stepped out onto the porch.
"Onew!" she said, her voice bright. "What a surprise! Fancy you coming here... did you have something to tell me?"
"Yes and no. I guess I just wanted to talk generally. Oh, and I thought I should ask for your phone number."
She laughed. "Of course. Why don't you come inside? It's not very exciting, but we do have some snacks."
Before I could give an answer, she took me by the hand and led me inside. The sight before me was rather unremarkable: a small group of people gathered around a table, seemingly playing cards.
"Our website had 500 new sign-ups over the last month," one of the men said as he threw down a card.
"500 isn't much, but it isn't nothing," one of the women added.
As we reached the table, they all turned to stare at me, putting the game on pause.
"Hey everyone, this is Onew. Alright if he joins us?"
I felt heat rising in my face as each set of eyes drilled into me, like a flock of birds contemplating a potential predator.
"Who is he?"
"Can we trust him?"
Hyo-yeon laughed flippantly. "Chill out you guys. We don't have any secrets! We are a perfectly legitimate organisation, so why shouldn't we welcome a newcomer?"
Some murmurs were passed around the table and soon the company returned to its card game. A young man who was not playing pulled up a chair for me, and Hyo-yeon took a seat on my other side.
The young man offered me a bowl of nuts. "I am Lee Tae-min," he told me. "Don't let those old grouches scare you off. We're actually a perfectly friendly organisation."
"So what does the organisation do?" I asked.
"We're mainly online activists," Hyo-yeon told me. "Most of our work is done online. We just catch up in person every now and then to play games and keep updated. Our main purpose is to monitor companies engaging in questionable scientific pursuits."
"Such as...?"
"Androids," Tae-min said with his mouth full of nuts.
"Androids?" I repeated, just in case I had misheard. Already my throat was feeling dry.
"Yeah, androids. Some companies have these androids working for them. They look exactly like humans, and they have been bred specifically using genetic engineering. Their brains are programmed by computers. They're basically used as slave labour, but they can be capable of all sorts of things. We have a few hackers and scientists on our team, and we're trying to uncover the latest developments so we can leak them online. We believe people need to know about these abhorrent practices."
There was a knot in my throat and I struggled to force out a reply. "That's interesting..."
"You would be surprised how many people just don't care," Hyo-yeon said sadly. "But these androids are really just like us; they feel everything that we feel. How can people regard them so apathetically?"
"It's cruel to make them in the first place. Then treat them like cattle, it's a disgrace!"
I opted to eat some of the nuts Tae-min had offered me, not wishing to join in the conversation. I listened though, and although I felt nervous about being there, I felt comforted by these opinions. It was as if all my anxieties about the ethics of androids were now being articulated by people with hearts in the right place. When it was time to leave, I said to Hyo-yeon:
"I'm glad you feel this way about the android manufacturing. I tend to agree with you. The use of androids also makes me feel uncomfortable."
Hyo-yeon was pleased to hear this. "Yes, I was wondering what your opinions would be... you being a doctor and all that."
A knot built up in my stomach. Now I can never tell her the truth.
Friday some weeks later
So, once again I apologise. I have not written in a long time, but things have been happening. During the day we are busy at work; the new android model must be completed by next week and that means staying late and stressing out. During the night I change completely, participating in the activist organisation: I go from being the good scientist to being the anti-science rebel. Every day now is laced with danger because I am living a double life.
I wish it weren't so, but my heart has been completely carried away. Hyo-yeon and I are getting closer and it is both wonderful and terrifying, terrifying because I don't know how much longer I can keep lying for. I know that the longer I wait to reveal the truth the harder it will be. I could choose to be a man about it, make my confession, but whenever I hear her talk passionately about the androids and the wicked scientists who make them, I turn away with cowardice.
There is also another dimension to this: I will lose my job if the company finds out about my affiliation with the anti-scientist league.
Speaking of which, there is something very odd that happened the other night. I was at the church hall with the others, and I had stepped outside to be alone for a bit shortly before leaving. There was someone on the street just outside, and although it was dark, I was sure that someone was Key. I was frightened that he would notice me (because I must have looked rather suspicious), so I ducked away, but I became highly curious when he appeared to make his way over to other side of the church. The curiosity overcame me and I followed him to where he was having a private conversation with Tae-min.
It was apparently only a short conversation, and I was too startled to hide myself when Key turned around and started walking back to the street. There was no point in running, so I confronted him.
"Key, what are you doing here?"
Key rolled his eyes. "Pff, don't ask me that. You know very well what I'm doing here. Come to think of it, I could ask you the same question."
I stared at him for a moment, as it slowly sunk in. "Are you a mole? I mean, have you been leaking information about the company?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. We're just standing together in a church yard. Nothing suspicious about that."
"Come on, don't play dumb. This is serious, you could be in big trouble."
Key paused, eyes narrowed as the others started to fall out behind us. "Say, does your girlfriend know what you do for a living?"
I said nothing so he continued.
"Well, I think you should know that there is nothing wrong with caring about the androids. I do, I care about them." He took a step closer to me. “Even you.” he said and with that he left.
I don't know what to make of this.
Sunday
Today started out so well.
We were at her house, Hyo-yeon and myself, and we were making dinner. It was so comfortable, and it made me so happy to think of how comfortable we had become in such a short time. Surely nothing could be better.
I was slicing chicken breast and talking cheerfully as I did so, which led her to comment:
"Sometimes I think you must even have dreams about chicken..."
I dropped the knife as soon as she said this, almost cutting my own finger. "I don't remember my dreams," I said slowly.
She shrugged. "Not everyone does."
"Androids don't." Now it was as if the room was spinning, and the sound of the television on in the next room was drowned out by the drumming in my ears. "Androids don't have dreams. It's the only way they know they're androids."
Hyo-yeon came over to me, so we were face to face. She looked concerned. "Onew, are you okay? What are you talking about?"
"When you program an android, you can give it a memory track, making them think they've done all these things they've never done. You can make them think that they're human, just like everyone else. The only thing that differentiates them in their mind is that they don't dream."
Hyo-yeon frowned although her expression was mixed with amusement. "Onew, are you telling me you think you're an android? You can't be serious..."
"I don't know."
She went to pick up the knife and as she did so, she placed a hand on my back. "Onew, you're shaking," she said.
"There's something I have to tell you!" I blurted out, hardly thinking straight. She put the knife back in its place and led me away.
"You should sit down for a minute." Her voice was tinged with concern.
"The girl that called me, she wasn't my niece."
Hyo-yeon blinked at me. "What are you talking about? Oh sure, whatever. Go on..."
"She's an android, a girl android. She was sent to a factory to work, because she was faulty, not up to scratch by the company's standards. But she had another glitch. These girl androids are set up to become dependent on their owner - to the point of being obsessed. She had become fixated on me. It was an accident and I never told anyone. I had already made so many mistakes on that android."
Hyo-yeon stared blankly. "What on earth... how could have you made a mistake on an android?"
I looked straight at her. "I was the creator; I programmed her. I'm not a doctor, I'm a scientist, I make androids."
A heavy silence set upon us for the next few moments, which seemed to last an hour. There was an unmistakable fire and loathing in her eyes.
"Get out of my house," she said at last.
So I did.
I've been up all night pacing, staring at myself in the mirror, grabbing at my own skin. I can feel my heart beating rapidly and it rings in my ears. Maybe everything is a lie after all. Maybe I am just a messed up experiment as well.
It suddenly occurred to me that I never gave her a name. I always think of her as the girl android, never by a name. Why is that? I have two names, and I can't even think of one for her! How arrogant of me to ever think that I was better than an android!
Monday
Today was the day that our newest android was to be presented to the investors. All the work we had been doing in the past few weeks had been leading up to this day, and we were at last prepared. We sat together waiting outside the boardroom. Seo-hyun was fanning herself with the information booklet.
"Isn't it funny," she said, "that we could have programmed the android to be a serial killer and they would have no way of telling."
She continued to fan herself as she stared into space. That was the first time I had ever heard Seo-hyun say anything.
"Not a bad idea, Seo-hyun. I'm so glad this project is finally over." I revised my speech in the booklet absentmindedly. It was impossible for me to focus, what with my complete lack of sleep and all the drama that had occurred the previous night.
"Grumpy today?" Jong-hyun said smugly. I was about to reply to him, then I remembered that Key knew I had been at the church hall, and so he must know too. I wondered what else they knew.
"Did you have a bad dream last night? Or did you not have any dreams?"
The booklet fell from my hands and I tried to breathe deeply. "You're a cunt."
Jong-hyun's eyes darkened. "At least I'm not an android."
I can't exactly recall the next sequence of events. Somehow I ended up on the ground, holding Jong-hyun by the throat with his blood on my hands and Key was on my back, pulling my fist away. Seo-hyun screamed. The rest isn't worth remembering.
I spent a few hours locked away in a dark room, presumably to keep the others safe while I calmed down from my mania. When the supervisor finally came in to see me, he was so angry he could barely speak. This was the most important day! The day that the investors came, and I had risked everything. I was crying as I apologised, the pressure had broken me, I told him.
I think I'm fired.
Jong-hyun's okay. It turned out all I gave him was a blood nose. Key somehow managed to get a black eye, probably from when I was fighting him off. They were sulking together outside the front of the building when I was allowed out of the darkroom. I approached them meekly.
"I'm sorry," I said, eyes downcast.
Jong-hyun mumbled something that sounded a bit like bastard.
"You're a bastard but not an android," Key told me. "Jong-hyun and I made up a little game. We tried to trick you into thinking you were an android, by saying suggestive things. That stuff about the dreams? I don't even know if it's true."
I stared at them both. "Wow, thanks guys."
Key sighed. "I guess it was kind of mean. But you deserved it. We know what you did with that faulty girl droid. Does she still call you every night?"
I started to walk away. I was both furious and shameful. Shameful because even my juniors had judged me so much they thought it necessary to teach me a lesson.
A week later
So it turns out I'm not fired, just suspended. I will be able to return to work once I have taken a four week anger management course. So far it has been going well, and the time off work has given me a chance to focus on my exercises.
In my free time I have been doing some research and I am now writing a new program for the girl android, Luna (I have bought her back from the factory and I have given her a name). It turns out that I won't have to deactivate her after all as long as I can overwrite the old program and fit a better one in its place. She'll never be company standard, but I don't care, because I would rather that she live a normal life. That's what I've been aiming to do over the past couple of weeks and it has been keeping me occupied.
I suspected that Hyo-yeon would never want to speak to me again, but I sent her a message and even went to see her at the cafe. She gave me a cold reception.
I told her about my suspension, and about Luna. She listened, but she did not give any response.
"Please believe me," I said, "when I told you I agreed with you on your opinions about the scientists and the androids and the company, I was telling the truth. I work there, so I've seen it all first hand. Anyway, your perspective helped me see it from the outside world."
"Believe you?" she said. She pushed her messy hair out of her eyes as she went about cleaning the tables. "You never even told me your real name."
"Oh... It's Jin-ki. But that doesn't matter; everyone calls me Onew."
She pursed her lips, as if she was about to say something, but then she didn't. She returned to wiping the table.
I sighed in defeat. "If you hate me for being a scientist, I understand. It was nice knowing you anyway."
Her head snapped up. "I don't hate you for being a scientist! I hate you for lying to me about being a scientist!" She lowered her eyes again. "Anyway... I only hate bad scientists. It's okay if you're a good scientist."
"We can still be friends?"
Hyo-yeon turned her back on me as she went to go tend the counter. "Why don't you try asking me that in a week?"
I bowed deeply. "I'll see you in a week."
I turned to go and she called out to me. "Good luck with Luna."
A week later
Last night I think I dreamed about her but I can't be sure.
I've been nervously preparing for this all week. I've picked some flowers, and I feel silly about it, but this is all I can think of.
I'll have to write more later. I'm going to see her now.
The end.
Fandoms: SHINee, SNSD
Rating: PG-13 to M
Characters: Onew, Hyoyeon, Jonghyun, Key
WARNING: mentions of mental illness, violence
Disclaimer: The events portrayed in this story are purely fictional and do not reflect on the actual people written about.
Summary:
Onew is a scientist who builds android slaves. Disenchanted with his work, Onew seeks fulfillment with a society of anti-android rebels, but as the mistakes of his past come back to haunt him, reality begins to come undone and Onew is forced to question his own humanity.
(Part One)
Thursday of next week
I hang my head in shame for I have not written in my diary in over a week. I have a few excuses - mainly that work has been especially hectic and I have been coming home later - but really it is because I do not have the energy to write anything. It's late now, because I have just come back from seeing the therapist. We spoke about this, and she encouraged me to keep journaling things, the good and the bad.
So I am writing now, but I am at a loss for things to say. The therapist suggested that if I didn't know what to write I could try writing down last night's dreams, and they might reveal some insights about my state of mind.
I replied that I couldn't because I never remember my dreams.
Friday
Out of shame and embarrassment, I hadn't been to see Hyo-yeon in over a week. I admit that I was nervous about what she would think of me when I told her that I had lied to her (over something so trivial, but a lie nonetheless). However, last night I sucked up all my courage and I walked down to the cafe after work. When I got there I looked around, but there was no Hyo-yeon. One of the other waitresses saw me standing there and came over to speak with me.
"Are you looking for Hyo-yeon?" she asked with a slight smirk on her face. "It's her night off."
"Oh, okay. Thanks for telling me. I'll come back another time."
"If you want to see her, she'll be at the church hall. Tonight she has a meeting with her social club."
I thanked the waitress again and she gave me a playful smile. "Next time ask for her phone number, okay?"
Still determined to see her, I followed the waitress's information and went to the church hall. She hadn't specified what kind of social club meeting it was, and I nervously wondered whether I would be welcome there. The church was nearby, crammed between two tall buildings, and the social hall was located at the back. I could see that the lights were on inside, but the door was closed. I knocked.
The door opened just a crack and a pair of eyes peered out from behind it. "Who is it?" a voice snapped.
"My name is Onew. I was just looking for Kim Hyo-yeon... I was told she would be here." I aimed to sound as confident and neutral as possible. The door closed again, and I could hear footsteps retreating. A few moments later the door opened again, and Hyo-yeon stepped out onto the porch.
"Onew!" she said, her voice bright. "What a surprise! Fancy you coming here... did you have something to tell me?"
"Yes and no. I guess I just wanted to talk generally. Oh, and I thought I should ask for your phone number."
She laughed. "Of course. Why don't you come inside? It's not very exciting, but we do have some snacks."
Before I could give an answer, she took me by the hand and led me inside. The sight before me was rather unremarkable: a small group of people gathered around a table, seemingly playing cards.
"Our website had 500 new sign-ups over the last month," one of the men said as he threw down a card.
"500 isn't much, but it isn't nothing," one of the women added.
As we reached the table, they all turned to stare at me, putting the game on pause.
"Hey everyone, this is Onew. Alright if he joins us?"
I felt heat rising in my face as each set of eyes drilled into me, like a flock of birds contemplating a potential predator.
"Who is he?"
"Can we trust him?"
Hyo-yeon laughed flippantly. "Chill out you guys. We don't have any secrets! We are a perfectly legitimate organisation, so why shouldn't we welcome a newcomer?"
Some murmurs were passed around the table and soon the company returned to its card game. A young man who was not playing pulled up a chair for me, and Hyo-yeon took a seat on my other side.
The young man offered me a bowl of nuts. "I am Lee Tae-min," he told me. "Don't let those old grouches scare you off. We're actually a perfectly friendly organisation."
"So what does the organisation do?" I asked.
"We're mainly online activists," Hyo-yeon told me. "Most of our work is done online. We just catch up in person every now and then to play games and keep updated. Our main purpose is to monitor companies engaging in questionable scientific pursuits."
"Such as...?"
"Androids," Tae-min said with his mouth full of nuts.
"Androids?" I repeated, just in case I had misheard. Already my throat was feeling dry.
"Yeah, androids. Some companies have these androids working for them. They look exactly like humans, and they have been bred specifically using genetic engineering. Their brains are programmed by computers. They're basically used as slave labour, but they can be capable of all sorts of things. We have a few hackers and scientists on our team, and we're trying to uncover the latest developments so we can leak them online. We believe people need to know about these abhorrent practices."
There was a knot in my throat and I struggled to force out a reply. "That's interesting..."
"You would be surprised how many people just don't care," Hyo-yeon said sadly. "But these androids are really just like us; they feel everything that we feel. How can people regard them so apathetically?"
"It's cruel to make them in the first place. Then treat them like cattle, it's a disgrace!"
I opted to eat some of the nuts Tae-min had offered me, not wishing to join in the conversation. I listened though, and although I felt nervous about being there, I felt comforted by these opinions. It was as if all my anxieties about the ethics of androids were now being articulated by people with hearts in the right place. When it was time to leave, I said to Hyo-yeon:
"I'm glad you feel this way about the android manufacturing. I tend to agree with you. The use of androids also makes me feel uncomfortable."
Hyo-yeon was pleased to hear this. "Yes, I was wondering what your opinions would be... you being a doctor and all that."
A knot built up in my stomach. Now I can never tell her the truth.
Friday some weeks later
So, once again I apologise. I have not written in a long time, but things have been happening. During the day we are busy at work; the new android model must be completed by next week and that means staying late and stressing out. During the night I change completely, participating in the activist organisation: I go from being the good scientist to being the anti-science rebel. Every day now is laced with danger because I am living a double life.
I wish it weren't so, but my heart has been completely carried away. Hyo-yeon and I are getting closer and it is both wonderful and terrifying, terrifying because I don't know how much longer I can keep lying for. I know that the longer I wait to reveal the truth the harder it will be. I could choose to be a man about it, make my confession, but whenever I hear her talk passionately about the androids and the wicked scientists who make them, I turn away with cowardice.
There is also another dimension to this: I will lose my job if the company finds out about my affiliation with the anti-scientist league.
Speaking of which, there is something very odd that happened the other night. I was at the church hall with the others, and I had stepped outside to be alone for a bit shortly before leaving. There was someone on the street just outside, and although it was dark, I was sure that someone was Key. I was frightened that he would notice me (because I must have looked rather suspicious), so I ducked away, but I became highly curious when he appeared to make his way over to other side of the church. The curiosity overcame me and I followed him to where he was having a private conversation with Tae-min.
It was apparently only a short conversation, and I was too startled to hide myself when Key turned around and started walking back to the street. There was no point in running, so I confronted him.
"Key, what are you doing here?"
Key rolled his eyes. "Pff, don't ask me that. You know very well what I'm doing here. Come to think of it, I could ask you the same question."
I stared at him for a moment, as it slowly sunk in. "Are you a mole? I mean, have you been leaking information about the company?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. We're just standing together in a church yard. Nothing suspicious about that."
"Come on, don't play dumb. This is serious, you could be in big trouble."
Key paused, eyes narrowed as the others started to fall out behind us. "Say, does your girlfriend know what you do for a living?"
I said nothing so he continued.
"Well, I think you should know that there is nothing wrong with caring about the androids. I do, I care about them." He took a step closer to me. “Even you.” he said and with that he left.
I don't know what to make of this.
Sunday
Today started out so well.
We were at her house, Hyo-yeon and myself, and we were making dinner. It was so comfortable, and it made me so happy to think of how comfortable we had become in such a short time. Surely nothing could be better.
I was slicing chicken breast and talking cheerfully as I did so, which led her to comment:
"Sometimes I think you must even have dreams about chicken..."
I dropped the knife as soon as she said this, almost cutting my own finger. "I don't remember my dreams," I said slowly.
She shrugged. "Not everyone does."
"Androids don't." Now it was as if the room was spinning, and the sound of the television on in the next room was drowned out by the drumming in my ears. "Androids don't have dreams. It's the only way they know they're androids."
Hyo-yeon came over to me, so we were face to face. She looked concerned. "Onew, are you okay? What are you talking about?"
"When you program an android, you can give it a memory track, making them think they've done all these things they've never done. You can make them think that they're human, just like everyone else. The only thing that differentiates them in their mind is that they don't dream."
Hyo-yeon frowned although her expression was mixed with amusement. "Onew, are you telling me you think you're an android? You can't be serious..."
"I don't know."
She went to pick up the knife and as she did so, she placed a hand on my back. "Onew, you're shaking," she said.
"There's something I have to tell you!" I blurted out, hardly thinking straight. She put the knife back in its place and led me away.
"You should sit down for a minute." Her voice was tinged with concern.
"The girl that called me, she wasn't my niece."
Hyo-yeon blinked at me. "What are you talking about? Oh sure, whatever. Go on..."
"She's an android, a girl android. She was sent to a factory to work, because she was faulty, not up to scratch by the company's standards. But she had another glitch. These girl androids are set up to become dependent on their owner - to the point of being obsessed. She had become fixated on me. It was an accident and I never told anyone. I had already made so many mistakes on that android."
Hyo-yeon stared blankly. "What on earth... how could have you made a mistake on an android?"
I looked straight at her. "I was the creator; I programmed her. I'm not a doctor, I'm a scientist, I make androids."
A heavy silence set upon us for the next few moments, which seemed to last an hour. There was an unmistakable fire and loathing in her eyes.
"Get out of my house," she said at last.
So I did.
I've been up all night pacing, staring at myself in the mirror, grabbing at my own skin. I can feel my heart beating rapidly and it rings in my ears. Maybe everything is a lie after all. Maybe I am just a messed up experiment as well.
It suddenly occurred to me that I never gave her a name. I always think of her as the girl android, never by a name. Why is that? I have two names, and I can't even think of one for her! How arrogant of me to ever think that I was better than an android!
Monday
Today was the day that our newest android was to be presented to the investors. All the work we had been doing in the past few weeks had been leading up to this day, and we were at last prepared. We sat together waiting outside the boardroom. Seo-hyun was fanning herself with the information booklet.
"Isn't it funny," she said, "that we could have programmed the android to be a serial killer and they would have no way of telling."
She continued to fan herself as she stared into space. That was the first time I had ever heard Seo-hyun say anything.
"Not a bad idea, Seo-hyun. I'm so glad this project is finally over." I revised my speech in the booklet absentmindedly. It was impossible for me to focus, what with my complete lack of sleep and all the drama that had occurred the previous night.
"Grumpy today?" Jong-hyun said smugly. I was about to reply to him, then I remembered that Key knew I had been at the church hall, and so he must know too. I wondered what else they knew.
"Did you have a bad dream last night? Or did you not have any dreams?"
The booklet fell from my hands and I tried to breathe deeply. "You're a cunt."
Jong-hyun's eyes darkened. "At least I'm not an android."
I can't exactly recall the next sequence of events. Somehow I ended up on the ground, holding Jong-hyun by the throat with his blood on my hands and Key was on my back, pulling my fist away. Seo-hyun screamed. The rest isn't worth remembering.
I spent a few hours locked away in a dark room, presumably to keep the others safe while I calmed down from my mania. When the supervisor finally came in to see me, he was so angry he could barely speak. This was the most important day! The day that the investors came, and I had risked everything. I was crying as I apologised, the pressure had broken me, I told him.
I think I'm fired.
Jong-hyun's okay. It turned out all I gave him was a blood nose. Key somehow managed to get a black eye, probably from when I was fighting him off. They were sulking together outside the front of the building when I was allowed out of the darkroom. I approached them meekly.
"I'm sorry," I said, eyes downcast.
Jong-hyun mumbled something that sounded a bit like bastard.
"You're a bastard but not an android," Key told me. "Jong-hyun and I made up a little game. We tried to trick you into thinking you were an android, by saying suggestive things. That stuff about the dreams? I don't even know if it's true."
I stared at them both. "Wow, thanks guys."
Key sighed. "I guess it was kind of mean. But you deserved it. We know what you did with that faulty girl droid. Does she still call you every night?"
I started to walk away. I was both furious and shameful. Shameful because even my juniors had judged me so much they thought it necessary to teach me a lesson.
A week later
So it turns out I'm not fired, just suspended. I will be able to return to work once I have taken a four week anger management course. So far it has been going well, and the time off work has given me a chance to focus on my exercises.
In my free time I have been doing some research and I am now writing a new program for the girl android, Luna (I have bought her back from the factory and I have given her a name). It turns out that I won't have to deactivate her after all as long as I can overwrite the old program and fit a better one in its place. She'll never be company standard, but I don't care, because I would rather that she live a normal life. That's what I've been aiming to do over the past couple of weeks and it has been keeping me occupied.
I suspected that Hyo-yeon would never want to speak to me again, but I sent her a message and even went to see her at the cafe. She gave me a cold reception.
I told her about my suspension, and about Luna. She listened, but she did not give any response.
"Please believe me," I said, "when I told you I agreed with you on your opinions about the scientists and the androids and the company, I was telling the truth. I work there, so I've seen it all first hand. Anyway, your perspective helped me see it from the outside world."
"Believe you?" she said. She pushed her messy hair out of her eyes as she went about cleaning the tables. "You never even told me your real name."
"Oh... It's Jin-ki. But that doesn't matter; everyone calls me Onew."
She pursed her lips, as if she was about to say something, but then she didn't. She returned to wiping the table.
I sighed in defeat. "If you hate me for being a scientist, I understand. It was nice knowing you anyway."
Her head snapped up. "I don't hate you for being a scientist! I hate you for lying to me about being a scientist!" She lowered her eyes again. "Anyway... I only hate bad scientists. It's okay if you're a good scientist."
"We can still be friends?"
Hyo-yeon turned her back on me as she went to go tend the counter. "Why don't you try asking me that in a week?"
I bowed deeply. "I'll see you in a week."
I turned to go and she called out to me. "Good luck with Luna."
A week later
Last night I think I dreamed about her but I can't be sure.
I've been nervously preparing for this all week. I've picked some flowers, and I feel silly about it, but this is all I can think of.
I'll have to write more later. I'm going to see her now.
The end.