(no subject)
Am I doing enough anymore? I never got a phone call so, therefore, Florida's Department of Revenue is NOT looking for me. There's a reason there, I'm sure, besides my lack of knowledge when it comes to something besides a word processor and internet on a computer. I just feel like I'm not doing enough. At this point, I can't just drop everything and leave. Too much is riding on me getting a paycheck every two weeks.
I have wanted to move to Florida my entire life. I ONLY picked the University of South Alabama because it was the closest thing in-state (a requirement with my PACT program) to Florida. I didn't even visit another school. I set my mind and sights on South and worked hard enough to get in. I barely bothered with school, hardly managing to pass my classes, all because I was spending so much time in Florida. My dorm room was my docking point, the moor I eventually had to return to.
Once I got out of school, I just knew things would change. I just KNEW I'd take a couple of tests, get a job in Mobile, and work there until I found somewhere in Florida to work. I stopped relying on June, my grandmother, to financially support me. I am taking care of everything on my own, minus any sort of rent, room, board, or utilities. That is my last, and very wobbly, final step.
I am tired of June nagging me about everything and acting as if I'm incapable of knowing simple things, like when to eat dinner or take a shower or get up in the morning. I am on the verge every night of screaming, "Leave me the hell alone!" and I don't want to start treating her like that again. I don't want to be one of those people that has someone who has always been there for them and yet treats them like shit. I don't want to treat her like that. I don't want to scream at her. I don't want to be a bitch. But I can't handle being treated like I'm 5 years old anymore.
For once in my entire life, I am NOT depending on someone else to get me what I want. I have taken TWO state job tests in Alabama and one in Florida. I have applied for jobs in Florida and positions in Alabama. I am trying to get a hold of the woman who does the typing tests here in town so I can get that score under my belt in an effort to increase the number of job opportunities once my ASA (administrative support assistant) I test results are released. I am taking care of my own bills and learning from my own mistakes. June is not there cleaning up after me anymore. I am doing it all on my own even if people like my dad and brother Adam still think I have it too easy. Yeah, Adam's having a rough time right now dealing with being a full-time student and part-time employee but things aren't really all that smooth for me either. I'm tired of my mom and dad trying to make me feel like shit because I didn't have to work while I was going to school, because I had someone taking care of me. I'm VERY thankful for how June helped me but if anything, Adam has the advantage. He knows how to take care of himself far better than I'm learning to care for myself. He has to push himself every day. I was getting a push from June until the day I graduated and then suddenly I was supposed to be able to walk on my own.
I'm NOT giving up until I have a steady job and a place to live in Florida whether it's in Pensacola, Ft. Walton, Destin, Panama City Beach, or anywhere along the way. I'm tired of being miserable every day. I am so antsy I can barely get my work done. I can't sit still anymore. I need to be moving, to be going, to be doing something else with my life. Screw anyone who tries to tell me I'm not doing anything. I am doing everything I can at the moment shy of just quitting my job, driving to Florida, living ala Jewel style, and working wherever someone will hire me. NO.
I am just so frustrated. Nothing is going the way I want it to. It's funny though. For once, while the rest of my life is in shambles, I have discovered a healthy way of eating and exercising. As of today, I have lost 20 pounds. If it weren't for the nightly exercising, I'd just lie in bed every day, never moving a single muscle. I guess I figure if I work hard enough towards something, like losing weight, something will have to eventually give.
I still feel like there's so much more to do. I need to create a resume. I don't know how to do that. At all. I need to learn how to act on job interviews. I need to learn Windows Excel and mail-merge in case they come up again. I need to look for more. I need more.
I guess most of all, though, I need patience. And strength. And an unwavering spirit.
I need a freakin' miracle.
I have wanted to move to Florida my entire life. I ONLY picked the University of South Alabama because it was the closest thing in-state (a requirement with my PACT program) to Florida. I didn't even visit another school. I set my mind and sights on South and worked hard enough to get in. I barely bothered with school, hardly managing to pass my classes, all because I was spending so much time in Florida. My dorm room was my docking point, the moor I eventually had to return to.
Once I got out of school, I just knew things would change. I just KNEW I'd take a couple of tests, get a job in Mobile, and work there until I found somewhere in Florida to work. I stopped relying on June, my grandmother, to financially support me. I am taking care of everything on my own, minus any sort of rent, room, board, or utilities. That is my last, and very wobbly, final step.
I am tired of June nagging me about everything and acting as if I'm incapable of knowing simple things, like when to eat dinner or take a shower or get up in the morning. I am on the verge every night of screaming, "Leave me the hell alone!" and I don't want to start treating her like that again. I don't want to be one of those people that has someone who has always been there for them and yet treats them like shit. I don't want to treat her like that. I don't want to scream at her. I don't want to be a bitch. But I can't handle being treated like I'm 5 years old anymore.
For once in my entire life, I am NOT depending on someone else to get me what I want. I have taken TWO state job tests in Alabama and one in Florida. I have applied for jobs in Florida and positions in Alabama. I am trying to get a hold of the woman who does the typing tests here in town so I can get that score under my belt in an effort to increase the number of job opportunities once my ASA (administrative support assistant) I test results are released. I am taking care of my own bills and learning from my own mistakes. June is not there cleaning up after me anymore. I am doing it all on my own even if people like my dad and brother Adam still think I have it too easy. Yeah, Adam's having a rough time right now dealing with being a full-time student and part-time employee but things aren't really all that smooth for me either. I'm tired of my mom and dad trying to make me feel like shit because I didn't have to work while I was going to school, because I had someone taking care of me. I'm VERY thankful for how June helped me but if anything, Adam has the advantage. He knows how to take care of himself far better than I'm learning to care for myself. He has to push himself every day. I was getting a push from June until the day I graduated and then suddenly I was supposed to be able to walk on my own.
I'm NOT giving up until I have a steady job and a place to live in Florida whether it's in Pensacola, Ft. Walton, Destin, Panama City Beach, or anywhere along the way. I'm tired of being miserable every day. I am so antsy I can barely get my work done. I can't sit still anymore. I need to be moving, to be going, to be doing something else with my life. Screw anyone who tries to tell me I'm not doing anything. I am doing everything I can at the moment shy of just quitting my job, driving to Florida, living ala Jewel style, and working wherever someone will hire me. NO.
I am just so frustrated. Nothing is going the way I want it to. It's funny though. For once, while the rest of my life is in shambles, I have discovered a healthy way of eating and exercising. As of today, I have lost 20 pounds. If it weren't for the nightly exercising, I'd just lie in bed every day, never moving a single muscle. I guess I figure if I work hard enough towards something, like losing weight, something will have to eventually give.
I still feel like there's so much more to do. I need to create a resume. I don't know how to do that. At all. I need to learn how to act on job interviews. I need to learn Windows Excel and mail-merge in case they come up again. I need to look for more. I need more.
I guess most of all, though, I need patience. And strength. And an unwavering spirit.
I need a freakin' miracle.