It's Magically Delicious!
Title: It’s Magically Delicious!
Author: hopenight
Rating: very hard R
Pairing: Winn
Warnings: magical chaos, a smidge of smut, and hotness factor of William Schuester
Word Count: 7,005
Summary: Add one football prank, one magical aid, baked goods and a plot straight out of Buffy. Stir, stand back, and watch it explode into rampant sexytimes and Puck nearly getting castrated.
A/N: For the winnners October challenge! It’s based off the Buffy episode Band Candy! However, you don’t need to have seen the episode to understand it. Also this is my first time writing kind of smutty, smut…so be gentle? Hope you enjoy it!
In every institution, every organization, anything that a person could think of where a group of people gather together for the sole purpose of whatever; there is a tradition involved in it somehow, someway. In most cases, this tradition includes some form of hazing. It’s all in good fun for the most part. It sucks, but then everyone else had to go through the same level of suck…so it balances out in the end.
William McKinley High is not exempt from this ritual. Actually, in strictest confidence, most look forward to the yearly hazing/prank of the varsity football team’s newest recruits (If not to see the actual hazing/prank itself then to see the inevitable, and hilarious, fallout from it). So far the most legendary hazing was two years ago when Finn Hudson, Noah Puckerman, Mike Chang, and Andrew Smith had to cross-dress in the most risqué outfits they could find and go to school dressed like that. The spectacular fallout, in which the elderly Algebra teacher nearly had a heart attack, ended with them sent to the principal’s office and forced to attend three months of mandatory sessions with Miss Pillsbury.
It was legendary. People still speculate where Puck had bought the leather mini-skirt and where Finn had found the feather boa.
However the greatest mystery is to know where Mike found the thigh high, red leather, stripper boots.
Puck, who was in charge of the hazing/prank this year, was determined to make it the best fucking thing to ever happen at McKinley. It was going to go down in history, forever more, a-fuckin’-men. No one would be able to top this prank/hazing ritual of awesomeness. Not even those pussies at the Oakridge High.
Problem is Puck hadn’t found the perfect thing yet.
“You could have them spike the teachers’ coffee,” said Finn as the pair walked down the street together. The two of them were going through a reconciliation of sorts. Mainly because Finn was too nice to stay angry for long and Puck had a deep psychological fear of Quinn Fabray (though this wouldn’t be evidenced until years later when his wife suggests the name ‘Quinn’ for their daughter and Puck developed a flinch).
“Too obvious,” said Puck with a grimace, “This needs to be fucking epic man. Spiking the teacher’s coffee, while hilarious, would be too fucking obvious. Besides those Oakridge bastards did that last year.”
Finn shrugged before glancing around the street with a bored glaze to his eyes. He and Puck had been up and down the street every day in order for Puck to get inspired. Looking at the familiar storefronts was slowly driving Finn insane. Suddenly, the quarterback caught something in his sight that made him stop in his tracks. Puck, realizing that he was talking to air after a couple seconds, quickly backtracked.
“Dude! What the hell?!” demanded the football player.
“Was that store always here?” asked Finn pointing to a shop that certainly wasn’t there two days ago. It looked like it had been there forever though with an old fashioned sign with Magic, written in fancy calligraphy. The windows were fogged over
“Magic, huh?” snorted Puck with an air of disbelief.
“C’mon man,” said Finn as he quickly looked both ways before cutting across the street.
“Finn!” called Puck following his friend, “Why the hell are we going in?”
Finn looked at his friend, “We’re going to check it out.”
“Dude. Why.”
“Alright we’ve been up and down this street every goddamn day this week. Personally I’m sick of seeing the same thing. So basically it’s either this store or we have to drive to another town for your inspiration.”
Finn paused as he caught sight of Puck’s contemplative face. He knew that Puck had a general aversion to magic because his Grandma Puckerman used to scare the shit out of Puck with stories of witches and magic gone wrong. Puck even refused to see the Harry Potter movies, even though it was one of Finn’s favorite cultural phenomenons of like ever. The quarterback bit back the sigh that threatened to escape his lips. He stared down Puck for several moments before mentally smirking. Putting on his best innocent face, Finn said.
“I bet those Oakridge guys found what they need in their town.”
“Bastards!” swore Puck before nodding. Obviously his deep-seated hatred for Oakridge and all it stood for overtook his childhood phobia, “Alright screw what Grandma Puckerman says about magic. She’s an old bat anyways. Lead the way Hudson.”
Finn allowed a triumphant grin to slip on his face. He pushed opened the heavy wooden door and wrinkled his nose at all the incense burning. He glanced around the shop. Everything was haphazardly strewn about like a tornado had swept through. Candles of different colors were next to jars with interesting names like “eye of newt”, “serpent’s tongue”, and “demon horn”. Books were thrown lazily about the place, written in languages that Finn never knew existed.
What caught Finn’s attention though was the hundreds (maybe thousands) of different glowing vials that lined the walls. He watched, fascinated, as colors twirled and swirled in those fine glass vials.
“Dude this place is ten times of different fuck ass creepy,” said Puck as he glanced around.
“Even better,” said Finn with a grin, “We could definitely find something here.”
Puck looked around the shop with different eyes. His lips curled into a wicked grin, “Those Oakridge bastards wouldn’t know what hit them.”
“Exactly.”
“Finn, I know I don’t say this much. But you are an evil genius.”
Finn winked and gave Puck a little mock bow.
“You forget, Mister Puckerman,” said Finn haughtily with laughter in his eyes, “Who found you that rather fetching mini skirt.”
“You have everyone fooled with this naive little school boy act Hudson, except me.”
Finn chuckled as he was reminded of Will, who had said exactly the same thing a couple of hours before when he dragged his boyfriend/teacher into the nearest available classroom under the pretense of “one on one tutoring”. Finn only flashed his friend a secret kind of smile before going back to his observations of the nice colors.
“Can I help you boys?” asked a voice that sent shivers down their spines.
Both turned around almost simultaneously meeting the amused stare of a very lovely woman. They both took in the long, smooth, tan legs that disappeared into a deep red, almost the color of blood, dress. Her ruby red lips were pulled into a lovely smile as sharp hazel eyes seemed to drink them in. She tucked a strand of inky black hair behind her ear.
Finn swallowed thickly and thought of Will.
“Well,” began Puck slowly, “We didn’t know there was a store here.”
“Just opened,” said the woman cheerfully, “Actually you two are my first costumers.”
“Lucky us,” said Puck as his grin turned flirtatious.
Finn rolled his eyes; really he shouldn’t be surprised that Puck was still chasing older women.
“So,” began the woman as she took note of the letterman jackets, “Is it time for the yearly football prank?”
They both stared at the woman, who laughed at their expressions.
“Oh don’t worry boys! I went to McKinley myself,” said the woman waving her hand vaguely.
“We were wondering, if you had anything that would help us with it? A beautiful and talented woman such as yourself…”
“Oh my,” said the woman wagging her finger at Puck, “You’re a silver tongued devil aren’t you?”
“Guilty as charged, ma’am.”
“Oh call me Eve,” said the woman with a mischievous grin on her face.
“So will you help us?” asked Finn looking at Eve.
“Y’know what? Since you’re my first customers and you want to cause mischief in what was my private hell for four years of my life I think I will.”
“So do you have any suggestions?”
Ruby red lips stressed into an even wider smile.
“I have just the thing.”
*
“Alright maggots!” growled Puck doing his best impression at a drill sergeant, “Do you know why we’re here?!”
“Yes sir!” chorused the three newest recruits.
The varsity football team looked on in vindictive happiness and anxious anticipation.
“SAMANTHA! FORWARD!”
Sam stepped forward. His blonde hair flopped into his bright eyes as he looked at Puck. He stood as straight as he possibly could.
“Tell the team where you plan to attack!”
“The bake sale, sir!”
The anticipation had risen in the room to an almost palpable level. The bake sale, where it helped provide a good chunk of the money for the Arts department for the year, was one of the most popular at McKinley. Every year it was cleaned out, not even a crumb remained.
To attack there would be the most badass thing that has ever been done.
“CORRECT!” roared Puck, “AGNES! FORWARD!”
Artie rolled forward and looked up at Puck. His hands were placed in his lap, fingers dug into the rough material to stop him from fidgeting.
“What is your job?!”
“To pretend to fall out of my chair, sir! Thus providing adequate distraction for my fellow team members to slip in and execute the plan, sir!”
“CORRECT!” crowed Puck getting the locker room into a frenzy of anticipation “DIANE! FORWARD!”
The new kicker, a slight sophomore with spiky brown hair and doe eyes, stepped forward.
“While Agnes is distracting the volunteers what do you and Samantha do?!”
“Spike as many baked goods with the special stuff that you gave us as possible sir!”
“CORRECT! I think you pieces of shit are going to make us proud!”
The room roared in approval.
“So what’s the special stuff?” asked Mike to Finn.
“Now why would I tell you that?” asked Finn merrily, “It would ruin the surprise.”
“Is it going to be good?”
Finn fingered the vial in his pocket, still as warm as the moment Eve gave it to him. He grinned to himself.
“I don’t think we’ll be able to top ourselves.”
*
“Just tell me that they’re not going to do anything to the glee club,” said Will later that night looking up at Finn. His arm was carelessly tossed over his younger lover’s chest.
“Will,” placated Finn with a kiss to Will’s hair, “Do you really think that I would let them do anything?”
“No,” answered Will with a shy smile, “I just worry sometimes.”
Finn laughed and pressed a kiss to the tip of his boyfriend’s nose, earning a look of fond mock-annoyance.
“Brat.”
“Shut up and kiss me, old man.”
Will laughed, crawling on top of Finn, and did just that.
*
“Is everything in place, Agent Prime?” asked Puck through the crackle of the walkie-talkie.
“Everything is a-go, Alpha Leader,” answered Finn as he peered into the gymnasium through the door’s window.
“You three ladies ready?”
Various affirmations were heard.
“Alright then! Go! Go! Go!”
Finn turned on his heel and walked away just as Artie’s well-acted cry for help went into the air.
*
“So what is this stuff supposed to do again?” asked Dean as he sprinkled the fine silver powder on top of trays of brownies.
“Remove inhibitions,” stated Sam as poured some on top of the various cakes, “It’s supposed to make whoever eats it act like well…y’know. Puck explained it.”
Dean nervously chewed on his lower lip before speaking.
“Are you sure this is going to work? My abuela says that messing with this stuff is bad juju.”
“I don’t think your grandmother would use the word juju.”
“I’m paraphrasing,” stated Dean as he added some of the dust to the pies, “But I want it noted that I’m doing this under prejudice.”
“Duly noted, man,” said Sam with a roll of his eyes.
They worked in silence for a couple more moments.
“I told my family not to come. My parents are going out of town.”
“Same wavelength, dude,” stated Sam with a nod, “Same fucking wavelength.”
*
“You look way too smug, Puck,” said Santana to her ex.
“Football prank,” answered Puck with a shit-eating grin on his face.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. You’re going to love it, San.”
“Mmm,” hummed Santana disbelievingly, “I heard that before.”
The cheerleader gave Puck a knowing look before walking to Brittany, who was peering at some cupcakes with pink frosting with Becky.
He glanced at Artie, who wheeled up next to him. His new letterman’s jacket was strewn across the back of his chair.
“You did a good job there, Wheels.”
“Thanks,” said Artie as he glanced around, “So how interesting is the fallout going to be?”
“You got that fancy camera of yours all charged up?”
“Yep,” answered Artie glancing up at the other football player.
“Two words, Abrams. Black. Mail,” said Puck as began to push Artie out of the gym.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” confirmed Puck as a mischievous smirk played at his lips. He watched some of the teachers bite into the confectionary treats, as well as parents, PTA members, and other adults.
“Besides,” began Puck as he pushed Artie out into the late October sunshine, “who isn’t curious about what adults were like as teenagers?”
*
“Did my mom and Burt leave?” asked Finn as he entered his and Kurt’s shared room. (Not that he wasn’t in it much anyways.)
“They left a couple minutes ago,” said Kurt with a raised eyebrow, “I take it you’re going to the mysterious lover of yours house again?”
Finn felt the heat creep up the back of his neck, “Yeah. Look man, I really appreciate you doing this for me. Y’know covering and shit. I know I don’t dese…”
“Oh shush you,” said Kurt leveling Finn with his patented Diva Stare, “I find this whole forbidden love thing that you’re part of terribly romantic. Though I wish I did know who the other party is.”
“And I promise you’ll find out one day,” said Finn before adding: when you’re with someone and well, well over your crush on me to himself mentally.
Kurt smiled, “Were you able to get the goods?”
It wasn’t like Kurt was keeping his silence out of the goodness of his heart.
“Your tiara collection is hidden under a tarp in the attic. Your dad really needs to invest in some better locks,” said Finn as he tossed a couple shirts and jeans into a duffel bag.
“Excellent,” said Kurt with a grin, “Now I’ll tell your mom that you’re sleeping over Sam’s house and to reach you on your cell. Mercedes will be with me so I’m not totally alone.”
Finn felt his lips twitch upward in a smile, “Thanks for this, Kurt. I know this has to be hard on you…”
“Look Finn I accept that my crush was just that: a crush. I could be a complete drama queen and tell your mom, but that would just accomplish nothing. We’re too different people and I realize that now. Besides you disappearing for all hours makes it so much easier for me to keep to my daily hygiene schedule.”
Finn laughed and playfully mussed up Kurt’s hair, earning a squeak of indignation from the other boy.
“You’re pretty much the best little brother/sister combo that I’ve ever had. I can’t wait to threaten to beat up your boyfriends if they ever make you cry.”
Kurt flushed and rolled his eyes. Finn grinned and slung his duffel over his shoulder.
“Have a fun girls night with Mercedes!” called the quarterback as he left through the basement’s door.
Kurt shook his head with a fond smile playing on his lips as he flipped open his latest issues of People.
*
Finn sighed happily as he ran his fingers through Will’s curls. They were watching that British show about the time traveling alien that Will liked so much. Normally sci-fi wasn’t Finn’s thing, but he did like it when the bad guys got defeated. Even if there weren’t a lot of explosions in some of the episodes…the alien guy was a smart hero.
Will was utterly riveted, though Finn was pretty sure that his boyfriend saw this episode at least twenty times. There were things that Finn wished he could understand about Will more like why he loved old musicals, or why he watched this show, or about those fake I.D.’s Finn had stumbled across one day.
He wanted to know why Will liked fedoras and had a collection of skull caps. What the deal was about all those books and vinyls that lined the shelves. He wanted to know why Will knock on the doorway before entering, even if it was just his knuckle so imperceptible that people wouldn’t normally notice.
Finn snuggled further into the couch. Will hummed a happy and contented noise. Finn chuckled as he kissed Will’s hair.
“You got any food, babe?”
“Finn, we ate Chinese about two hours ago.”
“So? I’m a growing boy!”
“You’re six five,” said Will with a quirk of his eyebrow.
“Oh hush you smart person. Now do you have something to eat?”
Will rolled his eyes but still got up off the couch muttering up teenage boys and their bottomless stomachs. Finn laughed before turning his attention back to the TV screen. When Will came back with a bowlful of popcorn, the quarterback assumed (with a mix feelings of relief and disappointment) that he hadn’t bought anything at the bake sale.
*
Several hours later, Will and Finn lay in bed. Finn was fast asleep, curled around a pillow and snoring softly. The sheets pooled around his waist and an almost angelic expression was on his face. Will chuckled and pecked Finn’s cheek before sliding out of bed.
Feeling hungry himself Will wandered into the kitchen. Checking over his shoulder to make sure that Finn hadn’t woken up and followed him, Will smirked to himself.
He loved his boyfriend but Finn would eat anything he saw. So Will, as a precaution, had a little stash dedicated just for his sweet tooth. With a secret grin, Will pulled out the cookies that he bought at the bake sale.
He leaned against the counter looking at the chocolate chunk cookies he bought before picking one up.
He bit into the cookie and hummed, enjoying the taste.
Little did he know what was going to happen.
*
Finn woke up alone in bed and to his cell phone ringing. Grumbling, he checked the caller ID and saw that it was Puck.
“Hello?”
“Dude you have got to see this shit.”
“Huh?” muttered Finn unintelligibly.
“Look man I know you enjoy taking it up the ass from Schuester. But pull away from your epic gay love story for two minutes and see this shit.”
“It’s working?”
“Hell yeah it is. Figgins showed up to school early in jeans and ordered about a hundred and fifty pizzas for lunch. He’s taking money from the Cheerio’s budget to hire a fucking clown. I came here early and been trying to convince him to get strippers instead. Miss Pillsbury and her boyfriend have been sucking face in the Corvette of his.”
Now Finn was more awake, “Holy fucking shit. Seriously?”
“Get your ass down here man. Get. Your. Ass. Down. Here.”
Finn hung up the phone. There was no need telling him twice. He hopped out bed and debated on whether showering now or after practice. He glanced around for his boyfriend, noticing that he wasn’t in the room. A quick pause of intense listening also showed that he was not in the bathroom.
“Will?” called Finn tentatively, “You here?”
Slowly, Finn walked into the hallway. His bare feet lightly slapped against the surface of the floor. He heard whistling in the kitchen. Letting out a sigh of relief, he went to see his boyfriend.
“Will?”
The older man turned around and grinned. Finn paused unsure of what to think at the moment. His boyfriend was wearing a pair of jeans that were at least six years old, fraying at the bottom and worn around the knees. A plaid shirt that was decidedly old, a bit grungy and several sizes too big hung open revealing a tight, white tank top. Will’s hair was messy spikes sticking up every which way; instead of its usual neat, teacherly way. What really surprised Finn however were the three silver rings in Will’s left ear.
He didn’t know that Will was pierced.
That was kind of hot.
“You’re up!” cried Will happily as he smacked a kiss on Finn’s lips.
“Uh yeah,” said Finn slowly, “You okay?”
“Never better! I was trying to make some breakfast,” said Will gesturing to the kitchen before shrugging, “But then I was like fuck it. So I went to Cinnabon and got us breakfast there instead.”
Finn looked at the stack of cinnamon rolls: warm and dripping with icing.
Then he looked at Will: with his piercings, old jeans, and studded cuff.
Then back at the stack of cinnamon rolls.
Then back at Will.
Decisions, decisions.
“Uh Will?”
“Yeah Finn?”
“You didn’t eat anything from the bake sale by any chance did you?”
Will nodded like he didn’t have a care in the world.
“Oh man! I had about thirteen of those cookies. Those things were so fucking good. Why?”
Oh. Shit. He accidentally involved his boyfriend in the football team’s mystically inspired prank.
“You don’t feel weird at all, right?”
“I feel more relaxed,” said Will honestly, “or whatever. I feel like I just don’t give two shits about what anyone thinks…except you of course. Why?”
“Uh…,” said Finn as he chewed on his lip. He really didn’t want to explain to his boyfriend that he ate magically spiked cookies that made him act like a teenager. Reminding himself of the time limit, he smiled, “No reason. Just curious.”
“Good because we’re going to be late for school today.”
“Why?”
“After breakfast,” said Will seriously with a wicked glint in his eyes, “I’m going to take all the extra icing I swiped. Then I’m going to spread it all over your body. After which I am going to lick it off you and make you sing my name.”
Finn could only dumbly nod as Will led him into the kitchen. He was able to send a quick text off to Puck.
Will 8 cookies. Icing sex. B in l8r.
*
“Alright, Puckerman,” demanded Santana with narrowed eyes, “What the hell did you do?”
Puck, who was stretched across a lab table, grinned lazily at the cheerleader.
“Magic,” he said with mock jazz hands.
“No seriously,” stated Quinn.
“Seriously,” said Puck as he sat up, “Finn and I went to like a witch’s store and she gave us stuff to make the adults like…”
As if on cue: the three math teachers and two chemistry teachers rolled down the hallway on the AV club’s cart yelling about freeing the frogs.
Puck gestured to the scene to make a point.
“Idiots?” finished Santana.
“Teenagers,” said Puck as he hopped off the lab table, “It removes all inhibitions from the most part making them act like us.”
“PUCK!” growled Quinn, “Do you know what I had to see this morning?! DO YOU!?”
“Me too! My dad disappeared into the bathroom with my brother’s copies of Playboy!”
Before the two Cheerios could sink their claws into Puck, Rachel came skittering in.
“Where is he?”
“The idiot got your parents too?” inquired Santana, abandoning her dislike for Rachel temporarily.
Rachel nodded furiously.
“My two gay dads were making out in our breakfast nook this morning…while I was still eating breakfast! There are some mental images that I do not need and that was one of them!”
“Whoa! Calm down!” said Puck as he put his hands up, “It’s just the football team’s prank. It’ll wear off after a day.”
“You guys could’ve warned us!” exclaimed Rachel glaring with her arms crossed.
“But where’s the fun in that?”
Santana, who was weirded out and pissed at her ex, smacked him upside the head.
“OW! What the hell woman?!”
“That was for messing with powers unknown! Honestly Puck I thought your mom taught you better than that!”
“It was Finn’s idea to use magic! He was the one who saw the shop!” said Puck as he rubbed his head.
“You were in charge of the prank,” stated Quinn with her arms crossed, “So you get the credit on this.”
“Look,” said Puck spreading his arms out, “It lasts a day. Let’s just enjoy the embarrassing moments and blackmail material.”
“I’m still mad at you, Noah,” said Rachel.
“And I’m totally torn up inside. Please?” begged Puck before adding on, “Figgins is hiring a clown?”
“Like that makes anything better.”
“It should. C’mon guys! Total school day of teenage acting teachers and adults? This is funny. They all need to be taken down a peg or three.”
Quinn rubbed her temple, “This is only for a day?”
“Yes.”
Quinn sighed before sharing a look with the other girls, “Oh what the hell.”
“That’s the spirit! Now c’mon ladies and let’s enjoy the benefits.”
*
“That was awesome,” stated Finn as he followed Will out of his apartment, “Best sex I’ve ever had. Ever. I’m so glad we saved more for later.”
“I aim to please,” said Will with a wink, “Especially you. Don’t want you getting bored with me.”
Finn stopped and gently grabbed his boyfriend’s wrist, “Why would you say that?”
Will shyly glanced down at his sneakers. His face pinked slightly.
“Because one day you’re going to wake up and realize that I’m old and shit. Then you may not want me anymore,” mumbled the older man.
“Oh Will,” sighed out Finn as he rested his head against his boyfriend’s, “Look I’m not sure what’s gonna happen. But I’m not gonna leave over a silly, stupid thing like age.”
“You’re not?”
“I know how big of a risk this is,” whispered Finn, “But I’ll always take it if it means being with you. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here right now.”
Will gave Finn a shy smile, lightly scuffing his sneaker against the ground, “I guess you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. Now c’mon we’re missing the show.”
“What show?”
“The football team’s prank.”
“Really?” asked Will excitedly, “What is it?”
Finn gnawed on his bottom lip for a moment.
“Um…well…it had something to do with the bake sale.”
Will’s eyebrow went up and he put on his serious teacher face.
“What the hell did you guys do?”
“Erm, we may have gotten a magic dust to sprinkle on all the baked goods that,” here Finn coughed awkwardly and mumbled out the last bit.
“What was that?”
“Makesanyadultwhoeatsthefoodactlikeateenagerfortwentyfourhours.”
“Alright that needs to be a hell of a lot slower and clearer.”
“We got this magic dust that makes any adult who eats it act like a teenager for a day.”
Will paused obviously digesting the information. Finn shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot, waiting for his boyfriend to say something.
“I ate thirteen of those cookies,” stated Will crossing his arms.
“I know. I didn’t think that you had any food from the bake sale otherwise I would have totally warned you. Please, please, please don’t be mad,” begged Finn as he shifted from foot to foot.
“Calm down Finn, I’m not mad,” promised Will softly. And it was true, he wasn’t mad. He wished Finn told him but he knew the solidarity that went with the football prank.
“You aren’t?”
“No I’m not mad.”
Finn blew out a huge sigh of relief, “Good.”
“So everyone is acting…?”
“A little nuttier than usual. So if you went a bit nuts and kissed me then people would just chalk it up to the spell.”
“You’re devious.”
“You love it.”
Will laughed and slapped his boyfriend on the ass as he walked away.
“You know I do.”
Finn blushed in surprise before breaking out into a huge grin and laughing.
Part Two
Author: hopenight
Rating: very hard R
Pairing: Winn
Warnings: magical chaos, a smidge of smut, and hotness factor of William Schuester
Word Count: 7,005
Summary: Add one football prank, one magical aid, baked goods and a plot straight out of Buffy. Stir, stand back, and watch it explode into rampant sexytimes and Puck nearly getting castrated.
A/N: For the winnners October challenge! It’s based off the Buffy episode Band Candy! However, you don’t need to have seen the episode to understand it. Also this is my first time writing kind of smutty, smut…so be gentle? Hope you enjoy it!
In every institution, every organization, anything that a person could think of where a group of people gather together for the sole purpose of whatever; there is a tradition involved in it somehow, someway. In most cases, this tradition includes some form of hazing. It’s all in good fun for the most part. It sucks, but then everyone else had to go through the same level of suck…so it balances out in the end.
William McKinley High is not exempt from this ritual. Actually, in strictest confidence, most look forward to the yearly hazing/prank of the varsity football team’s newest recruits (If not to see the actual hazing/prank itself then to see the inevitable, and hilarious, fallout from it). So far the most legendary hazing was two years ago when Finn Hudson, Noah Puckerman, Mike Chang, and Andrew Smith had to cross-dress in the most risqué outfits they could find and go to school dressed like that. The spectacular fallout, in which the elderly Algebra teacher nearly had a heart attack, ended with them sent to the principal’s office and forced to attend three months of mandatory sessions with Miss Pillsbury.
It was legendary. People still speculate where Puck had bought the leather mini-skirt and where Finn had found the feather boa.
However the greatest mystery is to know where Mike found the thigh high, red leather, stripper boots.
Puck, who was in charge of the hazing/prank this year, was determined to make it the best fucking thing to ever happen at McKinley. It was going to go down in history, forever more, a-fuckin’-men. No one would be able to top this prank/hazing ritual of awesomeness. Not even those pussies at the Oakridge High.
Problem is Puck hadn’t found the perfect thing yet.
“You could have them spike the teachers’ coffee,” said Finn as the pair walked down the street together. The two of them were going through a reconciliation of sorts. Mainly because Finn was too nice to stay angry for long and Puck had a deep psychological fear of Quinn Fabray (though this wouldn’t be evidenced until years later when his wife suggests the name ‘Quinn’ for their daughter and Puck developed a flinch).
“Too obvious,” said Puck with a grimace, “This needs to be fucking epic man. Spiking the teacher’s coffee, while hilarious, would be too fucking obvious. Besides those Oakridge bastards did that last year.”
Finn shrugged before glancing around the street with a bored glaze to his eyes. He and Puck had been up and down the street every day in order for Puck to get inspired. Looking at the familiar storefronts was slowly driving Finn insane. Suddenly, the quarterback caught something in his sight that made him stop in his tracks. Puck, realizing that he was talking to air after a couple seconds, quickly backtracked.
“Dude! What the hell?!” demanded the football player.
“Was that store always here?” asked Finn pointing to a shop that certainly wasn’t there two days ago. It looked like it had been there forever though with an old fashioned sign with Magic, written in fancy calligraphy. The windows were fogged over
“Magic, huh?” snorted Puck with an air of disbelief.
“C’mon man,” said Finn as he quickly looked both ways before cutting across the street.
“Finn!” called Puck following his friend, “Why the hell are we going in?”
Finn looked at his friend, “We’re going to check it out.”
“Dude. Why.”
“Alright we’ve been up and down this street every goddamn day this week. Personally I’m sick of seeing the same thing. So basically it’s either this store or we have to drive to another town for your inspiration.”
Finn paused as he caught sight of Puck’s contemplative face. He knew that Puck had a general aversion to magic because his Grandma Puckerman used to scare the shit out of Puck with stories of witches and magic gone wrong. Puck even refused to see the Harry Potter movies, even though it was one of Finn’s favorite cultural phenomenons of like ever. The quarterback bit back the sigh that threatened to escape his lips. He stared down Puck for several moments before mentally smirking. Putting on his best innocent face, Finn said.
“I bet those Oakridge guys found what they need in their town.”
“Bastards!” swore Puck before nodding. Obviously his deep-seated hatred for Oakridge and all it stood for overtook his childhood phobia, “Alright screw what Grandma Puckerman says about magic. She’s an old bat anyways. Lead the way Hudson.”
Finn allowed a triumphant grin to slip on his face. He pushed opened the heavy wooden door and wrinkled his nose at all the incense burning. He glanced around the shop. Everything was haphazardly strewn about like a tornado had swept through. Candles of different colors were next to jars with interesting names like “eye of newt”, “serpent’s tongue”, and “demon horn”. Books were thrown lazily about the place, written in languages that Finn never knew existed.
What caught Finn’s attention though was the hundreds (maybe thousands) of different glowing vials that lined the walls. He watched, fascinated, as colors twirled and swirled in those fine glass vials.
“Dude this place is ten times of different fuck ass creepy,” said Puck as he glanced around.
“Even better,” said Finn with a grin, “We could definitely find something here.”
Puck looked around the shop with different eyes. His lips curled into a wicked grin, “Those Oakridge bastards wouldn’t know what hit them.”
“Exactly.”
“Finn, I know I don’t say this much. But you are an evil genius.”
Finn winked and gave Puck a little mock bow.
“You forget, Mister Puckerman,” said Finn haughtily with laughter in his eyes, “Who found you that rather fetching mini skirt.”
“You have everyone fooled with this naive little school boy act Hudson, except me.”
Finn chuckled as he was reminded of Will, who had said exactly the same thing a couple of hours before when he dragged his boyfriend/teacher into the nearest available classroom under the pretense of “one on one tutoring”. Finn only flashed his friend a secret kind of smile before going back to his observations of the nice colors.
“Can I help you boys?” asked a voice that sent shivers down their spines.
Both turned around almost simultaneously meeting the amused stare of a very lovely woman. They both took in the long, smooth, tan legs that disappeared into a deep red, almost the color of blood, dress. Her ruby red lips were pulled into a lovely smile as sharp hazel eyes seemed to drink them in. She tucked a strand of inky black hair behind her ear.
Finn swallowed thickly and thought of Will.
“Well,” began Puck slowly, “We didn’t know there was a store here.”
“Just opened,” said the woman cheerfully, “Actually you two are my first costumers.”
“Lucky us,” said Puck as his grin turned flirtatious.
Finn rolled his eyes; really he shouldn’t be surprised that Puck was still chasing older women.
“So,” began the woman as she took note of the letterman jackets, “Is it time for the yearly football prank?”
They both stared at the woman, who laughed at their expressions.
“Oh don’t worry boys! I went to McKinley myself,” said the woman waving her hand vaguely.
“We were wondering, if you had anything that would help us with it? A beautiful and talented woman such as yourself…”
“Oh my,” said the woman wagging her finger at Puck, “You’re a silver tongued devil aren’t you?”
“Guilty as charged, ma’am.”
“Oh call me Eve,” said the woman with a mischievous grin on her face.
“So will you help us?” asked Finn looking at Eve.
“Y’know what? Since you’re my first customers and you want to cause mischief in what was my private hell for four years of my life I think I will.”
“So do you have any suggestions?”
Ruby red lips stressed into an even wider smile.
“I have just the thing.”
*
“Alright maggots!” growled Puck doing his best impression at a drill sergeant, “Do you know why we’re here?!”
“Yes sir!” chorused the three newest recruits.
The varsity football team looked on in vindictive happiness and anxious anticipation.
“SAMANTHA! FORWARD!”
Sam stepped forward. His blonde hair flopped into his bright eyes as he looked at Puck. He stood as straight as he possibly could.
“Tell the team where you plan to attack!”
“The bake sale, sir!”
The anticipation had risen in the room to an almost palpable level. The bake sale, where it helped provide a good chunk of the money for the Arts department for the year, was one of the most popular at McKinley. Every year it was cleaned out, not even a crumb remained.
To attack there would be the most badass thing that has ever been done.
“CORRECT!” roared Puck, “AGNES! FORWARD!”
Artie rolled forward and looked up at Puck. His hands were placed in his lap, fingers dug into the rough material to stop him from fidgeting.
“What is your job?!”
“To pretend to fall out of my chair, sir! Thus providing adequate distraction for my fellow team members to slip in and execute the plan, sir!”
“CORRECT!” crowed Puck getting the locker room into a frenzy of anticipation “DIANE! FORWARD!”
The new kicker, a slight sophomore with spiky brown hair and doe eyes, stepped forward.
“While Agnes is distracting the volunteers what do you and Samantha do?!”
“Spike as many baked goods with the special stuff that you gave us as possible sir!”
“CORRECT! I think you pieces of shit are going to make us proud!”
The room roared in approval.
“So what’s the special stuff?” asked Mike to Finn.
“Now why would I tell you that?” asked Finn merrily, “It would ruin the surprise.”
“Is it going to be good?”
Finn fingered the vial in his pocket, still as warm as the moment Eve gave it to him. He grinned to himself.
“I don’t think we’ll be able to top ourselves.”
*
“Just tell me that they’re not going to do anything to the glee club,” said Will later that night looking up at Finn. His arm was carelessly tossed over his younger lover’s chest.
“Will,” placated Finn with a kiss to Will’s hair, “Do you really think that I would let them do anything?”
“No,” answered Will with a shy smile, “I just worry sometimes.”
Finn laughed and pressed a kiss to the tip of his boyfriend’s nose, earning a look of fond mock-annoyance.
“Brat.”
“Shut up and kiss me, old man.”
Will laughed, crawling on top of Finn, and did just that.
*
“Is everything in place, Agent Prime?” asked Puck through the crackle of the walkie-talkie.
“Everything is a-go, Alpha Leader,” answered Finn as he peered into the gymnasium through the door’s window.
“You three ladies ready?”
Various affirmations were heard.
“Alright then! Go! Go! Go!”
Finn turned on his heel and walked away just as Artie’s well-acted cry for help went into the air.
*
“So what is this stuff supposed to do again?” asked Dean as he sprinkled the fine silver powder on top of trays of brownies.
“Remove inhibitions,” stated Sam as poured some on top of the various cakes, “It’s supposed to make whoever eats it act like well…y’know. Puck explained it.”
Dean nervously chewed on his lower lip before speaking.
“Are you sure this is going to work? My abuela says that messing with this stuff is bad juju.”
“I don’t think your grandmother would use the word juju.”
“I’m paraphrasing,” stated Dean as he added some of the dust to the pies, “But I want it noted that I’m doing this under prejudice.”
“Duly noted, man,” said Sam with a roll of his eyes.
They worked in silence for a couple more moments.
“I told my family not to come. My parents are going out of town.”
“Same wavelength, dude,” stated Sam with a nod, “Same fucking wavelength.”
*
“You look way too smug, Puck,” said Santana to her ex.
“Football prank,” answered Puck with a shit-eating grin on his face.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. You’re going to love it, San.”
“Mmm,” hummed Santana disbelievingly, “I heard that before.”
The cheerleader gave Puck a knowing look before walking to Brittany, who was peering at some cupcakes with pink frosting with Becky.
He glanced at Artie, who wheeled up next to him. His new letterman’s jacket was strewn across the back of his chair.
“You did a good job there, Wheels.”
“Thanks,” said Artie as he glanced around, “So how interesting is the fallout going to be?”
“You got that fancy camera of yours all charged up?”
“Yep,” answered Artie glancing up at the other football player.
“Two words, Abrams. Black. Mail,” said Puck as began to push Artie out of the gym.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” confirmed Puck as a mischievous smirk played at his lips. He watched some of the teachers bite into the confectionary treats, as well as parents, PTA members, and other adults.
“Besides,” began Puck as he pushed Artie out into the late October sunshine, “who isn’t curious about what adults were like as teenagers?”
*
“Did my mom and Burt leave?” asked Finn as he entered his and Kurt’s shared room. (Not that he wasn’t in it much anyways.)
“They left a couple minutes ago,” said Kurt with a raised eyebrow, “I take it you’re going to the mysterious lover of yours house again?”
Finn felt the heat creep up the back of his neck, “Yeah. Look man, I really appreciate you doing this for me. Y’know covering and shit. I know I don’t dese…”
“Oh shush you,” said Kurt leveling Finn with his patented Diva Stare, “I find this whole forbidden love thing that you’re part of terribly romantic. Though I wish I did know who the other party is.”
“And I promise you’ll find out one day,” said Finn before adding: when you’re with someone and well, well over your crush on me to himself mentally.
Kurt smiled, “Were you able to get the goods?”
It wasn’t like Kurt was keeping his silence out of the goodness of his heart.
“Your tiara collection is hidden under a tarp in the attic. Your dad really needs to invest in some better locks,” said Finn as he tossed a couple shirts and jeans into a duffel bag.
“Excellent,” said Kurt with a grin, “Now I’ll tell your mom that you’re sleeping over Sam’s house and to reach you on your cell. Mercedes will be with me so I’m not totally alone.”
Finn felt his lips twitch upward in a smile, “Thanks for this, Kurt. I know this has to be hard on you…”
“Look Finn I accept that my crush was just that: a crush. I could be a complete drama queen and tell your mom, but that would just accomplish nothing. We’re too different people and I realize that now. Besides you disappearing for all hours makes it so much easier for me to keep to my daily hygiene schedule.”
Finn laughed and playfully mussed up Kurt’s hair, earning a squeak of indignation from the other boy.
“You’re pretty much the best little brother/sister combo that I’ve ever had. I can’t wait to threaten to beat up your boyfriends if they ever make you cry.”
Kurt flushed and rolled his eyes. Finn grinned and slung his duffel over his shoulder.
“Have a fun girls night with Mercedes!” called the quarterback as he left through the basement’s door.
Kurt shook his head with a fond smile playing on his lips as he flipped open his latest issues of People.
*
Finn sighed happily as he ran his fingers through Will’s curls. They were watching that British show about the time traveling alien that Will liked so much. Normally sci-fi wasn’t Finn’s thing, but he did like it when the bad guys got defeated. Even if there weren’t a lot of explosions in some of the episodes…the alien guy was a smart hero.
Will was utterly riveted, though Finn was pretty sure that his boyfriend saw this episode at least twenty times. There were things that Finn wished he could understand about Will more like why he loved old musicals, or why he watched this show, or about those fake I.D.’s Finn had stumbled across one day.
He wanted to know why Will liked fedoras and had a collection of skull caps. What the deal was about all those books and vinyls that lined the shelves. He wanted to know why Will knock on the doorway before entering, even if it was just his knuckle so imperceptible that people wouldn’t normally notice.
Finn snuggled further into the couch. Will hummed a happy and contented noise. Finn chuckled as he kissed Will’s hair.
“You got any food, babe?”
“Finn, we ate Chinese about two hours ago.”
“So? I’m a growing boy!”
“You’re six five,” said Will with a quirk of his eyebrow.
“Oh hush you smart person. Now do you have something to eat?”
Will rolled his eyes but still got up off the couch muttering up teenage boys and their bottomless stomachs. Finn laughed before turning his attention back to the TV screen. When Will came back with a bowlful of popcorn, the quarterback assumed (with a mix feelings of relief and disappointment) that he hadn’t bought anything at the bake sale.
*
Several hours later, Will and Finn lay in bed. Finn was fast asleep, curled around a pillow and snoring softly. The sheets pooled around his waist and an almost angelic expression was on his face. Will chuckled and pecked Finn’s cheek before sliding out of bed.
Feeling hungry himself Will wandered into the kitchen. Checking over his shoulder to make sure that Finn hadn’t woken up and followed him, Will smirked to himself.
He loved his boyfriend but Finn would eat anything he saw. So Will, as a precaution, had a little stash dedicated just for his sweet tooth. With a secret grin, Will pulled out the cookies that he bought at the bake sale.
He leaned against the counter looking at the chocolate chunk cookies he bought before picking one up.
He bit into the cookie and hummed, enjoying the taste.
Little did he know what was going to happen.
*
Finn woke up alone in bed and to his cell phone ringing. Grumbling, he checked the caller ID and saw that it was Puck.
“Hello?”
“Dude you have got to see this shit.”
“Huh?” muttered Finn unintelligibly.
“Look man I know you enjoy taking it up the ass from Schuester. But pull away from your epic gay love story for two minutes and see this shit.”
“It’s working?”
“Hell yeah it is. Figgins showed up to school early in jeans and ordered about a hundred and fifty pizzas for lunch. He’s taking money from the Cheerio’s budget to hire a fucking clown. I came here early and been trying to convince him to get strippers instead. Miss Pillsbury and her boyfriend have been sucking face in the Corvette of his.”
Now Finn was more awake, “Holy fucking shit. Seriously?”
“Get your ass down here man. Get. Your. Ass. Down. Here.”
Finn hung up the phone. There was no need telling him twice. He hopped out bed and debated on whether showering now or after practice. He glanced around for his boyfriend, noticing that he wasn’t in the room. A quick pause of intense listening also showed that he was not in the bathroom.
“Will?” called Finn tentatively, “You here?”
Slowly, Finn walked into the hallway. His bare feet lightly slapped against the surface of the floor. He heard whistling in the kitchen. Letting out a sigh of relief, he went to see his boyfriend.
“Will?”
The older man turned around and grinned. Finn paused unsure of what to think at the moment. His boyfriend was wearing a pair of jeans that were at least six years old, fraying at the bottom and worn around the knees. A plaid shirt that was decidedly old, a bit grungy and several sizes too big hung open revealing a tight, white tank top. Will’s hair was messy spikes sticking up every which way; instead of its usual neat, teacherly way. What really surprised Finn however were the three silver rings in Will’s left ear.
He didn’t know that Will was pierced.
That was kind of hot.
“You’re up!” cried Will happily as he smacked a kiss on Finn’s lips.
“Uh yeah,” said Finn slowly, “You okay?”
“Never better! I was trying to make some breakfast,” said Will gesturing to the kitchen before shrugging, “But then I was like fuck it. So I went to Cinnabon and got us breakfast there instead.”
Finn looked at the stack of cinnamon rolls: warm and dripping with icing.
Then he looked at Will: with his piercings, old jeans, and studded cuff.
Then back at the stack of cinnamon rolls.
Then back at Will.
Decisions, decisions.
“Uh Will?”
“Yeah Finn?”
“You didn’t eat anything from the bake sale by any chance did you?”
Will nodded like he didn’t have a care in the world.
“Oh man! I had about thirteen of those cookies. Those things were so fucking good. Why?”
Oh. Shit. He accidentally involved his boyfriend in the football team’s mystically inspired prank.
“You don’t feel weird at all, right?”
“I feel more relaxed,” said Will honestly, “or whatever. I feel like I just don’t give two shits about what anyone thinks…except you of course. Why?”
“Uh…,” said Finn as he chewed on his lip. He really didn’t want to explain to his boyfriend that he ate magically spiked cookies that made him act like a teenager. Reminding himself of the time limit, he smiled, “No reason. Just curious.”
“Good because we’re going to be late for school today.”
“Why?”
“After breakfast,” said Will seriously with a wicked glint in his eyes, “I’m going to take all the extra icing I swiped. Then I’m going to spread it all over your body. After which I am going to lick it off you and make you sing my name.”
Finn could only dumbly nod as Will led him into the kitchen. He was able to send a quick text off to Puck.
Will 8 cookies. Icing sex. B in l8r.
*
“Alright, Puckerman,” demanded Santana with narrowed eyes, “What the hell did you do?”
Puck, who was stretched across a lab table, grinned lazily at the cheerleader.
“Magic,” he said with mock jazz hands.
“No seriously,” stated Quinn.
“Seriously,” said Puck as he sat up, “Finn and I went to like a witch’s store and she gave us stuff to make the adults like…”
As if on cue: the three math teachers and two chemistry teachers rolled down the hallway on the AV club’s cart yelling about freeing the frogs.
Puck gestured to the scene to make a point.
“Idiots?” finished Santana.
“Teenagers,” said Puck as he hopped off the lab table, “It removes all inhibitions from the most part making them act like us.”
“PUCK!” growled Quinn, “Do you know what I had to see this morning?! DO YOU!?”
“Me too! My dad disappeared into the bathroom with my brother’s copies of Playboy!”
Before the two Cheerios could sink their claws into Puck, Rachel came skittering in.
“Where is he?”
“The idiot got your parents too?” inquired Santana, abandoning her dislike for Rachel temporarily.
Rachel nodded furiously.
“My two gay dads were making out in our breakfast nook this morning…while I was still eating breakfast! There are some mental images that I do not need and that was one of them!”
“Whoa! Calm down!” said Puck as he put his hands up, “It’s just the football team’s prank. It’ll wear off after a day.”
“You guys could’ve warned us!” exclaimed Rachel glaring with her arms crossed.
“But where’s the fun in that?”
Santana, who was weirded out and pissed at her ex, smacked him upside the head.
“OW! What the hell woman?!”
“That was for messing with powers unknown! Honestly Puck I thought your mom taught you better than that!”
“It was Finn’s idea to use magic! He was the one who saw the shop!” said Puck as he rubbed his head.
“You were in charge of the prank,” stated Quinn with her arms crossed, “So you get the credit on this.”
“Look,” said Puck spreading his arms out, “It lasts a day. Let’s just enjoy the embarrassing moments and blackmail material.”
“I’m still mad at you, Noah,” said Rachel.
“And I’m totally torn up inside. Please?” begged Puck before adding on, “Figgins is hiring a clown?”
“Like that makes anything better.”
“It should. C’mon guys! Total school day of teenage acting teachers and adults? This is funny. They all need to be taken down a peg or three.”
Quinn rubbed her temple, “This is only for a day?”
“Yes.”
Quinn sighed before sharing a look with the other girls, “Oh what the hell.”
“That’s the spirit! Now c’mon ladies and let’s enjoy the benefits.”
*
“That was awesome,” stated Finn as he followed Will out of his apartment, “Best sex I’ve ever had. Ever. I’m so glad we saved more for later.”
“I aim to please,” said Will with a wink, “Especially you. Don’t want you getting bored with me.”
Finn stopped and gently grabbed his boyfriend’s wrist, “Why would you say that?”
Will shyly glanced down at his sneakers. His face pinked slightly.
“Because one day you’re going to wake up and realize that I’m old and shit. Then you may not want me anymore,” mumbled the older man.
“Oh Will,” sighed out Finn as he rested his head against his boyfriend’s, “Look I’m not sure what’s gonna happen. But I’m not gonna leave over a silly, stupid thing like age.”
“You’re not?”
“I know how big of a risk this is,” whispered Finn, “But I’ll always take it if it means being with you. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here right now.”
Will gave Finn a shy smile, lightly scuffing his sneaker against the ground, “I guess you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. Now c’mon we’re missing the show.”
“What show?”
“The football team’s prank.”
“Really?” asked Will excitedly, “What is it?”
Finn gnawed on his bottom lip for a moment.
“Um…well…it had something to do with the bake sale.”
Will’s eyebrow went up and he put on his serious teacher face.
“What the hell did you guys do?”
“Erm, we may have gotten a magic dust to sprinkle on all the baked goods that,” here Finn coughed awkwardly and mumbled out the last bit.
“What was that?”
“Makesanyadultwhoeatsthefoodactlikeateenagerfortwentyfourhours.”
“Alright that needs to be a hell of a lot slower and clearer.”
“We got this magic dust that makes any adult who eats it act like a teenager for a day.”
Will paused obviously digesting the information. Finn shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot, waiting for his boyfriend to say something.
“I ate thirteen of those cookies,” stated Will crossing his arms.
“I know. I didn’t think that you had any food from the bake sale otherwise I would have totally warned you. Please, please, please don’t be mad,” begged Finn as he shifted from foot to foot.
“Calm down Finn, I’m not mad,” promised Will softly. And it was true, he wasn’t mad. He wished Finn told him but he knew the solidarity that went with the football prank.
“You aren’t?”
“No I’m not mad.”
Finn blew out a huge sigh of relief, “Good.”
“So everyone is acting…?”
“A little nuttier than usual. So if you went a bit nuts and kissed me then people would just chalk it up to the spell.”
“You’re devious.”
“You love it.”
Will laughed and slapped his boyfriend on the ass as he walked away.
“You know I do.”
Finn blushed in surprise before breaking out into a huge grin and laughing.
Part Two