Hazy
Work has been good today. There are about 7 people who know that I'm knocked up. There are 6 now that know that we are in limboland. Fortunately (thanks to the blog and word-of-mouth) I only had to tell one of them myself.
In the morning they let me rant about it and ask unreasonable questions. ("I had a bad cold - maybe that made the baby small???" "Quinn kicked me really hard in the uterus -- maybe the baby is recovering from that???" They just nodded and agreed with everything.
Lunch was spent with lots of dirty talk and inventing a new game to play. I got to put together a spreadsheet to capture the stuff for our game we are making. They activated my creativity and I'm pretty sure that will get me through at least Friday.
There are a million things that kill all hope, but there are a few things that do make me hopeful. First and foremost is that I have the diarrhea from hell. Just like the last time around the 8 weeks area. Sameness is comforting, even if massive cramping isn't. I remember the last time that I was terrified when I was being wanded because my system was so unpredictable. There was much sphincter tightening.
Oh, and I almost puked yesterday morning. That gives me a little hope, too. Oh, and tons of stretching pain. Things wouldn't hurt if they weren't growing, right?
My plan is to eat what I want and sleep when I want and do everything that pops into my mind because maybe, just maybe, the baby is saying it wants that. *sigh*
I am reconsidering the 2 weeks thing. When we left the appointment, that seemed reasonable. I mean the initial deal was an U/S at the nuchal (5 weeks more, fancy machine) and then she went down to 3 weeks (her machine). Getting offered two weeks seemed great. Now, I sort of feel like one week + different machine would be good. I'm not sure exactly what to say when I call other than, "Hi, I'm going fucking nuts here and need reassurance faster than 2 weeks or else I may be forced to start cutting myself." With my insurance I don't need an referral to go to a specialist, but I'm assuming without a referral that I would probably not get in anywhere faster than two weeks, anyway, right? Is is a neonatalogist that I want?
In the morning they let me rant about it and ask unreasonable questions. ("I had a bad cold - maybe that made the baby small???" "Quinn kicked me really hard in the uterus -- maybe the baby is recovering from that???" They just nodded and agreed with everything.
Lunch was spent with lots of dirty talk and inventing a new game to play. I got to put together a spreadsheet to capture the stuff for our game we are making. They activated my creativity and I'm pretty sure that will get me through at least Friday.
There are a million things that kill all hope, but there are a few things that do make me hopeful. First and foremost is that I have the diarrhea from hell. Just like the last time around the 8 weeks area. Sameness is comforting, even if massive cramping isn't. I remember the last time that I was terrified when I was being wanded because my system was so unpredictable. There was much sphincter tightening.
Oh, and I almost puked yesterday morning. That gives me a little hope, too. Oh, and tons of stretching pain. Things wouldn't hurt if they weren't growing, right?
My plan is to eat what I want and sleep when I want and do everything that pops into my mind because maybe, just maybe, the baby is saying it wants that. *sigh*
I am reconsidering the 2 weeks thing. When we left the appointment, that seemed reasonable. I mean the initial deal was an U/S at the nuchal (5 weeks more, fancy machine) and then she went down to 3 weeks (her machine). Getting offered two weeks seemed great. Now, I sort of feel like one week + different machine would be good. I'm not sure exactly what to say when I call other than, "Hi, I'm going fucking nuts here and need reassurance faster than 2 weeks or else I may be forced to start cutting myself." With my insurance I don't need an referral to go to a specialist, but I'm assuming without a referral that I would probably not get in anywhere faster than two weeks, anyway, right? Is is a neonatalogist that I want?