May 02, 2007 23:10
I can think of nothing else but the word senseless.
I love you so much. I don't know what to do with this. Nothing makes sense. I keep thinking this is some really tasteless prank, some practical joke you came up with. You're not really dead, you've developed a sick sense of humor, which is something I can forgive you for. There's no coming back from death.
I have half a letter written to you I never got to send. I have half a box filled with things for you that you'll never get to unpack.
My mom says that life is so fragile, and to be thankful for my blessings. To be honest, I just feel guilty for them. I've felt guilty all along, since that day on the couch in his arms, reading your words. Why yours and not mine? I hated myself for feeling partially grateful. I always wanted to tell you that, and now I never can.
Tonight, my heart is broken, and my eyes have cried themselves dry. Tonight, I have lost a dear friend, and I'll never be able to say goodbye.