ass kicking
aghhh. here i am again. irritated, aggravated and feeling quite alone. not LONELY. just alone. those two are quite different in my mind-dont ask me the difference, i am not sure i can explain it, but i just know that they are. i digress.
and here i am again. posting something negative. it seems that is the only reason i write. when i am in a bad place. i dont really know what this is about. i think its got something to do with PMS. thats the only thing i can really think of. that and my ex. no she hasnt done anything wrong or bad. she is just living her life. and i should be happy about that. and truthfully i am. for her. but part of me is still caught up in the fact that it is not with me that she is living it. oh well. get over it right?
moving on. more changes to speak of. i have taken on a lot more shifts at work. that has been difficult. i hear from other people about how they worked full time and went to school full time--how? i can barely keep up with 30 hrs of work and full time school. its just crazy. maybe they were just more dedicated than me. i beat myself up about that, about how i am not dedicated when the time comes. i have a hard time with that. i can push myself with somethings, but then there are some things that just fall away. why is that?
i think i am putting too much pressure on myself about the up and comings. the up and coming PT test, the up and coming school test, the up and coming HS reunion...all of it. for some reason i have made it all a HUGE ordeal. up til recently it was just something that was happening, now it is something that HAS to be done. and anxiety is kicking in.
i should learn to take my own advice. relax. breathe.
and here i am again. posting something negative. it seems that is the only reason i write. when i am in a bad place. i dont really know what this is about. i think its got something to do with PMS. thats the only thing i can really think of. that and my ex. no she hasnt done anything wrong or bad. she is just living her life. and i should be happy about that. and truthfully i am. for her. but part of me is still caught up in the fact that it is not with me that she is living it. oh well. get over it right?
moving on. more changes to speak of. i have taken on a lot more shifts at work. that has been difficult. i hear from other people about how they worked full time and went to school full time--how? i can barely keep up with 30 hrs of work and full time school. its just crazy. maybe they were just more dedicated than me. i beat myself up about that, about how i am not dedicated when the time comes. i have a hard time with that. i can push myself with somethings, but then there are some things that just fall away. why is that?
i think i am putting too much pressure on myself about the up and comings. the up and coming PT test, the up and coming school test, the up and coming HS reunion...all of it. for some reason i have made it all a HUGE ordeal. up til recently it was just something that was happening, now it is something that HAS to be done. and anxiety is kicking in.
i should learn to take my own advice. relax. breathe.