change
so, since my last post, there have been a few changes in my life. for starters, i am no longer holding on to such anger and resentment. i think writing that last entry was a release of sorts. i feel better about the situation as a whole. there are a few things that still bug me, but on a daily basis, the thoughts of said situation dont consume me any longer. i am very happy about that.
i know it is said that only you can control your own emotion---no one else has that kind of power, but sometimes its really hard to let go and sometimes things just have a way of taking over that rational logical side...it is especially hard to realize this when you want something so much. *and no, i am not referring to another g/f type of relationship, just a long term friendship that has apparently ended* I didnt want our friendship to be over, but as it was put to me recently, "Sometimes you just outgrow each other." very wise words indeed.
i am trying to let go of my past and look forward. there's so much life to live for. i am just seeing this again. after Iraq, i was so hell bent on coming home and being normal--i forgot what normal was. i wanted to establish, or rather re-establish my relationship, make a home together, and submerse myself in her. i never really lived for me, even though she tried to encourage me to do so. i didnt know what that meant anymore. living for myself, after iraq, was an alien concept. that was a practice that i had to let go of in the sandbox..."I" is a luxury, and one that really isnt afforded to soldiers. Now that I am in this new place...this strange place in my life, it's exciting. I am learning things about myself that i didnt know before. or rather i had forgotten. for instance, i really do like lifting weights. its fun and i can push myself to excel in new ways-not to mention its good for me. it also helps my mind. if anyone can understand that. i like school, and learning and i am really enjoying my govt classes. theres so much to learn about the world we live in. everyday i learn something new in class, about the world and myself, and how those two mesh. its quite amazing. i love coffee (but thats not new i knew that already! ) I also learned that i really do love the military. i was pretty sad and irritated when i came back, but really i think of my service as a part of what defines me as a person.
man, there's just a wealth of good vibes flowing through my body and i want to express it.
i know it is said that only you can control your own emotion---no one else has that kind of power, but sometimes its really hard to let go and sometimes things just have a way of taking over that rational logical side...it is especially hard to realize this when you want something so much. *and no, i am not referring to another g/f type of relationship, just a long term friendship that has apparently ended* I didnt want our friendship to be over, but as it was put to me recently, "Sometimes you just outgrow each other." very wise words indeed.
i am trying to let go of my past and look forward. there's so much life to live for. i am just seeing this again. after Iraq, i was so hell bent on coming home and being normal--i forgot what normal was. i wanted to establish, or rather re-establish my relationship, make a home together, and submerse myself in her. i never really lived for me, even though she tried to encourage me to do so. i didnt know what that meant anymore. living for myself, after iraq, was an alien concept. that was a practice that i had to let go of in the sandbox..."I" is a luxury, and one that really isnt afforded to soldiers. Now that I am in this new place...this strange place in my life, it's exciting. I am learning things about myself that i didnt know before. or rather i had forgotten. for instance, i really do like lifting weights. its fun and i can push myself to excel in new ways-not to mention its good for me. it also helps my mind. if anyone can understand that. i like school, and learning and i am really enjoying my govt classes. theres so much to learn about the world we live in. everyday i learn something new in class, about the world and myself, and how those two mesh. its quite amazing. i love coffee (but thats not new i knew that already! ) I also learned that i really do love the military. i was pretty sad and irritated when i came back, but really i think of my service as a part of what defines me as a person.
man, there's just a wealth of good vibes flowing through my body and i want to express it.