So, a new year, a new update...
It's a new year... Not that I expected everything to change over night. But somethings did.
I feel further away from Ben than ever. It hurts still, sometimes a lot, sometimes just a little, but still, it's there. Lingering.
I'm doing my best to not care.
I see updates about wanting to see a movie
about not being able to sleep...
perhaps he feels how I feel now.
Though, I doubt I am the reason,
I'm hoping part of it, just some small part of it,
is because he realizes he messed up.
He had some good things going for him,
I would like to think I was one of them...
hopefully he feels that way.
Not to toot my own horn,
I just think we were pretty good for eachother.
Maybe I was wrong, they do say love is blind.
Funny I accidently wrote "Love is death."
I'm not sure if I typed that because I have Law & Order: SVU playing in the backround,
or if that's just how maybe I really feel.
I wanna say I fell in love with him,
it wasn't as strong as it could have grown to be,
but we all know he didn't let it get there.
I was good, you know? I bit my tounge more often.
I trusted more.
I was "cute" and "sweet".
I was myself,
but it wasn't enough.
I hope he losing sleep, just like I have,
staring at the ceiling thinking to himself
"What was I thinking. How could I expect to figure all this out when it's
really just something I have to live through. Why did I push her away
when she could have helped me most? ... I miss her."
That could all be mindless dreaming,
but it's worth the feeling of sanity to hope
it wasn't just me.
I may never talk to him again, not by choice,
I just sometimes feel like I may never hear from him again...
I sometimes wonder if he'd ever come around.
I wonder how strong the feelings were,
and even if enough time passes,
no matter who he meets,
or who he knows,
that he'll still be thinking about me.
It's every person's dream whose been dumped
to have the person come crawling back.
It would be nice to hear from him,
hear him tell me he regreted it.
I guess sometimes I think I'm better off forgeting all about it.
I don't really know what I would do
or what I would say
if the situation came to him saying all these things.
And there's the confusion...
when will it stop?
Here's to a new year.
Let's hope I get these jobs,
my apartment,
and back on track.
I feel further away from Ben than ever. It hurts still, sometimes a lot, sometimes just a little, but still, it's there. Lingering.
I'm doing my best to not care.
I see updates about wanting to see a movie
about not being able to sleep...
perhaps he feels how I feel now.
Though, I doubt I am the reason,
I'm hoping part of it, just some small part of it,
is because he realizes he messed up.
He had some good things going for him,
I would like to think I was one of them...
hopefully he feels that way.
Not to toot my own horn,
I just think we were pretty good for eachother.
Maybe I was wrong, they do say love is blind.
Funny I accidently wrote "Love is death."
I'm not sure if I typed that because I have Law & Order: SVU playing in the backround,
or if that's just how maybe I really feel.
I wanna say I fell in love with him,
it wasn't as strong as it could have grown to be,
but we all know he didn't let it get there.
I was good, you know? I bit my tounge more often.
I trusted more.
I was "cute" and "sweet".
I was myself,
but it wasn't enough.
I hope he losing sleep, just like I have,
staring at the ceiling thinking to himself
"What was I thinking. How could I expect to figure all this out when it's
really just something I have to live through. Why did I push her away
when she could have helped me most? ... I miss her."
That could all be mindless dreaming,
but it's worth the feeling of sanity to hope
it wasn't just me.
I may never talk to him again, not by choice,
I just sometimes feel like I may never hear from him again...
I sometimes wonder if he'd ever come around.
I wonder how strong the feelings were,
and even if enough time passes,
no matter who he meets,
or who he knows,
that he'll still be thinking about me.
It's every person's dream whose been dumped
to have the person come crawling back.
It would be nice to hear from him,
hear him tell me he regreted it.
I guess sometimes I think I'm better off forgeting all about it.
I don't really know what I would do
or what I would say
if the situation came to him saying all these things.
And there's the confusion...
when will it stop?
Here's to a new year.
Let's hope I get these jobs,
my apartment,
and back on track.