i dont know

[hopeless_manet]

my mind is a blank.
before i started writing i had so much to say.. and now.. nothing.
i feel like everything is crashing down in front of my eyes.
i hate that feeling...
that feeling of thinking youre trapped.. thinking theres no way out of a situation
i hate not knowing how things will turn out.
i want an answer. to everything. now.
i want to be to able to explain myself.. but i cant.
i want things to change.. i also wish things were that simple.
im in pain.
it hurts so much..
its a pain u cant cure.. no pills no doctors..
its a pain that will only go away when someone or something fills the void.
a pain that makes me feel hollow.

my whole life i was thought to respect my elders..
what if some dont deserve my respect?
what if some just deserve to suffer?
what makes you think youre smarter or better then me just because youre older?
u dont know shit.
u couldnt live a day in my shoes.
dont talk about the past and tell me its different now..
thats stupid.
ofcourse its different now.. things change.. times change.
it doesnt mean you had it worse.
it doesnt mean i have it better..
dont tell me how to feel when u know nothing about me
dont tell me how to think
dont tell me how to see
dont tell me youve been there
and dont tell me u can help.
you cant.
you dont know shit about me..
and at this point.. thats a good thing.
i dont want you to know.
i just want you to leave me alone.

im waiting.
still waiting...
for the one thing that will make me happy.
im waiting to see how it will turn out..
waiting to have something ive been wanting since i was a kid..
its not hard to love someone.
even if theyre not what u expected.
i dont just want u to love me.
i want you to show me.
i want you to tell me.
i want u to know the feeling of happiness you can give me.

what is i want?
i dont know.
does all this explain me?
i dont know..
i just dont know.